CHAPTER FIVE

I SPRAWLED ON THE BENCH next to Parker and rubbed my belly. "Don't think I can move anymore."

Parker huffed and tried to reach me, but his hand hung limp. "Me either. Who's going to drive us back?"

I sighed and closed my eyes, letting the warmth of the early afternoon sun wash over me. "We can sleep it off. Then crawl back to your car."

He groaned and covered his eyes with his arm. "Don't even mention moving to me anymore. Binge-eating is a bad idea."

We hadn't really binge-eaten, had we? We'd had two desserts each, but no shoveling food in our mouths to fill the emptiness inside. We'd savored it, right? That counted, didn’t it?

"Maybe we should come here more often. Then we wouldn't be compelled to get everything on the menu."

I could feel Parker's eyes on me. I let my head roll to my left and gazed back at him. He frowned, searching for something.

"Thanks for today," he said. His words made no sense, not with his tense posture. He seemed upset somehow.

"You wish I hadn't come by."

He shook his head. "No, not at all."

I reached out and ran my fingers along his frown lines. "Then why are you so tense."

"I guess I am just trying to figure out why you'd care so much."

Because I've loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you. Of course, I couldn't confess at a time like this. Or ever. "Just because my brother is dumb enough to push you out of his life doesn't mean I am too. I've known you for ten years and change, Parker. You were there for me more than my own flesh and blood. Of course I care about you."

He smiled, his face relaxing a smidgen. "I keep forgetting you and Taylor have very little in common."

I scrunched my nose. "Don't burst my bubble. I like to pretend I'm adopted."

He chuckled, the faint shaking traveling through the old wooden boards of the bench, lulling me into a state of immense pleasure. "Fine, you are nothing alike."

I latched onto that lie. I knew I looked like Taylor, although my features weren't as delicate. We had the same mouth shape, the same eyes. The same hair texture, although my cut did a fine job of hiding that and Taylor liked to dye his a darker color. We also shared my mother's impeccable bone structure. Growing up, especially in my teenage years, I remember wishing I at least had a different father, even if I loved my dad to pieces. I just felt the need to disconnect, something to separate me from Taylor and his toxic personality.

"Hey, let's go for a walk around the lake," I said, regretting the suggestion the moment I stood up.

Parker glared at me, his lips pressed into a grim line.

"Come on." I extended my hand and motioned for him to take it. "You'll thank me when you feel less awful."

"You mean after I kick your ass?"

I took in his tilted head and the playful grin curving his lips. "Let's settle for walking off our monster lunch."

Parker clicked his tongue. "You're no fun."

I wiggled my eyebrows and smirked. "I could prove you wrong in a heartbeat."

He looked at me wide-eyed, as taken aback by my flirty tone as I'd been. He recovered faster than me and bumped his shoulder into mine.

"Really? Are you going to show me all your best moves?"

I laughed, sounding ragged despite the effort of hiding my panic. "You wouldn't survive that, old man."

***

"So, how is he?" Taylor puffed his chest, trying to scare the reply out of me. It was useless, I'd outgrown him long ago.

"None of your business."

"You little shit! I sent you there. You better spill or I'll fucking punch that grin off your face."

I shrugged and leaned into the cupboards. He'd cornered me in the kitchen right after family dinner. Rookie move on my part, going anywhere on my own. "You could try."

His nostrils flared with his furious breathing, his eyes burning imaginary holes into me. "Stop dicking around. Is he okay?"

Deep down, under thick layers of selfishness and snarl, Taylor had been worried. I knew him well enough to pick up on it. I relented, despite my brain and heart screaming at me to say nothing. "He's fine. He just needed to rest properly."

Taylor slumped his shoulders and nodded. "Good. That's good news."

"Why the fuck did you ruin your marriage?"

I quickly covered my mouth with my hand, but it was too late. The words had gotten out into the world and Taylor had heard them.

He sneered, but I noticed the wave of pain hidden underneath. "Better than waiting until he left me."

I stared at him, jaw dropping. I was pretty sure it had hit the floor. "What the hell are you talking about? Parker would have never left you."

"One day he would have realized he could do better." Taylor ran his hand through his hair and winked. "Not this level of gorgeous, but better."

Hot fury came over me, gripping me tightly. I had to do something, let it out somehow, otherwise I feared I'd implode. I grabbed his shoulders and turned us around, pushing him into the cupboards, cans and containers inside rattling. "You fucking idiot! Parker always knew exactly who you were. Are you so sure anyone else will love you?"

Taylor's eyes darkened. "What the hell do you know about him? Or me?"

I let go of him and staggered back. "I've known you all my life, Taylor. And I've been watching you two for a long time. You're an idiot if you think—"

"Yes, I know you're a creep, drooling all over Parker. You've never had eyes for anyone else, always wanting what's mine!"

Taylor's shout echoed in the kitchen. I wanted to lash out, hit back, but I couldn't. None of that was a lie. I was the little creep perving on his brother-in-law. I had wanted what Taylor had for the past ten years.

I took a deep breath and held it in. Eyes closed, heart thundering, I tried my best to relax. I pushed the air out of my lungs, propelling hurt and shame out of me along with it.

"You taught me that, brother. I don't know what I ever did to make you hate me so much."

"You were born," he muttered. "This family was fine without you."

I turned on my heel and stormed out of the kitchen. I didn't stop until I reached my room and could shut him and the world out. I'd always known, of course. I'd always sensed my brother's hate. A younger kid had shown up, taking some of the attention Mom had only bestowed on him. Not that she'd been too involved in either of our lives. Still, the little she had, Taylor had been forced to share with me. And he'd hated me for it.

I slid down the door, sitting cross-legged on the floor. Downstairs, Mom and Dad interrogated Taylor. I could hear their raised voices and tried my best to silence them. The heels of my hands weren't enough though. I pushed myself up and fumbled around until I found my ear buds. I plugged them into my phone and played the first song I found. Loud, so loud nothing else could reach me.