CHAPTER 22
Mercy General, the nearest hospital, was twenty miles from Whisper Lake in Rosewood Grove. A year and a half ago, Jess had driven like a maniac to get Ali there. Today, Kade was driving even faster.
Ali sat in the passenger seat, lost in a feeling of déjà vu as she stared out the window at trees that passed by in a blur of green. They were the same trees she’d seen when Jess had driven her. Just like she’d known something was wrong before she picked up the phone and heard KJ telling her that there was an accident, Ricky was bleeding, and they were rushing him to the emergency room, she’d known something was wrong before she even picked up the phone when she got the call that Patrick had collapsed while filling up at the gas station and was unresponsive.
Her body was numb except for her lips, which were tingling. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the adrenaline that was racing through her or if it was due to her shallow breathing. Since hanging up the phone she hadn’t been able to take in a full breath. She had no idea how bad Ricky was hurt, or if he was even conscious. KJ hadn’t been able to give her any details because his phone was about to die.
Die.
It was such a small word for something that caused such a huge impact. Not when it was a device, of course, but when it was a person. It was final. It was devastating. It was catastrophic.
She closed her eyes and was transported back to the waiting area of the emergency room on that cold October day. When they arrived, the nurse told them that Patrick was in a critical state and someone would be out to update her “soon.” Ali had not been allowed to go back and see her brother because he was being treated. Ali kept trying to get answers, any information at all on his condition, but they kept being told “soon.”
Ali would sit for a few minutes then get up and pace unable to be still. Then she’d try to calm down and sit again and the cycle would start all over. Jess never left her side. The panic, fear, and anxiety she’d felt would be branded into her memory.
Everything had felt like it was going in slow motion. There was a round clock on the wall in the waiting room and Ali remembered watching as the red second hand clicked around the circle. Sixty seconds felt like an hour.
Then came the moment her entire world shifted and everything she knew changed forever. Beneath the clock, a doctor walked through the door that was labeled Hospital Personnel Only. His head hung down and he stopped and spoke to a nurse who pointed in Ali’s direction.
As soon as she’d seen the look in that doctor’s eyes, she’d known that Patrick was gone. When he spoke, his words came to her in bits and pieces like they had a bad telephone connection.
“Everything we could.”
“Trauma team.”
“CPR.”
“Unfortunately.”
“Unable to resuscitate.”
“Passed away.”
Once she’d heard those words, she’d crumbled. Jess had been there to catch her. She only had sporadic memories of the hours and days that followed. Telling the twins. People showing up with food. Feeling like she was being swallowed in a black hole of grief. And the whole time, she kept expecting Patrick to walk through the door. He never did, of course.
It was like a nightmare she couldn’t wake up from.
But she had woken up. Kade had helped her wake up.
As she sat beside him the world around her was still a hazy blur but mentally everything snapped into sharp focus. She felt a jarring moment of clarity. Life. It was a gift that she’d been taking for granted. Everything that she’d been stressing about didn’t matter. The only thing that did was the people she loved. That’s it.
For the past eighteen months she’d been surviving, not living. Patrick was gone and she’d barely been holding on. She’d tied herself in knots worrying and stressing over the boys. And for what? Where had that worry and stress gotten her? It hadn’t kept Ricky safe today.
She made a promise to herself that if Ricky was okay, that all ended today.
From here on out, she was going to live life to the fullest and love to the fullest. No holding back. No more letting the past rule her life because life was too short to spend it looking back.
Life was fleeting, precious, and in the blink of an eye it could be gone.
She looked beside her and saw Kade. Really saw him, maybe for the first time. There was tension in his shoulders and his knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel. His chest was rising and falling in shallow breaths. The veins in his neck were visible from his jaw clenching.
In that moment a realization struck her: he was just a man. In her eyes, he’d always been so capable. So strong. So invincible. And he definitely had those qualities in spades, especially compared to other men. But he was also broken, weak, and vulnerable, just like everyone else.
And she loved him. She loved Kade with all of her heart. She didn’t know what that meant for their future, or if they even had one together, but that wasn’t the point. All she could do, all she had any control over, was to make sure that the people she loved knew that she loved them.
“Kade, I—”
“They’re here. That’s Ethan’s Jeep.” He pointed to the black Cherokee that was parked next to the emergency room entrance.
He pulled to a stop behind it and they both jumped out of the truck.
A burst of cool air hit her face as the automatic doors opened with a swoosh. Her eyes scanned the room and she saw KJ sitting in the far corner. They rushed over to him and he stood. When he did, Ali noticed blood on his hands and arms.
Doing her best not to show the panic that flooded her system she asked as calmly as she could. “Is he okay? Where is he?”
“I don’t know, they took him back.” KJ pointed to the door beneath the clock. “Ethan went with him.”
Tears were already filling Ali’s eyes and she could barely breathe as hysteria threatened to consume her. She hurried toward the same desk that she had stood at so many times the night Patrick died. Each time pleading for information that they couldn’t give. The linoleum tile was slick, and the next thing she knew her feet were flying out from beneath her. Instinctively, her entire body tensed and she squeezed her eyes and prepared to land flat on her rear. But instead, she found herself in Kade’s arms.
The entire thing only lasted a few seconds, but feeling Kade’s arms around her, having him cocoon her in his strength and solidness, was exactly what she’d needed. A calm settled over her and she found her footing again and she felt her brother smiling. She didn’t see Patrick’s face, but rather, she felt him. She closed her eyes, and without willing it to be she heard his voice say, “You got this” clear as day.
He was letting her know that everything was going to be okay. He was there, with them. And she wondered if maybe it wasn’t the tile being slippery that had caused her fall, but instead her older brother from beyond. A memory of her brother teasing her about believing in ghosts when she was around ten years old came back to her. He’d joked that if he was a ghost he’d go around and sweep people’s legs Karate Kid style. She smiled to herself picturing his ghost doing that exact move on her.
Real funny, Patrick.
He was there with them. Maybe not physically, but he was there.
“Are you okay?” Kade asked as he steadied her. “Your ankle?”
“It’s fine. I’m fine.” She nodded, answering that question honestly for the first time in a long time.
A peace settled over her as she stepped up to the counter and waited for the nurse to get off a call. Suddenly, Ethan walked through the doors.
“Where is he? Is he okay?” This time when she asked that question she felt stronger.
“He’s fine. He’s got a cut a on his head that was bleeding pretty bad, he’s gonna need stitches but it’s not serious, and he broke his arm. They’re fixing him up now.”
“Can I see him?” Tears pooled in her bottom lids, but for the first time in a long time they were from sheer relief.
“Yeah.”
As Ali followed Ethan down the hall, she reminded herself of the promise that she’d made to herself. Live life to the fullest. Love to the fullest.