Chapter Thirty-Five
Josh
Josh turned and faced two very shocked women. “How long have you two been standing there?”
Mia didn’t answer him. Instead, she moved past him and ran out the door calling Carina’s name. Erin picked her jaw off the hardwood floor and walked over to him. “Long enough to learn that you’re in love with that girl.” She threw her arms around his neck and squeezed him tight. “I think it’s time we have a chat…one that is way overdue.”
Feeling helpless, he nodded and allowed Erin to lead him into Chase’s office. Erin closed the door behind them. Josh took a seat on one of the couches and Erin joined him. With his head in his hands, he spilled his guts to his best friend. He told her everything, from how they pretended to be a couple to manipulate Eric Ross, to the events that led up to what just happened in Erin’s foyer. He didn’t know he was crying until Erin handed him a tissue.
When there was nothing left, when there was nothing more to tell, Erin finally spoke. “Josh, you know I’m not one to interfere. I mind my own business because that’s what I expect from people. But I think I need to go off the grid for a bit, just this one time.”
Josh had learned early on in their relationship that Erin cherished her privacy. And she had good reason to. After what had happened to her and her parents, Erin had every right to play it close to the vest. The fact that she wasn’t a drama queen was just one reason that he loved Erin. She was a genuine person, one who could be trusted. So it surprised him that she was going to give her two cents, whether he asked for it or not.
She gave him a peck on the cheek. “I hope you don’t get angry with what I’m about to say. But if you do, I hope you forgive me and fast. I can’t have you mad at me for long.” Josh watched his friend take his hands in hers.
“You and I are friends for many reasons. But we found each other because misery loves company. We both had demons that we fought like hell to keep stashed away. My vice to make me forget was my schoolwork. I’d bury my nose in a book for days, just to get the same grade as you, someone who barely studied. That was damn frustrating, I gotta say.”
Josh let out a chuckle.
“Your main vice through college and up until—well, recently—was women.”
Josh had no idea Erin knew just how many women there were. It wasn’t like he had made out with them in public or flaunted his lifestyle in people’s faces. He thought he had been somewhat discreet.
“I don’t want you to take this wrong. I know you were…are a gentleman. You would never hurt a woman or lie to get someone into your bed. But you made certain you never got attached. Because getting attached puts you at risk of losing someone you may start to care about. And though you have never said it out loud, at least not to me, you’re scared to lose someone again…to possibly go through the pain you felt when Julia was taken from you.”
Josh knew what she said was true. Every last word. And it killed him to know that he had let his past destroy a relationship he could have had with Carina.
“Still love me?” Erin asked, her voice shaky.
“More than you know, sweetheart,” he said. Josh kissed her on the forehead.
There was a knock at the door.
“Come in,” Erin called.
Chase entered the room with a beer in one hand and what looked like a gin and tonic in the other. “I spoke with Mia. Thought you may need one of these…or both?” Chase asked, holding up the drinks.
“Did Carina leave?” Erin asked.
“Yeah. Mia wanted to check and make sure she wasn’t too upset to drive since she’s heading to her parents’ tonight,” Chase said.
“I really screwed things up. She’ll never trust me again. The things I’ve said to her, that I was emotionally unavailable…how can I expect her to believe me when I tell her that I’m in love with her?”
Mia suddenly appeared in the doorway. “You need to have faith in that girl,” she said.
Josh stood. “How is she?”
Mia walked over to him. Josh expected Mia to have some choice words for him. Carina was her best friend, after all. But instead of letting him have it, she wrapped her arms around him and held him close. “She’s hurting, just like you.”
“How can I make this right?” he asked, still in her embrace.
Mia gave him a squeeze and took a seat on the couch. “Chase, I’d give him the gin and tonic for this conversation,” Mia said, gesturing for Josh to sit next to her. Josh accepted the drink from Chase and sat next to Mia.
“The way to that girl’s heart is through her family. I can give you some suggestions, but beyond that you’re on your own.” Mia tapped her finger to her chin. “You know…there just so happens to be a McGinnis family get-together tomorrow night.”
He probably should have been a little wary about what Mia was possibly thinking. But all he could think of was Carina and the last thing she had said to him. She regretted making love to him because she could still feel him. He knew how she felt. Without her he was, just like his Lady Jane had said, living only half a life. “I’ll do whatever it takes for her to trust me, for her to believe that she is everything I want.”
***
Carina
The drive to her parents’ house had been a blur. Carina had forced herself to stop crying and pull herself together when she was about fifteen minutes away from her childhood home. But there was no fooling Lucrezia McGinnis. Her mother had her pegged the moment she had walked through the front door.
“I think we have a long night ahead of us, yes?” her mother asked, taking Carina’s duffle bag from her hand. “I’ll put your bag in your room. You, my love, open the Zinfandel. Third bottle from the top. We sip while we bake.”
This was what she needed. A night baking with her mother. Carina grabbed a corkscrew, popped open one of Luke’s finest wines, and poured two generous glasses. This one glass would last her mother the entire night. But Carina had a feeling that she would be downing more than one to help numb the pain of this evening.
“Papa is at the winery with Luke. Which means we have the kitchen all to ourselves, without a man futzing around and attempting to swipe a nibble. Should we start with the tiramisu, cheesecakes, or the cookies?” her mother asked.
Carina took a hearty sip of her wine and returned the glass to the island. She suddenly felt lightheaded and grabbed the countertop with both hands. Exhaustion had taken hold of her.
Her mother came over and grabbed her face with soft, delicate hands. “Or should we start the night with a mother-daughter chat?”
Carina wasn’t planning to bare her soul tonight. She didn’t want to burden her mother with her pathetic love life. But with a little coaxing she was sobbing on an island stool and telling her mother everything she could, without going into graphic, embarrassing detail about Josh. By the time the Cliff Notes version was complete, her mother was aware that she had feelings for Mia’s friend Josh, that Josh seemed to care for her but was not relationship material, and that it was useless to try to make him into something he was not. She had left out the fact that he had pretended to be her boyfriend to ward off Eric because that would have opened another can of worms that she wasn’t in the mood to deal with.
Her mother refilled her glass and then her own. It was going to be a long night. But Carina was determined to get herself together. Her father’s party was tomorrow and she had no intention of making this weekend about her. “I…I feel better now,” Carina said, blowing her nose into one of the dozen tissues her mother had passed her while she was playing storyteller. “Thanks for listening, Mama,” she said, falling into her mother’s embrace. “I didn’t let you get a word in edgewise, did I?” she asked, realizing now that she had been rambling like some lovesick teenager who just had her heart broken.
“I’ll know when you’re ready to hear my thoughts on the matter.” Her mother kissed her on the forehead. “What you needed, all you can tolerate at the moment, is for someone to listen.”
“Not just anyone, Mama. It had to be you,” Carina said. She wiped away what was hopefully the last of the tears for the night. “Let’s start with the tiramisu. We can have that whipped up and in the refrigerator, safely out of reach before Papa returns.”
“Sounds like a plan. You grab the cream, eggs and mascarpone and I’ll gather the rest.”
Carina went to the fridge, filled her arms with the items her mother had requested and emptied them onto the counter. She organized the ingredients into neat piles and then looked over just in time to see her mother yanking down a set of mixing bowls that had to be older than dirt from a cabinet above the oven. “Thanks, Mama,” Carina said.
Lucrezia McGinnis smiled and handed Carina the bowls. Yes, this was exactly what she needed; four more hours of baking and speaking about everything under the sun but Josh Graham.