CHAPTER 24
Ali rubbed her eyes and squinted as she held the railing and leaned forward to see into the darkened basement. She’d woken up, gone to check on Ricky, and then decided to come down and get a glass of water when she saw the light on in the basement. Since she’d just seen KJ and Ricky upstairs there was only one person it could be.
“Kade?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
Ali quietly shut the door, clicking the lock behind her as she did. It wasn’t until she was halfway down the stairs that she realized she didn’t need to do that anymore. It was a habit she’d gotten into when she would come down here to cry in the middle of the night after KJ had caught her crying in her room and bathroom one too many times.
She stepped off the last step and saw Kade sitting on the couch in front of the TV. His dad’s face was on the screen but the picture was paused.
“Hey.” He looked up and she could see that his eyes were red. Her heart sank at the raw vulnerability she saw there.
“Hey.” She started to cross the room to him. “Is everything okay? Is your dad—”
His head shook back and forth. “He’s gone. Heart attack.”
“I’m so sorry.” She continued toward him and when she was within arms distance he reached out and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him and hugging her waist.
“I’m so sorry.” His cheek was pressed against her belly as she ran her hands through his hair. She started to ask if he was okay, but stopped herself. After losing her brother she hated when people asked her that. So instead she just repeated, “I’m sorry.”
She hadn’t found out that George was sick until about a year ago. But since that day, she’d wondered how Kade would take it. Their relationship had always been so volatile. She didn’t know the extent of the abuse that Kade had endured but Patrick had told her it was bad. Really bad.
He held her for a few minutes before dropping his arms and scrubbing his hands over his face. She sat beside him and rubbed his back, not knowing the right words to say, or if there even were any. She just wanted him to know that she was there.
“He left me this.” Kade pointed at the screen.
“What is it?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “A message to me. Nancy said he recorded it when he was diagnosed.”
“Have you watched it?” George’s face was frozen on the screen but she wasn’t sure if it was over or just starting.
“Yeah.” His back deflated beneath her touch as he exhaled. “A few times.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“My mom died.” Kade cleared his throat and she saw that his eyes grew watery.
“Your mom?” The only thing Ali knew about Kade’s mom was that she’d left him when he was little.
“Yeah. She didn’t just go to work and not come home. She was killed.”
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry.” Ali’s chest constricted painfully with grief for Kade.
He stared at the screen blankly. “She was working late. My dad was supposed to go pick her up, but he was at the studio and lost track of time. So she walked.” A single tear slid down his cheek, he made no move to wipe it. “She never made it home. They found her early the next morning.”
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, Kade.” Tears were now falling down Ali’s cheeks.
Kade’s tone was flat as he relayed, “He said he didn’t know how to tell me so he didn’t. He thought me thinking she was gone and not coming back was better. It worked for a couple years, but when I got a little older and I guess I started asking other people questions about her, so he packed us up and moved us here.”
“I don’t even know what to say…” Ali was trying to wrap her mind around how it would feel to have such a huge part of your life, your identity, be a lie. She’d never known her dad, but at least she hadn’t had a story that she thought was one thing and then it turned out to be another.
“My dad said that every time he saw me the guilt would eat him up inside. He never forgave himself for not being there and I reminded him of that. He was angry. He hated himself. So he drank. And then sometimes he took out his anger on me. That would just add to his guilt, so he’d drink some more. And it just kept going on like that. It was a vicious cycle.” Kade wiped his hands over his face again. “He said he was sorry for making my life hell. He said that he was proud of me and that he loved me even though he was too fucked up to show it. And he said that he was going to get sober and stay sober until the cancer killed him. He said it was his penance for what a monster he’d been.”
Kade stood and ejected the tape from the VCR. “And I think he actually did it. I don’t think he picked up a bottle again.” Kade let out a harsh chuckle. “But, I think it took a lot longer for him to die than he was bargaining for.”
Ali watched silently, unsure of what to say, as he put another tape in the player.
He sat back down at an angle so he was facing Ali. “Nancy gave me the tape. She was his sponsor and he told her to give it to me after…”
Ali nodded, knowing how hard it was to say the word.
“When I got back here I remembered the old VCR that you guys had. I dug it out and there was a tape in it. A home movie that Patrick took at one of the twins’ birthdays. Have you seen it?”
“No, I don’t think so,” she said as she shook her head. When the boys were little Patrick was always recording them on an old camcorder her granddad had, but she hadn’t watched much of the footage.
“There’s a part I want to show you. Do you want to see it?”
“Sure.” She watched videos of Patrick that she’d taken on her phone all the time because she didn’t want to forget his voice. His smile. His mannerisms. Watching him made her feel like he was still around. The twins couldn’t watch recordings of their dad but it helped her.
The video started playing but Kade rewound it for a few seconds and then pressed play. Kade and Ali were on the screen. They were in the backyard and it looked like they were arguing about something, but there was no sound because it was being filmed through a window in the house. Her arms were waving animatedly and Kade was smirking.
“Do you remember what I was mad about?”
“I think it was because I bought another bike.”
“That’s right.” She remembered how scared she’d been when they’d found his bike down by the riverbank. “Those things are dangerous,” she told him for probably the hundredth time, even though she knew it was like talking to a brick wall.
“This is it,” he turned up the volume when the camera panned around and Patrick was on the screen.
“You two are either going to marry each other or kill each other,” Her brother said and smiled widely and she felt her own lips turn up. “My guess is marry so just in case, I’m saving this to play at your wedding to show and have on record that, of course, I knew you two were gonna end up together.
“Ali, I’ve always said that I feel sorry for whoever ends up with you, and this is why.” He panned the camera back to where Ali was still giving Kade a piece of her mind then he appeared on screen again. “And Kade I’ve told you the same thing, but for different reasons. But if you guys do end up together, I take it all back. You deserve each other, and I’m not being a smart ass.
“You are the two best people I know. You both love with your whole hearts, you’re both fiercely loyal, and you’re both fighters.” Patrick turned so that Ali and Kade were visible behind him over his shoulder. “Kade you might be the professional, but I think we can all agree that Ali could take you down any day of the week. But seriously, I know whatever life throws at you, you guys will handle it. Together. And hey, you’ve been arguing like an old married couple for years, so you have a lot of practice already. Love you guys.”
The video went blank and Ali was speechless. She’d had no idea her brother felt like that. He’d never even hinted that he’d known how Ali felt about Kade or that he thought the two of them would get married one day. The thought sent a thrill racing through her.
Kade shifted so he was facing her again. “I love you, Ali. I’m in love with you. I’ve always thought I wasn’t good enough for you and that Patri—”
“What are you talking about?! You’re amazi—”
Kade lifted his hand. “I love that you interrupt me even when it’s to tell me when I’m wrong, and your voice is my favorite sound in the entire world, but right now I need you to shut up and let me talk.”
Ali rolled her lips inward, tucking them between her teeth.
“Okay?” he asked.
She nodded, scared to even breathe because she wanted so badly to hear what he had to tell her.
“I love you, Ali. And I want to be with you. I used to think that was impossible. But, I think Patrick was right, I think that we deserve each other. I know that you said that nothing could happen between us, but it’s my turn to call you out. You’re wrong. Something is happening between us. It has been for a long time. And if you want to deny it, or ignore it, that’s fine. I’ll move out and we can raise the boys together and be friends. But just so you know, even if we’re not together, I’m still going to be completely, madly in love with you. Nothing will ever change that.
“Every time I see you I’ll be thinking about how soft your lips are, how sweet your tongue tastes, how right you feel when you’re in my arms. I’ll never stop wanting you. I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll never stop being yours. It’s always been you, Ali. Even before I knew it, it was you.”
Kade was saying all the things she’d always dreamed of him saying and she was dying to tell him that she felt the same way, but she was trying to keep her promise and let him talk. When he finally paused, she couldn’t stay silent another moment. “Can I please talk now?”
He smiled as a soft, sexy laugh fell from his lips. “Yes.”
“I love you, too. I always have. And I want to be with you. I don’t know how it’s all going to work out logistically, but I know that it’s you. It always been y—”
Before she could finish he crushed his mouth to hers as he hauled her onto his lap. She straddled him, her thighs settling outside his. There was so much more she wanted to tell him, but it would keep. Right now she was happy to show him how she felt.