CHAPTER TWELVE

EVAN, YOU ARE SUCH A coward. I knew I was, but I'd been on so many emotional roller coasters lately, I just couldn't deal with any more at this point. I couldn't take Parker's questions, not without blurting out something I'd regret.

I got home in no time at all and stood there, staring at my parents' house. I wanted to be at my own place, able to shut the door on the entire world. I didn't want to play nice and chat with my mom about things she did that I honestly couldn't care less about.

"Evan, there you are."

I turned to catch Parker shutting the door and hurrying away from his car. I felt like running and hiding under my bed. I wasn't that much of a chicken though. I sighed and faced him, feeling sweat and goosebumps breaking on my back.

Parker tripped, and I rushed to catch him. We stumbled, but I managed to steady myself against one of the trees dotting our driveway. We dodged a close encounter with mom's carefully landscaped lawn, but I still ended up crushing him between my chest and the bark of the old tree.

"Shit," Parker said, his face twisted in pain.

"Sorry." I rushed to step back and stumbled. Parker caught me and pulled, which sent me right back on top of him. He hissed in pain again and I felt even more wretched. I hung my head, which was a worse mistake than everything I'd done that evening. My face ended up right in the crook of his neck. Like a fool, I inhaled, and got lost in his scent, in the closeness we were sharing, and the almost forbidden feel I got from the dark shadow we found ourselves in.

"Why did you run away like that?" Parker whispered, his lips brushing against the shell of my ear.

I bit my tongue to keep myself from moaning. I felt the taste of my own blood but kept quiet. Parker gasped, his heart beating so hard, I could feel it through our clothes. That was when I realized I'd focused on the wrong thing. Or rather, on just one thing that could give away my physical reaction to his touch. I'd forgotten how we were touching everywhere. I'd gone hard when his lips had brushed my skin and Parker felt that.

I pulled away, terrified but wanting to know what he thought. The shock in his eyes broke me. Or was it fear? It didn't matter, I'd struck him dumb.

I swore and ran my hands through my hair, pulling on the ends. "I guess you have your answer now." I left Parker there and walked inside. I didn't stop to say hello, nor did I answer my father's question about how I was. I went straight to my room, closed the door behind me and collapsed on my bed. I lay there, unwilling to take my shoes off or undress, refusing to even move to a more comfortable position.

Parker's utter shock haunted me. I stared at that mental picture for God knows how long, until I passed out.

***

The next day I made a point in saying as few words as humanly possible. I stuck to monosyllabic replies for most of breakfast, then retreated to my room to work. I couldn't get anything done, so I decided to pester my landlord instead. I wanted to go home, fast. I wanted my independence and my privacy. If that couldn't be arranged, then I'd look into canceling my lease and finding a new place to live. Or get a cheap hotel to spend a few weeks in. My sanity was worth that.

"What's up, little brother?" Taylor barged in like the selfish prick he was.

"Not in the mood for your shit." I tapped at my keyboard with enough force to break a flimsier model. The last thing I needed right now was seeing Taylor's smug face.

"Don't care. Parker called, he was worried about you. As I am trying to schmooze my way back, I can't ignore his requests."

"Parker has my phone number."

Taylor snorted and grabbed my shoulder. He pulled, turning me around. "It's not my fault you can't be bothered to turn it on, is it?"

I swung my chair back into its initial position. "Tell him I'm fine. Busy."

I ignored the sounds of Taylor going through his pockets and taking something out. If I acted like he wasn't there, then he'd go away.

"Hey, gorgeous. I'm in Van's room."

My fingers froze on the keyboard and I held my breath. The sweetness in Taylor's voice was too familiar. He'd used it with Parker whenever he'd messed up. If he groveled long enough, Parker would always take him back.

"Yeah, fine. Alive and kicking... Says he's busy."

I should have felt guilty for worrying Parker, but I was too angry for that. He'd said he wasn't going to take Taylor back, but here they were, talking.

"Sure, I'll tell him. Bye, babe." Taylor pulled on my hair. "Parker said to call him. I'd prefer you didn't."

"Get out, Taylor. I really am not in the mood."

He left without another word. He didn't enjoy being around me anymore than I did him. Small mercies.

I sighed and leaned my head on my desk. Maybe I didn't love Parker as much as I'd imagined. Maybe I was as selfish as my brother. Shouldn't I be happy for the man I loved? Shouldn't I hope he chose whoever made him happy? If that was Taylor, who was I to object?

That was the crux of the problem. I didn't think Taylor could make him happy. He'd had so many chances and he'd blown it every single time. I couldn't say I was Parker's best option, but I'd certainly be better than Taylor. I sounded conceited, full of myself, even to my own ears. What did I know about what Parker needed in a man?

I switched my phone to normal mode. I hadn't actually turned it off, I'd just kept it on airplane mode to avoid everyone, online and off. I scrolled through Parker's messages and missed phone calls, feeling worse about my childish reactions of late. I couldn't hide from reality forever.

"Sorry, I needed some time on my own. I'm okay, don't worry about me."

I hadn't expected a reply from Parker. Yet when it didn't come, it hurt. I really couldn't take a taste of my own medicine. What a hypocrite I was!