I rarely venture outside. The sun and I are not friends, with my skin so pale it’s translucent. I’m a bit of a hermit anyway; it’s difficult to go out and not be recognized by someone.

Fortune is on my side when no one notices me leaving. I walk to Cafe Amelie and have a few moments of quiet. I sit outside with a glass of wine and try to enjoy the twinkle lights and the breeze. These moments almost lure me into believing my life is uncomplicated. I don’t people-watch often, and especially not couples; it’s best I don’t go down that path when I know it will never be in my future.

I nearly finish a bottle of wine and spend the time mentally telling my mother and Nico off. By the time I’m ready to leave, I feel better. I’ll handle my mother and I’ll force her to handle Nico. Just before sunset, one of my regulars walks into the courtyard and spots me as I’m standing. He puts his hand on my waist and swishes my hair back and forth.

“It’s our lucky night,” he says in my ear.

I raise an eyebrow. I don’t want to ruin the modicum of peace I’ve found, so I give in to what I know he wants.

“Walk me back?” I ask.

“Hell, yeah,” he says.

I turn away before I’m too tempted to roll my eyes, and I tuck a tip under the wine glass.

I tower over him, as I do with most, but that doesn’t seem to bother his ego. He walks with his chest puffed out. It’d be amusing if I had any humor whatsoever today; I don’t. We’ve only gone a few yards down the street when a hand brushes against my shoulder. I turn around and come to a dead stop. The guy next to me stumbles.

Built like a gladiator, the man in front of me could squash a lion with his bare hands. My eyes hit his chest and I try not to get stuck there. His body is taut in the way a jaguar’s is before it pounces. He’s so tall I have to tilt my head back a little to see his face. His hair, wavy and not quite to his shoulders, adds to his barbaric look. I should be terrified. But his eyes. Everything goes quiet around me and all words lodge in my throat.

“Good evening.” His voice rumbles, deep and raspy.

I’m not sure how long I stare at him. His eyes smile at me more than his lips.

“Do I know you?” I finally get out.

Everywhere his gaze lands, a white-hot poker singes my skin, nicking my heart and crisping the edges. He can see right through me, I’m sure of it. When his eyes stop assessing and hold mine, it’s as if everything I work so hard to hide is laid bare. I force myself to shake it off—there’s no way he’d know me in one glance.

In another life, he looks exactly like someone I’d want to know.

He’s about to say something, when the jerk next to me decides to speak up, all bravado. “Back off, asshole, she’s with me.”

I see the jaguar in action, as he moves in the other guy’s direction so quickly, the jerk cowers behind me and doesn’t say another word. I don’t stop staring at the man in front of me, but now I feel a flicker of fear.

He chuckles and shifts toward me, stepping so close the tips of our shoes touch. My heart trips over itself.

“I’m harmless … when it comes to you,” he whispers in my ear. “The degenerate you’re with? Can’t make any promises.”

His accent makes me want to keep him talking just to hear the lilt in his words. He leans back to look at me and I give the smallest of smiles. It seems to be all the encouragement he needs. “You don’t have to do this. Walk away.”

I take a sudden deep breath and my breasts brush against his chest. The contact surprises us both. I do it again, intentionally this time, trying to gain control in the only way I know how. His neck flushes and he takes a step back. I enjoy the rush it gives me, knowing that I affect him too.

“Hey, would you like to come around the corner with me to—”

I swallow my surprise and shake my head, holding my hand up before he says anything else.

“Please,” he says louder.

“What’s your name?”

“I am Sotirios … Soti.”

“Soti, what makes you think you know anything about me?”

He tries to make eye contact, but I focus on a spot just past his left ear.

“I just want to help you…” His words trail off.

The wind blows my hair forward, a sheet of black coming between us until I smooth the long strands down on either side. I gaze down the street and see a blurry little girl with black hair down to her waist in middle school, standing shy and hopeful in front of a group of girls.

“We know what you are,” they said. They hurled spit and names on her and she stood there, taking it, until the teacher came and helped her.

Help only got me so far.

“You listen to me, okay?” I say so softly he leans in to hear me. “I was born for this.”

When my eyes finally land on his again, I know his face will haunt me forever. He looks as bleak as I feel.

I clear my throat. “Now, if you’ll excuse us.”

With that, I loop my hand through the arm of my next income source, calculating how I can get the most money out of him for the least amount of time. It takes every ounce of willpower I own to not look Soti’s way one more time. Once we round the corner and I know he’s out of sight, all the adrenaline leaves my body, and I’m actually glad to have someone to hold onto.

I avoid my reflection as we walk back to the house. I don’t want to know what the rest of the world sees when they look at me.

* * *

I take care of the guy in the courtyard, giving him one of my two-minute specials that leaves a man so glassy-eyed he doesn’t mind not getting the thirty-minute treatment. It’s a trick I only pull out when necessary, so I don’t have to see more men than makes me comfortable.

The entryway is quiet when I step inside, but as I make my way toward the stairs, the hostility in the room thickens.

“I’m not sure what you’ve done to make her so irate, but you need to get a handle on it so the rest of us don’t have to deal with her mood,” Lexy says.

Angel gives me the death look as I walk past her.

“Don’t I always?” I mutter under my breath.

I make it up the last flight of stairs, the safety of my bedroom calling me. I skitter past my mother’s room, hoping she’s far, far away. I round the corner and come to an abrupt stop. Nico is leaning against my door, watching me. I whip around, sprinting toward the stairs.

“Lilith, what makes you think you can avoid seeing me?” Nico’s breath is on my neck as he yanks my arm behind my back. How he moved that quickly is beyond me. “Haven’t you missed me?” His other hand holds the back of my neck in place.

“Let go of me. I’ve met my quota for the day,” I say.

His grip tightens. “You’re not getting rid of me so easily this time.”

The voice that always melted me now slides down my skin like gloppy grease. I want to wash it off.

He forces me to turn around and I get a good, long look at him. His black hair and black eyes are still compelling, but when he flashes his white teeth, all I see are weapons. He can brandish his beauty all he wants, but it won’t lure me. It can’t. I can’t survive him again.

“Why now, Nico?”

“I never moved on, I’ve simply been biding my time.”

I want to rail against his chest and scream all the ways he’s such a liar, but I grit my teeth. Losing him nearly killed me, but he will never know it. It’s the one thing I did right, never letting him know I was in love with him. I’m sure he suspected, but not because I told him.

“I let you go before—it was the right thing to do. I had to prove myself to my uncle and didn’t need any distractions.” He caresses my cheek and I resist the desire to lean into it. He’s the one who awoke me, after all. “Everything is in place now … you’re all that’s missing.” His tongue flicks against my ear and he pulls me tighter against him. “You know how good we are together, baby. You know you can’t resist—”

I turn my head, my lips nearly touching his, and close my eyes. “I want nothing to do with you, Nico.”

He lets go of me so quickly, I stumble forward, hitting the door.

“I’ve waited hours for you today, and years before that … I’m done waiting, mia piccola puttana.” He leans into me. “I’ve changed. You need to understand that. You broke me and I will always love you and hate you for it, but I have to say, you taught me a lot when you walked away. This time you’ll come crawling back to me, just don’t take too long.”

I shiver. The hundreds of times I’ve been on my knees for Nico race through my mind, always ending with the same cocky, satisfied look I’m sure he’s wearing now. I count to five before speaking. “You’ll notice I’m nowhere near crawling. And I won’t be on my knees for you again, so step away.”

His chuckle sounds dark and he gives my neck a little bite. “You say that now, but next time I come, don’t waste my time.”

My back feels cold when he moves away. I stay in that spot, shaking and trying to get my bearings. When I know he’s long gone, I unlock my door and collapse into bed.

* * *

A couple of days pass with no word from Nico. I know he’ll be back, but for now, I just try to get through each day. Denial is best served with layers of heavy blankets to smother the truth.

My mother and I fight during every ounce of downtime I have, so I pack my schedule with back-to-back appointments. The day drags. All of this with Nico, my mom—it has me on edge. I need to get out of here.

As soon as my last appointment leaves, I shower and make a quick exit. I’ve spent more time outside the last couple of days than I have the past month. As usual, the humidity makes me want to turn around and go back inside, but I force myself to move. Each step away does make me feel better. A flyer flutters by my feet and I ignore it until it sticks to my shoe. I bend down and pull it off. A picture of food surrounds a backpack and the paragraph under the picture says:

For many kids, school is the only place that provides food. Here at the community center, it’s become our mission to make sure they have plenty to eat during the weekend, too. We’ve partnered with several businesses and grocery stores to provide food for the schools surrounding us. Each week, we stock hundreds of backpacks with enough food to feed the students throughout the weekend, along with snacks for during the week. If you’d like to be a part of this endeavor, join us on Thursday nights at six p.m.

Be part of the change in your community.

So many hungry children. I can’t stand the thought. I try to give when I hear of a need in the Quarter, but it never feels like enough. I look at the location again; it’s just a few blocks away. I won’t be available Thursday but decide to see if I can contribute now. I need another shower by the time I get there. My hair is in a ponytail, with a ball cap sitting low over my eyes. I’m not wearing any makeup, so I’m hoping no one recognizes me. Alexis would die if she could see me and the thought makes me smile.

Two WDSU news vans are parked in front of the community center. I almost turn around and go back home, but curiosity wins out and I walk inside. A lady with a kind smile welcomes me.

“You have plenty of time to catch a seat. Right down that hall.” She points out the room and then greets the person behind me.

The room is packed with people. I find a seat near the aisle in the back and take in all the chatter. The flyer I saw earlier sits on the seat with an envelope attached for contributions. I open my purse and put everything I have in the envelope. A lady named Miss Jez welcomes everyone in the microphone, and while I’m still struggling to close the envelope, I catch a strong whiff of something like sweat and whiskey. A giant with long, ratty hair, threadbare clothes, and dirt caked on his skin walks down the center aisle. Miss Jez stops speaking and everyone watches as he walks all the way to the front. It looks like he’s going to sit down, but instead he walks up on the stage. The energy in the room shifts from excitement to nervousness when a security guard tries to stop him from taking the microphone. Words are exchanged and the guard steps back to let the man speak.

He stares at the crowd, long enough to make us shift in our seats. When he speaks, I gasp and sit up taller, wishing I was close enough to see him better. I should have known it was him because of how tall he is, but it’s that voice and the unique lilt to his words that I recognize first. What in the world is he doing? I want to laugh but I’m too shocked. It must have taken him forever to make himself look so bad. And then it hits me—this is where he was trying to bring me the other night, when I cut him off. I do laugh then.

“Thanks for coming tonight,” Soti finally says.

Whispers buzz around the room; he pauses until they quieten.

“When I first heard WDSU was coming to film a segment on the community center, I wanted to do the forum we usually do on Tuesday nights, where we talk about everything from bullying, to safe sex, to how to survive your home situation … we cover a lot of topics every week.” He smiles and the room relaxes. “But I decided I’d rather convey what we’re really about, and that is … we value everyone. For those of you who know me, you know I don’t usually look like this, but for a few years, I did. And occasionally, I still put on these clothes and go sleep outside long enough to remember how it feels to become invisible.”

You could hear a pin drop, it’s so quiet.

“I don’t like having a lot of attention on me—but being this kind of invisible is different. Sometimes I think it’d be better to be just about anything than to be glanced at and then carefully avoided all the time. It’s demoralizing. Makes you feel unworthy. Hopeless. And then there are some you come across when you look like this that you’d do anything at all to not be seen by them. Instant judgment calls are made on why you look this way. It happened to me tonight, just by walking in the room. Everyone deserves to be seen … past their smelliness, their looks, their addictions. Sometimes it doesn’t take much. You’d be surprised how a full stomach can change someone’s thinking. A shower … or a jacket when they’re freezing. Kindness can seem insignificant, but sometimes it’s the only thread hanging between a kid going out and killing someone, or a kid getting off of drugs and taking care of his family.”

He clears his throat and looks around the room. “Around here, we try to see a need and do our best to help fill it. Giving hope to every single person we come in contact with, no matter what. There will always be someone out there perpetuating hate, judgment, or that sneaky little lack of emotion called indifference. Screw that, let’s err on the side of love.”

He walks off the stage abruptly, with the cameras following him down the aisle, right past me, and leaves me shaken once again by the encounter. It takes everything in me to leave.