Evan

 

I wanted her.

I wanted her so fucking much it hurt. My dick strained painfully against my jeans, and I wanted nothing more to feel her skin pressed against me as I slid inside her, over and over. Shit. What was I thinking? We were in the middle of nowhere on the hood of my car. She deserved better than this. She deserved roses and dinner dates and all that stuff girls like Becca wanted.

Stuff I couldn’t give her.

Fuck. My body stumbled back away from her as my eyes shuttered with the realization. What was I doing? Becca was better than this, better than me and my fucked-up family, and sex on the hood of a car.

“Evan?” Her voice coaxed my eyes open. She was watching me, looking right at me with her big browns, and for the first time in my life, I felt like someone could see into me. See all the things I kept bottled down, out of reach.

“I should take you home,” I ground out, rubbing my temples and trying to focus. I didn’t want to leave; hell, I didn’t want this to ever end because I knew, come morning, this would be over. Becca’s wall would be back up and fortified stronger than ever, and I would have to deal with life.

“Evan, what is it? What’s wrong?” Her voice was small, and I hated that I’d caused that—made her question herself. 

Clenching my fists at my sides, I said, “I’m no good for you.” I looked away, not wanting to see any judgment in her eyes, but she moved closer, reaching for me.

“Stop, Evan. Look at me.” Becca tugged on my hand, and my eyes met hers. She gave me a small smile. “You’re one of the most selfless people I know. The way you take care of Eli, of your mom.”

My chest tightened, but there was no time to acknowledge the feelings swelling in me because she leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed me. It felt different, or maybe that was just what I wanted to believe—that Becca thought I was worthy. Worthy of her. Her lips traced along my jaw until her mouth was at my ear. “I want you, Evan; I want you so much it hurts.”

My free hand moved to the swell of her hip, and I pulled her flush against me, digging my fingers into her skin harder than I should have. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.” My voice was low, a whisper in her hair.

“Make me forget. Please, make me forget, Evan.”

Christ, did she have any idea what she was doing to me? I was giving her an out, a chance to walk away. Didn’t she see that?

Becca’s teeth grazed the skin underneath my ear, and a growl worked its way up my throat as the last thread of my control snapped. My hands skimmed around her ass and yanked her against me. “There’s no going back,” I said. “We do this, and I won’t let you run next time things get rough.” And they would because that was my life. I couldn’t promise her smooth sailing with my mom spiraling more and more and Kendall on some crusade to run Becca out of town, and she needed to know that.

But no answer came. She just clung to me like I was her air, kissing and sucking and biting. I pulled away, and her heated gaze stared back at me, cheeks flushed, the rise and fall of her chest quick.

“Come on.” I led her around to the side of the Impala, opening the back door. “Get in.”

Becca knew what I was asking, and part of me wondered if she’d stop, finally realizing that she didn’t want this—that I wasn’t worth this. But my girl surprised me. Dropping onto the seat, she shimmied back until her long legs were stretched out in front of her. I leaned into the car and curled my hand around her ankle, tugging gently until she lay back flat against the leather. Shucking out of my leather jacket, I shoved it over the seat and yanked my t-shirt over my head. Leaning up on her elbows, Becca’s eyes raked over me, a hint of a smile on her lips. That look was everything. I wanted to bottle it and keep it forever. Kneeling on the edge of the seat, I ran my hands ran up her bare legs, dragging the sweater dress with them. Becca sat forward as much as possible, letting me pull it over her head, and it joined my t-shirt on the floor of the Impala. 

I lowered myself over her until her back was flat against the seat. Becca went willingly, kissing me eagerly as I slid a hand down to her panties. I dipped a finger into the material to feel how much she wanted this. Her soft moans begged for more, and I pressed a digit inside her. “Does that feel good?”

She nodded, her kisses growing hungrier as I worked her with my finger. I wanted her to come, to hear her moan and feel her lose control beneath me, but I couldn’t wait. I needed in her now. Before she realized she was making a huge mistake. Pulling my hand out, I hovered over her. “Are you sure?” 

Becca swallowed hard, a burst of pink staining her neck. Arching up to meet my lips, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. I let her lead, giving her one last chance to back out ... please god, don’t back out. Her tongue plunged into my mouth, needy hands pulling me closer until we were skin on skin. It was a good enough answer for me, and I reached down between us, popping the buttons on my jeans. My dick sprang free, and I wrapped a hand around it. Hooking her panties to the side, I guided it inside, groaning with every inch.

“Oh, my god.” Becca panted, and the sexiest little noises I’d ever heard vibrated against my mouth. 

There wasn’t much room to move, and comfort levels were at an all-time low, but it didn’t matter. Becca half naked beneath me was everything. Giving myself a second to savor the feel of her, I nudged my nose across her jaw, pressing kisses to her neck, then I slowly pulled out before slamming back in. Becca gasped, her body jolting along the seat, her legs locking on either side of my hips. It was sloppy and awkward and uncomfortable as shit, but the sounds coming from her as I pounded in and out, over and over, pressing her against the old leather and dragging shudders of pleasure from her body, were worth it. 

“Evan, don’t stop,” she begged, her head tipped back.

A familiar tingle started at the base of my spine, spreading out like fire. I licked a path to the curve of her bra, squeezing her breast out of the black material, and sucked the pebbled skin into my mouth. Becca’s whole body convulsed as she moaned my name over and over. It was all the encouragement I needed, and I skimmed a hand underneath her ass to lift her to me to push deeper, harder, until my eyes flickered closed, and I hissed out a string of cuss words. 

Just the sounds of our hearts racing filled the otherwise silent Impala. I opened my eyes, drinking in the sight of Becca, her skin flushed and damp. Her eyes were closed, lips parted, while she caught her breath, and then her lids fluttered opened, her contented gaze settling on mine.

“Hi.” She smiled tentatively.

“Hi.” I kissed her deeply. “Are you okay?”

She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and gave me a small nod, and damn if my dick didn’t stir to life again. She was so beautiful. And she was here, with me. It was not how I saw the night going. I’d planned on going to Teller’s and watching from afar. Maybe dragging her ass out of there if things got too hairy.

“We, should, umm …” I couldn’t think straight, the car closing in around us.

“Yeah.” She laughed softly, sliding a hand up my back.

Before I moved off her, I asked again, “Are you sure you’re okay? I mean we didn’t use anything, and I—”

“Evan, I’m fine.” Becca arched up to kiss me. “I’m on the pill, so it’s safe, but if I don’t move soon, you’ll have to peel me off this leather.”

“Err, yeah, okay. Here, let me get out first.” I backed off her, grabbing my t-shirt on the way out of the car. It was colder than I remembered, but I’d been too consumed with Becca to notice. She swung herself into a sitting position, wrapping an arm around her naked body and I smirked. I couldn’t help it. She was such a contradiction; I liked it. The feisty no-shit attitude one minute, and the coy, modest girl the next.

Pushing the door closed, I gave her some privacy to get dressed. The sky was clear, and I leaned against the side of the Impala, watching the stars. It was always clear enough out here to get a good view. I came out here sometimes when shit got too much. It was quiet. And technically, it was out of town, so I always felt like I could leave behind everything, without really leaving it.

A knock on the window pulled me from my thoughts, and I looked down at Becca. She was smiling at me, her skin still flushed. I opened the door, and she climbed out. “Hi.” She blushed, and it was so fucking cute.

“Hi.”

“Evan, I—”

“Don’t, okay? Not yet.” I wasn’t ready to hear all her reasons for us not to be together. She’d given me another piece of herself here, but I knew that wouldn’t be it. Becca would still fight me on us. I opened the front passenger door and waited for her to climb inside.

“Let’s pretend until we get back into town,” I said, my voice thick with emotion.

“Okay.” She settled back on the seat and waited for me to go around to the driver’s side. “What are we pretending?” she asked once I was inside.

I fired up the engine and put the stick into reverse. “That I’m just a guy falling for a girl, driving her home from our first date. I’m as nervous as fuck, though.”

“Oh, yeah?” I didn’t miss the playful tone to her voice.

“Yeah. I’m wondering if she’ll let me walk her to her door and kiss her good night.” I glanced across at her, hoping to get a read on where her head was at. But she was turned away from me, looking out the window as I drove us back to the main road.

“I don’t know about walking her to her door, but maybe a kiss in the car would be okay.”

I drove the rest of the way with a smile on my face.

~

When we pulled up outside Becca’s house, she let out a groan.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Like that would happen.

“Hey.” I twisted my body around to her. “Is everything okay?” My gaze flicked to the house, but Becca reached across the console and glided her hand against mine.

“Everything is fine.”

Wait, did she mean …

“Thank you, for tonight.” She leaned in and pressed her lips to mine. It was a small gesture, but I caught her around the waist, holding her in place. I moved my mouth to her ear and whispered, “I meant what I said.”

She reared back, her gaze narrowing. “Wha—”

My lips cut her off, and I swept my tongue into her mouth, trying to tell her everything I hadn’t yet been brave enough to say. When I drew back, the cute flush was back across her neck and cheeks.

“Good night, Evan,” she stammered, almost lost for words, and I felt smug knowing that, even after everything, I still affected her that way.

“Good night, Becca,” I said, watching as she climbed out of the Impala. At the last second, I called, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t be late.”

Her wide eyes said it all, but I didn’t stick around to hear her protests.