CHAPTER TEN

AFTER OUR LITTLE INCIDENT AT his place, Parker made a point of in meeting me in public. We still saw each other almost every week, but he'd only go for plans that involved us being surrounded by people. It hurt, but if it kept us from being awkward, I'd deal with it.

The pins shattered once again, and I raised my hands in a dramatic sign of victory. He'd invited me bowling with the guys from his dad's shop.

"Nice going, kid."

I turned to him and saw his smile falter. "Sorry," he mouthed, and I felt like crap.

He'd danced around me like that for a while now. Every time he called me kid, his cheer faded, and he started apologizing.

"We're going to get refills," I announced. Everyone cheered at that, even the losing team. I motioned for Parker to follow me and he complied, still looking contrite.

I pulled him into the hallway and looked around to see if anyone was within earshot. "Hey, relax. I know what I said, but I didn't mean to make you so uncomfortable."

Parker looked at me with so much remorse in his beautiful eyes, I hated myself for ever saying anything. "But it bothers you, doesn't it?"

I sighed and hung my head. "Sometimes, yes. It's a context thing, I guess. I don't always mind it. I just... I wish to be more to you than Taylor's younger brother."

Parker smiled and ruffled my hair. "You've always been more than that. You're my family, yeah?"

I tried, I really tried to keep the hurt from showing. I thought I had, even if I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

"Shit. I made it worse," Parker whispered.

"No!" His guilt jump-started my mouth. "You did nothing wrong. Look, we're friends, right? And we're still hanging out, even though Taylor's out of the picture. I am really grateful for that."

Parker stared at me for a long moment, his face void of any expression. "Right. Okay then. I'll apologize less. But I'll also try to limit my use of 'kid'."

I grinned and relaxed. "Sounds great to me."

My cheer didn't last long. We got the drinks and played on, but Parker seemed distracted for the rest of the evening. I caught him stealing glances at me, but he kept his distance. At the end of the evening, he grabbed a ride with one of the guys rather than sharing one with me. That hammered in the final nail in the evening. I'd ruined it. For both of us, not just for myself. I'd somehow ended up worrying Parker. As if he didn't have enough on his plate. I'd had to play up the family genes and act like a spoiled brat.

I sighed as the lights of his cab disappeared. I'd have to find a way to fix this. Fast.

***

"What are you doing here?"

Taylor stared down at me, his lips twisted in disgust.

"I live here for now, remember?"

He rolled his eyes and managed to preserve his sour grimace. "It's the weekend. Aren't you usually all over Parker when he's not working?"

My brother knew where to hit for maximum damage. Even when he didn't know he was doing it, he still hit the mark right in its most painful pressure point.

I hadn't seen Parker since the bowling night. He'd made excuses at first, then he'd dropped off the radar. I'd sent a couple of texts that went unanswered, then gave up. He clearly didn't want anything to do with me, so why pester him?

"I've been taking it easy."

Taylor snorted. "Yeah, sure. You'd find your way out of a maximum-security prison to see Parker. He dropped you, didn't he?"

I glared at him, which only made him happier.

"Well, well, it finally happened. You realize he only spent time with you to keep tabs on me, right? Now that we talk regularly, he no longer needs you."

That couldn't be right, could it? Parker wasn't the type to use people. And he'd said he'd never take Taylor back, yet now they kept in touch? Maybe I didn't know Parker as well as I thought I did. Maybe I filtered everything through my lovesick lenses.

"Try not to screw up again, okay?" I stood and retreated to my room. If Taylor made Parker happy, then more power to them. I'd be happy for Parker, of course. That didn't mean I had to stay there and take Taylor's gloating.

"Don't you worry about what I do. Find someone else to obsess over. Parker is mine, you hear?"

I closed the door on his annoying voice. What did he know, anyway? It wasn't like I'd wanted to spend the past ten years pining over Parker. I'd tried. God, how I'd tried! I'd dated so much, I probably held some sort of record on first dates. They never worked out.

A couple of guys seemed promising at first. I'd had proper relationships with them, albeit short. They never lasted past their meeting my family. Because family meant Parker and I apparently couldn't hide my feelings around him. That was why Parker's oblivion baffled everyone. Even virtual strangers could tell I was hopelessly in love with him.

Now more than ever, I'd convinced myself Parker pretended not to know. Why else avoid me? I'd almost spilled my guts to him at the bowling alley. He probably could no longer act as if he didn't realize how I felt after that failure. So why put up with me if he got nothing out of it? I made it hard on him to be around me and he had a direct line to Taylor. If he continued to see me, I'd only be in the way.

I crawled on my bed, hugging my knees and hiding my head in my pillow. I was so pathetic. Even now, after ten years of waiting, I still couldn't let go. I'd have to see them at family shindigs. The thought of Taylor all over Parker made me want to throw up, but at least I'd see him.

I groaned and punched my pillow. I couldn't keep doing this to myself. If Parker refused to see me, I had to stop waiting for him to change his mind. For once, I had to make a real effort to get over him. I picked up my phone and reactivated my online dating app. They'd disabled my account for lack of use.

Fifteen minutes later, my phone buzzed like it was possessed. Matches and messages and so many photos ranging from tasteful and sexy to lewd and downright disturbing. I couldn't give in to base urges and just fuck the first available man. That wouldn't help. I carefully filtered out all the booty calls and ended up with a couple of more serious pursuits. I could do this, I told myself.

As I messaged back and forth with the two guys who claimed not to want a hookup, I even started to believe it. Here I was, being funny and charming. And there they were, setting up dates with me. They both lived in the same city, but conveniently far enough to allow me not to run into family. Or worse, into Parker.