Chapter Seven – Roxy

He’s looking at me like he could eat me and he doesn’t even know it.

The flaring heat in his eyes answers my question although he doesn’t. It also sends an identical heat down my spine, tingling and tickling me in places it shouldn’t be; in places I shouldn’t be feeling when he looks at him, despite endless girlie dreams and wishes about him looking at me this way.

Only in those dreams we weren’t in a car by the Columbia Gorge and he wasn’t chewing my ass out for being such a fucking bitch.

“Regardless of what I think about her…” Kyle clears his throat and turns in the direction of the gorge. “…I don’t think you like the new Roxy as much as everyone thinks you do.”

I scoff at him disbelievingly and follow his steps. Leaves, twigs, and branches crunch under my feet as we push through the forest that covers almost every inch of land around the powerful water. Pine cones litter the ground, and I kick one out of the way.

What does Kyle really know anyway? He’s only been back a few days. He knows nothing.

The sound of water rushing reaches my ears, the current making it crash against the rocks that stand in its way. Out here it’s peaceful. There are no rumors, no backhand comments and snide looks. There’s no judgment apart from my own.

“Where are you going?” I call when Kyle deviates from the usual path. He glances over his shoulder, his usually soft brown eyes looking almost black under the trees shading from the early morning sun.

“Trust me,” is all he says.

I pause as he disappears into the thicker trees I’ve always avoided. It’s darker there, and the climb is steeper, but everyone knows there’s nothing but trees in that direction. My eyes flick around me, and I realize I only have two options – I follow Kyle in the dark or I carry on to our usual place in the dark. Mhmm…

Leaves and bits of fir tree kick up as I run after him. I wasn’t wrong – the rising sun means there’s next to no light amongst these trees, and I stop after a minute because I can’t find him. He’s disappeared into nowhere. Maybe I shouldn’t have stopped—

“Boo,” his voice whispers into my ear.

“Holy—” I yell, jumping backward. My heart pounds in my chest as quickly as adrenaline rushes through my veins. Kyle laughs loudly, putting his hand on my back, and I hold my trembling hands to my stomach to still them. The warmth of his hand seeps through my sweater and spreads outward. I shiver, and I’m glad for the guise of him scaring me.

“I really hate you.” I turn my face toward his.

His mouth twitches up. “Nah, you don’t. You hate my tricks.”

I purse my lips. “And you know it.” I shake his hand off my back and step forward. “Where are you taking me?”

A hint of sadness creeps into his amused smile and his lips drop a fraction. “Me and Cam were joking around out here one night and stumbled onto this section of the gorge by mistake. In fact, I don’t even know if it is a part of it. It’s… Well. I’ll let you see it for yourself.”

“This isn’t another one of your tricks, is it?”

He shakes his head as he walks away from me. “No. I’m not taking you to a small cliff to push you into a pool of water, I promise.”

There’s a teasing lilt to his voice, and it makes me bend over and grab a pine cone. I throw it in the direction of his head but miss, sending it sailing over his shoulder instead.

“Yeah, there was absolutely no reason to do that, you know?”

Kyle shrugs. “We were fourteen. Besides, it was Cam’s idea.”

“Oh, I see. Blame my fear of water on my brother. Are you forgetting you’re the prick that pushed me?”

“It’s been five years, and you still blame me. That’s why I had to push you. Cam didn’t want the blame,” he grumbles.

“Mmph,” I grunt noncommittally. “I’ll make you pay for it one day.”

He mutters something under his breath, and I frown at his back. Knowing Kyle it was probably something along the lines of he’s already paying for it, but the chicken shit could at least say it loud enough for me to hear.

I stumble on a rock and fall sideways into a bigger one. “Jesus,” I mutter, putting my hands against the rough surface to steady myself.

“Of course,” Kyle throws over his shoulder. “It doesn’t matter whether I push you or not if you can’t keep yourself upright.”

“Remind me why I’m here again?” I tilt my head to the side.

Kyle turns and grins. The kind of grin that would hurt his cheeks if he held it long enough and lights up his eyes with the mischief I know is hiding in his body. It’s also the kind of grin that has the power to turn my legs to jelly… And it has.

I think I’ll stay sitting down for now.

“You’re here because you know I wouldn’t leave until you agreed to it.”

“Huh. True.”

He walks toward me and holds his hands out. “C’mon, clumsy. You aren’t getting anywhere sitting on your ass.”

“But I’m tired,” I whine, letting him pull me up and drag me after him.

He rolls his eyes. “Then you should go to bed earlier instead of partying in Portland.”

“Fucking Si.”

Kyle responds by dropping my hands and turning onto something that resembles the start of a dirt path. I glance at my boots then at the loose mud, thinking I’d rather be anywhere other than… wherever the hell we are. I’m pretty sure we’ve gone way past the gorge.

And it doesn’t matter anymore.

“This is the place you found?” My voice sounds tiny as I look around me.

“Yep.”

The fir trees have thinned out in this tiny area, thickening again as they reach up toward the cloud-tipped mountains. Large rocks and boulders break up the thick grass and wild plants growing on either side of the stream raging along in front of me, and the water breaks every now and then making a detour around the smaller rocks that have naturally fallen away from the mountains and made their way down to here. Along the side of the stream tiny trees stretch up bare of leaves or really any life, their gnarled branches curving around each other.

“Where are we?”

Kyle steps up next to me, his arm brushing mine, and shrugs. “No idea. We really did just find it on a hike one day. If you walk up the mountain another five minutes you can see the gorge. Takes you close to Cape Horn.”

“Huh.” I lean against a boulder and lower my eyes to the water rushing past. “It’s beautiful here.”

“Yep. It’s pretty much perfect.” He rests next to me. “I wanted to show you something important to him – probably the only thing about him you didn’t know about.”

I turn my face toward him and sweep my hair to one side. “You didn’t have to. This was yours to hold on to.”

“And I wanted to give a piece of it to you. I thought you’d maybe need a place to come away from prying eyes sometimes.” His eyes meet mine when he tilts his head. “And because I think you need something to hold onto a lot more than I do.”

I swallow, needing to look away but not wanting to. He’s right and he knows it. Damn him, he’s so right.

“Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” he says softly.

The moment lingers between us, our eyes fixed on each other, my fingers itching to reach out to him.

“Let’s walk up.” I need to break this between us. I can’t keep imagining things that aren’t here. “I want to see the gorge.”

“I thought you were tired.” Kyle follows me as I walk past him.

“I was. I guess I woke up.” I shrug and shoot a small smile over my shoulder.

“Of course you have,” he mumbles. I give him the bird over my shoulder, much to his amusement.

The walk up the side of the mountain isn’t too tough – this is one of the smaller ones and it’s not too far up – but it’s slippery. It’s wet on the ground from all the springs that start high up and snake their way down, twisting and turning. I hop over a small one in my path and almost slip on a bit of mud.

“Okay?” Kyle asks, steadying me with his hands on my waist.

“Um. Yeah.” Um. No.

I’m anything but okay when his hands are on me and his voice is in my ear.

“Let me go first. Follow me, alright?”

I nod as he steps around me and starts walking.

“On second thought…” He reaches back and links his fingers through mine with a wink. “Easier to pull you up if you fall.”

Too late…

I follow him silently, trying not to focus on the warmth of his hand around mine. Goddammit, brain! Think about the view. It’s a nice view.

My eyes flick to Kyle and his bum.

Yep. Definitely a nice view.

I put my hand to my forehead. I need help.

We stop. My gaze falls to the Columbia Gorge – every beautiful, peaceful part of it. The rive snakes through the hills and mountains, and everywhere is lined with wild flowers and pine trees. Birds fly overhead, darting through the trees and over the water, some dipping close enough to almost touch the water. At least that’s how it looks from up here.

A sigh leaves me. I’d almost forgotten this existed. This perfect place has been a part of our lives for so long, and when one thing was torn away, this nearly was too.

“We spent our childhoods up here,” Kyle says with a sad tone. “All of us – running through the trees…”

“Playing hide and seek. And tag. You guys always pretended it was kiss chase.”

Kyle shrugs a little. “You, Iz and Selena never moved so fast. It was a great excuse for being home late for dinner – you guys had run off and we needed to find you first.”

“I’d say that was good of you, but we got in so much trouble after the fifth time. It took Mom like a year to believe me when I tried telling her the truth. You always got us in shit.”

He smiles. “We’re big brothers. It’s our job.”

“Yeah.” My own smile drops from my face. “Except there’s a vacancy for mine now.”

Kyle turns to me, whispering my name, and I shake my head.

“It’s okay,” I lie to myself as much as him.

It’s not okay and he knows it. He’s the only person I’ll ever show it to… Even when I don’t want to.

“No, it’s not okay,” he says quietly.

“Thank you for bringing me up here.”

“Nice change.”

I lean into his arm, our hands still clasped, and my lips give a sad twitch. “I mean it.”

“Never said you didn’t.” He turns his head so his chin rests on top of mine. “And you’re welcome.”

~

Kyle eyes me over the table and it’s disconcerting. Everything in me is urging me to squirm and shift in my seat but I fight them and remain perfectly still, eying him with the same intensity. He smirks, and I raise an eyebrow.

“What?” He leans back in his chair.

“Says the one who’s been staring at me for the last five minutes without saying a word.”

“I was… thinking.”

“I hope you didn’t hurt yourself too much.”

“Oh, ha ha ha,” he mutters dryly. “Think that up all by yourself, did you?”

“As a matter of fact, I did.” I grin.

His lips twitch as he fights his own. “Did you ever decide where you’re going to college? You were stuck between UCLA with Selena, and Miami with Iz last I heard.”

Yep. I’m not having this conversation.

“Um. Yeah. I picked.” I pick at my thumbnail. “Why don’t you tell me about Berkeley?”

Brown eyes scrutinize me. “College is college. Wake up, go to class, come home, go to bed, repeat. Which did you pick?”

“Uh.”

“Roxy.”

“Shit,” I mumble. “Neither, okay? None of them.”

“None?”

“None. I’m not going to college.” There.

Kyle rests his elbows on the table and leans toward me. “Why not?”

I shrug. “I just… Didn’t want to go this year.”

“So, what… You’re gonna stay in Verity Point for however long and work here in your mom’s café?”

“So what if I am? Is that a crime?” I bristle, sitting up straighter. “Not everyone wants to go to college, you know.”

Except I do. I do want to go.

“Hey!” Kyle holds his hands up. “I was only asking. Calm down, Rox.”

I take a deep breath but narrow my eyes at him. “Yes. I’m going to stay in Verity Point and work here in Mom’s café.”

“And next year?”

I hesitate, then shrug again. “I’ll decide when the time comes, I guess.”

He nods slowly, his eyes flitting around the half-full café. “Are you staying here because of Cam?”

“What are you, Dr. Phil?” I snort. “It doesn’t matter why I’m staying. I just am.”

“Wow. Your attitude really does stink sometimes,” Kyle comments as Selena brings over our dinner. She laughs quietly, turning back to the counter.

“What?” I call after her.

She half-smiles. “He has a point.”

I look back to Kyle and the smug smile on his face. “I’m not getting into this again. One unnecessary attitude chat is enough for today.”