CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I'D GIVEN IN AND TEXTED Parker two days after our first real fight. He didn't reply, and I wasn't surprised. That didn't deter me though. Whatever it took, I was going to fix this. I'd never had a true incentive to get over Parker, but if that's what it took to stay in his life, I was going to pull it off somehow. God knew what else I could try after all this time, but I sure as hell was going to do it.

I showed up at his father's repair shop the very next Thursday. I wasn't going to give Parker a chance to avoid me, so getting there just as his weekend was about to begin seemed like the best approach.

"Hey, kid, looking for Parker?" His dad gave me a side-hug, trying his best not to get my clothes dirty. The man owned the place, but no one could force him to stop fixing cars. It had been his life-long passion and he was amazing at restoring old models.

"What are you doing here?" Parker cut in before I had a chance to even say hello to his dad.

"Hey, cool it. Don't treat the kid like that."

Normally, I'd welcome the support. Today... well, it did more damage. Parker squinted as he stared at his dad. "You knew too?"

"Knew what?"

I hung my head and closed my eyes, wishing I could disappear.

"Am I really the only one who couldn't figure it out?"

Parker's broken voice sprung me into action. I grabbed his shoulders, turned him around, and walked him into his office. I sat him down in his chair and crouched in front of him. "I'm really sorry. I promise you couldn't have seen it as easily. I actually made an effort around you. I tried so hard not to let you see how I truly felt that I couldn't find enough energy to hide it from everyone else. That's why they knew."

Parker gave me a bitter smile. "That's total bullshit."

I shook my head. "No, it's not. I promise it's not. I've been so careful, Parker, I—"

He pulled me into a hug and I lost my balance, falling on top of him. He held me close, steadying me, and I relaxed into the embrace.

"I'm sorry, kid. It must have been tough dealing with it on your own."

I wanted to protest, I really did. But I had been dealing with it on my own for a long time. My family was no help. Taylor had been a dick about it since day one, Mom had waved it off as a minor incident, and Dad hadn't wanted to touch it with a ten-foot pole. In high school I'd been too ashamed to talk about it with my friends, feeling like a total creep for crushing on my brother's serious boyfriend. Later, in college, I'd focused exclusively on getting over him, but never had a healthy way of achieving that goal.

It hadn't been until much later when I'd met Drew that I'd finally had someone to talk to about this whole mess.

"It's fine. I learned to deal with it. And I never regretted it."

Parker sighed and held me tighter. "I think you were right, though. From a point on, I didn't want to realize it."

I pushed against him and he let go of me. "From what point exactly?"

Parker looked away. "When things started getting worse and worse with Taylor, I caught on little things. The way you sometimes looked at me when you thought I wasn't paying attention. Or how your tone shifted into something warmer when you talked to me." He shrugged and finally faced me. "The moment it started to sound like something I'd want, I told myself I was imagining it."

My heart either stopped or beat so fast, I couldn't tell it was working. This couldn't be real. Parker hadn't just said that me being in love with him had been something he wanted.

"Are you okay? You’ve gone scarily pale."

I shook myself and stood. My legs were too unsteady, so I leaned against Parker's desk. "I think so."

"Kid, a ghost would have more color than you." He came to stand in front of me and touched my face, his palm burning my skin. "You're really scaring me now."

I pressed into his touch and closed my eyes. "I'll be okay in a second."

There was a knock on his door and we moved away from each other. Just in time, as Parker's dad stuck his head inside through the cracked door. "Everyone's leaving. Make sure you lock up and set the alarm when you boys are done."

"Sure, Dad."

The man had been in and out. Less than a minute, yet it had been enough to break whatever was going on. I felt empty and cold, now that Parker was no longer touching me. I wanted to reach out and pull him back, but he'd moved away from me, putting more than physical distance between us.

"Want to grab a bite to eat?"

I didn't know what to say. A moment ago, I'd felt like a wall had materialized between us, now he was asking me to dinner. Forget the wall, you idiot! Parker, the man of my dreams, had asked me to dinner. I couldn't be bothered to worry about anything else.

"Yeah, that sounds great."

He frowned, looking at me with his usual intensity. "Maybe getting some food into you will take care of that paleness. It doesn't seem to be going away on its own."

"Sorry to worry you."

Parker smiled, the first real one I'd seen in a while, and the racing thoughts and tension I'd been feeling disappeared. "It's rare that you make me worry these days, kid. I think it's more often the other way around."

Sure, he'd been forced to take care of me in high school, but since I'd graduated and went on to college, I'd worry myself into a stupor over Parker and how he was faring. Taylor had never made it easy on him and they'd been in and out of fights for most of their relationship.

I'd always been the only one in my family to take Parker's side, no matter what. My parents knew full well what a "treasure" their elder son was, but they supported him unconditionally. In the long run, I thought that had done more damage to Taylor than anything else. No matter how badly he behaved, he still had people to rely on who told him he was fine just the way he was. But what's so good about a shallow man who cheats on those who love him?

Parker had his own family, of course, but he'd never go complaining about Taylor to them. They already disliked him to begin with and my brother hadn't even tried to redeem himself. Somehow, I'd been the only one willing to listen. Maybe it had been a circumstantial thing—with the numerous the family dinners and events my Mom forced us to attend, at least he got to see me. I had developed flawless techniques to steal him away and keep him to myself at family shindigs.

"I never once minded worrying about you," I said, following him out of the office. In that moment, it came to me, clearer than anything I'd ever known: I never wanted to stop worrying about Parker. I sure as hell never wanted to stop loving him. It wasn't a matter of being able to get over it. It was a matter of will. Or lack thereof.