Chapter 3
Cassie
Two weeks I’ve been here and to say Brianna has managed to pull me out of the depressing fog I’ve been living in over the last 6 months would be a major understatement. We’ll no matter how hard she tries, she won’t be able to dull the ache that took residence in my heart six months ago when Dad passed but at least she has the ability to help me look forward to my days now.
The night I moved in, I spilled my guts to her. I told her about my dysfunctional family, about Dad’s heart attack, filled her in on the crazy lives of my idiotic brothers and shared with her the memories of my Mum who we lost to breast cancer two years ago.
Then I had to go and tell her about the brown haired, blue eyed boy that moved in next door when I was 12 years old. How we were inseparable for 6 years until I broke his heart at eighteen. How I fell madly in love with him and how still to this day, he is the only man I have ever and will ever love. He taught me to ice skate on the frozen lake that ran behind our properties, held my hair back when I threw up after stealing as much liquor as we could from the triplet’s stash and stayed right by my side, holding me when we heard the news of my mother’s cancer.
He was my soul mate and I made the biggest mistake of my life by leaving, but here I am three years later and that boy I watched grow into a man has turned into a completely different version of himself, one I no longer recognise and I have only myself to blame.
So, all I can do for him now is stay out of his way. I’m sure I am the last person he would want to see, especially now that he has so much going for him, I mean, he is the freaking Captain of The Denver Dragons, Jaxon Freaking Payne, and is heading straight for a contract to the NHL. He is getting everything he ever wanted and I swear to God, I am so freaking proud of him.
For the past two weeks, I have managed to avoid him like the plague. The first time I saw him on campus, he was flirting with some girl who was busy writing her number on the back of his hand. My heart stopped and so did my world, seeing him for the first time after so many years threw me straight back to the day I left. My eyes began to water and my legs wanted nothing more than to run to him, so I turned my back and walked away even though it killed me.
Each and every class I’ve stepped into, I have instantly scanned the room like a crazy stalker making sure he wasn’t there, so by the end of the week when I realised I was safe, I was over the moon.
The next time I saw him, I was prepared and managed to duck out of his line of sight just in the nick of time but stepping into the gym to see him sweaty and shirtless, to see the way his muscles have developed, turning him from a boy into a grown ass man was enough to stop me in my tracks, I’m just lucky he was mid-set and was concentrating on his workout giving me enough time to gawk before disappearing right back through the door. The only good thing that has come from this is I’m now running outdoors and I freaking love it.
He tried to find me at the beginning of the term, well by ‘me’ I mean Brianna’s new roommate. Bobby had spilled that Bri finally found a new roommate though he didn’t mention my name. I received a text message from Bri saying he was on his way and I managed to get out in just in time, though getting out meant ducking through the back door and jumping over the fence into the neighbour’s yard and walking around the streets for a good 45 minutes until Bri texted to say the coast was clear. I’m assuming she managed to keep him out of my room and out of the garage as my car and the family photo I have on my bedside table would be a dead giveaway.
I know for a fact he hasn’t seen me yet as there is not a doubt in my mind that he would storm up to me demanding answers, though, that’s assuming he actually still cared and from the endless supply of pussy he has on speed dial, my guess is I’m old news. He probably forgot about me the second he got the taste for the single life. The thought shatters my heart just that bit more but that’s the price I pay for my mistakes, all I can do now, is watch him from afar and pray that he finds someone who will love him the way I do.
Brianna hated the way I looked when I came home after a day where I saw him so suggested I find something to pass the time, so we searched for part-time jobs that would keep me as far away from him as possible, which is how I found my shift at the college library. To say, I freaking love it, would be an understatement. There is no way Jaxon would be hanging out in the library, well, any of the Hockey guys for that matter. So the library has instantly become one of my safe havens, the fact the other staff are awesome is just an added bonus.
So as I walk into my Human Sciences and Movement lecture on Friday morning, my eyes instantly scan the room. Deeming the room Jaxon safe, I head up a few stairs and find the spot I had taken the week before. I sit down and put my bag on the ground beside me, pulling out my pens, notepad, and phone and popping them on my tiny desk.
I start scribbling lyrics into my notepad, completely unaware that I’m even doing it, sort of like the way someone would bite their bottom lip or hum a song to themselves. Writing lyrics is my secret habit, well secret is probably the wrong word for it, but it’s not something I flaunt around anymore, not since… well, him.
The past three years my writing has been sort of dark, not the same as the happy, go-lucky shit I used to write, now it centres around heartbreak and devastation, so I’ve kept my work close to me, fearing someone might actually realise just how unhappy I’ve been the past few years.
An incoming text message has my complete attention as I wait for Professor Macintosh to show up and get started on his lecture.
Sean – Logan is home for the weekend, you busy? We’re thinking breakfast and visiting the rents.
My heart breaks at the thought of having to visit both my parents at the cemetery but either way, I haven’t had a chance to check in with them since being home, so there is no way I’m skipping out on this opportunity, and not to mention, after being away from my brothers for the past 3 years, there’s not a chance in Hell they will even let me. I hit reply.
Cassie – I have a shift at the library tomorrow, can we make it Sunday?
Sean – Sure kid, we’ll pick you up at 8.
Cassie – Don’t be late.
I put my phone on silent as Professor Macintosh walks through the door and calls the room to attention. I see another incoming text message from Bri but don’t get a chance to check it before the professor is launching into his lecture. I throw my phone in the bottom of my bag, turn to a new page in my notebook and concentrate on his lecture, so I can make an awesome Physiotherapist one day.
“Alright,” Professor Macintosh says towards the end of the lecture, walking from one side of the room to the other, placing a bunch of papers on the front desks. “This is your first assignment for the year, take one and hand the rest back,” he instructs.
I get mine early on so it gives me a chance to skim through it before the professor continues. He waits a few moments until the whole room has a copy of the assignment before launching into a detailed explanation that has me feeling pretty damn confident, with a million ideas already circling my brain. “You have three weeks to complete this assignment,” Professor Macintosh says, earning a few groans from around the room but I don’t care, I’m dedicated and will most likely have it done with plenty of time to spare.
He shushes everyone as he walks to his desk and picks up a clipboard. “I’m sure you would have all noticed by now that this is a pair project,” he starts, now making everyone burst into chatter as they begin choosing their partners. “Your peers within this room may one day be a colleague, so with that in mind your partner has already been chosen for you,” he explains. “Stand up as I read your name so your partner can see who you are. You should make arrangements following class to meet up and collect each other’s contact details.”
Professor Macintosh gets straight into it, ignoring the groans coming from around the room. It doesn’t take long before I hear a familiar name. “Bobby Lucas.” A smile spreads across my face, I hadn’t realised he was in this class, “You’ll be paired with Cassandra Waters, please stand.”
I do as I’m told with a big cheesy smile on my face. I turn on the spot and instantly find Bobby standing up the back, grinning right back at me. He gives me a stupid salute and drops his hand back down to his side. My eyes follow the movement and my heart comes to a stop the second I see the person sitting beside him, the very person who looks like he has seen a ghost.
Shit.
My stomach drops and the smile is instantly wiped from my face. I drop back into my seat and face the front of the class, waiting for the professor to hurry up and finish pairing the rest of the class up. My eyes remain solely focused on my desk as my heart threatens to beat out of my chest. I begin shoving things back in my bag, ready to bolt the moment we are dismissed.
I hear his name called but I don’t have the guts to turn around or to even stalk out who his assignment partner is. I instantly feel his eyes drilling into me like some sort of intense laser beam.
The clock starts counting down. 1 minute to go and I’m out of here, I’ll make my escape before he has the chance to catch up to me and then I can figure out what the hell to do. Maybe I could transfer classes or drop the subject altogether?
Thirty seconds to go. My eyes focus in on the clock and I grab my bag off the floor. Ten seconds. Five. Four. Three. Two. I go to push up out of my chair but two strong arms come down around me, landing on either side of my desk, caging me in as his body leans over me, leaving no room for escape.
Jaxon.
There’s no point turning around to see who it is, the familiar smell of his skin and cologne give it away immediately. Words escape me as I breathe him in, bringing a million memories back with it. Out the corner of my eye, I see his head hanging close by mine, his eyes closed as he tries to control his breathing, his hands on my desks turning into a fist. I can practically feel the rapid rate of his heartbeat.
He doesn’t say a word, just hovers over me for a minute. A sob desperately wants to break free from my throat but I hold it in.
“Cass,” he breathes my name, ever so quietly that had I not been concentrating I would have missed it. The sound of his voice and the feel of his breath against my neck causes a single tear to escape and make its way down my face, spilling onto the desk beside his clenched fist. His thumb strikes out immediately, wiping the tear off the table and the next thing I know, he’s gone.
I look up just in time to see him clear the last few steps and disappear through the door, leaving me behind just like I had done to him.
I take a shaky deep breath and force myself to get in control. My hands shake as I grab my bag from my lap and stand on wobbly legs. I force myself to move, putting one foot in front of the other until I have enough control to run home.
I fly through the door, not stopping to check in on Brianna. I crash into my bed and throw myself down, my head squishing into my pillow as the tears begin to take over. The need to write comes over me but the shaking of my hands is just too bad. Sobs begin ripping themselves from my throat and before I know it, I’m curled under Brianna’s arms in the safety of my bed.
How the Hell could I have been so stupid to assume I could avoid him all year? I mean, sure, I knew there would be the odd occasion where we might end up at the same party or bump into each other on campus. I had prepared myself for that. But this, being in the same class, seeing him all the time, becoming friends with his inner circle. I need to be more careful. Damn it.
Now I think about it, I should have known. Of course, someone whose dream is getting into the NHL is going to take courses to help his own understanding of the human anatomy and its limits, it’s just my freaking luck that those type of classes are very similar to the ones I’d be taking on the road to becoming a physiotherapist. All those times I thought about Jax at college, it was always on the ice or in the gym training. I never thought about the classes he would be taking, I guess that’s shame on me.
Brianna allows my tears to run their course before she gets the balls to question what had happened. She grabs me a tissue to wipe my eyes and I gather the strength to finally talk about it.
“I’m so sorry, babe,” she says, latching onto me and holding me just that bit tighter. “It sounds like what you two had was pretty intense?”
“Yeah,” I say, “From the moment I met him we were attached at the hip. We were each other’s worlds until one day, I… Just left. He has every right to be mad at me, hell, it was three years ago and I’m still mad at me.”
“How do you know he’s mad? Maybe he was just shocked to see you,” she suggests.
“Oh, he was definitely shocked but, I don’t know, I can just tell, he is mad, furious even.”
We both sit in silence as she allows me to catch up with my thoughts and eventually I fall into a much-needed sleep.
I’m awoken a few hours later to the sound of the front door closing and I immediately sit up and wipe my swollen eyes. I get out of bed and trudge into the bathroom. I catch sight of myself in the mirror and groan. My eyes are all puffy and red with smudges of mascara all over my face, my chestnut hair looks like some kind of birds’ nest and my nose is still red and slightly runny.
Gross. I quickly strip off and jump into a relaxing shower. I give my hair a scrub just for good measure then step out and wrap a towel around my body. I head out into the lounge room to find Brianna fussing around with food and is in her gym shorts and tank making me realise she must have ducked out to the gym not long after I zoned out. “Hungry?” she asks.
I glance over at the clock to see it’s five in the afternoon and realise I haven’t eaten since my cold toast at breakfast. “Starving,” I reply moving over to the couch and plonking down in my towel.
“Feeling better?” Bri asks, handing me a plate so I can start digging in.
“Yeah, actually. Sorry, I put you through all that,” I cringe.
She shrugs off my apology. “Don’t be stupid, that’s what friends are for. Just know, when your brother breaks my heart, I’ll be expecting something damn special from you,” she grins.
“Oh jeez,” I laugh, “You better stay away from Carter then because I can guarantee it will most certainly end in heartbreak. He is a player through and through.”
“Noted.” She grins. “So… I have a bit of a confession,” she says nervously.
“Yes…” I ask, suspiciously.
“Well, Bobby called me a little while ago to check you were ok. He saw what happened in class and apparently Jax was in a foul mood so he sort of put together that maybe you were a little something more than just one of his conquests. He was worried so I filled him in on the crucial details,” she explains “I hope that’s ok.”
“Yeah,” I sigh. “It’s fine, he was bound to find out sooner or later and with me having to partner with him for the assignment, I’m assuming he would have had the whole story within a few days,” I say. “The only reason I wanted it kept quiet was coz I don’t want to upset Jax, but now he knows I’m here, so there’s no point hiding it.”
“Fair point, but I am sorry, I feel really shitty about telling him even though I know you can trust him, Bobby is one of the good guys,” she promises.
“I know, seriously, don’t stress about it, but speaking of your brother. I’m going to need his number so we can organise some time to get this assignment done.”
“Oh sure,” she says. “Grab your phone.”
I do just that and within a second I am heading back down the hallway, phone in hand. “Hey, I have a message from you,” I say, stopping in the hallway and checking it.
“Yep,” she responds with a smug tone in her voice.
I hit open on her text.
Bri – Babe, heads up. The boys training schedule just got messed around, pretty sure they’re heading your way. Good luck.
“Oh, shit,” I say. “Why didn’t you tell me you had tried to warn me?”
“Well, I kind of thought it wasn’t really the right time for ‘I told you so’,” she says.
“Yeah, maybe,” I laugh as I sit back down beside her on the couch while I start typing out a text to Bobby.
Cassie – Hey, sorry about class today. When are you free to get this assignment done? Cass.
I hit send and two seconds later the front door opens with Bobby popping his head through the door, the sound of his incoming text ringing in his pocket.
“Good timing,” I say as he comes through the door, making Brianna and I grin like idiots when we see the bottle of wine he’s brought along.
“Yeah, I saw Bri leaving Micky’s with take-out on so I thought I’d see if there was any left and I figured you girls could use this tonight,” he grins as if he’s some sort of knight in shining armor coming to save the damsels in distress.
“That we could,” Brianna says popping up off the couch and grabbing the bottle before disappearing into the kitchen.
“Was he ok?” I ask Bobby, not needing to clarify who I’m talking about.
Bobby takes over Bri’s spot and gets stuck into her half-eaten dinner. “Yeah, he will be, he’s all out of sorts for now. I think he’s just a little shocked at the moment but I’m sure he’ll work it out in the gym.” He explains.
“Yeah,” I agree quietly, falling back into my own thoughts.
“Nope, none of that,” Bri says, dancing back into the room and handing me a glass of wine. “We’re going to forget today even happened. You in?”
“Hell yes,” I declare, grabbing the glass and throwing caution to the wind. It’s been a shitty day so the least I can do is not remember it tomorrow.