Amy
It was the day after my dinner with Seth and I slowly walked home, wondering what I would find there. John had taken my advice and when I had gotten up that morning, he was already in the kitchen emptying groceries, planning a big dinner for the two of them. I had wished him good luck and got out of there as quickly as I could.
So when I reached the house, I hesitated before opening the door. I heard shuffling and then laughter. I jerked my hand away from the knob and just stood there. It was my mom’s laughter—a sound I hadn’t heard in a while. I slowly backed away from the door, not wanting to walk in and ruin the moment. I looked around me, weighing my options. It was about six now, and eating dinner alone didn’t sound very appealing.
My mind went back to what had happened the night before and the strange turn of events that began with the casual dinner date. It left me wondering about Seth’s reasons for keeping a part of himself quiet. I tried to put myself in his shoes and wondered if I would have hidden it or been proud of it. I would think the latter—I liked the idea of being able to expose people to something they weren’t familiar with. But it was hard to know for sure. I hadn’t seen or heard from Seth at all that day, which left me even more full of questions I wasn’t sure I’d get answers for.
I walked away from my house and in the direction of Sarah’s. I saw Sarah’s car parked in the driveway and was thankful she was home. This time I knocked on the front door. I stood there looking up at the yellow welcome sign. Way too cheerful.
I heard footsteps and Sarah poked her head around the door. When she saw it was me, she opened the door wider.
“You used the front door,” she said, surprised. “I’m impressed.”
I nodded. “You should be.”
I walked in and followed her into the kitchen. “And to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” she asked, sitting down on the stool.
I shrugged. “I didn’t want to go home.”
She nodded. “You hungry?”
“A little.”
She got up and opened the freezer. “We have…” she said, looking through the frozen dinners. “Seven different kinds.” She turned back to me. “Take your pick.”
I looked over her shoulder. “What do you want?”
“You first,” she said, stepping aside.
I picked the macaroni and cheese box and moved out of the way.
“I don’t understand how you can eat that,” Sarah said, picking out the Chinese sweet and sour chicken.
“I don’t understand how this is your dinner every night.”
“Well, when your mom’s always working and your dad doesn’t know you exist, what else would you have me do?” She paused. “Cook or something?”
“Maybe,” I said while she snorted. I put the frozen dinner in the microwave and sat down.
“So how have you been doing since the breakup with Jared?” I had seen him around town lately looking pretty depressed.
Sarah looked taken aback by my question. “Fine.”
“Yeah? You guys dated for most of high school. You can tell me if you’re not doing all right,” I pressed. I knew Sarah well enough to know that she wouldn’t want to talk about it, but I felt obligated to make sure she was really okay.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” She gave me a pointed look and I nodded, knowing to let it go.
“Kelly’s coming over,” Sarah said, checking her phone. “She’s jealous of our dinner.” She rolled her eyes. “Apparently it’s roast beef at her house. How awful.”
Kelly was rich. Her family owned one of the twenty beach mansions in town. Her house was perfect, her family quiet and proper. She grew up having three-course meals every day, and had tried sushi by the time she was twelve. For as long as I could remember, she had tried skipping meals at home so that she could come over to Sarah’s house or mine for something “normal.” Frozen dinners didn’t seem exactly normal to me.
We were almost through eating when Kelly walked in. She went straight for the freezer. “So guess what?” she said, digging through the choices.
We remained silent, knowing Kelly would continue on her own.
“My brother decided to get engaged.” She paused, walking over to the microwave. “He comes home, without the girl, claiming he’s totally in love and can’t wait to get married. They want the wedding in August before he starts graduate school.” She faced the microwave and put her blond hair in a ponytail. “Three months. They’ve only known each other for three months!”
She sighed and waited while the food whirled around. After a few minutes, she said, “My mom nearly collapsed. He showed us a picture, and if you ask me I think she’s a little plump.”
She said this last part with a squeak. I looked up and she almost dropped her steaming food.
“That’s hot,” she mumbled.
Sarah looked at me with raised eyebrows. “Plump?”
“Plump,” she repeated, sitting down.
“As in…” I chimed in, “fat?”
“Or…” Sarah added.
“Pregnant,” Kelly finished. “Yup, my brother is marrying an impregnated college dropout and expects everything to be okay.” She dug her fork into the lasagna. “Does he not realize it’s not just his life he’s ruining? I’m going to be an aunt. An aunt and a college student. Somehow I don’t think that’s supposed to happen.”
“Well, at least you’re not the one who’s pregnant,” Sarah said, attempting to be helpful.
Kelly gave her a dirty look. “I just wish I had picked a college out of state. UNC is too close to this place. It’s within driving distance, which is not a good thing. They might threaten to make me babysit on the weekends or something.”
I stopped chewing and looked at Kelly. “Don’t worry, Kells,” I said. “You’ll be in college; you can bail out on weekend trips.”
“I know,” she sighed. “I just can’t believe he’s getting married.”
Her shoulders slumped and she got this faraway look in her eyes. Sarah glanced at me and we both just stared at Kelly, waiting for her to snap out of it. We weren’t good at pity, or comforting people. Kelly usually didn’t mind, though. Her mom fussed over her enough that our lack of effort went unnoticed.
“There’s ice cream?” Sarah offered.
Kelly perked up. “Really?”
Sarah nodded.
“I’ll pick the movie,” I said, getting up. When ice cream was involved, so was a movie. It wasn’t safe to let Kelly pick the movie. We’d all be crying our eyes out if she did.
Four hours later, after forcing Kelly to watch a comedy and eating three pints of ice cream, I escaped. I walked out, feeling a breeze blow over me. It was chilly for a June night, but that didn’t stop me from walking toward the beach. It was close to midnight now and the neighborhood was still. The only part of Shelby that would be awake was the “downtown.” It was a short street with bars and clubs. I rarely went to that side of town.
When I reached the boardwalk, I could see a large portion of the beach stretched out in front of me. I scanned the empty beach and stopped when I saw a figure sitting on the sand. I already knew who it was.
“So I have a confession,” I said, sitting down next to Seth on the sand. He jumped, startled by my appearance.
“What?”
“I have a lot of questions.”
“Okay,” he said. I looked at him. He had turned back to the ocean, his face unreadable. I realized this wasn’t exactly how I’d wanted him to respond. He didn’t say anything else, so I felt I had to.
“I’m not going to ask them.” I looked down at the sand as I said it. I wasn’t even really sure why I was telling him this. “I get it. You don’t want to let me in. You don’t want to talk about it. So I’m not going to ask.” I paused. “But I’m here if you change your mind.”
I took a peek next to me and found him looking at me. I held his gaze, trying to read his thoughts. Truthfully, I was embarrassed and my heart was pounding. I wished I hadn’t walked down here and opened my mouth.
Then he smiled. “That’s probably the strangest comforting thing anyone has ever said to me.”
I exhaled, pulling my hair back as he laughed at me.
“What?” I said over his laugh. “I mean it. Now stop laughing at me.”
“I’m not laughing at you.”
“Oh, really?”
He grabbed my wrist, causing my hair to fall back down, hitting my shoulders. He ran his finger against the bone in my wrist and I felt like my heart had stopped. I held my breath.
“You know more about me than anyone has in years,” he said in a small voice. “So thanks for giving me the option.”
I nodded. More questions formed and I kind of regretted saying I would not ask.
A few seconds passed and he let go of my wrist. He nudged me and gave me a grin: an evil one. I scooted farther away from him. “Don’t even think about it.”
He smiled wider, getting up.
“Seth—” I started to say but didn’t finish because he ran into the water.
“No way—you’re crazy,” I called after him.
He didn’t answer me and just began to swim. I watched him go farther and farther, wondering about everything. I wondered what I was getting myself into. I didn’t understand why I was comfortable around him or why I felt like I could completely be myself, even with all the unanswered questions.
I watched him swim back toward the shore, still smiling while I kept wondering. Maybe it didn’t matter if I knew the answers to those questions. Maybe it was enough, just the way things were.