Chapter Thirty-One – Roxy

It’s funny how things change.

Your life can change in the time it takes you to blink – for better or worse – and there’s nothing you can do to change it. You have to take the curveballs life throws at you and take the hit. You have to take the fall and pull yourself back up, however hard it might be, however you can.

You might not always pick the right way, but that’s okay. No one is perfect and no one can be expected to get it right all of the time. Making mistakes doesn’t necessarily matter; it’s acknowledging them and making it right that matters.

I never knew what would happen to Cam so I couldn’t change it. I’ve accepted that now. I’ll always have a lingering piece of guilt inside for letting him get in the car with Stu, but I have to remind myself that was his choice. Cam’s. Not mine. For all I knew, we’d have a safe drive and we’d all get to where we were going in one piece. I couldn’t have guessed how that night would end.

You can’t change what you can’t predict.

My life, the way I’ve been dealing with that night, is one thing I can change. I can stop drinking, doing drugs, sleeping with the wrong guys. I can stop going to parties until I’m ready to.

I’ve faced up to my mistakes now and I’ve apologized for them. I can’t do anything but stop myself making them again, and that’s easier when you have someone by your side who believes in you. When you have someone who understands you, who gets you, it’s easier.

Kyle knows my pain because he feels it too. I hate the fact losing Cam is the thing that brought us together, but that’s another thing I can’t change. Of course I’d give up Kyle for Cam if I had the choice, but I think if Cam had the choice he’d have it this way.

He’d rather have me happy and in love than loving from afar. Even if the person I love is his best friend.

I still can’t bring myself to say “was” a lot of the time. In my heart he’s my brother. He’ll always be my brother the way he’ll always be Kyle’s best friend. We haven’t stopped loving him just because he’s dead. He’s still alive inside of us, and that’s what matters.

Although I would have really liked him to be around when Kyle pulled his walking away stunt.

I hate him for that, but it’s the best thing he could have done. He was all I had then, and I didn’t know how low I was until I hit the bottom. His walking away hit me harder than I ever thought it would be, and I don’t think I realized how I really felt about him until he did that. How I do feel about him.

And the truth of it is I’m completely and utterly, heart-wrenchingly, skin-tinglingly, unquestionably in love with him.

He knew what I needed when I didn’t. He knows when to hold me, when to tease me, when to laugh at me, when to drive me to the brink of insanity and when to bring me back. He knows how to wind me so tightly and hold me there until I’m ready to unravel, and he knows how to touch me until he tells me he loves me without words.

Kyle doesn’t just tell me he loves me. He shows me. He makes me feel it and makes me believe it with everything he does.

The last few weeks have been a clusterfuck of bullcrap. We’ve hit just about every wave possible since he came home and we’ve sunk more than a few ships in this whirlwind. We’ve fought and we’ve made up, and then we’ve fought some more.

When you fight over every little thing, you know you’re truly in love. It proves your love is worth fighting for and it proves how much you care.

If I have to fight with him every single day for the rest of my life to prove to him every single part of me loves him, then I fucking well will.

~

“You’re going to California? With my brother?” Iz stares at me like I’m completely crazy.

“That’s what I just said.” I pick the petals off a daisy.

“He’s a nightmare to live with. Leaves his socks everywhere then goes mad because he has none to wear.”

“He’ll soon start washing them. Every sock I see on the floor I’ll chuck in the trash.”

Iz laughs. “That’ll go down well.”

“It’ll teach him to pick them up,” I muse, looking toward him playing football with the guys.

“When did you decide this?”

“Huh? Oh, last week.”

“And you’re only just telling me?” She shoves me. “I’m pissed, Roxy. You’ve kept this quiet for a week?”

I shrug. “We had to talk to our parents first. Mom was unsure, but Dad got it right away and he’s worked on her. She finally came round this morning. Said she’s choosing to focus on the fact I’ll be closer to prospective schools than living with a real boy!”

We both laugh, and Iz sighs. “I can’t believe my best friend is going to move in with my brother. And you’re both younger than me! What’s that all about, huh?”

I glance at Si then back at her. “I can think of a guy who wouldn’t mind keeping you company at night.”

She bites her lip. “One kiss, Roxy. We kissed once, and now you’re all acting like we’re in love. I rarely see him at college. It’s a complete fluke he ended up in Miami like I did, and being on the football team, he has like a thousand little fangirls screaming his name every week.”

I cover my mouth with my hand. “That’s some stamina.”

Iz buries her head in her arms. “Okay, I’m not gonna deny, I’d like to have a go at that stamina. Look at the guy.” She motions in his direction. “He’s all muscle and fitness, and like I told Kyle, he could probably fuck like a pornstar.”

“You said that to Kyle? For real?”

She sighs happily. “Best moment of my life.”

My lips curl up. “So fuck him. There’s still two weeks of summer left. Get it out of your system, then when you’re cheering his games, don’t let him forget it.”

“Hmm.” Her eyes flick to his butt and back to me. “I have a hunch that cheering might be out of place at a football game.”

We both erupt in giggles.

“What are you two tittering about?” Kyle sits behind me and wraps his arms around my shoulders.

“Nothing you’d want to hear,” Iz replies quickly. “Besides, I think we’re done with that conversation, don’t you, Roxy?”

“Yes, Iz.” I bend my head down so my mouth is covered by Kyle’s arms. “For now.”

“I feel for you, Roxy,” Si says as he sits in front of us. “Living with this dick.”

“Oh, c’mon, Si. It won’t be that bad,” I reply. “After all, I’ll have sex on tap.”

Kyle snorts into the back of my head as Si grins.

Yep. Girls can play the sex comment game, too.

“She’s got you there, man,” Kyle says. “Just think, while you’ll be out finding some poor chick to fuck, all I have to go is go home.”

My eyes slide to Iz’s and I raise my eyebrows. She gives me a look of stone. I grin. Our exchange goes completely unnoticed by the guys. Unsurprisingly.

“…not that many girls,” Si responds.

“I’m calling bullshit on all that!” Iz cries, dragging her attention back to the conversation. “You forget, Si Jason, that I am at every single one of your home games, and you never leave the parties after without some blonde bimbo on your arm.”

My jealousy alarm is ringing off the charts.

Si turns his face toward her and smirks. “I’m surprised you notice. Aren’t you usually too busy being chatted up by the rest of my team?”

“Yep. What can I say? They could teach you a thing or two about taste in girls.”

“Burn,” Kyle whispers into my ear.

“I know plenty of tastes in girls, Iz. In fact, every single one.”

“Oooh,” I whisper back.

“Really? Judging by the way they circle you, I’m shocked you can tell one taste apart from the other. Don’t they all taste like slut?”

“She wins,” we whisper together, then laugh quietly.

“What if I like the taste of slut?”

“Then that proves my theory of you being the only boy on your football team.”

“Give it up, dude.” Kyle laughs and looks at Si. “You’re not gonna win this one. We gotta go play again, anyway.”

Both guys get up to go back to their game. Si bends down and whispers something in Iz’s ear before walking away with a shit-eating grin on his face, leaving her gaping after him.

“Okay, what did he say?” I demand when she’s regained some composure.

She swallows. “He told me I should remember exactly how much of a man he is from our kiss, and if I’ve forgotten he’s more than happy to give me a reminder I’m not gonna forget anytime soon.”

I smile slowly, amusement radiating out of me, then sigh. “Why did you two have to go to school in Miami? This is something I’d love to see.”

“Just… Don’t,” she mutters as Kyle comes running back over.

“What?” I frown when he grabs my hands. “…Are you doing?”

“You’re playing football.” He pulls me up.

I dig my feet into the ground to the sound of Iz’s laughter. “I’m doing what?”

“Playing football.”

“Dunno what you’re laughing at,” Si says to Iz as he pulls her up. “You’re playing too.”

“Fuck no. I cheer, not play!” She fights against his hold, and he laughs, dragging her toward the guys.

“Really, Iz? You think you can make me let go of you?”

“I’m so cheering for you to lose when we get back to college, you cock.” She sniffs and he lets go of her.

“Come on,” Kyle drags me over. “Come play.”

“I don’t play football.”

“You do now.”

I let him pull me over, knowing I have no choice but to. He’s stronger than me anyway… And I really wanna see Iz try to play. She picks the ball up and looks at Si.

“What do I do with this?”

“You throw it…” He smirks.

She throws it into the side of his head.

“Fucking hell!” Si grabs the side of his head.

Iz tilts her head to the side and a satisfied smile creeps onto her face. “You know, I have quite the aim. I might be good at this after all.”

“You would be if the aim wasn’t at people’s heads!”

“Hey – don’t underestimate me. I can apparently throw a ball, plus I’m fast, strong, and I’m agile. I might just surprise you.”

“You’re not a fucking race horse, Iz,” Kyle shoots at her.

“You know any race horses that can throw a ball?”

“Well. No.”

“Shut it then, before you get a ball to the side of the head too.” She puts her hands on her hips. “Alright, you’ve dragged us over here, now what are we doing?”

Kyle’s hands clamp onto my shoulders and he steers me across his yard, and Si does the same to Iz.

“Stand here. When you catch the ball, throw it,” Kyle tells me.

“Throw it where?” I raise my eyebrows.

“Either at Mark or Ben, okay?”

“Um, okay. I’d rather no one threw the ball to me, if I’m honest.”

He laughs as he backs off, and Iz and I share a wary look. What the fuck are we doing here? The ball goes flying through the air, and we both stand where we are, not moving at all, just watching it move.

We have been coerced into this, after all.

And I have no idea what they’re doing or if we’re even supposed to be doing anything.

“Roxy!” Ben yells my name, and before I can blink, I see the ball come flying at me. And Kyle.

Kyle comes flying at me and knocks me to the ground.

“Oomph!” I take a deep breath and smack his arm. “What the hell did you do that for?”

“It’s my job to take down the unsuspecting girl who’s doing nothing but standing and looking pretty.”

Right. “I think you’ve changed that rule.”

“Maybe a little. But only so I can do this.” He cups my neck with his hand and touches his lips to mine, his other hand resting on my side.

“Mhmm. Can we keep this rule?”

“Most definitely,” he replies, lowering his mouth to mine again.

Definitely the best game of football I’ve ever played.