Chapter Fifty-Two
Carina
Despite getting ten hours of sleep, Carina had little difficulty crawling back into bed and shutting out the world. It was well past noon when she awoke for the second time. Oddly enough she didn’t feel rested, but anxious…and hungry.
There were two types of women: women who felt too distraught to eat after a breakup and women who ate their problems away. She was the latter and didn’t feel guilty in the least when she heard her belly rumble. It hadn’t occurred to her until then that she had nothing suitable to eat in the house. Because she had been living with Josh, playing house, with him pretending to be in love. And he had played it perfectly.
Feeling gross, but having no desire to shower or change out of the sweats she had thrown on when she had arrived home from Mia’s, she climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom. She took care of her business and even forced herself to brush her teeth before she grabbed her purse and headed out the front door.
The ten-minute walk to the Plough and the Star tavern seemed longer than usual. Maybe because she was so hungry. Or maybe because she had zero tolerance for anything right now. It took her all of two seconds to determine what she wanted for lunch. She was in need of comfort food. Luckily the lunch crowd was pretty thin today and she didn’t have to wait too long for her seafood chowder and sirloin burger. She was on her way home when her cell phone rang. She dug her cell out of her purse and saw Mia’s name. She couldn’t dismiss any more of her calls. It wasn’t fair. Mia had been there for her last night when Carina had come to her crying and blubbering like a hot mess.
“Hey,” Carina answered.
“Oh, thank God. Honey, where are you? I’ve been worried about you all morning.”
Carina crossed the street and entered the park. “I know. I’m sorry. I just needed to tune out for a little while. I took a nap when I got home from your house and now I’m grabbing some lunch from the Plough.” Carina sighed. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“Okay, as long as you’re safe, that’s all that matters.”
“I’m fine,” Carina said, lying through her teeth. Why was she pretending to be strong? It was exhausting. She was so tired. Carina found a park bench and sat down. “I’m not fine, Mia. I’m so far from fine,” she said, no longer holding back the tears.
“Carina, Josh called me last night. He told me what happened…with Amanda. And what didn’t happen.”
“Wait, you believe him? Mia, you didn’t see what I saw. He took her by the hand and whisked her away to some alleyway…”
“Because he knew Amanda was going to make a scene. He shuffled her away to that alley to tell her that if she didn’t stay away from him he was going to the police.”
Carina set her lunch down on the bench next to her. Could that really be the truth? She squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her temple with two fingers. But with her eyes closed all she could see was Amanda smiling at her. How happy she was. That she had won.
“Okay, then why was she on her knees. Why was her hand on his belt? How did Josh explain that away?”
“Carina, I know you saw Amanda on her knees, but did you hear what Josh had said to her? How angry he was?”
No. She hadn’t been close enough to hear their conversation. She had frozen on the sidewalk the second she saw Josh take Amanda by the hand and had watched from a distance.
“Carina, you know how much I love you. You also know that I would never defend someone who was foolish enough to hurt you.”
The tears were just an endless stream now. “God, I want to believe it. I would give anything for that image in the alleyway to be wiped from my memory.”
“Honey, listen to me. I love you and I love Josh. And though I only met him four months ago, I can tell you that he doesn’t have it in him to be cruel.” Mia paused. “Unless you know something I don’t.”
Mia was right. He may have been with a lot of women before he met her, but the one thing he didn’t do was lead women on. Carina remembered what Josh had asked her in Gabe’s living room:
“Can you honestly stand there and tell me that you still want me? Could you be with me knowing that tonight would only be about sex?”
A cruel person wouldn’t have cared enough to ask those two questions. A cruel person wouldn’t have stopped and refused her that night.
Josh wasn’t cruel.
Josh was the man she loved. The man who protected her from dangerous ex-boyfriends. The man who opened his home to her, made her ice cream sundaes and ensured that she took her pain medicine. The man who stood at her side and defended her against his own hateful mother.
A man who would never hurt her.
What have I done?
He hadn’t cheated on her. It didn’t matter what she thought she saw, just what was. Carina’s heart fell even deeper as she pictured Josh standing on her front steps earlier this morning, helpless and broken. “Mia, you’re right.” Carina stood and started for home. “And I’m a damn fool.”
“No, you’re not, honey. Trust me, I would have acted the same as you if Paul had been the one in that alleyway.” Carina chuckled. “But you will be behaving like a fool if you don’t hang up with me right now and go make up with your man.”
“I love you, Mia,” Carina said, as she picked up the pace.
“You too, babe.”