Becca

 

Every day that passed, the walls seemed to close in around me. Kendall was always there—around every corner—watching, baiting me. Daring me to come clean to save my sanity … and in the process, risk losing everything and everyone.

Evan wasn’t at school Monday or Tuesday. His mom had been sick, and with Mellie out of town, there was no one to watch Eli. This morning, he texted to say he had gotten sick too and wouldn’t be in.

I was in hell.

Lilly couldn’t even lay eyes on Jay without breaking down, and Jay wasn’t much better.

And it was all my fault.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, I’d received another text.

 

Second-floor bathroom. Now.

 

So here I was, walking against the flow of kids headed for lunch. I slipped inside only to be met with Kendall’s smug smirk. “What took you so long?”

“Lilly wanted me.”

“And how is the lovely Lilly?”

“Fuck you,” I snapped.

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

I released a heavy sigh. “What do you want, Kendall?”

“Round two. You game?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“I like you, Becca. Underneath all that Little Miss Prep School is a quick learner. Here.” She thrust out an envelope, and I took it from her, peering inside. “What is this?”

Kendall rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so stupid. You know what it is.”

“Yes, but what do you want me to do with it?”

“Funny story.” She started pacing the bathroom. “You were desperate to pee, you got excused from class and went to the first-floor bathroom, passing Scarlett Peters on the way in. You headed into the stall and found something that didn’t belong there, something that she must’ve left behind, and as an upstanding student of Credence High, you felt it your moral duty to inform the principal.”

The blood drained from my face. “Why?” I croaked.

She stopped pacing and stepped closer. “I don’t like people taking what’s mine, and I don’t like people thinking they’re better than I am. Besides”—Kendall tilted her head—“it’s just so much fun this way.”

“And if I say no?”

“Oh, I think we both know you’ll do it. Because in the end, protecting yourself is far more important.”

“How do I know you won’t share the photos anyway? That when this is all done, you won’t just ruin me?”

Kendall moved around me until we were shoulder to shoulder. “I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it.”

The door slammed shut behind her, but I couldn’t move. What she was asking me to do could get Scarlett into so much trouble. Suspension from school, even expulsion, or worse. I dragged myself over to the row of sinks and splashed my face with water. She would never forgive me for this. If it ever came out, I’d lose everything. My friends. Evan. Any hopes of being able to have a normal life in Credence.

Kendall had me every which way.

Say no, and she’d reveal the truth.

Say yes, and I’d be forever in her debt.

What choice did I have?

I swallowed back the tears and slipped the envelope into my pocket.

~

“Oh my god, Becca, did you hear?” Lilly rushed over to me, her head low, voice quiet. She grabbed my arm and ushered me to the locker bank. “Scarlett’s in trouble.”

“Trouble?”

“She got called into the principal’s office and then sent home. She texted me not to worry, but something has happened. She can’t afford another strike; they could kick her out.”

“What?”

“Yeah. She has a colorful record. You know how she gets. She’s a lot calmer than she used to be, but … this is bad.”

What had I done? I wanted to march right back into Principal Garraway’s office and insist I had my facts wrong. But even if I did, it was too late. Scarlett got high, a lot. The chances of her not having pot on her at school were next to none. Even if I rescinded my accusation, they would only have to search her locker or her person—if they hadn’t already—and they would find something.

“Everything is going to shit. First Jay, now Scarlett.” Lilly’s voice cracked. “What am I going to do?”

“It’s a mistake; it has to be. Everything will get smoothed out.”

Liar.

Liar.

LIAR.

Lilly sucked in a sharp breath, and I didn’t need to turn around to know Jay had just walked by.

“You guys still haven’t worked things out?” I said.

“He swears he didn’t do it, but the letter said … Ugh. I don’t know what to think. Did you know that Kendall made a play for him once?”

“She did?” Thinking about it, I did remember Kendall saying something once when she’d cornered me in the cafeteria.

“The summer before last at a party. She tried to kiss him. Malachi and Vin saw her. Jay told me right away. But she’d always had a thing for unavailable guys.”

Didn’t I know it.

“He would never cheat, Lilly. He loves you.” I was a terrible person—the worst. But it was the truth; Jay would never cheat. He was solid and dependable. He was the guy you took home to meet your parents.

“Maybe.” She shrugged. “But why would someone do that? I mean it was so graphic and real. How can I look at him the same?”

“Give it time.” I shouldered her gently. “If he loves you, he’ll wait, and maybe you’ll feel ready to let him back in.”

The tears glistening in her eyes told me otherwise, but I silently prayed they would figure it out.

“Still no Evan?”

“He’s caught whatever his mom had.”

“Bummer.” Lilly placed a book inside her locker, slamming it shut. “I’d better get to class. And then I’m going to call Scarlett and try to get some answers. It’s senior year; this could ruin her whole future.”

I watched Lilly walk away, her words ringing in my ears. Ruin her whole future. I’d done that. To protect myself. To save my future.

But was it worth it?

Was anything worth it anymore?

~

 

I miss you.

 

I texted back.

 

How are you?

 

Dying. Eli isn’t helping; he’s making me watch Frozen. Do you know how annoying that talking snowman is?

 

I could picture the two of them cuddled up watching the film. It made my heart ache.

 

You’ve just got to “Let It Go”

 

Not. Funny.

 

I smiled, rolling onto my stomach and kicking my legs up. When things were like this between us, it was easy to forget everything else and slip into a false sense of security. Before I could reply, another text came through.

 

Come and save me?

 

Is your mom home?

 

Yes.

 

Then no.

 

I’d spent time at their house, but I liked to avoid Ellen at all costs.

 

Spoilsport

 

I ignored that, replying that I hoped he was better soon. School had finished today for the holidays and tomorrow was Thanksgiving, so I doubted we’d get to see one another. But we were supposed to have dinner with my mom and dad Saturday. Dad had taken it better than I thought, but Mom, on the other hand, was having a complete meltdown over it. As if he knew exactly what I was thinking, he texted again.

 

I’ll be there Saturday. Count on it x

 

It was like Evan knew I was hiding something, and he thought by pushing to meet my parents he would stop me from running. I’d promised I wouldn’t—and I meant it. But I was turning into someone I no longer recognized. This wasn’t about appearance or clothes or a nose piercing; it was about who I was on the inside. And the more Kendall hooked her claws in, the more I lost myself.

~

“Becca, come in here please.” It was Mom’s serious voice, the one that had me backtracking down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Yes?”

“I’m just making sure I have everything for tomorrow. Does he eat meat?”

“He has a name, and yes.”

“I’m going to make a pie for dessert. He eats pie, right?”

“Mom.” I plopped down at the table. “He’s a guy. He’ll eat anything you put in front of him. Just serve the leftovers. There’s enough.”

Thanksgiving had consisted of far too much of everything. Turkey, mashed potatoes, and green bean casserole. We’d made small talk while eating, keeping conversation to safe topics like plans for Christmas and Dad’s work.

“Well, we’ve never done this, so I just want to do it right.” Her anxiety was kind of sweet if I didn’t know it was a mask for her disapproval at the situation.

“Look, Evan wants to meet you. If it were up to me, I’d keep him far, far away from you both for as long as possible.”

“Becca, that’s not fair.” She sighed.

“You’ve made it pretty clear you don’t trust me to make better decisions, so I think it’s fair.”

“Becca, please …”

“I didn’t come in here to argue. Whatever you cook will be fine. Just go easy on him, okay? He’s important to me.”

“I can’t make any promises,” she said, unpacking the groceries. “But I’ll try.”

I cracked a small smile. She wasn’t an easy person to get along with at times, but I knew, deep down, that she only wanted to protect me.

“Thanks, Mom. I’ll be in my room—”

She cut me off. “We should invite his family over.”

“Huh?” My jaw dropped open.

Mom clapped her hands together. “Yes, that’s an excellent idea. Why beat around the bush? If you’re as serious about each other as you insist, we should invite them. It is Thanksgiving, after all.”

She’d lost it—completely and utterly lost it.

“Mom, I don’t think—”

“It’s perfect. Let me know if they can come.”

I traipsed back to my room in a daze. When had my life gotten so complicated?

Ellen couldn’t come—there was no way—but if I didn’t ask him, Mom would bring it up and then Evan would want to know why I didn’t ask. Ugh.

 

My mom wants to invite your mom and Eli tomorrow

 

He replied right back.

 

You’re kidding?

 

Phew. At least he agreed it was a terrible idea.

 

Nope. She’s lost it …

 

My phone started ringing, and when I hit answer, Evan’s voice filled the line. “Sounds like it.”

“She has. She’s downstairs preparing her menu.”

Evan chuckled. “I missed you this week.”

“I missed you too.”

“School was okay?”

“Yeah.” He’d find out about Scarlett’s situation eventually, but I didn’t want to bring it up.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m in my room. Dad should be getting off early and wants to spend some quality time together. Whatever that means.”

“It’s nice he cares.”

“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean …”

“Becca, it’s fine. I know your mom has been riding you about me, but you’d hate it more if she wasn’t. It just means she loves you and wants the best for you.”

“Okay, Mr. Serious, who are you and what have you done with Evan?”

A loud crash sounded, followed by Evan muttering a string of cuss words, and then his voice sounded far away. “Shit, Eli, I’m coming. Wait there. No, no, don’t touch it.” The line went silent.

“Becca?” He sounded breathless. “I’ve got to go. He’s destroying the living room. I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Okay.”

Evan was changing—opening up and jumping in with both feet and his heart. I felt it in his touch, and the way he held me. His love wrapped around me like a blanket, and I soaked it up. But I was selfish. Because it couldn’t last … one way or another, my secrets—the lies—were going to swallow me whole, dragging anyone close enough right down with me.