Seth
I lay on the bed in my hotel room staring at the ceiling.
It was the morning after seeing the house and I was exhausted. The night before was blurry, a flash of moments that felt like they had been lived by someone else. I remembered Will driving me back to my hotel room, not saying a word even though he could tell I was not fine. And now here I was, wondering what to do next. I was afraid of the emotion still trapped inside of me, afraid it would emerge again if I let my brain even think about it. A part of me had thought facing the house would be enough, but clearly it wasn’t.
I forced myself off the bed and took a long shower. If I hadn’t had to work I probably would have stayed in bed all day. I looked around my room at the mess, glad for the fact that weekly guests didn’t get their rooms cleaned unless they made a special request. The owner of the motel had agreed to lower my rate since I was staying another month, and the tips from working at Conner’s was covering most of it. I had a hard time believing that I had already been here for ten weeks.
I grabbed my phone and headed out the door. I wondered if Amy had gone to the beach last night. My stomach twisted at the thought of having to tell her about all this. I tried to think about what would be the right time but quickly realized there probably would never be one.
My phone buzzed when I opened the door to Conner’s. I quickly glanced at it and saw that Will had sent me a video link. I clicked on it automatically and started to walk again. I suddenly stopped when the video showed Conner’s stage and my voice came out of the speakers.
The video was from the previous night. My eyes scanned the content and I scrolled down.
2,000 views.
30 comments.
“You posted this?!” I walked into the kitchen and saw Will at the computer.
He looked up. “Yeah. I always post videos from our open mic nights. Social media presence for the place.”
“You didn’t tell me.”
Will raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t know it would be a problem.”
“It’s not,” I said quickly. “Just wasn’t expecting it…or 2,000 views.”
“The most anyone has gotten preforming here!” Will said, grinning. “You might go viral.”
I frowned. “Seems odd. It’s not that great of a video.”
Will chuckled. “Don’t overthink it, man.”
Hard not to, I thought. I hadn’t ever put up videos of myself singing. I knew there were a few out there from other open mic nights, but none had gotten anywhere near as many views. Were these new songs really that much better?
He clamped my shoulder. “You good?”
I knew he meant about last night. “Yeah. Thanks for the ride.”
He nodded. “When you go back, you can use my car.”
He gave me a pointed look, and I knew he was right. No matter how painful, no matter how much I didn’t want to face it again, it existed. It was what I had come for and it was mine. I would have to go back.
After work, I walked to the beach, wondering if Amy was still there. It had to be almost two in the morning. When I reached the dock, I scanned the beach, looking for a figure. I didn’t see anybody at first, but then I noticed a dark blob on the sand. I squinted, trying to figure out if it was a person or just a beach towel. Then it moved, elongating, and I knew it was Amy. I hesitated at the dock. Something about her position made me uneasy. I had never seen her lie that close to the shoreline before, and I knew she had to be getting wet. I rolled up my work pants and took off my shoes. The sand was cold on my feet, but it felt good. When I got to where Amy was, she looked asleep. I sat down next to her and just stared out into the water.
I thought back to that night, the night everything had changed for me. The waves were loud but as I stared, losing myself in the sound, I could hear my mom’s laughter as she went deeper and deeper into the ocean, calling out to me to join her. I sighed, wishing I could now.
Amy wriggled her toes in the sand and I looked at them, and then turned to look at her face. She was awake, not asleep, but didn’t look at me. She just stared up at the sky. She seemed different, and I wondered what was wrong, but I didn’t ask.
I looked at her again and she met my eyes. She looked sad, her eyes searching. I felt uncomfortable, seeing the other side of the girl who had such confidence. She seemed suddenly fragile. I waited for her to say something.
“Do really mean what you say in your songs?”
I looked down at her, her curly hair spread wildly beneath her. There were so many things to say in that moment, so much I knew she needed to know. The fear of it all hovered inside of me, but there was only one way I could answer.
I reached down and touched her cheek, leaning over her. She welcomed it, closing her eyes at my touch as I slowly leaned closer and kissed her.
As her lips touched mine, the feeling ignited every nerve in my body. I felt my arms give out and I pulled away to keep myself from falling on top of her.
I lay down next to her, my heart pounding and mind racing. I had never felt that affected by a kiss before, and I knew what I didn’t want to admit to myself. I could feel Amy breathing next to me, so I turned my head to look at her to find her looking at me. She was smiling and her eyes were shining. I let out a heavy, overly dramatic sigh and scooted closer to her. She held back a giggle, as I brushed her hair out of her face. She leaned against me and put her head on my chest. I put my arm around her, pulling her close. I felt my body heat up against her cold skin. She inhaled deeply and buried her head in my chest.
Having her there felt unlike anything else. It felt so right just lying there with her, feeling her steady breathing. I caressed her, feeling the ridges in her backbone. I lost track of how long we were lying there, but I began to feel myself dozing off. I craned my neck to see her face. She had her eyes closed and was still: fast asleep. I smiled, staring at her face lit by the moonlight, shadows of the waves appearing across it.
She was so beautiful.
I kissed her forehead, keeping my lips on her cold skin for a moment, before leaning my head against hers. As I fell asleep, I felt nothing but Amy’s head on my chest and the slight ripple of water barely hitting my toes.