Chapter 4
Jaxon
I toss and turn all night as my brain won’t shut down. What is Cassandra Fucking Waters doing here in my freaking school and in my God damn Human Movement class for that matter? This is supposed to be my senior year, I’m the freaking King of campus. The last thing I want or need is Cass coming in and screwing it all up.
My mind is blowing up with so many thoughts that I can’t even think straight, though one thing I am certain about is that I am furious. Question after question takes over. How long has she been here? Why is she here? Why isn’t she is New York like she is supposed to be? Where the hell is she staying? Assuming she has been here since the start of term, why the hell haven’t I seen her on campus? And the one which is making my brain steam, why the hell did Bobby look at her like they knew each other, hell, like they were friends even?
Fuck. It hasn’t even been a full day and the chick is messing with my head. I promised Coach that there will be no fuck up’s this season. I need to get this shit sorted, I have a career on the line.
I throw my blankets off and sit up out of bed, grabbing my phone to check the time. Shit it’s only 3.45 in the morning. The only thing, apart from confronting her that is going to calm me down is getting on the ice, though the rink doesn’t open till 6 a.m. and even then, the freaking Figure Fairies have it booked out all day so I go with the next best thing.
I get out of bed and pull on some clothes and my runners then take off like a bat out of Hell. I push through the front door, letting it slam closed behind me, not caring who the fuck it wakes up inside. I breathe in the fresh air as I try my hardest to concentrate on the feel of the concrete path under my feet, I push myself harder and harder but the thoughts of Cassie still remain.
I think back to yesterday, sitting in class waiting for Professor Macintosh to call out my name while the cute blonde a few rows down was eye fucking me. I had my whole day planned out. I was going to skip my next class, take the blonde home and screw her until she couldn’t walk, then I was going to go to training and spend the night partying with my boys.
Until my whole world came to a standstill when I heard the name that has been haunting me since I was 12 years old, though it used to give me a different sort of rush, now all it does is make my chest ache for all the things that could have been.
At first, I thought my mind must have been playing tricks on me. There was no way Professor Macintosh had gotten that right, maybe I’d miss heard him, either that or some prick must have been playing some twisted prank on me coz there is no way Cassandra Waters would be back in Denver. She left over three years and never looked back.
My heart stopped when I saw that familiar wave of chestnut hair. Then the goddess had to go and turn around, blinding me with that perfect smile, the smile I still to this day think about every night right before falling asleep, the smile that could bring me out of the worst mood and give me strength to keep pushing on, the smile that could easily drop me to my knees.
I saw the exact moment she noticed me beside Bobby. That beautiful face of hers fell, that smile dropped away and that sun-kissed skin immediately turned white. I would have given anything in that moment to take away the pain she was feeling but my anger and frustrations took over.
My eyes didn’t move from her for one second as I watched her jam her bag full of her things and watch the clock countdown. I knew she was planning on bolting but I was going to beat her at her own game. I stood up when my name was called, though I still have no idea who my partner is, all that mattered in that moment was Cass.
I took my seat and watched the clock right along with her. With ten seconds to go, I saw as Professor Macintosh scowled at me as I rose to my feet early and started my way down the stairs. Her body shifted, ready to run but she wasn’t going to make it. I stepped up behind her and slammed my hands down on either side of her.
That same fruity smell of her shampoo was nearly enough to paralyse me as I took a deep breath in and was assaulted by the feeling of home. My mind was jolted back to the past. “Cass,” I whispered as I hovered over her, with the desperate need to bring my arms in and hold her. I clenched my fist to regain some sort of control but it was shattered the moment I saw a perfectly round tear drop from her cheek and come crashing down on the table. My thumb struck out before I even knew it and wiped away her spilled tear before I was out the door like a lightning bolt.
To say my afternoon was shit is an understatement. I went home, punched a hole through my wall and ended up at training where I nearly got into a fist fight with Bobby. I spent my night trying to work my frustrations out at the gym but here I am, now 4.30 in the morning and the frustrations are still riding high.
I shake out my head and push myself to the limit, concentrating solely on my footfalls against the pavement. A runner up ahead catches my eye and I move to the side to allow room for the person to pass. As the person grows near it becomes startling obvious who it is. “You’ve got to be shitting me,” I groan to myself as I continue on.
Cassandra grows closer, her head down and earphones in, completely oblivious to me coming her way. Anger once again takes over me, does she have any idea how dangerous it is for a woman to be out here at this time of the morning alone, especially with the way she looks in those little shorts. No matter how furious I am with her, I can’t help that protective nature which comes over me when she is around.
I try my best to zone it out and concentrate on my run but I can’t take my eyes off her, she must notice my movement when her head snaps up. Her eyes widen as she recognises me immediately. Her head snaps back to the ground and she does her best to ignore me but I know my presence affects her as she nearly fumbles and eats dirt.
I eye her as she passes and I get smacked in the face with that fruity shampoo again. Even with her eyes cast down, I can still see the red swollen eyes and the dark sleepless bags lingering beneath. I want to be happy to know that she is suffering just as much as I am but the thought kills me just a little bit more. My eyes close for a moment as I try to continue on but I know there is no point, I can’t bear to continue on knowing she is out in the dark running by herself. “Shit,” I murmur to myself as I turn on my heel and begin running behind her looking like a fucking dirty stalker.
Her back stiffens, clearly knowing I’ve turned around. I stay a few metres behind, making sure she is ok. We must be another ten minutes in when she comes to a screeching halt, doubling over with her hands on her knees, struggling for breath as sobs come tearing from her slim body.
My heart aches as I stop behind her, completely unsure of what to do. The girl I used to know would want me to swoop in and save the day, be her knight in shining armor and I tell her I forgive her but I’m not the same guy I used to be. I slowly begin to walk her way trying to give myself time to think of what the hell to say and get my emotions in check but she pulls herself together and takes off yet again.
I follow behind for a little while longer when she turns down a familiar street and then down a very familiar driveway. What the hell? Pieces of the puzzle begin falling into place. “You’re Bri’s new roommate?” I scoff, feeling like an absolute idiot as she reaches for the door handle.
She turns back to me, her eyes roaming all over my face and body before they focus in on my eyes. She gives me the smallest nod, before pushing through the door and closing it behind her. “Fucking, Bobby,” I grunt as a new wave of betrayal comes over me.
Needing to get this shit sorted, I take off in his direction and quickly come across his place. I pound my fist into his door. “Open the fucking door, Bobby,” I growl until he shows his face.
The moment the door is opened, my fist comes slamming into his face, nailing him in the jaw.
“What the fuck?” he growls, putting his hands up and rubbing his jaw.
I push past him and make my way into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. “Cass is Bri’s new roommate,” I state.
Anger grows behind his eyes as he gets in my face. “Tell me you weren’t just stalking my sister’s house in the middle of the fucking night?” he growls. “What the fuck were you doing there?”
“Calm down, I was out running. Cass was too. I followed her home to make sure she was safe. How the hell was I supposed to know I was following her to your sister’s place?”
“I told you Bri had a new roommate,” he argues.
“You failed to mention who the fuck it was.”
“She asked me not to. I assumed she was some chick you fucked and when I asked she said yeah. How the hell was I supposed to know she’s the chick you’ve been in love with since you were a fucking kid?” he yells as his hands fly around in animation.
“I’m not in love with her,” I growl, slamming the bottle down on the kitchen bench.
He rolls his eyes at me and scoffs. “Yeah fucking right, mate. I can see it in your eyes. The second you saw her everything changed. In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never reacted like this over some chick.”
I want to argue but I know the fucker is right. The proof is right there. I lean up against the counter and hang my head as I try to get my emotions under control. Concentrating on my breathing. “Sorry bout’ your face,” I grumble.
“No drama. I should have told you her name,”
Yeah, I definitely agree with that but there is no point in mentioning it. I move into the lounge room, taking my water bottle with me and collapse onto the couch.
“Dude, you probably don’t want to hear this, but you know who her freaking brother is right?” Bobby asks, his eyes lighting up with excitement.
“Yeah,” I laugh. “Who do you think taught me to play?”
“Fucking Hell,” he scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief. “How have I known you this long and never known that?”
“You may have noticed, but I don’t talk about home or anything to do with her, period,” I murmur.
“Yeah, no shit,” he murmurs under his breath. “I worked that out.”
We sit in silence for a short while before Bobby gets up. “If you’re all good, man, I’m going to head back to bed,” he says squeezing my shoulder on the way past. “You can crash here if you need.” He adds, disappearing before I can give an answer.
I lay back on the couch and pull a cushion behind my head and once again the memories of Cassandra come flying back but at least some of that rage seems to have disappeared.
I finally fall into a proper sleep, waking hours later when the boys start messing around in the kitchen. I sit up on the couch and stretch my cramped legs out. “Yo, what’s the time?” I call out to anyone who will answer.
“After 11,” someone replies, “Hungry?”
“Yeah,” I say, getting up to realise my legs are actually really sore though that is no doubt from the intense run I put them through this morning, a run that had no stretch, no warm up and no cooldown. Rookie freaking error.
I sit with the boys to eat before Bobby decides he has forgiven me enough to give me a lift back to my place. “You owe me,” he reminds me as I get out of his truck.
“I know, man,” I say, studying the bruise that has come out on his jaw. I give him a quick nod and close the door.
By the time I’m actually dressed and ready for the day it’s after one in the afternoon and the thought of seeing Cassie has been eating at me for hours. I grab my keys, slip out the door and head over to Brianna’s place.
A weird kind of excitement that I don’t understand starts to fill me as I get out of my truck and walk up the drive. I knock lightly on the door and wait the few agonising moments for it to be answered.
Bri answers the door with a yawn, wearing her Hello Kitty pyjamas. “Girl, it’s after one in the afternoon, why are you only getting out of bed now?” I scold.
She gives me an unimpressed look. “Not that it’s any of your business but we had a bit of a late night. I’m sure you can imagine why.”
I let out a sigh. “She here?” I ask.
She doesn’t answer, just looks at me blankly, clearly not wanting to give in, though I’m sure I’m really not in her good books at the moment.
“Bri, come on,” I beg, giving her the puppy dog eyes that works on every woman I know.
“Stalk anyone lately?” she asks with attitude, “Oh, better yet, punch anyone lately?”
Yeah, I deserved that. “Bri, you know I’m the last person on this earth who would ever hurt her, she was running around the streets alone in the middle of the night, of course, I’m going to follow her home. I would never have forgiven myself if something happened to her. Your brother, on the other hand, he deserved it.”
She lets out an annoyed huff but eventually, her walls fall down. “She’s not here, she’s working.”
“Working?” I ask in shock, “She doesn’t need the money.” My mind starts swirling, why the hell would she be working? Had something happened to her family’s money? I mean, she has a damn trust fund, not to mention her brothers are loaded and Logan has a freaking Multi-million dollar contract with the NHL.
Brianna gives me a dumb, pointed look and it suddenly clicks, she’s working to avoid me.
“Where?” I ask with a sigh.
She lets out a resigned humph, “Library,” she says. “But she doesn’t finish till seven.” I’m already opening my truck before she has finished her sentence. There is no way I can wait around till seven knowing she is here and not see her.
I park in the library parking lot and hop out of the truck. Now my challenge is finding her in this big fucker we call a library. I head on in and search level after level, checking each row and study room. I eventually find her on level three, right up the back, sorting through piles of books and returning them to their position.
She grabs a book off the top of the pile and takes a look at the spine before searching the shelves for its spot. She finds it a few rows above her head and reaches up on her tippy toes to slide it in place only she isn’t quite tall enough. I walk up behind her, my body flush against hers as my hand comes down above hers and pushes the book into position.
Her body stiffens against mine, instantly knowing who stands behind her. “Can we talk?” I murmur, my chest vibrating against her back.
She keeps her eyes forward as she slowly comes down from her tippy toes. “I’m working,” she tells me in her velvety voice. The velvety voice I hadn’t realised just how much I’ve missed until this very moment.
“Please,” I reply.
She lets out a breath and turns to face me, the movement causing her chest to press up against my rib cage. Her big brown eyes look up at me with tears beginning to pool. “Jax,” she sighs with regret in her voice.
“I promise, I just want to talk. I’ll come back when you’re done and then I’ll leave you alone.”
She looks down at her feet as she thinks it over, “K,” she whispers ever so softly.
I step back out of her personal space and give a nod, letting her know I’ll be back.
With nothing else to do to pass the time, I head to the gym, get myself cleaned up and show up at six. I take a seat in the back of the library, watching her work for the last hour of her shift. As the clock ticks closer to seven, I notice her become fidgety and realise she is nervous, though, she shouldn’t be, we’ve been talking about anything and everything since we were twelve years old, sure it’s been a few years but still, I’ve seen this woman at her absolute worse and at her best. If anything, I should be the one person she’s not nervous around.
At seven o’clock, I watch as she says goodbye to the other girl working, grabs her handbag from under a counter and hesitantly comes and walks past me. She motions with a flick of her chin to follow her. I get up and do just that as she takes a few twists and turns and leads us into an old forgotten study room that gives us a little privacy.
There is still enough daylight coming in through the window so she doesn’t bother to hit the lights as she passes them. She presses her back up against the wall, drops her bag and slides down until she is sitting. I follow her lead and take a seat beside her, leaving enough room between us so I’m not urged to reach out and touch her.
After all, I’m here for one reason and one reason only. To find the answers to the questions I’ve been asking for the past 3 years.
We sit in silence, neither of us knowing where to start. My eyes linger on her bag and spy the torn up notebook poking out the top and a strange familiarity pulses through me. I desperately want to reach out and pluck the notebook from her bag knowing it would be filled with lyrics and would give me some sort of insight to what her life is like now but I know she would probably beat me to a pulp if I even tried. Those old notebooks of hers were always considered a forbidden fruit, something you desperately want but know you can’t have.
“How are you?” I finally ask, feeling like an idiot for giving her the benefit of the doubt and not bombarding her with the hard questions. After all, she tore my heart out, what’s a little pain on her side.
“I’ve been better,” she tells me, not wanting to give anymore, “You?”
“Confused,” I admit. “What are you doing here, Cass?”
She studies her hands as she replies. “You mean here on Campus? Or Denver?”
“I don’t know,” I say looking over at her, “Both?”
She lets out a shaky breath. “I missed my family. It was time to come home,” she explains, giving me a half-ass rehearsed answer.
“So, you’re back for good then?”
“Is that going to be a problem?” she asks.
“I guess we’ll see,” I tell her honestly.
She gives a slight nod before moving along. “How’s your family?”
“Wouldn’t have a clue,” I admit with a shrug. “After you left there wasn’t much there for me, haven’t been back since I started college.”
“What?” She gasps finally looking over at me with some level of emotion in those wide eyes. “You haven’t gone home in three years? What about your parents?”
“You know my parents,” I say with a roll of my eyes. “As long as I’m playing Hockey then I’m nothing but a fuck-up. They haven’t spoken to me since the day I accepted my scholarship but you’ll see, they’ll come running back when I sign with the NHL.”
“Shit, Jax. I didn’t realise it had gotten so bad.”
“How could you?” I grunt.
“I guess I deserved that,” she grumbles, focusing her eyes back to her hands.
I cringe knowing that would have hurt but I don’t dwell on it just yet. “How are the triplets?” I ask to keep her talking.
“They’re ok. Sean’s getting married in a few weeks,” she says.
“To Sara?”
“Yeah,” she smiles.
“Logan?” I ask.
“He’s good. Apparently found himself a nice girl that we’ll meet at the wedding,” she says. “He’s been offered another 3 years in the League.”
“Shit,” I laugh in surprise. “Good on him. What about Carter?”
At that, she finally gives off a small smile. “Well, you know Carter,” she scoffs, “Still the biggest manwhore around. Kind of a bit like you,” she whips with a hint of jealousy in her voice. Her comment stings but I don’t let it show. “I’m waiting for the day some girl comes and knocks him off his feet.”
“That’d be the day,” I chuckle. “What about your parents?”
She goes quiet and her head dips down. I look over at her, unsure of the sudden change in her. She blinks back tears and something inside me has me reaching for her hand. Her fingers instantly fold into mine, the movement feeling so natural. “What is it, Cass?” I murmur quietly.
She looks up at me, her brown eyes meeting mine. She shakes her head ever so slightly and I see the absolute heartbreak in her eyes “Jax,” she whispers as the tears begin to pour down her face. “I’m so sorry, I thought you knew.”
Dread settles in my stomach and I know without a doubt whatever comes out of her mouth next, is not going to be good.
She lets out a shaky breath and I give her hand a squeeze, prompting her to continue. “They’re gone, Jax. They’re dead.”