Chapter Thirty-Eight
Carina
Carina watched her parents’ exchange of whispers and smiled. They were so in love. Still, after all these years, it was obvious they adored each other. She was just about to tell her parents how lucky she was for growing up in an environment such as this when she spotted Josh almost fully surrounded by eight of her female cousins, ranging from four to fourteen. He humored the smallest of the bunch with a dance and twirled her around the dance floor, completely in time with the music. A second and a third lined up and competed for his attention. Luckily, Luke and Brennan stepped in and gave him a hand. Squeals of laughter could be heard as Luke, Brennan and Josh took turns swinging the girls and giving them the time of their lives. Carina let out a half-giggle, half-sob at the scene.
Her mother leaned over and asked, “Still think you two want different things?”
“God…he’s…amazing,” Carina said.
She didn’t know that she had said those words out loud until her father said, “And completely in love with you.”
Carina wanted to believe that. But there was still that small shred of doubt. And as much as she wanted to dismiss it, the possibility that he would return home…to Amanda, to his need to remain emotionally unavailable…remained.
The music slowed once more. Carina watched Josh kiss the back of the hand of each of his young dance partners. They all giggled and ran away. He turned and walked over to her table. “Mr. and Mrs. McGinnis, I was wondering if I could dance with your daughter…that is, if she says yes, of course?”
“Patrick, I think Josh has earned a dance, don’t you?” her mother asked.
Josh extended his hand and her father shook it. “Thank you, sir, for letting me spend time with your family today,” Josh said.
Her father nodded.
“Carina, would you like to dance with this young man?” her father asked.
Carina almost leaped out of her seat. She wanted to do much more than dance with him, but that wasn’t going to happen. Not now, anyway. Josh reached out his hand and she took it immediately.
With one hand on her waist and the other holding her hand to his chest, they swayed to the music. His familiar, intoxicating scent filled the space between them and she closed her eyes to help fight back the urge to kiss him. She felt a finger lift her chin. “Please look at me,” he said, his voice gentle.
She slowly opened her eyes and saw his deep blue ones staring back at her. How she wished they were the only couple on the dance floor, the only people on the planet right now. “I…I can’t believe you’re here,” she said.
He removed his fingers from her chin and again held her hand to his chest. “And you wouldn’t believe how hard it is for me not to lean in and kiss you right now,” he said. Her heart was beating so quickly that she wondered if he could hear it. His lips were just inches away. “I’m sorry for how I behaved last night. When I saw you talking to Rick, well, I…lost it.”
“That about sums up how I felt when I saw you with Amanda.”
“I’m sorry you saw us together, but it wasn’t at all what you think it was. I ended things with Amanda this past summer, but she is unwilling to accept it. I met with her in a public place to tell her once and for all to stop contacting me.”
Carina wanted to believe him. Would he have gone through this day spending time with people he didn’t know, being stared at by curious family members and subject to attack by any one of her brothers if he misspoke or breathed wrong, if he didn’t care for her?
“Carina, I never thought I would ever be able to want or need…more.” In a weak moment, he touched the side of her face with his fingertips. But the caress was brief and he returned his hand to her waist. “In a few minutes I will leave. I’ll drive home and envision what it would have been like to kiss you on this dance floor. I’ll lie in bed tonight, holding on to that one night we spent together, when I was deep inside you. When you were mine.”
The final four lines of Dean Martin’s “Return to Me” echoed in the breeze. It also signaled that their dance was over. Panic set in. She didn’t want to let him go.
Josh kissed the back of her hand and then walked her back to the table where her parents still sat, still holding hands and appearing utterly content. “Mr. and Mrs. McGinnis, thank you again for a wonderful evening, but I must be going now,” Josh said.
Her mother stood and took Josh by the arm. “I’ll see you out, Josh.” Carina started to follow but her mother said, “Your father would like to dance with his only daughter.”
Carina halted and turned to find her father standing before her with his hand outstretched. As much as she wanted to follow Josh to the door like a puppy starving for attention, she placed her hand in her father’s and allowed the first, but no longer the only man in her life, lead her onto the dance floor.
***
It was after midnight when the last guest had cleared out. But Carina wasn’t tired, despite having a full day of party prepping and ongoing cleanup. Her mind was reeling with thoughts of Josh.
She was sitting on her signature seat at the kitchen island, pouring her first glass of wine for the night when her mother walked in and swiped the bottle of wine from her hands. “I think you’re now ready to hear my thoughts on the matter.”
“Mama?”
“What are you still doing here, cucciolo?” her mother asked as she replaced the wine in the wine fridge below the island.
“I was planning on having a glass of wine before I go to bed,” Carina said.
“Okay. If you so choose, after I have said my piece, please feel free,” her mother said, gesturing to the wine fridge. “But right now, I’m going to tell you what I see. What I understand. I see a girl standing on the edge and looking down at something that could be so wonderful. But she’s wondering if it’s worth the leap, and of course, the risk.”
“I’m scared, Mama. I don’t want to put myself out there, just to have him…” Carina couldn’t finish her thought. She hadn’t told her mother why she and Eric had broken up, just that it wasn’t meant to be. Thankfully, she had a mother who didn’t press for a more thorough explanation as to why her daughter had ended a six-month relationship that looked like it was heading toward marriage.
“If you don’t mind me saying, my love, but…Josh is not Eric. Would Eric have driven here and spent the day with us, with people he had never met, just to be close to you? Would Eric, the man you didn’t introduce us to until four months into your relationship, have made that leap?” Her mother came over and squeezed her shoulders. “Because that was what Josh did today. He took that leap and did it all in front of our very opinionated and lively crew. If you think you’re frightened, then think of how he felt. You say that he isn’t built to fall in love, but that’s not what your father and I saw tonight. Those three words may have never crossed his lips before, but he showed you—he showed this entire family—how he feels.”
Carina felt the tears mounting. “I…love him, Mama.”
Her mother hugged her from behind. “So the question remains. What are you still doing here?”
Carina turned in her seat, hopped off the stool and gave her mother a quick hug. “You’re right. I need…I need to see him.” Carina looked around, feeling disoriented.
“Your duffel bag is by the door,” her mother said. Carina let out a sob and hugged her mother again.