CHAPTER FOURTEEN

THROUGH SHEER WILL AND THE bright idea of keeping the water on the cold side, I managed not to use the shower as a reason to avoid facing Parker for longer than necessary. I wasn't as anxious as when I'd first spotted him waiting for me, but whatever I'd told myself to calm down, I'd forgotten. If that rush of angst came back, I had no cure.

"So how have you been?" Parker asked as I sat across from him and reached for the coffee.

I hung my head. "Not amazingly well, but okay."

"That means you got the time alone you needed, right?"

I nodded, turning the coffee cup in my hand and not daring to drink it. That would have meant raising my head and potentially making eye contact.

"I get it. I would have preferred you told me before you stopped answering calls and texts, but I get it."

A flush of pure shame spread on my cheeks and down my throat and chest. "Sorry. I didn't set out to do that."

"Evan, look at me."

I did, in a heartbeat. No matter how I felt, I couldn't resist that warm, encouraging tone he used whenever he asked me to do something I didn't want to. But despite his voice, his face was tense, his lips almost colorless for how tight he'd pressed them. I stared at him, not sure what to say. Apologize? Explain myself? Question him about his recent choices regarding my brother? Confess my undying love?

"Will you tell me what's going on?"

I gripped the coffee cup tighter and parted my lips to better exhale. "I'm sorry, Parker. I just... I didn't know what to do or say after that last time we saw each other."

"Was it something I did?"

"No," I shouted and we both twitched at how loud I'd said it. "No, it was something I did."

Parker frowned but didn't push for more.

Of course, he wouldn't mention it, why would he focus on my going hard when his lips had touched my skin. But I couldn't erase that feeling from my head. How good it had felt for the brief second before I realized what was happening.

"Look, Parker, I know you felt it. How I reacted when..." I didn’t finish my sentence. No way was I giving myself a chance to focus on the memory of that sensation. Not when I knew what it would stir in me.

"It's a natural physical reaction, kid. It happens. I don't understand why it would cause you to stop talking to me."

I pushed the cup away, knowing I'd squeeze hard enough to spill it otherwise. "It's not just my body acting up. It's not a random fluke that I can ignore. And it's not me being totally selfless when I tell you Taylor's bad news for you."

Parker's frown deepened, and he put his own cup to his lips. He didn't drink, though. He just kept it there, staring into nothing as if he'd been frozen in time.

"Why are we still talking about Taylor as if we're getting back together?"

Of course, that's what he'd focus on. Not the implied confession of me being way more into him than I should have been. "Because I know you two. I've seen how Taylor is acting. And I've witnessed this entire dance before. It starts with you trying to be civil, talking to him more often. Then you spend time together as friends, then you're back together in no time. Do you want me to tell you exactly how many times that happened?"

Parker shook his head. "I know, okay. I know I've done that in the past. This is different."

"How? How is it different?"

Parker looked at me, his eyes watery. "It's just not there anymore. Even if I wanted to take him back, I can't. Something inside me broke the last time he cheated. By the time I filed for divorce, I knew we couldn't fix anything, and no amount of time spent separated would help."

"Did you tell Taylor?"

He nodded. "Plenty of times. He doesn't want to believe it, but deep down he knows."

"Okay, I'm honestly happy for you. But that's only half of my problem."

"The other half being the not-so-involuntary reaction you had?"

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest just to give myself something to do. "Yeah, that."

"How long?"

I raised an eyebrow and pursed my lips. "How long what?"

"How long have you been attracted to me?"

There he was, my straightforward Parker. He'd never been one to beat around the bush, he'd always faced his problems head on.

"Since the day I met you." The words were out before I'd made a conscious decision to tell him. I'd been suppressing it for so long, I'd just blurted it out the first chance I got.

Parker's eyes went wide, and he leaned over the table, getting closer to me. "What? That's... ten years. No, that can't be." He pushed himself back, the chair skidding on the kitchen floor. "I would have noticed. Someone would have noticed. Taylor, he..."

I knew exactly when complete understanding dawned on him. If he looked through the glass of this new revelation, a lot of Taylor's behavior took on a different meaning.

"I never wanted you to know. What purpose would that serve? You were dating my brother and then you married him."

"Taylor knew, didn't he?"

I sighed and tried to relax, look less defensive. "Everyone in my family figured it out, but Taylor was the first. He knew the moment he saw me interact with you."

Parker swore and stood, hitting the table hard enough to shake the coffee cups. "You must be fucking kidding me. I knew something had happened, the way he treated me changed too fast."

"He did change his mind about you, yes. He told me as much. But he didn't stay with you for so long just because his little brother was in love—" I closed my mouth so fast, my teeth clinked together.

Parker didn't show any sign of having caught that. He paced the room, eyes downcast, arms propped on his hips. Maybe he'd missed it entirely.

"Is that why you were my friend?"

I stared blankly at him, jaw slack. His question had sounded so ridiculous, my brain refused to work.

"Kid, you'd better answer that question."

I hated that threatening undertone. It made me feel like Parker didn't even know me. Something else flickered in the back of my mind: did he know me? I'd kept this huge secret from him for over ten years. Of course, he'd question my motives.

"No, Parker. I've been your friend for so long despite it. Or do you think it advanced my cause any to see you go through everything with Taylor and actually help you?"

"I don't know what to think, honestly. I thought I knew you and there you were, keeping this huge secret from me." Parker glared at me, his face twisted in anger.

“Maybe you didn’t want to know. You were the only one who couldn’t see it.” There I was, channeling the dumbass gene I shared with Taylor.

Parker took a step closer to me, fisting his hands and pressing them close to his body. He stood there for a long time, shooting angry looks at me, then left without another word.

I picked up the coffee cup he'd brought me and took a long sip. It was lukewarm, but I drank all of it slowly. I didn't think I'd ever get to share anything else with Parker for the rest of my life.