The next few weeks were uneventful for Jenn, except for one weekend in which Jenn attended a lupus awareness weekend. It was held at the local community center, sponsored by the organization Jenn worked for. She volunteered to coordinate educational workshops, free blood pressure tests and raffle tickets. She was elated to see a throng of more than 200 people turn up to the event. It was a long weekend, but Jenn finally had a chance the last day to walk through everything with her parents. She was happy to see so many people gathered in one place to learn about a disease with many misconceptions, but she was feeling sick too. Over the past several weeks, Jenn had felt significantly more fatigued than usual and had thrown up several times. She felt near-constant dizziness and her sense of smell was out of control — like now, when she was holding a greasy slice of pizza on a plate in her hand. The wafting smell of cheese hit Jenn’s nose and her stomach suddenly lurched. She stopped, put a hand on her middle, and waited for everything to steady itself.

Once the swell of nausea passed, she joined her parents at a picnic table for a quick bite to eat. The grease didn’t sit well with her stomach at first, but she forced herself to eat something, since there were still a few more hours to get through. By the time the sun was setting, most of the crowd had gone home and the clean-up crew had started its rounds, and Jenn decided to stop at the bathroom before leaving.

The line was full of people who, like Jenn, had also waited until the very end to go to the bathroom, and, as luck would have it, one of the bathrooms was out of order, which meant that everyone had to wait for a single unisex bathroom.

“Someone needs to put a sign on the door of the other one saying it’s broken; I’ve seen probably a dozen people try that one,” said the man in front of Jenn.

“You’d think they would notice by now,” she replied, absentmindedly examining her dirty hands. The man turned halfway to his left to see who was talking. Then his eyes lit up and he smiled. “Oh, hey, it’s you!” he exclaimed. Jenn looked up to see the man from the hospital that had cleaned her room a few weeks back. He was unrecognizable without scrubs on, but Jenn could still see his muscles through his plain black t-shirt and faded blue jeans. Kenzie was right: he does have really nice arms! The way he smiled at Jenn sent a chill through her whole body. Can teeth really be that white? Are my teeth white enough? When did I last brush my teeth, anyway? The man extended his hand, breaking Jenn’s thoughts. “I’m Steve. I met you at the hospital that one time; remember? I didn’t get your name, I don’t think.”

“Oh, hi! I’m Jenn and I really have to pee.” They both laughed. “Hi, Jenn, it’s great to officially meet you — I say as the event ends, but maybe I’ll see you around at the hospital more. Do you always use that same room?”

“Most of the time, yes. It’s sort of home now, sadly, but that’s okay. What brings you here this weekend?”

“Oh, I go to these events a lot. The posters for them are plastered everywhere in the hospital, so I check them out from time to time.”

The line surged forward and suddenly it was Steve’s turn in the bathroom. “Shoot, looks like I have to go,” he said. “But, hey, are you busy tonight? Do you want to go get ice cream or something?”

Jenn looked hesitant. She knew her parents were waiting for her and she didn’t want to keep them waiting. There was no way she could convince them to allow her to come home a few hours later, especially when tomorrow was a treatment day. “I don’t know if I should...”

“Some other day, then?”

“On Friday, maybe? I have a session with Dr. Blake at noon but I’m free all evening. Maybe you could meet me there at, say, 5 o’clock? You know, if you want.” Jenn almost wasn’t sure it was her own voice she heard coming from her mouth.

Steve smiled. “Sounds good, I’ll see you then.”

The following week couldn’t go quickly enough for Jenn, whose heart fluttered every time she thought about Friday — from both excitement and nerves. However, she couldn’t shake whatever feelings of nausea she was having; her symptoms were off and on, she worried she was going to have to reschedule her date — was it a date? — with Steve It had already been a week since the lupus awareness event and Jenn figured she would probably have to get checked out if her nausea persisted; it could be the small beginning of a worse complication. That morning she had thrown up before heading for the hospital, and she felt hot and dizzy in the car on the way in. She made a note to ask Dr. Blake what was going on.

Still, Jenn walked into the hospital ten minutes before noon with a soaring heart; her grin stretched across her face and made several passers-by grin in response to her happiness; it was contagious.

On the way into her usual room, she heard someone call her name from down the hall. “Jenn! Hey!” It was Steve; Jenn grinned and waved. He hurried over to her. “We’re still hanging out later, right?”

“Hanging out? Yeah, that sounds nice.” Was it a date? Jenn didn’t want to assume anything.

“Awesome. I’ll come find you at 5 o’clock, then. Should be fun. Anyway, that’s not the only reason I came over here,” Steve said, gesturing to the bucket of rags he was carrying in his left hand. “Do you remember what day it was that your room didn’t get cleaned? It was a while ago, but I forgot to make a note of it.”

“It was probably a Friday because that’s when we always schedule longer procedures. Ask Dr. Blake; he’d know.”

Steve’s eyes shifted back and forth. “See, that’s the thing.” He grabbed Jenn’s elbow and led her into the hospital room where their voices wouldn’t carry so far. “Come in here for a second. It’s just—“ he paused. “I was looking through some of the schedules for procedures in this wing in the past few weeks, rooms were being used, you know. On paper, Dr. Blake has only been here twice in eight weeks.” He pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket. “Look, he’s not even scheduled to be here today.”

Jenn frowned. “What? He’s done my dialysis and other procedures every week for months.”

“I don’t know, but it’s never recorded.”

Out of nowhere, a third voice crept up behind them in the doorway. “Hi Jenn, Steve, nice to see you both. I didn’t realize you two knew each other.” Dr. Blake’s eyes shifted back and forth between them as he grinned his white, toothy smile at the pair, running a hand up and down the sleeve of his lab coat. “Are you ready for your checkup today?”

“Checkup? Huh?” Jenn looked at Steve almost unconsciously.

“Your mom called me. She said you’d been having some nausea and dizziness. That could be a bad sign in someone like you.”

“Yeah, I was going to ask you about that.”

“You should have mentioned it right away.” Now he was just scolding Jenn. “We’d better get started. Steve, nice to see you. Tell your father hello from me. ”

“Will do,” Steve said, looking surprised at the sudden intrusion. “Jenn, see you in a little bit.” He backed out of the room, eyeing the two of them.

When Dr. Blake turned toward Jenn, his usual smile had vanished, replaced by a stern gaze from his vibrant green eyes. “Jenn,” he said, “you should have called right away once you had nausea. It can turn into a fever or worse. I’ll have to take a look. Good thing you’re my last patient today,” he said, striding over to the windows and closing the curtains to the hallway. Then he turned to his left and reached to lock the door, something Jenn had never seen him do before. She sat down on the side of the bed.

“Dr. Blake?” she said quietly.

“Hmm?” he responded, resting his pen cap against his lip as he examined her chart.

Jenn had a few questions floating around in her head now, but she was afraid to bring them up — she didn’t even really know what to ask. “Um.” She looked down at her hands. “Never mind.”

“I’m probably going to have to take a look at your stomach and lungs today just to check and see what’s going on, okay? What else have you been feeling?”

“The nausea, mostly. And the dizziness. Sometimes I get really hot and then really cold and I feel like I’m going to pass out.”

“How long have you felt like this?” Dr. Blake still had his face buried in the clipboard; all Jenn could see was his eyes, which were furiously reading notes on the page.

“A month, maybe? The nausea is worse now, but not as frequent.”

“Hmm.” The two sat silently in the room together for a few minutes. Jenn examined her fingernails nervously; Dr. Blake tapped his pen rhythmically on the clipboard. “I think — yes, I think we’ll give you propofol again today for this one. Sometimes stomach problems are, um, well, they’re a big concern with lupus, so I need to make sure nothing’s wrong.” Within minutes of hooking up the IV, Jenn started to feel woozy and her head began to spin. She felt the doctor touching her legs lightly and a slight pinch below her navel, and then everything went black.

She is running through the jungle again, but this time, instead of herself, it’s a child being chased by a single snake, a giant anaconda with yellow pointy eyes. The little girl trips over a vine and screams, and when she turned around, Jenn sees it is herself as a little girl, no more than three years old. The child picks herself up and keeps running, her chubby legs churning over as quickly as they can. Present-day Jenn stands on the side, watching the dream take place; when she sees the snake advancing, she too screams and tries to catch up to it and save her younger self. It’s no use. The snake reaches her and swallows her whole. The dream fades to black.

The clock read 3:22 p.m. when Jenn awoke to a faint throb of discomfort in her stomach. She rolled over and groaned, but the doctor’s hand stopped her. “Shh. Don’t move. You’re sore.”

“Wha—?”

“Shhhh.”

Jenn kept her eyes shut tightly. Her thoughts were whirlwinds in her head; she remembered a pinch and a pull, and then there were visions of snakes before all the colors in her brain spiraled down into blackness. She felt as though she’d been asleep only for a second. As she now slowly figured out her surroundings, she saw Dr. Blake standing over her, a shadow in an even more shadowy room, green eyes staring down at her. She wanted to move, to reach for him, to open her mouth, but the weight of her own body wouldn’t let her.

Dr. Blake was saying something to her, but she could barely hear him. She felt sick and woozy and the doctor’s words echoed in her brain. Then he cleared his throat, straightened his tie, and turned on his heel to leave, leaving Jenn alone in the dark room.

After several minutes of silence, Jenn began moving her fingers and toes, her knees and her elbows. The numbness in her lower half slowly began to dissipate, leaving only soreness in her groin and thighs. She lay back on her hospital bed and breathed heavily for a long time. In the other rooms and in the hallway, patients and hospital staff were walking back and forth, chatting, laughing, talking about their weekend plans — but here, behind these walls, Jenn lay in silence. A short time later, there was a knock at the door, and Steve entered slowly. “Jenn?”

“Yeah?” she shook her head to wake up. “Oh! Hi Steve! Sorry, I’m still ... a little out of it. Come in.”

“What happened?”

“I’ve been ... feeling sick, so Dr. Blake thought it was ... a stomach virus ... or something. I feel better now, though.”

Steve’s face was full of concern. After helping her walk out of the room, he glanced back at the darkness behind him on the way out; it was the first time he’d ever seen the curtains fully closed, too.

Jenn was starting to feel better after a few hours — she was thankful to Dr. Blake for being able to solve the problem so quickly. Steve took her to a festival happening downtown, where they had dinner and dessert and fed ducks in the park. After a while, just being in Steve’s company, Jenn forgot about her pain. She let her mind relax for a few hours, just to spend time with this guy she had been waiting for.

“This is nice,” she said after a short silence. “I haven’t done this in a long time.”

“What, go on a date?” Steve grinned.

“So it is a date, then?”

“I think so. Is that okay?”

“Yes.” Jenn looked away, her lips spreading into a grin. Kenzie, I can’t wait to tell you about this! Suddenly she felt brave, and to her own surprise, she reached over and slipped her fingers into his. His hand gripped hers tightly back and they walked together through the park, watching the ducks play. She was so happy.

After a couple hours of bliss, Steve, drove Jenn back to the hospital where she’d parked her car. “Thank you for the great night,” Jenn said shyly.

Steve smiled back at her. “It was fun. Are you sure you’re okay to go home?”

Jenn nodded. “Yeah, I feel much better. Thank you.” She giggled; Steve lifted her spirits considerably and she couldn’t wait to see him again.

He paused, as if he was about to leave, and then, turning back, he put his hands on the side of Jenn’s face, lifted her chin toward him and gently touched her lips with his. They felt soft at first, and then firmer when he pressed more passionately into her.

To her surprise, she was pushing back. It couldn’t have been more than three seconds, but Jenn felt like she had been waiting her whole life for it. When their lips parted, Steve looked deeply into Jenn’s eyes, whispered “Good night,” and watched her get into her car and drive away.

Jenn dreamed of him that night, falling asleep with a smile on her face.

Her happiness was short-lived. The next morning Jenn didn’t want to wake up. She didn’t want to eat. For days after her date with Steve, she no longer wanted to do anything; she slipped into a rut of lethargy and apathy and didn’t know why. Her abdomen continually throbbed with a dull, aching pain. She even stopped calling her sister and avoided Steve during her dialysis treatments, closing the curtains and the door.

Her dreams haunted her. She remembered bits and pieces, always the same sensations: a little girl running, feeling bites and stings all over her body, the heavy breathing of someone chasing her, giant snakes rearing up in front of her ready to strike, nonstop hissing, the pungent smell of jungle humidity and rotting flesh.

Almost a month after Jenn’s date, she finally pulled herself out of bed to drive herself to the hospital, although she could do nothing but sit silently during the whole treatment. Dr. Blake wasn’t on duty today; the receptionist had said he’d gone on vacation for a few weeks.

The clock on the wall seemed to go backward while Jenn watched it during dialysis today. Once her treatment finished and the doctor left, Jenn merely sat there in bed, staring out the window — all that was outside was the brick wall of the building next door. It was raining. She stared at the falling raindrops for a long time, slowly curling herself up into a little ball on the bed. Her hair had come loose from being tied back and was falling into her face, but she didn’t care. She didn’t move.

Then the door creaked open. Jenn didn’t turn to look, but out of the corner of her eye, she saw Steve tread gingerly inside the room. Her heart flipped over, the first real reaction she’d had to anything in weeks; she was excited and reluctant to see him.

“Thank god you’re here,” he said, rushing over to her. His face, furrowed in concern, relaxed instantly when he saw her. “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you!”

She didn’t reply.

“Jenn, please.” He walked over to her bed and put a gentle, if somewhat reluctant, hand on her shoulder. Neither of them moved, but Steve could feel her upper body heaving up and down as she began to cry — gentle tears at first, escalating into aggressive sobs. “Jenn,” he whispered. “Please. Talk to me. What’s going on?” Her sobs only grew louder, and she began gasping for air, gulping at anything she could inhale into her lungs.

His hand rested motionless on her shoulder for several minutes, as they each faced the window. Then Jenn rolled toward him, swinging her legs off the side of the bed, pulling him to her, burying her face in his chest and making him lose his balance with a sudden step forward. He stood between her legs, his arms wrapped around her tightly, petting her head, and running his fingers through her long hair. He felt the vibrations of her crying and the wetness of her tears against his chest.

Jenn didn’t know what had come over her; she felt the surge of every emotion run through her at the same time as she still felt an emptiness she couldn’t explain. She leaned up from his chest — his hands ran down her back as she moved — and looked Steve straight in the eyes. He met her pleading teary-eyed gaze with his own gentle one, wondering what was going through her head. Then he found out: she sat up straighter and pulled him toward her face. A second later, she kissed him with a passion that excited her and frightened her; she never imagined she would be in this situation. Steve kissed her back, overcoming his surprise.

She fumbled with her hands, running them up and down his body. He went with it, pushing them down even farther, below his belt, where she could feel a quickly growing bulge in his pants. Her heart beat faster. She knew what was happening now, but she could barely process her feelings; all she knew was that she wanted it to happen — she knew she wanted him. With trembling hands Jenn unzipped his pants and started pulling them down, while Steve lifted her shirt overhead. His hands were adept running over her body; he knew what he was doing. Jenn recoiled for a second, suddenly scared, but Steve pulled her back to him.

“Are you sure?” he said in an airy voice. Their exhalations were short and quick.

Jenn breathed a barely audible, “Yes.”

Without hesitation, Steve lifted her back up onto the hospital bed, pulled off her pants and underwear, and reached around her back to unclasp her bra. Within seconds, she was completely naked in front of him. She felt awkward and exposed, but his hands touching her made her feel warm and safe; all her insecurities disappeared at his touch. Her mind cleared and her tears dried. Her skin reacted instantly to his fingers, as if they were full of static electricity — he kissed her neck, then ran his hands down her chest, over her breasts, down her stomach, and further down her body, where he spread her thighs and gave her two soft kisses. Goose bumps covered everywhere on her body as Steve’s tongue touched her in places she’d never been touched, giving her brand new sensations of shock and pleasure.

Finally Jenn let herself go and leaned back on the hospital bed, letting out faint moans as Steve kissed her below. Every light flick of his tongue, the touch of his fingers made her want him more. She was finally ready. “Stop,” she whispered, to his surprise.

He looked up at her from between her legs, but she only looked him straight in the eyes and pulled him toward her so their hips were parallel.

“Please,” she whispered. She felt him pressed firmly against her pelvis and moved her body to accompany him. He needed no further encouragement. Gripping her waist — while she dug her own fingers deep into the skin on his back — he positioned himself in the center of her wetness and slowly pushed in.

Jenn swallowed. Her heart was beating faster, and she closed her eyes. Suddenly she felt a quick thrust below and Steve was inside her, creating pressure up and down her body. She let out a short gasp when Steve penetrated her, his cock tickling her inside and sending spasms of pleasure through her. He watched her closely while his hips met hers in a circular rhythm — she had thrown her head back and was holding her head with one hand while gripping his arm tightly with the other. Seeing her supine on her back, with her breasts rising and falling with each breath, maddened him with desire. He pushed on, stroke after stroke getting faster and faster until he was almost at the brink.

Jenn’s body, too, was bucking at the sensations below her waist. She felt the friction between their two bodies create sparks of arousal and passion and she gripped Steve’s arms, neck, and back tightly as he drove into her. Finally, the sensation was too much, as pulsations shot through his body; he pulled out of her swiftly and released himself on her stomach. Together both of them fell onto the bed, breathing heavily for a few minutes. Then Steve turned toward Jenn, put his arm around her shoulder, and laid a soft kiss on her forehead.

After cleaning up and getting dressed again in the hospital bathroom, Jenn sat on the bed leaning against Steve’s chest, feeling safe and content. The depression from weeks past had lifted, and relief flooded through her. She closed her eyes and let Steve hold her around her waist as they lay there together. “I thought it was supposed to hurt,” she said after a few minutes.

“Huh?”

“Sex. I heard it really hurts the first time. It didn’t hurt me.”

“Oh. Well, I’m glad it didn’t.” Steve kissed Jenn again on the top of her head.

“I don’t know what got into me. I’ve never done anything like that before. I’m sorry.”

Steve laughed. “Don’t apologize. You were really into it. Where did that even come from?”

Jenn took a deep breath. “I don’t know. I’ve been feeling weird lately, like everything has been bottled up. I can’t explain it.” She paused, and the silence between them made her nervous. “I hope you don’t think I was upset with you. Not at all. You made me happy. I just — I felt depressed and didn’t want to talk to anyone. But I don’t want you to think it was you I was avoiding.”

“Then who was it?” No reply. “It was Dr. Blake, wasn’t it? Jenn, you can trust me.”

Jenn didn’t know what to think anymore. Ever since Steve had come to her with his suspicions, she hadn’t seen Dr. Blake in the same light. “I don’t know, Steve, he’s never treated me badly—“

“That you know of. You told me sometimes you have longer procedures. What are those?”

“Well, it’s been for a bunch of different complications. I’ve seen him so many times I can’t keep them all straight. Plus sometimes I can’t remember them anyway.” Jenn suddenly sat up and turned to face Steve. “Why?”

“I don’t know. Something isn’t sitting right with me. Maybe you should ask for a copy of your charts to see what sort of drugs he’s using.” Jenn had no reason to think Dr. Blake wasn’t being truthful with her, but she was growing more doubtful as she talked to Steve.