Amy
It was the third week of July and summer was going by fast. Back around the time of graduation, it would have delighted me to be inching closer to packing up and leaving for Chicago. But now, as I realized I only had a little over a month left, this was not how I felt. There was a tugging feeling that I couldn’t quite explain. My fear was that it had something to do with Seth. The unexpected things in life always seemed the most complicated. And Seth was definitely one of them.
So was my mom, who was now in a happier mood and warming up to me.
When I walked downstairs, I found her in the dining room instead of her usual spot in the kitchen. She was hunched over the table with puzzle pieces inches away from her face. I grabbed a cup of coffee before coming up behind her.
“Is this a new one?”
“No, just one I haven’t done in a while,” she said, not turning around and holding a piece in her hand. I joined her at the table, sipping my coffee. She looked up at me and gave me a small smile before picking up a different piece.
My mom used to love doing puzzles. When I was a kid that’s what my summers mainly consisted of. My mom always came home at the start of the summer with a stack of various puzzles that we would do over and over until summer ended. When my dad left, the puzzles were shut away, left to collect dust in a closet. I hadn’t thought about puzzles in so long. And now, seeing my mom placing a piece in a spot that didn’t quite fit, moving it and turning it until she had tried all the options, made it feel like things might finally be going back to normal. I felt a pang, knowing that wasn’t true. I watched as my mom set aside the piece, leaving it for later when she would find its rightful place. I wondered how long she would sit there, how long this image of her would last before the boxes went back in the closet.
It was then that I realized I hadn’t spent much time with her this summer. Even though there were moving boxes in my room, and she had left me to walk miles after our fight at the store, she had been there. College would be the most time we had ever spent apart, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for it.
I picked up the piece my mom was looking for. “I think it’s this one.”
My mom looked up and took it from me.
“Yes! Thank you,” she said, putting it in place. “You always did have the better eye.”
“Just not enough patience.”
She laughed. “Well, that was a while ago. You may have more now.”
I smiled. “Maybe.
My mom returned the smile and touched my face. When she dropped her hand, her face became more serious. “Listen, Amy, I know you may not want to talk about this, but I want to give you some advice.”
I nodded, clutching my coffee cup tighter.
“You want to go to Chicago because you got into a competitive private university and because your father lives there. You may be closer in location to him, but just understand that he has spent the past five years building a life there without you or me. I just don’t want to see you get hurt or disappointed. So if it is more about your father than the school, you have other options and it’s not too late to change your mind.”
She lifted the puzzle boxes and slid an envelope toward me. I looked at the address logo. It was my UNC–Charlotte acceptance packet.
“Mom,” I began.
She held up her hand. “I’m not saying you need to, and I’m not saying that it is what I want. I just want to make sure that Chicago is what you want.”
She gave me a small smile. “I know you love him very much and miss him, but don’t let this be about your father.”
I sat there, stunned. I looked down at the envelope and then back at my mom. She had gone back to her puzzle, choosing the next piece. Her words echoed in my mind and I realized that although we didn’t see eye to eye all the time, she knew me and I hadn’t given her enough credit for it. Even so, I also didn’t think she was giving my dad enough credit.
“I’ll think about it,” I said. She nodded, not looking up.
I went to my room and shut the door. I walked over to my drafting table and opened the UNC envelope. Charlotte was only three hours away, and it was a state school. It had been my plan B if I didn’t get into to the Art Institute. I sighed, thinking about the conversations with my dad the past few months. He seemed excited for me to come to Chicago, and to spend more time with him. I knew my mom had a point—he was busy, I knew that. I was his daughter, though, and I was confident that he would make time for me.
And even if he didn’t, this wasn’t about him. This was about me.
I got up and walked over to my CD player, hearing the beginning of Seth’s CD. A soft piano began, followed by guitar. I closed my eyes, enjoying the music, and thought about Seth writing a song about me. I desperately wanted to know what it sounded like.
I heard a quiet tapping on the door and opened my eyes. I gazed out my window, which pointed in the direction of the front door. I could see a shadow but not the person. The shadow moved back and forth, pacing. I heard a chair scrape against the floor as my mom went to answer it. I turned, facing my doorway, wondering if it was Kelly or Sarah. I heard muttering and my mom answering, “No, he’s not here. He’s out of town for the week.”
I turned back around and looked out the window, waiting for the figure to appear. It was a guy wearing a plain white t-shirt and shorts. His hair was black and looked wet. He walked away slowly, putting his hands in his pockets. Even though he didn’t turn, and I couldn’t see his face, I knew it was Seth.
“Hey, guys! I’m so glad to be back playing for you. I’m going to start off with a slow one,” Seth said, leaning into the microphone. A group cheered, and Seth’s chuckle echoed as he took a breath to begin.
It was Thursday night and after arguing with Kelly and myself, it was decided that I would be going to see this “guy” who apparently played wonderfully. I knew, of course, that it was Seth. I didn’t tell her that, but I thought about it the whole time we were getting ready at her house two hours earlier.
When Kelly opened her front door, she squealed. Apparently, she had thought I wouldn’t show.
“This is so exciting!” she said, clapping her hands together. Sarah appeared behind her and rolled her eyes. I raised my eyebrows.
“You’re wearing that?!” Kelly exclaimed. I looked back at her and then down at my plaid shorts and yellow t-shirt.
“Um, what’s wrong with it?” I asked.
“Well, I guess nothing. You’re putting on makeup, though, right?”
“Sure,” I said. “Can I come in the house first?” She stepped aside and I mumbled to Sarah, “Shoot me now.”
Now, standing right next to the stage, I saw Seth look down at me. Kelly had made me use her eye shadow and messed with my hair. She was made up in a short red dress with a black leather half jacket. She made a tiny squeal and squeezed my arm. I looked at her strangely and she said, “He was so staring at you!”
I looked up at Seth and he raised his eyebrows. I looked down and saw the corner of his tattoo. I thought about the other day when I had seen him outside my house asking about John. I was still trying to figure it out, but I still couldn’t think of a reason why he would have needed to talk to John.
“So I’m going to throw a new song at you. It’s called “For Awhile.” I hope you guys like it.” He glanced at me before looking at everyone else.
“All right, here we go.” The audience clapped quickly as the guitar slowly picked up. He inhaled and closed his eyes.
“If I sit here,
Would you sit with me,
For a while.
No need for words,
Just your presence here
For a while…”
I looked at Kelly, who was starting to sway slowly, and Sarah was next to her checking her phone. It was halfway through the song, and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable.
“Oh,
The night goes on,
And as I lay
Here with you,
It’s all enough
Oh, all enough,
For a while.”
I looked back up to the stage where Seth stood with his guitar. His eyes were searching and when he found mine he just stared at me as the last verse came to a close. I could feel Sarah’s eyes on me, and I turned to look at her. She raised her eyebrows and I shrugged.
“And I know if you’d give me the chance,
We could be more, oh so much more,
But that’s okay, I’ll settle for,
For the night that never ends.”
The tempo picked up and Seth kept his eyes shut, dragging out the notes. There were a few cheers and the song continued.
“And I’ll lay here with you,
Just as long as you stay,
And it’ll be enough,
All enough,
For a while.”
The song ended with loud cheers, and for the first time I felt something. It wasn’t anything drastic, like the way movies dramatize it. Time didn’t stand still and the earth didn’t shift. I was pretty sure no one else felt it either. It was just a little jolt and a quickened heartbeat. That little feeling scared me, though. It was not something I was used to or something that had really ever happened before.
Seth looked down at me once again and I nodded at him and clapped with everyone else. He winked at me before calling out. “Well. I take that as a keeper.” Someone whooped. He walked over to the piano in the corner and sat down.
“All right, now this next one is called ‘Curly Hair and Knobby Knees.’” A few people clapped behind me, already recognizing the song. I rolled my eyes. Great.
Kelly nudged me. “This is it!”
“Oh! I’ve swum the shore of many seas,
Never once was so affected by the beauty,
Of the waves crashing down on me
And her curly hair and knobby knees…”
It was upbeat and jazzy. I stood there looking at everyone clearly enjoying every word of it. All I could think about was that I still didn’t have knobby knees.
“And now I’m in a place so unfamiliar,
Not knowing how to act,
I’m drowning in her smiles,
And I know there’s no turning back…”
I smiled at the catchy rhymes. Okay, it is kind of cute, I thought.
“Because I’ve swum the shore of many seas,
Never once was so entranced.
This can’t just be a romance,
With her curly hair and knobby knees.
So now tell me what I should do.
Should I turn away or stay while,
I know I’ll never forget her smile,
Or the shade of color in her eyes,
She had me laughing from the start,
And now I never want to be apart…”
Seth ended the song with the chorus and repeated “with her curly hair and knobby knees” a few times. I walked away from the stage area, just as louder cheers filled the club.
When I stepped outside, the air was cold and I knew that the tide was rising at the beach, sending a cold breeze over the town. I shuddered but breathed in deeply. Clubs always made me feel claustrophobic, and I was also a little in shock that I, a girl he barely knew, had inspired the song.
“Hey,” I heard a voice say behind me. I turned around to find Seth walking up to me, pulling a jacket on. “What are you doing out here?”
“Getting fresh air. I’m not a big fan of clubs,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Aren’t you cold?” he asked, noticing my movement.
I shook my head. “No, it feels good.” That wasn’t completely true. I was cold, but I didn’t want him to feel obligated to give me his jacket.
“I’m glad you came.” He inched closer and nudging me.
I nudged him back. “Me too.”
“So what did you think?” he asked, running his fingers through his hair.
“Well,” I said, “you made quite an impression on the crowd.”
“Okay...” He trailed off, waiting for me to say more.
“They really seemed to love you,” I said.
He shrugged. “Of course they did. I raked them in with two love songs. But that’s beside the point. What did you think?”
“You really want to know?” I said.
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, knowing I was making him anxious.
“Amy,” was all he said.
I cleared my throat. “You were fine.”
“Fine,” he repeated. I could tell he was waiting for more, but I was not going to tell him about the way my heart had raced while he was singing.
“More than fine?” I offered.
He raised his eyebrows and stepped in front of me.
“Okay, fine. You were good,” I finally said. A smile slowly formed on his face.
“But,” I said, looking up at him. “I still do not have knobby knees.”
He snickered and looked at me intently. I felt my heart beat a little faster as he leaned down. “Yes, you do,” he said, kissing my cheek. I felt my face flush as he brushed his fingers against my cheek.
“What was that for?” I asked, stepping back slightly.
Seth shrugged. “Just my way of saying thanks.”
“Ah,” I said smiling. We stood there for a moment longer, and as I looked into his eyes I could feel something changing. My mind replayed the day he had walked away from my house after asking about John, and as much as I wanted to ask about it I knew this wasn’t the time.
“Well, I better go inside,” I said. “My friends are probably looking for me.”
“Sure,” he said. “I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah.” I stood there for a moment longer before slipping back inside, my heart still pounding.
I found Kelly and Sarah at a table at the restaurant. The club was still packed. Everyone was at the bar or waiting for a table to open up. I walked over and sat down.
“Where were you?” Sarah asked in a tone that sounded more like Kelly.
“I went outside for a minute,” I said, taking a sip of her water.
“So we need to talk,” Kelly said, looking at me, “about the fact that Mr. Hot Musician was totally staring at you.”
“Throughout the entire show,” Sarah added.
“I didn’t notice,” I said, looking around.
“You did notice. I saw you smiling,” Sarah said. I turned back to them. I was going to have to tell them—there was no way around it. I thought about all those nights on the beach, wondering what they had meant. I touched my cheek, wondering how much would change now, and if I was ready for it. The lyrics of his songs echoed in the back of my mind. Their intensity wasn’t something that had ever been expressed otherwise.
“That was Seth,” I said.
“What? Where?” Kelly asked, looking around.
“The,” I started, “‘Totally Hot Musician,’” I quoted, using my fingers.
Kelly’s mouth dropped. “You’re kidding right?”
“Nice work,” Sarah said, looking at me.
“Wait a minute,” Kelly said. We both looked at her and watched as she looked under the table quickly, her hair falling into her face. I looked at Sarah, confused. She shook her head. Clearly, our friend had gone completely crazy.
“Curly hair and knobby knees,” Kelly said, pointing at me.
I flushed a little. “What?”
“That’s about you!” she exclaimed. “That song is about you. You have curly hair, and your knees are a bit knobby.”
“I do not have knobby knees!” I said louder, stealing more of Sarah’s water.
“Yeah, you do,” Sarah said, taking the glass from me and putting it on the other side of the table.