CHAPTER THREE
The next day was reserved for Victoria and Marnie. The publicity blitz for her newest book had been intense, and more often than not, Victoria had been left to play on her own while Marnie worked. It was fine for a while. Victoria was a quiet, almost reserved child who could concoct whole worlds on her own, shimmering things with a logic that was closer to Wonderland than it was to the real world.
However, she was also fiercely attached to her mother, and the time apart had been difficult on both of them.
Both mother and daughter rose up bright and early, and Victoria appeared at Marnie's bedroom door, a rare wide smile on her face.
"Did you forget, Mama? We're going to spend the day together."
Marnie smiled in return. "Not at all, honey. I'm up, and I'm all set to spend the day with my favorite girl. What do you think we should do today?"
"I want to go to the park," Victoria said promptly. "And then to get ice cream at the red shop."
"You have obviously been thinking about this for a while," Marnie teased. "It's good. I respect people who have plans. But ice cream is a treat, not a meal. Where should we go to get a real lunch?"
Victoria frowned ferociously, thinking. Marnie had decided early on that Victoria should have plenty of freedom, while understanding that freedom came with responsibility. So far, it seemed to be working.
"Store?" she asked. "We could get salads."
Or rather, Marnie could get a salad, and then Victoria could pick what she wanted to out of it.
"That sounds like a fantastic idea," Marnie said. "We'll have some breakfast, and then we can head out, all right?"
They were on the subway, Victoria watching out the window with avid eyes, when Marnie's phone beeped. It could have been Cassie, or her agent or any number of people, but she knew from the first moment she picked it up who it would be.
I want to get to know Victoria. I want to get to know you again. I'm working on your schedule and your rules. Tell me the place and the time, and I'll be there.
Marnie took several deep breaths. There it was. Perhaps a small part of her wished that he had decided to stay away. Then nothing would change and life could roll on as it always had. Still, she had gotten done telling Victoria just a few months ago that change was good, and that the change between staying at home and going to school was going to lead to great things.
"Victoria, I need your attention right now."
Victoria, who knew that her mother only used those words when she was serious, turned around to watch her with those liquid black eyes. Sometimes, it had been hard at the beginning to be reminded of Philip so often. Now she looked at them and only saw her daughter.
"All right, Victoria, do you remember the man who sat next to you at the store last night? He talked with you a little bit?"
"Yes …"
"Well, he's … a very old friend of mine. A very good friend that I haven't seen since before you were born. He's in town again for the first time in years, and he wants to get to see me and to know you."
Victoria nodded, processing this in her serious way. Sometimes, Marnie wondered if her daughter would be a writer too. She thought about everything with that same seriousness.
"Now, I want you to understand that you can say no, but I was thinking it might be fun to invite him along today at the park."
Victoria thought for a moment, and Marnie wondered what Victoria would say. If Victoria said no, she would arrange another meeting, but if she was honest with herself … she truly wanted her daughter—their daughter—to say yes.
"I think you should invite him along," she said finally. "I liked him."
"You did?" Marnie asked in surprise. She had heard from Victoria that she had talked with the dark-haired stranger, but she hadn't heard more than that.
"I did," Victoria said decisively. "He talked to me like I was real."
Real was Victoria's word for being spoken to seriously. Sometime around the age of three, she had learned to disdain baby talk, and whenever Marnie had forgotten, she would glare. As an adorable little girl, there were plenty of strangers who talked to her as if she wasn't real, and it was a source of constant aggravation.
"I am glad that he spoke to you as if you were real," Marnie said, oddly pleased in spite of herself. There were plenty of adults who, unwilling to accept that Victoria had certain needs and preferences, persisted in using baby talk with her, and Marnie had come to realize that most of those adults were not people she wanted around herself, let alone her daughter.
"He did." Victoria proclaimed. With the conversation apparently over, she turned back to the window, and it was left to Marnie to write back to Philip.
After a deep breath, she texted him the location of the park where they were going, and after a moment of hesitation, she added, I'm looking forward to seeing you there.
If she was being honest, she was more than just looking forward to it. When Marnie glanced at Victoria, her heart hurt with how much she loved her daughter. However, old feelings that she had thought were gone forever were stirring over Philip, Philip who she knew could easily destroy the entire life that she had worked so hard for.
As they traveled towards the park, Marnie prayed that what came next would not hurt her small family.
***
The day was bright, unseasonably warm for spring, and the moment that Victoria was allowed to do so, she ran for the bushes, inspecting the new leaves and the budding day lilies. At some point, she would likely want to play on the equipment, but ever since she was born, she had been much more impressed with the flowers and shrubs than she was with the playground equipment.
Marnie stretched a little, enjoying the sun. She tried to get out often when she was writing, taking Victoria with her to the little bodega around the corner and staying active, but the end of a book was always hard on her. Now that things were a little slower, she could take her time and start to have some fun again.
"She's lively," said a familiar voice behind her, and Marnie swung around to see Philip.
He was still so handsome that he could take her breath away. He wore a light jacket and a scarf, and in his hands, he held a cardboard tray with paper cups.
"She is," Marnie said, swallowing to get rid of her dry mouth. "She's been cooped up all winter, and this is the first time she's really gotten out to play."
He frowned a little at that. "Does she not get out very much in the winter?"
Marnie smiled a little. "Are you already criticizing my parenting skills? Have to say, not a great way to begin."
To his credit, Philip looked startled and scandalized. "Not at all! I talked with her, and she seems to be a lively, smart child. All I have is my own childhood to base things off of. Navarra is far more temperate than New York, so we were able to play outside as much as we liked."
"We New Yorkers have come up with ways to cope with the unseasonable weather," Marnie said with a slight grin. "There's an indoor playground that we go to, and I bundle her up and take her with me to the store, which, believe me, in a New York winter is pretty tiring. Are those for us?"
Philip looked down, almost as if surprised that he was still holding the drinks. "They are … I guess I didn't want to come empty-handed …"
Abruptly, she realized that he was nervous. The thought was mind-blowing. The entire time she had known him, Philip had always been cocky, sure of himself. However, now he was in unknown waters, and he was terrified of making a misstep. It made her warm to him in a way she hadn't expected.
"Calm down," she said, impulsively touching his hand. "Victoria and I can be hard to impress, but we're pretty easy going. Honestly … I'm glad you came."
"You are?" he asked. "From the way you talked to me at DiMartino's, I thought you would have been just as happy to see the back of me."
"Being a mom means that you sometimes have to draw some pretty broad lines," Marnie said with a shrug. "I want to make sure that Victoria only has people in her life who are going to be kind and thoughtful. If you were going to show up, make a fuss, maybe dump some presents on her and disappear … well, that's not something that would be good for her. If you're genuinely here to get to know her, that's different."
Philip nodded understandingly. "Yes. I do want to get to know her. Can we … that is, I don't want to interrupt her while she's playing …"
Marnie laughed. "You are new at this," she said fondly. "She's easy. If we interrupt her while she's playing, she might pout a little, but I think the juice will fix it. Victoria, come on over here!"
Despite her earlier approval, Victoria approached Philip with caution. Marnie wasn't surprised. Victoria was a quiet girl, and some strangers misread that as shyness. The truth was that Victoria was fairly fearless all things considered. She was only exuberant around people she knew well.
"Sweetie, this is Philip, my old friend. He's a good man, and he'd like to spend some time with us today."
"Hello, Philip. I am pleased to meet you," Victoria said dutifully. Philip looked a little surprised when the little girl offered him her hand, but he took it. When he touched her, Marnie could see something pass on his face—joy, awe, and stark terror all mixed together. She assumed that she had looked somewhat similar when they had first put Victoria into her arms.
"I'm pleased to meet you too, Victoria," he said. "I'm … well. I brought some juice."
"What kind?" asked Victoria skeptically, and Philip laughed.
"Well, I don't know what anyone likes, but I have apple-lime, banana-strawberry, and mango-dragon fruit. Which one do you like most?"
Victoria looked torn, and Philip was frozen. Marnie decided to step in and help out. "Sweetie, you know you like banana and strawberry, so why don't you take that one? You can try a sip of ours, and if everyone agrees, we can trade, how about that?"
Victoria decided that that was acceptable, and Philip shot her a grateful look.
Marnie couldn't help but smile a little at the way Philip watched the little girl drink her juice. He looked as if he had never seen anything so interesting or brilliant in his life, and despite her suspicions, her doubts and her fears, she felt herself warm to him a little more.
When Victoria finished her drink, she gave the cup to her mother and started to run back to the playground.
"Hang on, what do you say?"
Victoria looked a little guilty, and glanced at Philip. "Thank you for the juice and may I be excused?" she said all in one breath.
He looked less surprised this time and nodded. "If it's all right with your mother."
"Good answer," Marnie said drily. "Go ahead and play, honey. I'm just going to go sit with Philip for a little while."
Philip looked a little torn as she ran on without a backwards glance. "How do you do it?" he asked quietly as they went to sit down with their juice.
"You're going to have to be a little more specific than that," she said wryly.
"How do you let her run off when she's got your heart in her hands?"
Marnie was prepared with a flippant remark, but the question caught her square in the chest. There was something there that was so similar to what she had gone through in those first early days that she impulsively reached over to touch Philip's hand.
"You have to," she said gazing out over the playground at her daughter.
As they both watched, Victoria ignored the other children to climb up to the top of the play tower, her eyes looking up at the perfect blue sky. She looked rapturous, entirely contained in her own world.
"When she was born, I couldn't stand to be apart from her. I did a lot of baby-wearing, where you sort of rig up a sling to carry your baby around, and for a while, the only time that I felt safe and sound was when I could feel her against me, hear her breathing and feel her heart beat."
"What changed?" asked Philip, his eyes still on Victoria.
Marnie laughed. "The fact that I had a life I wanted to live, and the fact that I realized that raising Victoria as a little clinging octopus was not good for both of us. The first time I let her run off to wander around the playground, I felt just as you do right now. My heart ran off without me. As a parent, you have to take a lot of things on faith. Terrible things could happen. Most of the time, happily enough, they don't. I imagine your childhood was a little different?"
Philip thought for a moment. "My parents were very busy," he said. "They carry a great deal of responsibility as the King and Queen of Navarra. I was largely raised by nannies, though of course I did get to know my parents as well. I remember not being alone very often, and how much I wanted to be sometimes."
Unexpectedly, Marnie found herself aching for Philip in a way that she had never expected. Their affair, no matter how passionate, had been so very short. They had never really gotten to know the details behind their lives; they were all too consumed with fun and the things they could make each other feel.
Now that she knew the man a little better, she could see the hurt boy that also lived inside him, and something about that spoke to her. It made her more cautiously open to sharing their daughter with him, with seeing what had become of Philip after a half-decade apart.
"The childhood that Victoria has is in no way conventional," Marnie said thoughtfully. "She's a writer's daughter. She gets stories with everything and thanks to all my friends, she gets lessons on just about everything that her little heart desires. You should hear her speak French. She might not be a princess, but she is happy."
"I can see that," Philip said softly. "But the thing is, she is also a princess."
Marnie tensed at the tone in his words, but he didn't press it. At the moment, he seemed content to watch his daughter who didn't even know that that was what she was. Finally, he turned to Marnie.
"Thank you for letting me have this," he said quietly. "I wanted to see her very much."
"And now that you have?" Marnie asked. Though she gave no sign, her heart was beating a little faster. It was possible that Philip would simply be happy seeing Victoria, and, conscience assuaged, would simply climb back onto his plane and wing off to Europe again. That would honestly be the safest and most predictable response. However, there was a part of her that wanted to cry for him to stay. She dismissed it as being the part of her that was still the young girl lovesick over him, but it was loud.
"I want to continue doing this," he said. "Christ, it sounds terrible because I've not been here for her entire life, but I do want to be a part of her life. I want to get to know her, and I know that the only way I will do that is with your permission. So, please … Marnie, can we do this?"
Marnie was torn. On one hand, she might have once loved this man, but she hadn't known him as well as she should have. His princely reveal taught her that. On the other hand, she wanted to see what would happen.
"What's your end game?" she asked, and when he looked baffled, she clarified. "What is your plan? If you just want to come by and play weekend fun time daddy before winging off back to Navarra and then not being heard from again in the next ten years, I'll say no thank you. Children need stability in their lives."
Philip was already shaking his head. "No, I understand that, and you're right, Victoria deserves better than that. I … if I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, I have responsibilities waiting for me back in Navarra. However, the moment that I saw Victoria, I knew that she was a responsibility as well, albeit one I was unaware of for half of a decade. I see her, and I want to do right by her. I'm not sure what that entails now, but I want to find out."
Marnie was quiet for a moment. She watched her daughter cautiously engage with another girl before breaking into a small cautious grin. The other girl, smaller, with two adorable natural puffs in her hair, grinned much more widely, grabbed Victoria's hand, and dragged her off to the tire swing.
"Good answer," she said finally. "All right. Neither of us know where this thing is going to go, but we want it to go at least for now. Sounds good to me."
"And what are we going to do about this?"
To Marnie's surprise, Philip lifted their hands, which had somehow become intertwined. She had touched his hand to comfort him, but they had started holding hands as if they had never stopped.
Marnie flushed slightly. She was suddenly aware of him in a way that she hadn't been a few moments before; aware of the warmth of his body and the way his black eyes watched her with an intense avidity.
"What … what do you mean?" she asked hesitantly.
Philip raised an eyebrow. "I think you know," he drawled. "Or were you not looking at me as if I were something particularly good to eat when we were at that poetry reading?"
She knew exactly what he was talking about, and if she was honest, she had no idea what to do with it. It would be better for Victoria, she thought, if she could keep her mind on an even keel, making decisions without the added stress of her attraction to Philip. On the other hand, she could feel that hunger that she had always had for him swirling around and rising up again.
"I was," she admitted. "I … I don't know what to do with it. We could ignore it, I guess …"
She made a small surprised noise as he shifted closer, his hand coming up to cup her face. For a split second, he rubbed the ball of his thumb over her smooth cheekbone before leaning in to kiss her.
The moment she felt his lips on hers, something in Marnie gave way. Ever since she saw him, she had been fighting her own instincts. She had been trying to stay levelheaded and aware of her surroundings, and she had been on the defensive. Now she knew why. It was because in all of the years they had been apart, she was no less vulnerable to him than she had been the first time that they had met.
She could feel the heat and need for him build up just as it had before, and Marnie realized that those feelings for him had never been resolved. In the tumult after he left and as Victoria was born, those feelings had simply been pushed away, and now they roared out, as powerful as ever.
She was completely lost to the kiss until his tongue brushed against her lower lip. Then, summoning strength that she didn't know that she had, she pulled away. She was distantly surprised to see that the day was still bright and that people were still walking and running through the park. When Philip had kissed her, it felt like he had changed everything.
"No," she said, and then when he looked as if he would argue, she held up her hand. "Not in front of Victoria," Marnie said clearly. "She understands a lot, but she also believes that … that physical intimacy of that kind is something that you save for someone that you care about. Seeing us like that … I think it would just confuse her."
For a single solitary moment, Philip looked shocked and hurt. Then he shook it off to nod at her. "I would like to think that I do care about you," he said softly. "I have thought about you … so often since I was gone. During this last year, it feels as if I have thought about you every day. But you have not told me how you feel, and I understand …"
"I don't know how I feel," she blurted out, and Philip looked up at her in surprise. "I don't, really," she continued. "You have to understand, Philip. What went on between us changed my life. I remember you as this amazing interlude in my life that led to one of the most wonderful things in it. Without you, I would not have had Victoria, and sometimes I look at her and it feels like my heart will break because I love her so much.
"However … it means that I don't know how I feel about you, not really. Can you understand that? Do you think you can keep your distance, at least in front of Victoria, while we muddle forward?"
For a moment, it looked as if he wanted to argue with her. During their long separation, she had wondered if he thought about her. Now she knew that he had.
"I can agree to that," he said with a nod.
She was just getting ready to nod, even if there was a little disappointment there, when his hand tightened around her back, pulling her forward into a close embrace.
"She's not looking right now," Philip whispered softly.
Her soft cry was silenced as his mouth came down over hers, and instead of protesting, she found her hands coming up to grab him and bring him closer. Even if her mind wasn't sure what to think about him and his intentions, her body remembered him with a clarity that was almost shocking. She remembered how strong he was, and how powerfully he was built. She remembered the way his lips felt sliding over hers, and she remembered how good it felt to take his tongue into her mouth, suckling on it lightly.
They were in public, so it never went anywhere terribly intimate, but with that single kiss, he reminded her of why she had fallen for him the way that she had. He reminded her how good it had been between them and how they had lit each other on fire once upon a time.
Finally, she pushed him away, aware that her lips were red and her cheeks were flushed.
"Point made," she said, glancing around. No one seemed interested in them in the least, so she figured it was less graphic than it had felt for her.
"Are you truly all right with this?" Philip asked. "With me here with Victoria, with you?"
Marnie nodded immediately. "Believe me when I say that I don't really do maybes with Victoria. If something is making me think twice or worry about how it is going to affect her … I don't let it happen. I know you. I cared about you very much."
He tilted his head to one side. "Cared, past tense?"
She made herself nod. "I don't know you now, not really," she said, even though her body and her heart claimed that they knew him very well indeed. "I remember who you were. I look at you now, and I see a man who wants nothing but good for my daughter. That's what matters. For me now? Well, it's going to take some time."
Philip nodded, and it was just then that Victoria came up. She was a little dirty and a little grubby and entirely endearing as she held up her closed hands for Philip and Marnie to see.
"Look," she demanded. "Look at this!"
"The last time she did that, she was holding a stink bug," Marnie commented, but when they leaned down to see, Victoria opened her hands to reveal a golden beetle the size of a ladybug inside.
"Handsome bug," Philip commented, and Victoria flashed a small shy smile at him. She was more used to people shouting or telling her to throw away her insects, and Marnie could already feel her daughter warming to Philip.
"Can I keep him?" Victoria asked hopefully, and Marnie shook her head.
"No, he's going to be happier here where he can go where he likes," she said. "But how about if we find the best flower to leave him on before we go off to grab some food ourselves?"
Victoria brightened at that, and together, the three of them found a lovely pot of pansies where Victoria could leave her new friend.
They mutually decided that such a good day called for delicious burgers, and since there was an excellent burger place just a few blocks away, that it should be lunch time.
If Victoria wondered why Philip came to lunch with them and insisted on paying for all the food, she didn't say. She wasn't quite over her shyness with the man yet, but more than once, Marnie caught her looking at Philip with frank curiosity.
She wondered if her daughter sensed that there was something different about Philip. Marnie hadn't dated since she was born, but she had a few male friends and colleagues. With them, Victoria was polite but more reserved. Here, within a short time of meeting Philip, she was already less guarded, more lively and animated.
It doesn't mean anything, Marnie told herself. She's probably just picking up on how relaxed I am with him.
It was a good thought, but as they ate their burgers, Marnie couldn't help but notice that it was more than that. Victoria preferred sitting closer to her mother, but she reached out to share her fries with Philip, something that she only reserved for Marnie and Cassie. Seeing them together, it could not be denied that their dark eyes were nearly the same shade. Marnie wondered what other similarities they would uncover as they spent more time together.
After lunch, they came out onto the pavement to see one of the city's horse-drawn carriages discharge its passengers across the street. It only took a brief wistful look and sigh from Victoria before Philip was striding across the street, waving down the carriage.
Before Marnie quite knew what was happening, they were taking the carriage tour of the area, Philip on one side, Marnie on the other, and Victoria sandwiched between them and looking out over it all.
"I have to admit, this is nice," Marnie said. "I was born and raised here, and I never thought that anything so touristy could be a great idea …"
Philip winked at her. "Well, they do say to make the familiar strange and the strange familiar. All I know is that Victoria looked like she was curious. Back home, sometimes for the historical festivals, the noble ladies are carried on actual litters, on the shoulders of strong men."
"Litters?" asked Victoria in confusion. "Like garbage?"
Marnie then had to explain human-borne litters, and how some people were considered so important that they would be lifted up as high as possible by the people below.
"Does that sound like something that you might want to try?" teased Marnie. "Sure that the horse carriage isn't enough?"
Victoria gave the idea the serious thought it was due before shaking her head firmly. "I think I prefer the horse and carriage," she said firmly. "I like the horse a lot."
"Well, there you have it," said Marnie with a smile. "My daughter strikes a blow for equal rights for all people …"
Philip snorted. "She hasn't figured out how comfortable a litter is," he said loftily.
"Have you ever ridden in one?"
"No, just my mother, and for some reason, she won't give in and let it be the only way she travels …"
When the coachman came to let them down, he smiled broadly at them.
"Beautiful little family you have, sir," he said, and Marnie thought that Philip would deny it.
Instead, he shrugged with a slight smile. "They're both beautiful," he said.
He said it so softly that Marnie only barely managed to catch it. She could feel her face turn pink at his flattery. When they were together, he had called her pretty, he had certainly called her hot, but beautiful was one that she couldn't remember. She knew that she had changed, but apparently so had he.
"Mama, why is your face all red?" asked Victoria, her voice concerned, and Marnie turned so that Philip couldn't see how hot she was blushing.
"Just feeling a little warm, sweetie, I'm fine. Oh look, there's a candy making machine in that window, shall we go look?"
The day passed in a blur, but Marnie would always remember a few specific sensations, a few wonderful moments. There was the moment when Victoria solemnly explained photosynthesis to Philip, though he had to help her pronounce the word. There was the moment when Philip had snapped a picture of her and Victoria, hand in hand and petting a large dog. There was the look of surprise and peace in Philip's face when they heard a distant steel drum playing and Victoria started to dance to the bright rhythm.
Finally, though, the day had to end. Victoria was tired and starting to get grumpy, so when they got home, Marnie sent her to get her things together for her bath.
"We both bathe, and then we hang out for the rest of the evening in our pajamas," Marnie explained. "We do it as often as we can, it makes getting to bed a lot easier."
They could both hear the water running and then there was Victoria yelling about how she was getting in to get clean now.
Marnie hadn't realized how much Victoria had taken up space that day. Now that she was gone, it felt as if there was too much air in the room. Now there was just her and Philip.
"It was an amazing day," Philip said softly, his hands in his pockets. For some reason, that comforted her. If his hands were in his pockets, they couldn't reach for her, couldn't draw her close. She wasn't sure what she would do if he did.
"It was a really good day," Marnie said. "I hope you don't get the wrong idea. Not every day is as good at that. There are plenty of times when she's crabby or I am. There are days where she loses her temper and has to be in a time-out or when one or the both of us are sick …"
Philip laughed a little. "I may be a prince, but I do know a little bit about real life," he said with a grin. "I know that not every day was good, but today … well, something about today was perfect."
When she thought about it, he was right. It wasn't a day without mishap, but it was three people being together, sharing, and taking care of each other. When it came right down to it, it was perfect, in its own way.
She realized he was coming closer, and after a moment, he took his hands out of his pockets. Marnie knew that she should step back, tell him to back off. But no matter how bad an idea she knew this was, her body couldn't seem to agree, nor could her heart. With every step that he took towards her, her body only wanted him closer. When he wrapped his arms around her, she found her arms resting around his narrow waist.
"Do you know you have only grown more lovely since I left?" he asked, looking down at her.
"You called me beautiful earlier," she murmured, unsure of what she was saying. "You … never did that before."
"Then I was an idiot when were together," he said firmly. "When I look at you, I see a woman who will be beautiful all her life. You were beautiful when you took your first breath and your first steps. You will be beautiful when you are old and need a cane to walk about. You are beautiful right now."
"Why are you saying this?" Marnie asked. All she wanted was to breathe in the good, clean scent of him, to be as close to him as she could.
"Because I never said it before, and because a woman like you deserves to be told she is beautiful. And shown."
She opened her mouth to ask him what he meant, and his mouth came down over hers. The kiss that they had shared before was delicious, but it was a furtive thing, quick and fast. This one, oh, this one was the one she felt as if she had been waiting for years. It took its time, taking care to wake up each and every one of her nerves. When his tongue pressed between her lips, she gave herself up to it, letting him explore her mouth in the way that he knew best. It was and wasn't like what they had had together before. Her body knew his, but it didn't. The only thing that she was sure hadn't changed was that she wanted him like a woman dying of thirst wanted water.
Somehow, they ended up half-lying on her small couch, his large body pressing her to the cushions. When he rose over her, he blocked out the dim light of her lamp. Marnie could feel how strong he was, and she pressed herself up against him until she could feel his arousal as well.
"I remember you," she found herself whispering.
"I remember you," he responded.
When he leaned down to kiss her this time, he started at the tender cup of her ear, nibbling around the edge until she whimpered. When he took her ear lobe between his teeth, she stopped herself from crying out, but just barely. The slight sliver of pain only made the sweetness of his tongue and his lips more intense. His hands roamed her body, sliding over her curves with the ease of familiarity. Her thin dress felt like it was barely there, and then his hand was sliding up along her bare thigh …
"Okay, I'm getting out now!" Victoria shouted from the bathroom, and for a moment both Marnie and Philip froze. The thought of being caught in the act was simultaneously hilarious and frustrating, and fortunately, both of them decided to laugh it off.
"That's good, honey. Go get your pajamas on."
"Okay!"
Marnie pressed against Philip's shoulder, and after a moment, he sat up with a sigh.
"So this is what being a parent is like," he joked, and she shook her head with a giggle.
"Really, this is the easy version. But it's probably just as well she stopped us. I mean … I don't know about you, but I'm really not sure where we're going with this …"
"Oh, I have a good idea," Philip quipped, but he nodded. "You're not wrong. There's a lot going on, and if we're going to make the best choices for ourselves and for Victoria, well, we shouldn't rush into things."
"That sounds about right …"
"What does?" asked Victoria, who had come out in her rabbit pajamas.
"Nothing to worry about, sweetie," Marnie said affectionately. "But you're just in time to say good night to Philip, who's leaving."
Was that a flash of disappointment across her daughter's face? It seemed far too soon for Victoria to get attached.
"Goodbye," she said, hiding her face in her mother's thigh.
Philip looked as if he longed to say more, but he only nodded. "It was wonderful getting to spend the day with you both," he said softly. "Thank you for having me."
Marnie reached down to touch her daughter's dark hair. It was still soaked, and in a bit, she would go towel it off for her a little better.
"Don't worry, Victoria, Philip will be back. He's visiting for a little while, so we'll see him soon."
Victoria looked up, dark eyes suspicious. "Really?" she asked.
"Really," Philip answered.
For just a moment, it looked like Victoria might rush over to give him a hug. Then she remembered herself and clung a little harder to her mother.
"Yeah, that's our cue that it's time to wrap things up," Marnie said with a sigh. "Someone's getting a little too tired to stay up."
Philip sighed, a soft regretful sound, but he nodded. "I definitely will be back," he said. "But for now, good night, and I hope you have sweet dreams, Victoria."
He waited for a moment, but Victoria only clung to Marnie's leg.
" 'Good night, Marnie."
"Night, Philip."
For one mad moment, she thought that she was going to reach out and kiss him. It would have been ridiculous. It would have been too many things to explain at once and far too much to fit into that day. Instead she thought of it, imagined the soft brush of his lips and the gentleness of his hand as it brushed over her cheek.
Then he nodded, and the door clicked shut behind him. After a moment, she locked the door and threw the bolt, turning down to her small daughter.
"Did you have a good day, baby?" she asked softly.
"Yeah," said Victoria, pulling back a little. "Tired now, though."
"Okay, well, why don't we heat up some soup and have some quiet time, all right? Does that sound good? "
Victoria nodded, and Marnie breathed a silent sigh of relief. Quiet time was time spent together with no need for words or interruptions, and it was one of her favorite times to be with her daughter. However, today, more than just being a silent and strong connection between them, there was a sense of recovery and thoughtfulness as she heated up their soup.
Her mind was buzzing with everything that had happened, and at the bottom of it all was Philip. She had never expected him to come back in her life, and she had certainly never expected him to come back like this. However, now he had, and her heart beat faster just thinking about it.
She wasn't a headstrong girl anymore, however. She couldn't be that reckless graduate throwing herself after the man she wanted like breathing. She was an adult now, with all of an adult's responsibilities. She had a daughter to look after.
Still, when she was settled down with Victoria sprawled across the other end of the couch, she wondered what it would be like to have a third person there, a man with black hair and black eyes who looked at her and her daughter as if they were the most precious beings on earth …
***
The cab driver was mercifully silent as he drove Philip back to his hotel room. Philip was so distracted that he wasn't sure he could have answered the man at all.
That was my daughter.
The thought echoed in his mind over and over again, like a bell that would not stop tolling. The reality of it was inescapable in a way that it hadn't been before. It was one thing to see the little girl at the bookstore, another thing to see her and to know for sure.
No … not the little girl. Victoria. A tiny person in her own right, one who was half him. It was something that his brain still struggled with. He couldn't believe that she was a part of him, and in that moment, no matter what else happened, he knew that she always would be. No matter what happened between himself and Marnie, a part of his heart would always belong to Victoria.
It was exalting. It was terrifying.
And Marnie …
He wasn't lying when he said he had thought of her often. As time had gone by and Philip had taken over more of the tasks that his family set before him, his thoughts often drifted back to his time in New York, and Marnie was a part of that. Sometimes, he had wondered if he had conflated her with a time of freedom in his life, when he had had fewer responsibilities and could do as he liked.
Upon seeing her again, however, he had learned that that was definitely not the case. She had grown from being a promising girl to a powerful woman. When he had heard that she was a novelist, he had been unsurprised to realize how good she was. When she looked at him with that small smile on her face, her eyes slightly narrowed as if she were prepared to see right through him, he had felt his heart beat faster.
She was magnificent, and regardless of what might happen, he wanted her as well.
However, as the recent weeks had taught him, what he wanted and what he could have were two different things. With a flinch of wariness, he turned on his phone to see several messages from his family there.
They came from both his mother and his father, and they read about like what he expected. They were disappointed with him and the choices he had made. They were furious that he left when things were going so well with the princess. They were covering for him now, but they would not do so forever.
For a moment, he was half-tempted to tell them about their granddaughter, to shock and horrify them with the very evidence of his wild ways, but he knew that that would be unfair to both Victoria and to Marnie. He knew his parents well, and the moment they knew about Victoria, they would swing into action. Perhaps Marnie would be paid off, something he knew would shock and disgust her, or perhaps darker doings would occur.
No, Philip knew that he had to play this one close to the chest for at least a short while. All he knew right this moment was that Victoria held his heart in her small hands and that he was beginning to suspect that her mother did the same.
Still fully clothed, he lay down on the big hotel bed, for the first time thinking about how empty it was. Since returning to Navarra, he had had several affairs, all brief, all forgettable. He wondered suddenly if Marnie had had the same luxury. Had her bed felt this empty after Victoria was born? How had she survived it?
He didn't know much about single parenting, let alone single parenting in the United States, but for the first time, he wondered how hard it was, how she had been alone.
Impulsively, he sent her a text.
How did you do it?
Her response was brisk and nearly immediate.
How did I do what?
Raise a daughter all on your own.
There was a longer pause while she typed out her response. He could imagine the two of them resting together now, sprawled on the couch and taking a break after their long day. For not the first time, he wished he was with them.
I didn't do it alone, not really. Cassie was there, and I've got a lot of friends who helped out. It was hard a few times, and more than once I thought I just would not be able to make it through, but hey, guess what, I'm still here and so's Victoria. After that, I figure that everything else is extra.
He laughed a little at her answer, but he could sense the loneliness behind it as well.
I think you're doing a great job. She's wonderful.
Thank you! I think she's pretty darned great too!
He paused. It felt good, amazing even, to be able to speak with Marnie. She had always had a kind of straight common sense that never allowed him to get too full of himself, to drift too far inward. During his life, he had had far too many people who accommodated him and who had told him exactly what he wanted to hear. With Marnie, he never had to worry about that. Even when they were at their most passionate and reckless, she had always been willing to throw on the brakes and talk things out.
What a queen she would make, he thought idly, but then he drew away from the thought. There was no way his family would accept a novelist of no background as his wife, even if she was the one who had borne their grandchild.
Thank you again for an amazing day, he typed to her. I really mean that. I've never had another day like it.
There was a long pause, followed by the ellipses that told him that she was typing.
I would like more days like this too.
She had been typing for far longer than those words should have taken. Philip was suddenly intensely curious about what she had typed and then erased.
Philip lay back in bed and wondered what more days with Marnie and Victoria might be like.