Chapter Twenty-Two – Kyle

Three days.

It’s been three goddamn, stupid days since she made me walk out on her and I’m running out of options. I’m running out of things to do to make her stop and keep her that way. I don’t know what else I can do. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.

Whatever progress I’d made, whatever convincing I’d done, I’ve fucked it all up by speaking first and thinking after. I’m back at square one, except this time I have a lot more to make up. I have to convince her I believe in her and that I know she can do his.

Shit, I need her to do this. For her. For me. For us. She has to do it. She has to accept Cam’s gone so she can move on. Every time she drinks she’s holding onto something that doesn’t exist. She needs to step back from it and hold on to what does exist.

The memories. The good times. The future.

I know she’ll never forget that night. She watched him crash and watched him die only an hour later, but she can’t let be that be her focal memory of him. The only way she’ll be able to ease the pain is by thinking of the good times we all had together. She’ll only ease the pain by remembering.

I’m the person that could help her remember.

And I’ve fucked that up.

I’ve destroyed everything we’ve had between us. I should have known better than going round there and asking like that. Roxy’s temper is as short as Snow White’s dwarves and flares up without a seconds warning. I should have known she’d react that way… The same way I did.

Speak first, think later.

Impulsively.

But everything about us has been impulsive. Every fight, every kiss, every time we’ve had sex… They’ve all happened in a crazy spur of the moment that wrapped us up before we’d even had a chance to think about it. So of course this would be too.

I shouldn’t have expected it to be anything but.

Si walks through my front door and smacks me round the head. “Get your fuckin’ ass off your sofa and in my car.”

“What for?”

“Party. We need to cheer you up you miserable dick.”

“I don’t need cheering up. I’m chirpy as fuck. See?” I fake grin.

He laughs. “Look, man, Roxy will be there. Go see her, chat a little then go wherever you guys go when you sneak off and do whatever.”

“It’s gonna take a bit more than a damn chat to get her to go anywhere with me willingly right now.” I lift myself from the sofa and follow him out to his car.

Hey – she isn’t coming to me anytime soon, so I’m gonna have to go to her.

“Ben really starred, huh?” Si glances at me.

“Nah, it was me. He was just telling me what he saw – I’m the one that assumed shit. I should have just asked her properly instead of half-accusing her, or better yet, not said a fuckin’ word.”

He shrugs. “You only did it ‘cause you care about her.”

“Yeah? Do me a favor and tell her that will you?”

“I would if I didn’t think she’d rip my balls off.”

“Nice to know you value your balls over our friendship.”

We grin at each other but mine is still half-hearted. Dread is settling in my stomach and I know why. Roxy and party go hand in hand too well, and I’m afraid of what I’ll find here. I’m afraid I’ll find her drunk, maybe high, or maybe even with another guy.

And I wonder why she thinks I don’t believe in her.

Fuck.

Music booms from the house Si pulls up to and I don’t even care enough to see where we are. Seeing her is all I care about. I push my way through into the house and look in each room as we go past. Si does the same, and we find her in the kitchen.

She glances up as we enter and her blue eyes crash into mine. They’re heavy. Sad. Soft. Angry. Hard. They’re a mixture of so many things, making my stomach twist in guilt for a moment before she turns away.

“Ouch,” Si mutters.

“Thanks for that.” I take the beer he hands me.

“Anytime. What you gonna do?”

“Same thing I did before when I wanted her to talk to her. Piss her off.”

“Don’t be a prick, Ky,” Iz says, coming up behind me and standing next to me. “I think she’s pissed off enough at you.”

“Hey – she told me to go. I fucked up, alright? She just didn’t listen to me when I tried to explain.”

“You two are both stubborn as shit and that’s your problem. Neither of you will listen to the other nor will you give in. You’ll just stand here on either side of the kitchen, mad and upset, until the other one leaves.”

“Thanks for your evaluation. Do I pay you now or later?”

“Sometimes I wonder why I bother helping you, you ass.”

I rest my arm over her shoulders and squeeze her. “I know, Iz. I’m sorry.”

She shrugs out of my hold. “It’s not me you need to apologize to. It’s the girl over there who’s wondering if she should just give up on you.”

Hit me where it hurts why don’t you, sis. Just punch me in the gut. It’d be easier to deal with.

Until I see her throw a shot back with Selena.

“Yeah.” I nod in her direction. “Really looks like she’s wondering. Looks like she already fucking has.”

“No,” Iz muses, leaning against the wall. “She’s given up on giving up. She thought you believed in her, now she thinks you don’t, so in her eyes she has nothing to give up for.”

“She should give up for herself,” Si interjects. “She should do it because if she doesn’t, she’s gonna go the same way as Cam.”

The truth hurts. Like a fucking bitch.

Iz looks round me. “You’re right, but that doesn’t mean she can see that.” Her voice gets quieter. “Kyle was her reason. He was her rock. He’s the only person that knew Cam the way she did, the only person that could understand even a fraction of her pain. We all know that, Si. We’re not stupid. None of us can do for her what he can.”

“Still here, y’know.” I watch as Roxy does yet another shot.

“And now…” Iz trails off, ignoring me. “Now, she thinks she’s lost him.”

A guy approaches her and she smiles at him. I chew the inside of my cheek as they start up a conversation, and I can feel Iz and Si watching me carefully. Even Selena is glancing me at me across the room.

My jaw tightens when he leans in to her. Every part of my body goes on high alert. Who the fuck does this guy think he is hitting on my girl this way? Because she is. No matter what she says, she’s fucking mine.

My fingers tighten on the side of the counter at that thought. There isn’t a part of me that doesn’t want to go over there and kiss the fuck out of her in front of everyone here.

“I think this is my cue,” Iz mutters. She crosses the room and steps between Roxy and the guy. He moves back and lets Iz take him into the front room, and a bottle slams on the side next to me. I glance at Si.

Seems I’m not the only one that has issues tonight.

My eyes travel back to Roxy. They burn into her back, following her wherever she moves in the kitchen, tracing the lines of her body. They shoot daggers at any guy who looks like approaching her and eventually they get the message.

She’s off limits. She’s off limits to every motherfucker that isn’t me.

“Here we go,” Si says with too much amusement.

I look away from the guy approaching where Selena is standing and see Roxy storming toward me. Wordlessly, she grabs the front of my shirt and drags me after her. I shoot a look to Si over my shoulder, and he’s laughing.

Roxy pushes the back door open and pulls me into the yard. She looks me over angrily, her hands on her hips. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s meant to be my line, isn’t it?”

“I’d tell you not to be so stupid but you obviously came out with your jackass hat on tonight.”

“Rox.” I sigh. “Can we go and talk about this? Away from here. Please.”

Her shoulders drop and she shrugs a little. “I don’t know if I want to. I’m so fucking mad at you.”

“So mad you decided to drink tonight.”

She looks up at me. “I figured you had so little belief in me anyway it wouldn’t matter.”

The hell? “Wouldn’t matter?”

“Yep. You think I’m gonna go do it anyway, so who cares?”

Who cares? Who cares?

“I fucking care!”

I want to grab her and shake her. I’ve tried everything and if this doesn’t work, if I can’t make her believe me, then I have no choice but to do the one thing I thought I could avoid. I want to beg her not to make me do it, but as every second passes without her speaking, I know I’m gonna have to.

I’m gonna have to take the biggest risk of my life.

I’m going to be walking away from her by the end of the night.