Chapter Twenty-Seven
Josh
Josh stood outside Carina’s front door. Her townhome was on a well-lit cobblestone street in the old section of Philadelphia. This part of the city didn’t make the news much where crime was concerned, but it wasn’t immune to it either. Unfortunately, Erin could attest to that sad fact. He pushed that disturbing thought from his mind and looked to each window, searching for signs of life. The shades were drawn as if she and her home were shutting the world out. Maybe she was just shutting him out.
He retrieved his cell from his pocket and checked his messages. She hadn’t texted him to say she had made it home nor had she called him, not that he expected the latter. He had hoped that she would have at least sent him a quick text saying she was home since she had responded to his first text this morning. He tried calling her again, but her phone went straight to voicemail. What if Ross had met her on her doorstep when she arrived home? What if he was in there with her right now, pissed off for being manhandled in public by her “boyfriend?”
Panicked, he reached for the door knob and turned. He didn’t know whether he should be relieved or enraged that it was locked. He began rapping on the door, loud and hard enough for his knuckles to bleed. He was in mid-knock when the door flung open and he faced the woman who he couldn’t stop thinking about. Standing in the doorway wearing a thin tank top and cotton lounge pants, with her hair in disarray, he knew he had awoken her. His gaze drifted to the revolver she held at her side.
“Josh, you shouldn’t be here.”
She was right. He had no right to be there. But he couldn’t help himself. “You didn’t text me and let me know that you made it home okay. And you didn’t return any of my calls.” He knew how he must sound. And he was just seconds away from apologizing for his stalker-like behavior when she stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. Before she could second guess her decision, he quickly entered her home and shut the door behind him. He nodded to the gun. “I guess I’m not the only one concerned that Ross may retaliate.”
She placed the revolver on the small entranceway table to her right, next to a set of keys and a Walgreens Pharmacy bag. “I’m a police officer’s daughter, remember? My head naturally goes there.” She sighed and folded her arms across her chest.
Her response barely registered because his attention was captured by the box sticking out of the bag. The box had been opened and a glass of water sat next to it. He didn’t need to be a woman or have the letters after his name to know what it was.
“I’m sorry, Carina.”
“Sorry for what?” She leaned against the wall and held herself tight. All he wanted to do was rush over and hold her, but he didn’t.
“I told you that you could trust me. That I wouldn’t touch you.”
“No, you promised me you would be a gentleman.” She looked up at him with a strained smile. “And you were. I…I know what last night was and…what it wasn’t. I knew that going in. You don’t have anything to apologize for, Josh.”
She may know what last night was, but he sure the hell didn’t. He had never felt like that while he was having sex with a woman. It was like some primal instinct had taken over and he needed to be inside her, to feel her with nothing between them. “I didn’t use a condom, Carina.”
“And I didn’t stop it from happening.” Her cheeks grew a fiery red. “Josh, I took the morning after pill. And if you’re worried about STDs, a condom was used that one and only time I had sex eight years ago.”
The thought of Carina giving herself to another man, even if it was to some college kid who didn’t have a clue how to pleasure a woman, sent him into a silent rage. He needed to get control of himself. Thoughts like that were dangerous. Carina didn’t belong to him.
“I didn’t protect you,” he said. Her eyes grew wide with questions and something that resembled fear. The realization hit him that maybe she was assuming something else entirely. “I mean, I’m clean, Carina. I’ve never been with another woman without using a condom and I recently had myself tested. When I say I didn’t protect you, what I really mean is that I was selfish and I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” She diverted her eyes away from him and bit her lip. She suddenly backed away from the wall and pasted on a smile that looked nothing like the enchanting one that had the capability to bring him to his knees. “Like I said, I know what last night was and what it wasn’t. I wasn’t under any illusions because you’ve always been honest with me.”
She deserved a man who could protect and love her. He could never be that man. Like a fucking coward, he gestured to the gun once more. “You can’t go back to that school. Ross is dangerous. I saw it in his eyes last night.”
“Josh, I can’t leave my job…my kids.” She walked toward the front door. “I’ll take the necessary precautions. I won’t stay late anymore. I’ll just bring my work home.” Carina opened the front door. “I’ll be careful.”
She was dismissing him. Even worse, she was underestimating Ross. “You need to go to the police.”
Carina shook her head. “It would be his word against mine. I just need a little time to get the evidence I need to nail him.”
She was either incredibly brave or incredibly naïve. “Tell me you aren’t going to do something stupid like use yourself as bait?” The look on her face told him that was exactly what she was planning. “Carina, let the police handle this.”
“I will, when I’m good and ready.”
He didn’t know what she had planned, but there was no convincing her to stand down. “If you’re not going to let the police handle it, then I will.” He moved past her and was just about to cross the threshold when she grabbed his arm and yanked him back.
“No. You need to stay out of this.” Her eyes pleaded with him. He covered her hand with his. The electricity between them was undeniable. “You need to stay away from me.”
He knew this was her way of protecting herself, but her words shattered him. He released her hand, pinned her against the door, and took hold of her face with both hands. “How do you expect me to do that when I can’t stop thinking about you?” He mashed his lips to hers with hot need…and fear. What if this was the last time he would taste her?
She clawed at his shirt, pulling him closer, and kissing him back. He ground his cock against her, seeking relief. But it wasn’t enough. He would never get enough of her.
She was heaven.
She was hell itself.
Josh was just about to lift her off her feet, kick the front door closed behind him and find a bed or any flat surface at that point when she broke free of his embrace. Breathless, she said, “I can’t do this again…I won’t…” She took two steps back. “Please leave.” She evaded his gaze and hugged herself once more.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Carina.”
“Then leave, Josh.” He saw a tear slide down her face and then a second. “We want different things. You want sex without strings. Without emotion.” She wiped a third and fourth tear away. “And me…well, I’ll always want more.”
He didn’t know what to say. Her honesty floored him. Josh sighed and bowed his head. “Please be careful around Ross.” He didn’t look at her as he left her townhome. He wouldn’t have been able to bear seeing the look in her eyes, eyes full of disappointment and regret.