Amy
It was the day after Seth’s performance, and I was covering Paul’s shift at the beach. I didn’t usually work Fridays, so I wasn’t too happy about it. I had agreed because the shift was short and I could use the extra money for when school started. Plus, it gave me a little time to think about Seth and the concert. After I heard his songs that were about me, I realized that I didn’t really understand my feelings for him. I hadn’t ever felt anything like this for someone before, and I didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t necessarily want to discuss it either—but I knew that would be impossible since I had dinner plans with Kelly and Sarah in a few hours.
“Amy?” a voice called out, and I looked down to see Jared squinting up at me.
“Jared? Hey, what’s up?” I said, a little surprised. Jared and I had never really talked without Sarah at his side, and since they had broken up the first week of summer, I hadn’t talked to him at all.
“How’s Sarah?”
I looked at him curiously. I knew he had cheated on her and I knew that, deep down, Sarah was hurting. I narrowed my eyes, annoyed at his question.
“Why do you care?” I finally answered.
He looked at me, confused. “Why wouldn’t I care? What did she tell you?”
“Look, Jared. You cheated on her. It doesn’t matter if you regret it or not. It happened, and Sarah broke up with you. She’s my best friend.”
“I cheated on her?” Jared said, his voice rising. My eyes widened. “That’s what she’s been saying?!”
“Jared—” I started.
“Amy,” he said calmly. “On graduation night I told her I loved her, and she freaked out and broke up with me.”
I blinked at him, observing his face. He looked genuinely hurt, and it made sense why he had seemed depressed every time I had seen him around. This also could explain why Sarah didn’t want to talk about it.
“Look,” Jared said, filling the silence. “I just wanted to know how she was doing. I won’t bother you again.” He began walking away.
“Jared, wait!” I called out. “I believe you…I’m sorry.”
He nodded. “Does it really matter?”
He walked away, not waiting for a response.
With the rest of my shift, I thought of different ways I was going to approach Sarah with this. I was a little upset she had lied to Kelly and me about the breakup, but more than that I was concerned about why she had done it—and how she was dealing with it.
“So…I don’t get it,” Kelly said, looking at me over dinner. We had decided to get our usual breakfast twelve hours early.
“Get what?” I asked.
“You and Seth,” she said, pointing her fork at me. I stared at her fork and then looked at Sarah. Sarah just shrugged and buttered her toast.
“Are you dating? Hooking up?” she asked impatiently. “What—friends? I saw the way he looked at you, so friends should be out of the question.”
“Well...” I started, squirting ketchup on my hash browns. “I’m not really sure. We haven’t talked about it.”
Kelly let out a dramatic sigh.
“Sorry to kill your excitement, Kells.”
Sarah snorted. “I’m with Kelly on this one. I’m confused.”
So am I, I thought, then thought again of Jared.
I shrugged. “When it comes out in words, it doesn’t make sense, but for some reason when I’m actually with Seth it does make sense, even though we’ve never discussed what we are.”
They both just stared at me.
I took a sip of my coffee, taking their silence as an opportunity.
“So I ran into Jared at the beach today.”
Kelly raised her eyebrows at me, surprised I would bring this up. I focused on Sarah.
“Why did you tell us he cheated on you?”
Sarah stopped mid bite. “He did.”
“Sarah.”
“Why don’t you believe her?” Kelly asked, an edge in her voice.
I turned to Kelly. “Because Jared told me that on graduation night, he told her he loved her and she broke up with him.”
“What?!” Kelly whipped her head toward Sarah.
Sarah looked from me to Kelly and then back to me.
“Fine!” She sighed, running her hands over her face. “He didn’t cheat on me,” she mumbled.
“Sarah,” Kelly said quietly. “Why wouldn’t you tell us?”
“Because it doesn’t change anything. I’m going to NYU in a month and he’s not. We would have broken up eventually anyways.” She picked up her fork and pushed her food across her plate.
“You don’t know that,” Kelly said.
“What? Do you think you and Kevin are going to be together forever, just because you are both going to UNC?”
Kelly gaped at her. Sarah turned to me. “And Seth? You don’t even know what’s happening with that, and a month from now it won’t even matter. You’ll be in two different places.”
Kelly looked at me, her face flushed, unsure of what to say. The feeling was mutual, but I also understood where Sarah was coming from. We both had people in our lives who had left, so I could understand the hesitation and fear of letting someone in who wasn’t guaranteed to stay.
And as we stayed silent for the rest of the meal, it finally dawned on me: I wasn’t unsure about my feelings for Seth. I was afraid of them.