Chapter Eight
Carina
Carina read Mia’s group text. The thoughtful invite to her and Paul’s home for a barbeque this coming Thursday night should have put a smile on Carina’s face. But as she scanned the recipients of the text, she zoned in on Josh’s name and immediately began to sweat. Her initial thought was to call Mia and create an excuse as to why she couldn’t attend, but it occurred to Carina that this invite would most likely be the first of many. What then? Was she going to turn Mia down every time she asked her over? If that was the case, Mia was bound to call her out and demand to know why she was avoiding her and her friends.
And that was the last thing Carina wanted to do. Mia once again resembled the woman Carina had first met, the young and beautiful freshman who loved to hang out and laugh, not the broken woman who had become obsessed with finding the man who had raped and murdered her mother.
Mia had made it her mission in life to find the killer, profiling her mother’s murderer, poring over evidence and viewing disturbing photographs of the brutality her mother had endured. It had taken over two years for Mia to find that soulless monster. But Mia’s triumph over finally finding out who had taken her mother from her was short-lived. Because that was also the day Mia’s heartbroken father had decided he had enough of life. Mia had drifted further away from Carina, further from reality, after that day.
Carina had lost count how many times she had called Mia and asked her if she could come visit her in New York. Mia would always tell her that it wasn’t a good time, that she was busy, that she was…just tired. Carina knew her excuses were bullshit, but she didn’t press her. Carina eased up on the phone calls and started texting her. Every once in awhile Mia would return one, but they were without substance, just words on a screen with no life behind them.
Carina had decided that maybe she was going about things all wrong. Several months ago she had paid Mia an impromptu visit and had shown up at her door. Mia had seemed happy to see her, but also sad. The light in her eyes had dimmed; she was a shell of the witty and vivacious woman she once was. The only positive flicker was the fact she had returned to teaching. Carina didn’t know what to do, how to reach her friend and make her see that she wasn’t alone. She felt helpless. In the end, Carina had decided to give her friend time and space, but not before telling Mia that she would be there for her when she was ready.
Paul, Erin and Chase had entered Mia’s life shortly thereafter. Carina would be forever grateful that they had been there for Mia, for helping her maneuver through some dark and ugly times, for bringing the woman she loved like a sister back to life.
Screw Josh. I’m going to that barbeque!
Carina responded to Mia’s text:
“I’ll be there. Wouldn’t miss it! What would you like me to bring?”
Mia replied less than a minute later:
“Yourself…and your famous spinach dip! See you Thursday!”
Spinach dip sounded damn good right about now. But ice cream sounded better. Carina went to the freezer and retrieved a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Truffle Kerfuffle. She grabbed a spoon and made her way to her bedroom. She swapped her skirt and blouse for a tank and some lounge pants and slid into bed. She took a hearty spoonful of what was turning out to be her dinner and flipped on the television. Her mind started to wander as she channel-surfed and she again found herself thinking about Josh.
How it had felt when his fingertips caressed the small of her back. How she had nearly melted into a puddle when he told her she looked beautiful at the Terminal.
Pick a show, Carina. Stop thinking about him.
She was just about to make a choice between “Law and Order: SVU” and a “Seinfeld” rerun when her phone rang.
Her mother always seemed to know when she had hit a low point and was drowning her sorrows, this time by ingesting twenty-four grams of fat per serving. Although she spoke to her mother regularly on the phone, she hadn’t seen her since the Eric incident. It killed Carina to keep what Eric had done to her from her mother, but she had needed time for her face and pride to heal. She couldn’t let her mother see her swollen face, her split lip, and bruised cheek. Her mother would have burst into tears at the sight and then, when the shock had worn off and her anger set in because someone had hit her little cucciolo, she would have been on the phone with her sons.
And they would have come running.
Gabe would have turned his boat around. Luke would have forgotten that he had a winery to run. Brennan would have left his kitchen and let his customers fend for themselves. And Jake would have been on the next flight back to Philly, abandoning his coach and teammates. All for a taste of Eric Ross. The man who had been foolish enough to lay a finger on their sister.
Yes, it was best her family remain in the dark on this one…even her mother.
Carina set the pint on her nightstand, leaned against the headboard and answered her phone. As always, the sound of her mother’s voice instantly put Carina’s mind at ease and for the first time in hours, she didn’t think about Josh Graham.
***
Josh
Josh peeled off his shirt, jeans and boxer briefs and tossed them into the hamper. His clothing held that recognizable scent of bar: beer and smoke. It was a smell he had once savored, as it signaled the beginning of three consecutive mind-numbing nights. As an undergrad he had become a frequent weekend flyer, ingesting too much alcohol and even more women. Both had the ability to make Julia disappear from his thoughts. But the reprieve was always temporary. The moment he either sobered up or the woman he had just fucked had left his apartment, the memory of that night would come flooding back. If he had been the one driving, Julia would still be alive. She would have graduated from the Rockhill School of the Arts. Found a man who would have treated her like a queen.
He had failed her. He hadn’t kept her safe.
That realization would play on a loop in his brain, causing him to drink more and fuck often. It was only after he started volunteering at the hospital and working with patients, some of whom had been victims in car accidents, did he wise the fuck up. He cut back on the booze after that, leaving him with his one and only vice.
He entered the shower and let the warm water wash away hours of tending bar. It was his third shower of the day and from the looks of it, it was also going to be the third time he jacked off in less than sixteen hours. He had awoken this morning with Carina on his mind and his hand on his dick. Feeling not even slightly relaxed, he had gone to class and returned to his apartment only to jerk off again. And now, after his six-hour shift, of standing, hustling, and talking to customers, his cock ached, demanding his attention. Josh’s thoughts immediately went to Carina, and he stroked himself from root to tip. He closed his eyes and envisioned Carina’s sweet, pouty lips encircling him. He pumped harder, imagining those green eyes staring up at him as he thrust into her mouth. He groaned, feeling the first beads of precum drip forth and in his mind, onto her warm, slick tongue.
Josh heard himself grunt and utter her name. He was going to come, but this time he wanted to spill his seed deep inside her core, not down her throat. He imagined her smooth, tight ass in his hands as he pinned her against the shower wall, as he drove into her. Her cunt clenched around his cock, squeezing him, demanding more. Josh remembered what she had told him. That thought, that she hadn’t had sex in years, knowing how tight she must be, how needy her clit must be after all this time, sent him into climax and he growled.
The aftershock of his third orgasm of the day was no less mind-blowing than the first. It wasn’t typical for him to masturbate multiple times in a single day. Normally, a real live woman, not just one in his mind, would satisfy his needs. But he no longer wanted to fulfill his desires with the women who had once pleased him. Because he could only see Carina. And that pissed him off. He barely knew her, yet he couldn’t stop thinking about her. What was she doing right now? Hopefully, she was asleep in bed with the doors and windows locked.
Hopefully, she was alone in bed.
He pictured her wrapped in another man’s arms and he saw red. He shook that thought from his mind, not knowing where the hell it had come from, and finished his shower.