Becca

 

I rolled over and fumbled to put a stop to the incessant beeping. 

“Hello?”

“Becca?”

“Ugh, goodbye, Evan.” My finger hovered over end call, but he rushed out, “Wait! Something happened, and Eli ...”

I bolted upright, the sleep haze immediately lifted. “Is he okay? What happened?”

“He’s fine. Eli is fine. It’s Mom.”

Of course, it was.

“I don’t have anyone to watch him while I take her to the medical center. I don’t want him to see her like—”

“I’ll be right over.”

“Thank you.” His voice cracked, and for a second, I forgot he had hurt me and pictured him with Eli. Evan, the protector. 

Throwing off the comforter, I quickly washed up, brushed my teeth, and pulled on some jeans and a shirt. It was only eight thirty, so I grabbed a beanie and yanked it over my bedhead. 

“Becca, where on earth do you think you’re going? It’s not even nine yet.” Mom stopped in her tracks on the way back to her room from the bathroom.

“I, hmm, I have a thing.”

“A thing?”

“Yeah, Mom, it’s no big deal. I’ll be back later.” I jogged down the stairs, ignoring her stare of disapproval. 

I shrugged into my jacket and unhooked my key off the rack. Leaving the house, I had a million scenarios running through my head. I’d seen Ellen drunk; she had a mean tongue and used Eli against Evan. Had something like that happened again? It must be bad for him to call me. But how could I say no? It was Eli—an innocent child who didn’t understand what was going on around him. I could do this for him—for Evan—without things getting weird. 

It took me ten minutes to get to their house. My hands trembled, matching the churning in my stomach, as I feared what I might find when I arrived. 

Evan answered the door, his face ashen.

“Is she okay?”

“She’s pretty beat up.”

Beat up? The words were on the tip of my tongue, but then a little voice shouted, “Yay, Becca’s here.”

Eli ran straight past his brother and launched himself at me, wrapping his little arms around my hips. 

“Hey, buddy, I thought I’d surprise you. How would you like to spend some time together today?”

He tugged on my jacket, staring up at me with an eager smile on his face. “Can we pwray ball? And watch movies? And get ice cweam?”

I glanced at Evan, who was watching me with a strange look on his face. But the tiny person attached to me broke the connection, and I grinned down at Eli. “Sure thing.”

“Ev, did you hear that?” He turned to his brother. “Becca is going to spend the whole day with us. That means she’s forgiven you.”

Evan let out a strained laugh. It was dry and throaty, and it affected me more than it should. His expression stilled, growing serious, and I changed the subject. “Should I take him now?” I mouthed, waiting for his lead. He dragged a hand over his face, and I saw the weight of the situation hanging over him.

“Hey, buddy.” He scooped Eli up into his arms and moved farther into the house. “Can you go and get your backpack and jacket, and let me talk to Becca, okay?”

I closed the door behind me, watching as Evan put Eli down and ruffled his hair. “Hurry, okay?”

When he disappeared into his room, Evan closed the space between us. “Becca, thank you. I—”

“It’s fine. Whatever you need.”

He nodded. “I have like twenty bucks.” Evan reached into his pocket and retrieved his wallet. “Here.”

“Evan, I have money. We’ll be fine. Is she … is she okay?” At least thirty minutes had passed since he called me, so where was Ellen?

“She’s in her room, still sleeping. I checked in on her, and her face is a mess. She had a date, and things must have got …” Evan lowered his head, rubbing the back of his neck. I wanted to comfort him, to say something—anything—to take away the pain, but this was his life. And I was still hurting.

“You should see to her. I’ll take Eli, and just call me when it’s okay to bring him back.”

He lifted his head, his eyes saying things I didn’t want to acknowledge. Damn you, Evan. Damn your selfish mother for doing this. Eli burst around the corner with a backpack stuffed full of the things kids his age needed, preventing things between Evan and me from getting any more awkward.

“I’m weady, Becca.” He held out his hand, and I slid my palm into his. 

“Lead the way, little guy.”

I glanced back at Evan. He looked so lost, so torn. He was always looking out for Eli, for his mom, but who was looking out for him?

~

The morning passed by in a blur of hide and seek in the park, waffles and ice cream for breakfast, and then more hide and seek. Eli’s backpack was crammed with toys, which were now strewn around us as we sat on the grass.

“When I’m older, I want to be just wike Chase. He’s stwong and bwave and always saves the day.” Eli bounced the figurine over my leg, making woofing noises. 

I smiled watching him play. He’d been easy company and happy to walk hand in hand as we moved from one activity to another. If he sensed something bad had happened to his mom, he didn’t show it. 

Glancing at my watch, I said, “I bet Evan will be done soon.” It was almost noon, and we hadn’t heard anything yet. I didn’t like Ellen, but I hoped for the sake of little boy sitting beside me that she was okay.

“Ahh, man, I don’t wanna go back yet. I wike hanging out with you.”

“I like hanging out with you too.”

Eli paused, looking up at me through his thick lashes, and I said, “What are you thinking in that little head of yours?”

“I’m not supposed to tell.” He shook his head, mashing his lips together.

“Is it a secret?”

He nodded, eyes wide as saucers.

“It’s okay; you don’t have to tell me.”

“Will you tell Evan if I do?”

“Did Evan tell you not to tell me?”

He nodded again, mischief sparkling in his eyes. 

“Maybe you should listen to Evan then, buddy.” Because I wasn’t sure I wanted to know if that were the case.

His eyes narrowed, and I could see him weighing his options. It fascinated me that, at the age of almost four, he already knew so much. 

“I fink I want to tell you.” He shuffled next to me and sat on his knees. “But you promwise not to tell Evan?”

I lifted my hand to my chest. “Cross my heart, hope to die.”

“Stick a needle in my eye.” He giggled and looked around conspiratorially. Satisfied we weren’t being spied on—or whatever else his little mind was imagining—he leaned up to my ear and whispered, “Evan said it was my job to win you back.”

My chest swelled with something I didn’t want to acknowledge, and I pulled back, raising my eyebrow at Eli. “He did, huh?”

He grinned. “Yep. He said that I had to make this morning the bestest so you would be happy and forgive him for being a douche.”

“He said all that? Wow.” I tried to keep a straight face. 

“Yep.” Eli looked so proud of himself. “So now you can’t leave us again because you’re in our cwub.”

“Is that right, huh?”

“Yep.” He continued to play with his figurines, obviously satisfied that it was settled. If only it were that simple. It was cute—using Eli to try to break down my defenses, I’d give Evan that—but it would take more than a morning spent with one of the cutest kids ever to repair the damage.

My cell phone started vibrating, and I dug it out of my pocket. “Hello?”

“It’s me.” Evan’s voice was strained. “We’re back.”

“Everything okay?”

“It will be.” He let out a long sigh. “Can you put him on?”

“Sure. Eli, it’s Evan.”

Chubby hands snatched the phone from me, and he shrieked down the line, “She’s back in the cwub.”

Oh, Jesus.

Eli listened attentively to whatever his brother was telling him. When Eli said bye, he handed me back the phone and started packing his toys back into his bag.

“Becca?”

“It’s me. I’ll bring him back now.”

“Okay.” He paused. Silence filled the line, and I almost hit the end call button, but then Evan said, “I’ll never forget this.” The line went dead, and I helped Eli gather the rest of his things. We walked hand in hand in comfortable silence, the fall wind lapping at our jackets. But my mind was anything but silent, and all I kept thinking was … damn these Porter brothers.

~

“How is she?” We stood awkwardly in Evan’s hallway while Eli crashed on the couch. He had literally bound through the door, hugged his brother, and declared, “Naptime.”

Evan clutched the back of his neck and looked at the floor. “She’ll be okay. She’s sleeping it off; the doctor gave her some strong pain meds.”

“Good. That’s good.”

The silence between us was almost unbearable.

“I—” We both went to speak, and I stopped to let Evan go.

“Thank you. I know I keep saying it, but it means a lot.”

I pressed my lips together; my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. Things weren’t the same anymore. I felt … I felt awkward and out of place and like I shouldn’t be here.

“Becca …”

“It was no problem. He’s just a kid; it’s fine.”

“Well, thanks. I appreciate it.”

I nodded, the huge lump in my throat preventing me from saying any more.

“Listen, I wondered if—”

“I guess I should go.” I cut him off. “I’m glad your mom’s okay. When Eli wakes up, tell him I had fun.”

Evan’s eyes narrowed, searching my face, but I forced my lips into a smile and turned for the door. My hand curled around the handle only for his voice to stop me.

“I want to fix this, Becca. I want to—”

“Goodbye, Evan.” I yanked it open and slipped through the gap, closing the door behind me. I couldn’t do this. It was still too raw, too soon, so I kept walking, fighting the urge to look back. It was better this way. If I kept him at arm’s length, he couldn’t break down my walls again. He couldn’t hurt me anymore. Because today had made me realize something—Evan and I, we were a disaster waiting to happen. He still hadn’t come clean about his relationship with Kendall, and I still hadn’t come clean about what really happened back in Montecito. In a strange way, we were even.

And maybe it was better that way.