CHAPTER 15
“Hey, where are you goin’?” Kade paused at the top of the stairs when he saw KJ in his room, throwing clothes in his backpack.
“We’re spending the night at Ryder’s.”
“On a school night?”
“Yeah.” KJ gave him the same look he’d seen the kid give Ali. It was a look that said, you’re an idiot.
“And you’re leaving your room looking like that?” It looked like a bomb had gone off in there.
“Aunt Ali doesn’t care,” KJ shot back defensively.
“Why should she care? It’s not her room. She’s not the one living in a hazardous waste dump.” Kade moved to the doorway and surveyed the damage. “My room was always clean when I was your age, wanna know why?”
KJ’s eyes narrowed skeptically. “Why?”
“Because no girl’s gonna want to be snuck into it if it looks and smells like that.”
With a look equal parts disgust and pity, Kade left KJ to the disaster area he called a bedroom and continued down the stairs.
He’d lied. His room had been clean because he’d never known what mood his dad would be in when he walked through the door or what would set him off. Of course, that had been when he was drinking.
His father was sober now.
He was still having a hard time reconciling that truth.
Kade couldn’t remember a time when his dad had been sober for more than a week. Even before his mom left them when Kade was five his dad perpetually had a glass of whiskey in his hand. Hell, Kade’s middle name was Jameson, after his dad’s favorite brand. But the memories he had of him drunk then had been different. He wasn’t a happy drunk but he wasn’t mean or violent.
But after his mom left, he’d changed. He always wondered what had caused her to leave so abruptly. The last memory Kade had of her was her kissing him on his forehead and telling him to be good for Mrs. Lyons, their next-door neighbor that babysat him, before she went to work.
Then the next morning he’d woken up to his father sitting at the dining room table crying. To this day it was the only time he’d ever seen his father cry. He remembered being scared and he asked for his mom. His dad told him she left. He asked when she was coming back and his dad said she wasn’t. That was the last time his father spoke of her.
A couple years later, his dad moved them to Whisper Lake and Kade remembered being so scared that his mom wouldn’t be able to find them. For a long time he’d believed that one day she’d come back.
He used to count the days until he turned eighteen so he could go find her, but by his eighteenth birthday he was too angry at her to care.
What kind of a mother walks out on a kid?
It still stung. And that sting was much worse now that he’d stopped drinking. During his therapy in rehab he’d learned that what he’d been doing for years was self-medicating so he wouldn’t have to face the pain of her abandonment or the abuse he suffered at the hands of his alcoholic father.
His father that was now sober.
That was such a strange reality for Kade to face. The conversation he’d had with Nancy was haunting him. It shouldn’t matter to him that his dad had finally cleaned up his act. He shouldn’t care that he’d done it at the same time he’d been given six months to live. But for some fucked up reason, it did matter to him and he did care.
Kade didn’t want to feel anything for the man that raised him. He wanted to be numb. But that was the thinking that had led him away from the only real family he’d ever had, right when they needed him the most.
Trying to shake off the dark cloud that felt like it was hovering over him he headed to the kitchen to empty the dishwasher. Idle hands were not a good thing for him right now.
Ricky was at the kitchen table and looked up when he saw him. Kade had been around the kid for the past three days and he’d thought he was getting used to the fact that he was the spitting image of Patrick. But for some reason—Kade didn’t know if it was the light or what—seeing their likeness this time struck him with more intensity than usual and it caught him by surprise and he froze.
“What’s wrong?” Ricky’s brows pulled together.
“Nothing.” Kade hadn’t even realized he’d been staring at the kid. “Sorry, you just…you look a lot like your dad.”
“I know.” Ricky sighed as he set his book down.
“It’s not a bad thing. Your dad was good looking enough to keep up with me,” Kade joked.
“It’s not that. It’s just…I miss him.” A single tear slid down Ricky’s cheek and Kade’s heart shattered. “And sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror or in a picture I see him. I know Aunt Ali does, too. And KJ. I see it when they look at me. I know that they see him, too.”
Fuck. Kade hadn’t thought about it like that. That must be a heavy burden to bear. Kade pulled out the seat across from him and sat down. “That sucks. Everything about your dad being gone just…fucking sucks.”
Ricky’s eyes widened as he stared blankly at Kade for several beats before a smile spread across his face and he started laughing. Several more tears fell down his cheeks as he continued cracking up.
Shit. Panic gripped Kade. Had he just broke the kid? Had Ali left for one night and he’d caused Ricky to have a nervous breakdown?
“It does suck!” Ricky wiped his cheeks as his laughter died down. “No one has said that, but it does. When I told my therapist she told me that I was my own person. I had my own identity. She gave me breathing exercises to do when I felt sad. But, none of that helped. I know I’m my own person. I know that I have my own identity. I know how to breathe, even when I’m sad.” Ricky sniffed. “But the truth is, it just sucks. That’s it.”
“Yeah. It does.” Kade felt his own eyes swelling with emotion. “But hey, at least your dad looked like Chris Hemsworth and not Chris Farley.”
“Chris who?”
Being around the twins made him feel every single one of his thirty-two years.
“Never mind.”
“Let’s go!” KJ called out as he ran down the stairs.
Ricky put his book in his backpack, stood up, and wrapped his arms around Kade’s shoulders and hugged him tightly. “Thanks.”
“Any time.” Kade squeezed him back, trying his best not to cry like a baby.
Kade heard the door open and KJ yelled impatiently, “Come on!”
Ricky took a deep breath before dropping his arms and straightening. “See you tomorrow. Make sure Aunt Ali eats something. She forgets sometimes.”
“Will do,” Kade assured him as the kid walked out of the kitchen.
He might not be able to bring Patrick back, or make up for not being here the past year and a half, but he could make sure that Ali ate. That he could do.
Of course, tonight he was sure that she was eating. She was eating with Keaton Mills.
He knew he should be happy for her. He should be glad that she was with a good guy that KJ loved. He should be relieved that she’d found someone that she could have a future with.
But he wasn’t happy, glad, or relieved. He wanted Ali for himself. He wanted to be with her, to raise the boys with her, to start a family with her. Not some other guy. Him.
And he didn’t know what in the hell he was going to do about it. He might not have an answer for that, but he did have one for draining some of the frustrated energy that was consuming him. There was a speed bag in the basement and it was calling his name.