Amy
Seth still looked pale when he joined me on the sand. I had left Conner’s an hour ago, telling him to meet me at the beach when he was ready to leave. He had been sitting at the bar when I left him, a dazed look on his face. I had been surprised by his reaction. I would have thought he’d be happier, but I realized that everyone handles change differently.
I had sat down earlier that day with my mom, telling her that Chicago was still what I wanted. She was sitting at the kitchen table, and when she saw me she stubbed out her cigarette. A gesture that was so different from the beginning of summer.
When I told her, she grabbed my hand. “Thank you for thinking about it.” She sighed. “If this is what you truly want, then it is what I want for you.”
“Thank you, Mom.” I paused. “I love you.”
She smiled, her eyes glistening. “I love you too, sweetie.”
We sat there a little while longer in silence, and it was the first time in a while that I felt an understanding forming between us.
“So. That happened.” A voice said behind me. Seth dragged his feet in the sand and plopped down next to me. I handed him a smoothie.
“Congrats again.”
He shook his head. “What do I do now?”
He looked like a little kid chewing on his straw. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”
“Yeah, but they don’t know me! They heard four songs. How can they just decide right then? And then what if they hate everything else I come up with and change their minds? And school? Jazz? My dad? What do I do about all those things? I can’t just move to Asheville next week.”
I stared at him, questions that I had promised to never ask resurfacing.
“Well,” I said slowly. “I don’t think you need to figure it all out now. You have to call them first. They probably have a lot of questions for you too.”
Seth blinked at me. “How are you so calm?”
“I’m happy for you, Seth.” I clinked my smoothie to his. “I would be jumping up and down with you right now, but you aren’t jumping and I don’t want to look like an idiot.”
I watched him slowly smile. I returned the smile and kissed him.
When we broke apart, I grabbed his face and looked him in the eyes. “It’ll hit you and when it does, all those details will fall into place. This is your shot. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll always have your degree, your talent in jazz, and another chance at an ensemble.”
He hugged me then, squeezing the life out of me. As I hugged him back, my own worries crept up and I wondered how I could prolong the night, keeping summer from ending sooner than I wanted it to.
The next morning I went for a jog to ease my mind. I walked up to the beach afterward and scanned the crowd, looking for Seth. But I didn’t see him. After standing there for a few more minutes, I walked back through the neighborhood in the direction of my house.
John’s car was parked in the driveway, which I thought was odd. He wasn’t supposed to be back for another two days. I went inside and found my mom at the dining room table, hunched over another puzzle. I smiled, glad that the worry of her being upset at me was no longer an issue. It also kept her from sitting at the kitchen table smoking all day.
“John’s home?” I asked her, leaning against the doorway.
“Hmm?” she said, glancing at a puzzle piece, turning it several times. “Yeah, he came back early.”
“Oh,” I said, surprised. “Where is he?”
“Upstairs, sweetie,” she said, a little annoyed, and glanced at me. “Why? Do you need something?”
“No, just wondering.” She turned back to her puzzle, choosing a different piece to inspect.
I went back into the kitchen and started making a fresh pot of coffee when John walked in.
“What are you doing?” he demanded in a tone I hadn’t heard before. I looked up, taken aback.
“Making coffee…” I said, trailing off, confused, and wondering what his problem was.
“Your mom just made that coffee. And you just wasted it.”
“No, she didn’t,” I said, getting annoyed. Was he seriously going to argue with me about this? “She made it at, like, eight in the morning. It’s almost one. I’ve jogged four miles, and I want fresh coffee. Not stale, five-hour-old coffee that has been sitting out.”
“You’re ridiculous,” he said, turning away and opening the fridge. I stared at his back, holding the coffee filter in mid air. What the…
I looked over the counter at my mom, who met my eyes with the same surprise that I felt.
“John,” she said calmly. “Amy always brews more coffee. She likes it fresh. She’s been doing this for…”
John shut the fridge loudly. “I realize that, but it just seems like a huge waste.”
“It’s just coffee,” I said slowly, narrowing my eyes. He looked at me but didn’t say anything.
“John, what’s wro—” my mom began.
“Just do your stupid puzzle, Angela!” he snapped.
My mom’s face turned red, and I could tell she felt as though she had been slapped. I whipped around, my blood raging.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” I yelled. John shoved past me and slammed the back door behind him.
“Mom?!”
“Amy,” she said quietly. “It’s okay.”
“No,” I said. “It’s not. Who does he think he is? Showing up here, coming back all angry and taking it out on stupid, ridiculous things like my coffee and your puzzle. I swear, Mom, if you put away that puzzle…” I took a deep breath and set the filter on the counter.
“I don’t feel like doing it anymore,” she said.
I looked at her, so small and fragile. Her expression hurt. I was furious at him and shocked. I had never seen him act that way before, and I could tell my mom hadn’t either. I knew she was probably trying to find a way to blame herself for it and that made me angrier.
“I don’t understand,” she said quietly.
“I don’t either,” I said, watching my coffee brew, not even wanting it anymore.
It reminded me of my dad’s random outbursts after a long day of work. It had been so long since then that John’s outburst was unexpected. I wondered what was wrong with him, hoping it was just a bad day, but a part of me didn’t think a simple a bad day could make someone act like that.
I poured coffee into two cups and handed one to my mom. The anger jolted my brain and as I watched my mom place each puzzle piece back in the box, one by one, a fast-forward of memories flooded my mind as something suddenly dawned on me.
Seth had stopped by the house asking for John.
Seth was in town for his father.