Nineteen
Stana
The rest of the day drags on. As soon as I got that message from Jerick, I’ve been watching the hands on the clock as they tick by. I want to see him. I didn’t write him back earlier because I wasn’t sure what more to say, but now I want to. Pulling up my text thread with him, I send him a new message.
Me: I want to see you.
He doesn’t respond right away, and part of me wonders what he’s doing right now. Is he hurting someone? What if someone is hurting him? Great, now my mind is running a million miles as I think about all the crazy things he could currently be part of. I don’t know maybe I’m just thinking the worse. I mean, I’m sure he can take care of himself. He’s been doing it for a while now.
When his message finally comes through, I can’t help but grin.
Jerick: Then come home.
Me: I still have an hour and a half. I want to see you right now.
When he writes me back, he only sends a photo. When I open the picture, I see the bottom of his chin, along with his naked skin. My eyes roam over every inch of his bare chest, and I have to close my mouth to keep from drooling all over my desk. His body is a work of art. I can’t believe that I get to be the one who sees it.
I flush at the thought of being the only person that gets to see him naked lately. I’m sure before me he had a line of women waiting to get a piece of him, but for the last month or so he’s spent every night in my bed or me in his. I don’t see how he could have time to spend with another woman unless he does it during the day while I’m at work.
My once pleasant mood turns dark quickly. I hate that I let myself think the worst of people, but it’s hard not to. People cheat, its life and that much I do know. I just hope like hell Jerick isn’t that type of man.
Another text comes in, and when I look at the screen, I can’t bring my eyes away from him again. When I finally close out of the photo, I look at his new message and stare at the words.
Jerick: I sure hope you’re not responding because you’re speechless.
Typing out a response, I can’t help but grin at him. He’s cocky in the best way sometimes. I don’t know what I even thought when I let him walk me home that night, but I’m sure glad I did. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have this fantastic, yet dangerous man sending me half-naked photos.
Me: I was admiring, not drooling.
I grin at that and set my phone back on my desk, pulling up the new customer’s information that I just entered. Once I verify that all the client's information is correct, I read his latest message.
Jerick: Well then get off work early, and we can spend the time together instead.
Me: I wish I could. I want to see more.
I blush at the thought of him sending another photo to me. Before he can respond, Max comes into my cubicle and leans against my wall. He crosses his arms as his dark brown eyes stare into the side of my face. When I turn to face him, I can see the hurt written all over his features. He still doesn’t like that I’m involved with Jerick, he’s told me multiple times since he said that Jerick killed his father.
I know that Jerick said he didn’t kill Max’s father, but I can’t tell him what I know. I feel like I’ll be betraying Jerick and that isn’t something I will do. I know it sounds probably crazy since I barely know him, but I want him to be able to trust me with information. I want to believe him.
“Your boyfriend kill anyone else lately?” he bites out.
I roll my eyes at him for being petty. This isn’t the type of person Max is, and I don’t like that he’s become cold towards me since I left with Jerick that day. Every time I’ve tried to talk to Max, he’s shut me down completely, so I haven’t even bothered. It’s pointless if he doesn’t want to talk or even try to be civilized.
Jerick said he wasn’t the one who killed Max’s father and I believe him. Why would he lie about that? He could have lied about at least a dozen other things, he hasn’t done that either. So I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. I owe it to him for saving my life at least.
“What do you want Max? I thought you were too busy ignoring me,” I huff out. I know I shouldn’t take it personally because it has nothing to really do with me, but I do. Max is the only friend I have here, and he has been blowing me off for days. He refused to even talk to me, so I don’t care if I sound snotty today.
“Jerick Brannigan isn’t a man you should be in bed with.” He wrinkles his nose at the words. The disdain in his voice is undeniable. He hates Jerick, and there is nothing that I’ll ever be able to do to change that.
I hear my phone vibrate on the table and Max’s eyes land on the screen before I can grab it. He takes it off my desk and hits the button before I can even say anything. “Stana, I can’t believe this. You’re letting this fucking prick ruin you. He’s sending you damn nude photos while you’re at work. Are you seriously this damn delusional? He’s using you.”
He shakes his head and tosses my phone at me. “You aren’t the person I thought you were. I hope like hell you’re happy with him. He’s a cold-blooded murderer, and now you’re his shiny new toy. He won’t keep you around for long. You’ll be just like every other woman he’s made believe that she was something to him. I hope he destroys you.” With that, Max walks out of my office and towards his own.
Everyone in the surrounding cubicles is now staring at me, and I can’t take the embarrassment. Instead of waiting until five to clock out, I gather my stuff together and make my way to the door. I don’t stop when people call out my name, and I don’t bother stopping until I hit the end of the block. Warm tears fall down my cheeks, and nothing I do can make them stop. My heart feels like it’s been torn in two by the way he spoke to me and I don’t know what to do about it. Maybe he’s right… Maybe I am stupid for believing the sweet words that Jerick has said to me, but I don’t regret it. He makes me feel. He makes every part of me come alive, and if no one can understand that, then I don’t need them in my life either.
I start to walk towards my apartment when I finally get my tears under control. When I feel like I can call Jerick without alarming him, I hit his name on my recent call list and wait for it to ring.
“Aye love. I thought ye would like that one.” I can hear the smile in his voice, and I can’t help the tears that start to fall again. Him mentioning the photo only replays what Max said.
“I’m not at work,” I finally say.
“What do ye mean? Where are ye?” He sounds a bit concerned, but I just shake it off.
“I left. I walked out after a disagreement with Max.” I don’t want to tell him what was said because I don’t want to have to repeat the words Max said to me. If anything, I just want to pretend that it never happened in the first place.
“Where are ye, Stana?” he growls into the phone. I look at the street signs, and I have no clue where I am. I’ve been walking for a little bit, but it looks nothing like the route I used to take home.
“I’m not exactly sure.” I squeak out when I look at the buildings around me. My panic starts to take over, and I know that I’ll have a full-blown panic attack in a matter of seconds if I can’t calm myself down.
“Listen to me, love. Describe which buildings ye are near. I’m coming to find ye.” His voice is calmer than it was a few seconds ago and it, in turn, makes me a little bit more relaxed.
“Tall buildings. I don’t know the street is busy. Lots of people.” I look around and see a couple of busy buildings, so I go inside the first one I come to. My hands are shaking as I pull the big door open. “I just walked in a building. Jerick, please find me.” I close my eyes even though people are walking in every direction around me.
“Stana, listen to me. I need ye to breathe. Just breathe, love.” he says over and over again. I start to take deep calming breaths, but it doesn’t do much. I’m still freaking out, and I don’t know what to do.
“Jerick,” I whimper as someone bumps into me.
“Stana, breathe. I’m on me way.” I just listen to the sound of his breathing, and I try to match my breaths with his. Just as I start to calm down, a hand grabs my wrist. I look over to the person who grabbed me, and I shrink back, shrieking out so loud that people turn to stare.
“Talk to me love. What is happening?” Jerick says into the phone.
“Tell yer little lad that his time is up.” I hear Jerick growl into the phone a name that I’ve never heard before.
“Stana where are ye?” He bites out. I walk backward until I run into someone who gives me a dirty look. The man follows me as I try to run. I get to the doors before he grabs me again.
“Tell him that I will make sure I treat ye real well, lass.” I don’t say a word as he presses his body into mine. I push the door as hard as I can, and it opens to the busy street. I see a black car that looks like Jerick’s, so I run towards it.
“JERICK!” I yell as I run into the busy street.
Horns honk, and people slam on their breaks around me, but I don’t stop until I get in front of the car that looks like Jerick’s. The car stops just in time, and I turn to look behind me, and the man is still coming right for me. “STANA!” His voice tears through the street and I turn around to see Jerick running down the road right towards me. The man stops and stares as Jerick comes running at me.
When his arms wrap around me, I feel like I can breathe again. All the fear I had is gone, and I can finally take the breath that was being sucked from my lungs.
Jerick looks up, and I feel his whole body tense. He pulls me past the car that stopped just in time for me and onto the sidewalk. He doesn’t release me as we make our way down the street towards what I assume is where he parked his car.
As soon as we get to his car, he forces me into the passenger seat before kneeling down in front of me. He doesn’t say a word for at least ten minutes as he just stares at me. I don’t know how to even comprehend what happened just now. Who was that man and why was he trying to grab me?
“What did he say to you?” Jerick asks. When I look at his face, I can’t tell what he’s thinking. He looks pissed, and I don’t know if it’s because of me or the man. I can’t do this right now. I hold my hands out, and I see how shaky they are. I can’t focus on anything, let alone answer the question he just asked.
My heart is pounding in my chest from both the panic, as well as the fear. Life with Jerick isn’t safe. I’ve figured it out the hard way, but it wasn’t his fault. If Max hadn't of yelled at me in front of the whole office, I wouldn’t have left early. I would have had a ride home, and I wouldn’t have gotten lost from a panic attack. That man wouldn’t have been able to come near me, and I would have been at home, cuddled up with Jerick while he whispered sweet things in my ear.
“I want to go home,” I whisper. Tears fall from my eyes, and I don’t know if they are from the fear or the panic anymore. Everything is blurring together. All I know is that I want to go home and curl up in my bed pretend that none of this happened.
Pretend that I am safe.