* * *
Lila lay awake in bed, embarrassment and guilt riding her hard. She'd fucked another woman's man. Fucked him among the ruins of his potential weddings cakes. What the hell was wrong with her?
She was a slut. A home wrecker.
A bad person.
One who had no problem fucking a taken man. She wished she could say it was something she'd never done before, but...
Don't think about that!
Lila groaned. Flipping over to her stomach, she pressed her face into her pillow. But it wasn't enough to drive away the shame. She should quit the job. Let him find another caterer. If she was forced into close quarters with him again, she didn't think she'd be able to help herself.
But that wasn't the worst of it. She wished her fucking brain would shut up and let her sleep. But it insisted she relive every moment of their time together. Every kiss. Every touch. The feeling of him sliding deep inside her.
She'd let down her guard with Alex and as a result, they'd become intimate again. And she'd...she'd...
He had to have noticed. There was no way he'd missed the sensation, nor the large wet spot on his pants.
And this wasn't the first time it had happened. Oh no.
Despite her unwillingness, her mind dragged her back to her senior year in high school...
It was very late, or very early, when she woke up to the pebbles hitting against her bedroom window. She got out of bed and wandered to the window, peering out to see Damien standing in her backyard. He waved, then pointed to the back door.
Lila wandered into the kitchen, wondering if she was dreaming. She opened the back door and in came Damien, still wearing his football jersey.
She'd been at the game earlier, their first game of the season and their first victory. Damien slammed the door behind them and she automatically flinched.
"Don't worry," he slurred, his voice too loud in the quiet kitchen. "I saw your mom's car leave. I know we're alone."
Lila blinked up at him. Her mother was gone, that was right. She left for the bakery early Saturday mornings to deal with the increased demand on the weekends.
"What are you doing here, Damien?" It seemed her voice did work. A first when confronted by the high school hunk.
School had been in session a few weeks now, agonizing weeks in which Damien ignored her. He never tried to talk to her, had stopped coming to her house for their "illicit trysts" (she could gag on the teenage angst in the name she'd given their near silent exchanges). He didn't even make eye contact in the school hallways.
Her heart had been breaking, a little each day, even while her mind had been screaming "I told you so" non-stop.
"Come on," he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her down the hall to her bedroom. Once inside he kicked the door shut and started taking off his clothing.
"Becca won't put out," he said, his voice muffled underneath his shirt as he pulled it over his head.
Becca was Damien's girlfriend. Lila had seen them kissing from her seat in the stands before the game.
Damien smiled as he lowered his pants. "But you will, won't you?" He tugged on her shoulders, pulling her closer, then pushed her pajama bottoms down while prompting her to take off her top.
Lila blushed, upset by his words. Was that what she was to him?
Does it matter? an inner voice countered. He's here, wanting to touch you, to make love to you. Why are you complaining?
There was a strange logic to those words. What made her think she deserved better than this anyway?
She was frozen, mentally and physically. On a precipice, she didn't know whether to back away or jump off. Maybe he didn't care about her. But maybe, just maybe he did. Maybe he was too shy to say something, too afraid of what other people would think.
A tiny spark of hope was enough to drive away her dark doubts, at least for the moment. And a moment was all it took.
Damien leaned in close and pressed his lips to hers. His kiss was sloppy and tasted of beer. Lila was glad when his mouth moved lower, centering in on her nipples and attacking them with a fury.
She cried out when he bit one harshly. He laughed. "You like that, huh?"
She shivered when he bit the other, and then he was pushing her back, back onto the bed, and climbing onto her.
"You're not on the pill, are you?" he breathed into her face, the fumes making her lightheaded.
"No," she whispered. "I'm a...a virgin."
"That's what I figured." He frowned. "Better use a rubber."
She watched as he pulled out the condom and fitted it over his shaft. Then he was between her legs, his cock rubbing up and down over her slit.
"Gotta make you ready," he slurred, then pressed two fingers into her.
Lila cried out at the feeling, a twinge of pain as her tight channel protested the invasion. Damien moved them back and forth, back and forth until she could adjust to the sensation. Then he repositioned his hand, putting his thumb in contact with her clitoris.
Lila jumped, her hips bucking. No one had ever touched her there, no one but herself, and the feeling of another hand there, one she couldn't carefully control, made her shake with anxiety and desire.
"Yeah, you're gettin' there," Damien whispered, thrusting another finger into her center and speeding up his thumb. Lila could feel the moisture in her nether regions, then cringed in embarrassment when she heard the wetness around his fingers as he moved them back and forth.
"You're ready," he said finally, pulling out his fingers and positioning himself at her entrance. He moved in slowly, sliding centimeter by centimeter into her.
Lila was shivering, her head thrashing, her body a strange mix of hot and cold. The sensation of his shaft inside her was creating contradiction, a thread of pain mixed with a burst of pleasure.
"Almost there," he said, still inching forward. "This might hurt."
She felt his hand squeeze between their bodies, felt his thumb find her clit again. He traced small circles there until her leg muscles were twitching uncontrollably. Then he thrust hard, and a blast of pain hit her.
"Hold still," he said through gritted teeth. "Breathe."
She lay there, panting, each breath pulling in the faint whiff of alcohol from Damien's exhales. Her eyes were closed, and she focused on her breathing, realizing that the pain was fading. Then he began to move again, and a whole new sensation overwhelmed her.
Pleasure, intense pleasure, began spreading through her body. Lila moaned, her legs wrapping themselves around Damien's waist of their own volition. Her hips were moving by themselves, thrusting upward to slam against his as he drove into her.
Lila cried out, confused at the feeling inside her. A building up, a gathering of force, more powerful than anything she'd ever felt at her own touch. It was massive, building up and up as Damien thrust faster into her.
Suddenly it broke, waves flowing over her body. She shouted, eyes clenched tightly closed, and felt a sudden burst of moisture below.
"What the--" Damien started, automatically pulling back, his cock starting to withdraw.
Her body protested his departure. Without conscious thought, her legs tightened around his waist, and the muscles of her pussy squeezed around him.
"Fuck," he moaned, then began thrusting frantically inside her. A few more deep plunges and he buried himself in her, moaning out his release.
Afterwards he lay on her for a moment, catching his breath. Lila couldn't move, suddenly painfully shy.
After a moment Damien rose, wiping a hand across his crotch. "Uggh, I think you pissed on me," he said, pointing to his wet crotch and the corresponding spot on the bed.
Lila shot up, her eyes taking in the puddle beneath her. Her face reddened in embarrassment.
"Gross," Damien said, pulling off the condom and tossing it in the floor, then picking up her pajama top and wiping at his wet crotch.
Lila fought off tears as she watched him dress. Without a word he left the room, and she listened to hear the back door shut. When it did, she collapsed in sobs.
She didn't know what had happened. It hadn't felt like she'd... she'd... went on him. She couldn't have.
Lila was shell shocked. For a long time, she didn't move. Her thoughts were wayward sheep that had to be collected before she could even put together a sequence of events that made sense.
Damien had done the ultimate dip and dash.
Whatever spark of hope she'd harbored was now extinguished. He wouldn't be coming back to her, not after what she'd just done to him.
How did it happen? Why? She'd looked forward to being with a guy since she was twelve and discovered a stash of romance novels her mom kept hidden under her bed. It was supposed to be special. Tender. Maybe a little magical. But this had been anything but.
She'd just lost her virginity to the hottest guy in school. A dream come true, right?
Wrong.
Shame, guilt, and self-loathing had risen up to cover her, and she'd sobbed into her pillow as the sun came up, as the morning birds greeted the dawn outside her window. She hoped her sobs couldn't be heard over their song.
The memory still haunted her, still held her back from intimacy with another man. When she'd grown older and started to tentatively explore the sexual realm, not through physicality but good honest research, she'd discovered that she hadn't been guilty of Damien's accusation. It had been something else, perhaps something just as shameful. Female ejaculation. Yet another thing that made her different. That kept her from seeking out pleasure because of her fear of embarrassment.
Until tonight. And the same thing had happened. Alex hadn't said anything, but she knew he'd felt it. It was beyond embarrassing.
Lila vowed never to experience such humiliation again. That meant avoiding men like Alex Drake. Tall, Dark, and Dangerous had never been more so.