Chapter 24
Max
I shift against the rough sheets of the hotel bed and watch as the morning sun slowly creeps over Clay’s smooth skin.
My heart is breaking painfully inside my chest at the thought of seeing Clay off to the airport today.
He said we’d find a way to make this work, and I want to believe him. I can’t let him go. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’ve never come close to feeling this way. I know his studio and his life are back in Seattle. It would be selfish of me to beg him to stay. Even knowing that, I want to get down on my hands and knees and plead with him.
“I thought you said we were only doing happy thoughts,” Clay says in a sleepy voice.
“I don’t want to think about letting you go.”
“This is for the best. You get to be here with Gigi; that’s the important thing.”
“You’ll come to visit, right? And I’ll come out to see you?” I ask, grasping desperately for reassurance that this isn’t the last time I’ll have Clay in my bed.
He gives me a sad smile and runs his fingers through my messy hair. “Of course, love.” His words don’t reassure me like I want them to. “Why don’t we get up and share a shower and breakfast before I have to catch my flight?”
Clay
I bite down on my bottom lip, trying hard to keep the tears at bay. The last thing Max needs is for me to turn into a blubbering mess when he’s trying to be strong and tell me goodbye.
Goodbye—What an asshole of a word it is.
“Petal, I hate this.” Max grabs my hand and looks into my eyes. His deep brown eyes are glassy with unshed tears and red rimmed. “Stay. Please stay.”
“I...can’t.”
Max nods and looks down at his feet. When he looks back up, there’s a smile plastered on his lips. “Call me when you get home, okay? And we’ll FaceTime every day. We’ll organize visits, so we can see each other every few months. This is going to be fine.” Max’s voice has a high desperate quality that breaks my heart in two.
“Yeah, this will be easy,” I lie.
Max squeezes my hand and then leans in and kisses me slowly and so sweet it makes my knees weak. I clutch Max to me and memorize the taste of his lips. This may be the last time. His lips are so soft as they move against mine. I need to lock this feeling up in my mind and never let it go.
“I love you,” I whisper against his lips.
“I love you so much, petal. More than I ever thought possible.”
I barely keep it together as I board the plane. And as soon as I’m in my seat, the tears start to fall. I wrap my arms around myself and close my eyes, trying to keep the image of Max in my mind.
“Leaving someone special behind?” a woman asks from beside me.
I don’t bother to open my eyes; I just nod and turn my head toward the window.
Max
Watching Clay board the plane, it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.
I pull out my phone and dial Jess. “Hey, mind if I come up and see Gigi tonight?”
“Sure. Did you just see Clay off?” she asks with sympathy in her tone.
“Yeah.” I swallow hard, my grip on my phone tightening. I want to run after him, beg him to stay. “I’ll be there in an hour.”
“Okay. You can stay the night in our guest room if you want. Your place isn’t ready yet, is it?”
“I can’t move in for two more days. I appreciate the offer. I’ll see you soon.”
◆◆◆
Jess and Mark are generous enough to let me spend some time at their place while I wait to move into my new apartment. A few days after Clay went home, I realized I was going to have to get a car of my own now. I picked up a responsible, reliable little sedan to be able to drive Gigi around in. It felt all kinds of wrong to get a car. It felt like admitting I really do have to do this without Clay after all. I never realized how much he did to help me out with Gigi until he was on the other side of the country.
I wake up on my last day at their place, ready to take Gigi on a trip to the aquarium that I promised her at the beginning of the week.
“Are you excited to go to the Adventure Aquarium today?” I ask her.
“Yeah, I want to see a dolphin.”
After a several minutes search for Gigi’s new favorite stuffed animal that she just couldn’t leave for the day, we’re on the road on the way to the aquarium.
“What’s your favorite fish, Daddy?” Gigi asks from the backseat.
“I like sharks.”
“Sharks are scary,” Gigi argues.
“Animals are only scary if you bother them. If you respect their environment and stay away from them, then they’re safe.”
“What’s Clay’s favorite fish?” Gigi asks, and the familiar lonely ache invades my chest. It’s only been a few days away from Clay, and I miss him so much it’s like a physical pain.
“I’m not sure sweetie, maybe after the aquarium we can call him tonight and ask.”
“Yeah!” Gigi agrees with excitement. “Can he read me a bedtime story over the phone.”
“I’m sure he will.”
“I wish Clay was here,” Gigi says.
“Me too, princess,” I agree with a sigh.
◆◆◆
The only place I’ve worked in my life is the garage owned by my own father. And I only met Ace once for about a half hour before he offered me the job.
As I pull into the parking lot of the custom bike shop where I now work, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.
Petal: Good luck on your first day at your new job. You’re going to be so happy. I love you.
Max: Thanks petal. I miss you like crazy.
Petal: Hey, none of that. Go have a good day.
Max: K
I shove my phone back into my pocket and head into the garage.
It’s not like I’m used to. It’s so much more modern and shiny inside than Moretti Motors was even in its heyday I’m sure.
“Hey, Max,” Ace calls out a greeting from where he’s working on the frame of a Harley by the looks of it.
Ace is pretty much everything I expected from a guy who owns his own custom bike shop. He’s a big guy, rough around the edges and covered in ink. His hair is a green mohawk that’s currently flopped over to one side rather than styled to stand up straight. And he’s got a septum piercing. When I showed Clay a picture, he declared Ace to be a major hottie. I don’t know if Ace just isn’t my type or if Clay is the only man who does it for me. I’m with Clay so the rest of it doesn’t matter.
“Hey, man.” I walk over and look at what he’s working on.
“I’m stoked to have you here. I’ve got the perfect bike for you to start on. Come on, let me show you.”
He talks me through a custom build that was just placed two days ago that he thought I’d be perfect for. And as he describes what the owner wants, I can feel my excitement bubbling beneath the surface.
This is a dream come true. This is everything I ever wanted when I was a kid in the garage figuring out how to put a motorcycle back together.
If only Clay were here.
I get to work, and over the next few hours, Ace and I chat across the shop when we can manage it over the sound of our tools.
“How are you getting moved in this weekend all by yourself?” Ace asks after I tell him that I got approved for the apartment and am getting settled on my next day off.
“I’ll figure it out,” I shrug.
“Fuck that; I’ll help. I’m not doing anything, might as well get a good workout hauling furniture and shit.”
“Thanks man, I appreciate that.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Clay
My chest feels tight, my shoulders are tense, and the buzzing in my brain is louder than ever.
My phone rings with my FaceTime notification, and I jump to grab it, expecting it to be Max. My shoulders sag a little when I realize it’s Jake.
I accept the call and plaster on a smile. “Hey, how’s it going?”
“You look like shit.”
“Gee thanks,” I respond sarcastically.
“Seriously, babe. Is something wrong?”
I flop down on the couch in my painfully empty place and sigh loudly.
“Things got serious with my roommate, Max. I fell in love with him,” I admit.
“That’s great.”
“No, he had to move to New Jersey.”
“No shit? That’s where I live now. I should meet up with him, we can commiserate over having loved and lost the one and only Clay Rollins.”
“Why is life so shitty?” I sigh.
“I don’t know. But, one thing I’ve learned since I let you go...if you love someone, you have to fight for them.”
My heart squeezes in my chest, and I nod sadly. “This isn’t a great time, I was just on my way out. Can I call you back another day?”
“Sure, babe. Take care of yourself.” Jake blows me a kiss before signing off.
I toss my phone down and curl onto my side, pulling my legs up to my chest, and start to cry.