He walks in, and his hulking frame instantly takes over the room. He’s wearing new boxer briefs and I have to choke down a swallow as I take him in. I didn’t really get a good look at him last night, when he so thoroughly distracted me. I knew he would look like sin, the way he filled me up and I was right. I flush, wanting him all over again. His eyes light up when he sees me ogling his body, and he gives me a shy smile. I don’t want to stop staring at him, but I do, turning to look out the window.

He sits on my side of the bed and his fingers skim over my hair. I have the covers tucked up to my chest and tug them tighter. His hand brushes the bare skin of my shoulder and I shiver but still don’t look at him.

“Lili?” he says quietly.

My eyes tip to his. The lightness he had a moment ago is gone, and now there are questions in his eyes that I don’t want to answer. Concern joins his curiosity.

“Do you … should we not have—” His voice trails off, along with his fingers. He picks up my hand and kisses it. “Are you okay? Is it … was our night okay?”

For some reason I’m terrified I’m going to bawl. I’m wrung out, too full of too many feelings all at once. I force my face and heart to go back to neutral.

“Of course,” I say. “Sex is the one thing I know.” But I’ve realized I know nothing. Not about the kind of sex we had. I smile anyway. He doesn’t. “Come here,” I whisper, leaning up on my elbows. “I’ll show you my specialty.”

He stands up and rubs a hand over his face. “I—I’m sure everything you do is … fuc-fantastic. I’d just rather…” He turns and looks at me. “I think I went about this all wrong, Lili. I wanted to show you how much I…” He swallows. “I imagined you felt the same. I got all caught up in the wedding and everything. I meant it when I said I’m in this, but I’ve had more time to get used to the idea of us than you have.”

My mask falters, along with my pounding heart. “You need to stop apologizing. I’ve turned your life upside down, and yet, here you are, still apologizing.” I sit up, pulling the covers up with me and leaning against the headboard. “I did feel—” I clear my throat. “I do want you. This is just … new for me. And unexpected. All of it.”

He pulls the truth out of me, whether I want him to or not.

He nods. “It’s new for me too, actually.”

“Pfft. Yeah.” I click my tongue on the roof of my mouth. “You with someone like me. I can see how that’s a lot different.”

His voice softens and lowers even more. “I didn’t mean anything like that. I meant … having something more than meaningless sex.”

I look at him, surprised. For one, that what we’d just done felt meaningful to him too. But also, the obvious. “Regardless of you losing your virginity to a prostitute—you are not the only guy to do that, believe me—you really don’t seem like a one-night stand kind of guy. Or the love ‘em and leave ‘em type. At all.”

“It’s been a while,” he says, “but yeah, that’s how I’ve been. I mean, I haven’t paid for sex since that one time…” He clears his throat. “I tried to only be with people who didn’t want a commitment any more than I did. But I’ve hurt people. Someone always wants more. It’s just never been me that did. So I took a little break from the whole scene.”

I stare at him, waiting for him to say more. When he doesn’t, I dig. “What happened?”

“I got tired of feeling empty,” he admits. “And bottom line—there’s nothing much lonelier than being with someone night after night that I don’t feel anything for…”

His eyes laser in on me and my insides tighten in a painful twist. Nothing lonelier. I know. I look down and find a string to pull on the comforter.

“So why not find a nice girl you like to settle down with?” I ask.

“I’ve tried to focus on other things. You sort of … dropped in my lap like a present. A present that I like,” he adds, eyes smiling. “And you are a nice girl, Lili, who I’d like very much to settle down with…”

I roll my eyes. “Not exactly a nice girl.”

“You have the best manners of anyone I’ve ever met.” His eyebrows rise as he teases me. “You have a way better mouth on you than I do. You’re fun and smart … and so beautiful it hurts.”

My cheeks grow hot. “I wish I could take credit, but my mother feels that excellent manners and proper grammar are vital to being a successful, high-end whore,” I bite out.

He cringes. “Did you mean it when you said you wanted out of that life? Because I married you thinking that’s what you wanted. And I’m gonna be honest—I know we’re going about this backwards, but I’m hoping one day, you might even want me.”

“I never thought I could get out,” I answer. “I haven’t even known to wish for that. And I never would’ve believed someone like you existed. I’m still not fully sure you do.”

“You’re not sure I exist? Here—pinch me.” He holds his arm up. When I tug his skin between my fingers, he leans his forehead against mine. “See? Real.” His hand holds my cheek and it’s immediately comforting. “Do you think maybe we were put into each other’s lives for a reason?”

“I never would have thought so until meeting you,” I admit, “but yesterday, the whole day, everything felt … possible. I don’t deserve any of this, but even I can see that I’m being handed something really … beautiful … in the middle of something really awful.” I look up at him and want to kiss those cushiony lips. I blink and sit back a little. “I don’t just get handed something for nothing. I don’t have that kind of luck. Everything costs something. So far, I can’t see what this is going to cost me. I can see that it’s costing you plenty, though.”

“I don’t see it that way,” he says.

I want to hear more, but he just smiles and I know the moment has passed for talking. He’s such a strange mixture of fearlessness and caution. Despite his loopy reasoning, it’s intoxicating to know he’d do anything for me. No one has ever put me first, and the way he seems to be treading very carefully with my feelings—the combination makes me trust him more than I want to admit.

He leans over and lightly touches his lips to mine, still tentative. I wrap my arms around his head and dig my hands into his waves, pulling him closer. For a moment, he loses all inhibition and kisses me until my body feels like goopy honey, seeping into the bed, heavy and thick. When he pulls away and stands up, I’m disappointed and know my face shows it. I want more. Another new feeling for me.

He kisses my forehead. “Why don’t we go find some lunch?”

“What?” I can’t quite pull out of my haze. “Lunch? Did we sleep through breakfast?”

“Sure did.” He smiles. “Let’s get some food in you, then maybe grab some groceries too.”

“This is so weird. We’re married!”

“Yep. Honeymooners.”

“We’re not supposed to leave the bed for days on a honeymoon, you know,” I say under my breath.

His mouth drops a little; he closes it and pauses before speaking.

“Let’s keep getting to know each other, and if there comes a time when you want to stay in bed for days … I—” He rubs his hand over his face and groans. “I … don’t want you to think I’m only about that. Even though both times were earth shattering…”

He leans down and lifts my chin to meet his eyes. These gentle touches he does—I’ve never known anything sweeter.

“I’d planned on holding out longer, so you’d fall in love with my amazing personality,” he says, trying to hold back his smirk. “But who am I kidding? My body is your wonderland.”

I cover my mouth as I let out a loud laugh. He’s smiling before he straightens again.

“Seriously though, I’ll follow your lead. Okay? I just want to take care of you, in whatever way you need to be taken care of.” His hand lightly presses my cheek.

“I appreciate it, I really do, but I might be in shock for a while over the fact that we actually got married.” I shake my head. “And I was your first. And we’ve had … ‘earth shattering’ sex.”

He grins so big, I have to laugh.

“Tell me you’re not in a little bit of shock right now!” I yelp.

His chuckle rumbles low in his chest. “Things have a way of working out.”

He looks at me with that adoring look again and I feel my face flush. What is happening to me?

His hand drops to my arm and he rubs it. “I know we’ve been quiet about Nico since yesterday—I want to talk about what we’re going to do … just not today.”

I nod. I could never talk about Nico again and be so happy.

He lifts a thumb over his shoulder. “There’s another bathroom down the hall. I’ll hit that one and get a quick shower. Take your time.”

“Okay. I’ll be quick too.”

I watch him walk away, enjoying the view.

* * *

I point out a little hole-in-the-wall seafood restaurant not too far from the house.

“You really want to go there?” He pulls over.

“I bet it’s delicious. It has to be, to look that bad.”

He chuckles. “Not exactly what I had in mind, but…”

“Pretty sure neither of us signed up for predictable.”

“True.”

The restaurant is nothing to look at, but it’s clean. A pile of spicy boiled shrimp, crab legs, boiled potatoes and slaw comes out on two platters. We dig in.

“Oh my goodness, you were so right,” he moans.

My hands are a mess, but it’s worth it. “Best crab legs I’ve ever eaten.”

The waitress keeps coming over and chatting for long stretches. She’s friendly and curious. Soti keeps trying to get me to answer her questions, but I just smile and let him do all the talking. When the plates are finally cleared, he takes a deep breath and leans in.

“Looks like we’re gonna have to leave to get a word in edgewise,” he says.

I lean in too, and surprise him by reaching out and touching the scar on his forehead.

“Tell me one thing you haven’t done yet, but you really want to do,” I say.

“I’ve never lived with my wife.”

I frown. “Come on. That’s cheating.”

“How is that cheating? It’s true. I’ve … wanted to bring you home with me for a long time. Never wanted you to leave. The nights you’ve slept in my bed were just a tease.” His cheeks turn that darker shade they get when he’s nervous. “I’m … looking forward to it.”

I narrow my eyes.

“What are you thinking?” he asks.

“That you’re the hardest person I’ve ever tried to read. I don’t know why. You seem so sincere…”

He frowns. “This is me. If I don’t mean it, I don’t say it.”

I don’t respond, just study him.

“You do that a lot.”

“What?” I ask.

“Look like you’re trying to read my mind.”

“I wish I could.”

“I know the feeling.” He grins. “So tell me yours.”

“My what?”

“The one thing you’d do, if you could.”

“Have babies,” I answer immediately. As soon as it’s out, my cheeks flame. “I can’t believe I said that out loud.”

He reaches across the table and traces circles on the top of my hand. “Are you not able to have children?”

I clear my throat and grip a napkin. “As far as I know I can—I’ve been on birth control for a long time and have never had sex without a condom, so there haven’t been any scares. It just … wouldn’t make sense to bring a baby into my life.” I gasp and look at him in panic.

“What?”

“I didn’t bring my pills! I’ve never forgotten to take them, ever.” I put my head in my hands. “I didn’t even think about it until this minute!”

“Hey—things were crazy when we left. It’s okay. We used condoms.”

He laces our fingers together, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. He shakes my hand until I do.

“Thank you for telling me what you want. I’d like a family, too.”

I can’t even answer, I’m so embarrassed.

“How many kids should we have?”

I roll my eyes. He laughs.

“I’m serious,” he says, just as our waitress comes back.

I focus on the waitress, who asks if we need anything else.

“I’m trying to convince her to have my babies,” he tells her, still looking at me.

I giggle and pull my hand away.

“Girl, if I’s you, I’d take him up on that, like, yesterday.” She puts her hand on her hip and stares Soti down. “Look at him!” She waves her hand emphatically in my direction. “And look at you! Y’all are gonna have some pretty babies.”

We laugh and I mumble about Miss Jez under my breath. I put my hands on my icy glass and then on my cheeks, trying to cool off.

“You’re adorable,” he says. “A conversation about having my baby has you more flustered than when someone tried to kill you.”

I laugh and shrug. He’s right. “Hey, I’m shocked I’ve lived this long. I’ve always had one eye looking over my shoulder, knowing the life I live will catch up with me eventually. A husband and a baby have never been a consideration. I’ve never seen that coming.”

“Well, let’s change that, starting right now.” He grins and I die.