* * *
Lila set her alarm for before dawn. Jake and Tony had confirmed that they'd be leaving early to return to Atlanta, and although the majority of her stuff was already packed, she didn't want to linger. As it was, she'd woken before the alarm and lain in bed, eyes wide open in the dark.
She knew she'd made the right decision yesterday. Alex's father had only reinforced what she already knew to be true. Alexander Drake was way out of her league.
Lila stood, stretched, and padded into the bathroom for a hot shower. She looked longingly at the tub before she stepped into the tight confines of the shower stall. No time for relaxation. She probably wouldn't be able to enjoy it properly, her feelings a tight knot inside her chest that felt as if it would never release. Besides, she was so tired already she might fall back asleep and make them late for their departure.
The hot spray helped to freshen her, and before long she was out, plaiting her hair into a single damp braid and deciding to forego makeup. She'd be just another weary traveler on the plane, no one of consequence, so what did it matter if she wore an old pair of jeans and comfortable sweatshirt. No one would notice her, or care.
Not that she had a hope of dressing up her dreary appearance anyway. Dark shadows hung under tired eyes. Her skin was pale, and for a moment she was relieved. At least the red blotches that had painted her cheeks after yesterday afternoon's crying jag had faded.
Lila took a step back from the sink and the mirror over it and dropped her towel. Although the mirror wasn't large, she was able to take in most of her form by moving backwards. Fleshy arms, breasts that had already started to sag. Started? They'd hung off her since high school, another thing that made her different from her peers.
A stomach that was too large, too round. Big thighs that rubbed together when she walked. There was nothing about herself that she could take pride in. Lila had always thought that at least if she didn't have her looks, she had a talent for cooking. Now doubt shrouded even that part of herself. She might be able to throw together a nice meal, but that didn't mean she had a chance of parlaying that into a successful business.
Especially now, after the Alex Drake scandal. Hope had buoyed her when she'd received the offer to come east and cater the ceremony that had brought her here. But even that had been a lie. The public probably hadn't forgiven her, and maybe they never would. Her second chance hadn't been a chance at all. And it was probably her last.
Lila shuffled back into her room and started to dress. Her bags were nearly packed, and she added the final odds and ends to them. Her toiletries. A stack of culinary magazines that she'd dutifully toted with her for inspiration, and that had failed to bring her out of her foul mood the evening before. In a matter of minutes she was switching off the light and walking out the door of her cozy room.
She set down her things to pull the door closed and paused. A note was pinned to her door. Lila pulled it down, noticing the crisp but lively script that covered it.
Lila,
Didn't want to disturb you. Flight has been pushed back. More information forthcoming.
-Tony
Her brow furrowed. Their flight was delayed? She'd glanced out the window earlier and hadn't seen any sign of bad weather. Or was it something else?
Lila glanced down the hall at Tony's closed door. She considered knocking, but figured he was still asleep. Jake was probably nestled into bed beside him, despite his own room across the hall. A flash of envy went through her before she could stop it.
Lila wondered what circumstances had brought the pair together. They seemed quite happy. It couldn't have been easy, though. Although homosexuality was becoming more accepted, there were still those who disagreed. But together they would overcome it. Because they were in love.
Suddenly she was frowning, holding back tears. She ripped the note off her door and balled it up in her fist. Right now, love seemed as elusive as a successful career. What did she know about love anyway? She'd paid dearly for her high school infatuation, one that was clearly more about lust than love.
And Alex Drake? Lust was definitely responsible for her current predicament. But what about love?
She'd been attracted to him like a magnet, his devilish good looks and playful charm making him almost irresistible to her deprived body. But even when they'd spent time not engaged in carnal congress, she'd found herself almost unwillingly attracted to him. She liked the bastard, too much.
Was that love? The uncontrollable vibration of her molecules whenever he stepped near? The increased heart rate? The heavy breathing? Maybe lust could explain them too.
But it couldn't explain the way she missed him, and not just his touch. His presence. His conversation. The look in his eyes when he smiled at her. He crept into her thoughts at the oddest times. Actually, if she let herself admit it, he never left her thoughts. It was annoying. And stimulating.
And now, painful. More painful than she wanted to admit.
Having him show up again, having him take her into his arms and say that he wanted to be with her, it only made that pain sharper. Longer lasting. Her decision would haunt her for the rest of her life.
But it was the right decision. She was back to that, thinking in circles, standing in the dim hallway, rhythmically squeezing her clenched fist, the sound of the paper crinkling the only disturbance of the early morning stillness. With a shake of her head, she gathered her bags and walked down the hallway, then down the stairs.