Chapter Six
When she had signed the contract, Natalie had thought that things were going to be strange, to say the least. She supposed if she had imagined it at all, she would have thought of herself in an alien place, almost in a limbo.
Instead, her days with Nathan snapped into a kind of routine almost immediately.
On days when he was free from work, they explored London together, taking in the sights as he introduced her to his favorite restaurants, pubs, museums and parks. He was a good guide, full of excitement and genuine love for the city. He was attentive and kind, everything a woman might have hoped for, and more than once, Natalie caught women eyeing her with envy.
But you don't know the rest of it, she thought grimly.
After brilliant days in the city, they returned to the townhouse they shared, the place that Natalie was, whether she liked it or not, beginning to think of as home.
The way Nathan touched her, the way he made love to her, it was enough to leave her wide eyed and in a state of shock. No one had ever drawn this response from her body before. No one had ever made her feel as if the stars were exploding behind her eyes. When they made love, everything made sense, and she found a peace she had never known in his arms.
That never lasted, of course.
Finally, it would be over, and she would leave for her room or he would leave for his.
Despite the sensual exhaustion that saturated her limbs, she could never fall asleep right away. Sadness warred with her belief that this was entirely right, and sometimes, it would be almost dawn before she slept well.
On a Friday morning three weeks after she had arrived in London, Natalie woke to proof positive that she was not pregnant. Wincing a little, she found fresh underthings and dressed in a soft brown knit dress, its severe lines echoing her somber mood.
Nathan was at home that day, and he glanced at her over the edge of his cup of coffee, one eyebrow raised.
"Are you all right, pet?" he asked.
She nodded her head, absently wondering why she had always hated pet names, but endearments from Nathan made her feel warm inside instead.
"I have to tell you something," she said.
Nathan looked alarmed; he set aside his coffee cup and looked her full in the eye. "What is it?"
"It didn't work this month," she said, not meeting his gaze. "I'm not pregnant."
She wasn't sure what she’d expected from Nathan. She hadn't thought he would be angry. He had said weeks ago that he knew it could take a while for a pregnancy to take. She had thought he might be a little sad or dismissive. She hadn't expected to see a flash of relief cross his face before it was schooled to something a little more neutral.
"Well, we knew it can take a little while," he said. "And I certainly don't have any problems with trying again, do you?"
Natalie felt a natural smile tug at the corners of her lips, and she shook her head. "Not at all."
"That's my good girl. Fortuitous that we find out today, I suppose."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm being called to one of our corporation outposts in Saudi Arabia. Standard, of course, but one of those things I would rather not dedicate to someone else."
"Oh," she said, wondering why she felt oddly disappointed. She hadn't expected him to mourn the fact that she was still not pregnant, but she hadn't expected him to speak of it like it was a schedule hiccup, either.
"I'm not sure it's a wonderful idea for you to follow me, as I'll be in meetings all the time, but do you want to stay in London on your own?"
"I don't know," she said honestly. London was beautiful and exciting, and she didn't doubt that she could find something to do, but there was something in her that didn't care for staying in the city without Nathan, either. Even though she was very used to being on her own, something about it felt unspeakably lonely.
"How would you feel about going to Ireland?"
She blinked at him.
"I've always wanted to see Ireland," she said hesitantly, and he grinned.
"I was thinking this wouldn't be such a bad time to take you before this matter came up. If you like, I could send you ahead to Kilderry, where I grew up. It's beautiful up there. Quiet, not very London at all, but I love it. I thought there was a chance that you might love it too."
Did he sound shy when he said that? It didn't matter. The idea of exploring a new place, one that didn't have any memories of Nathan to make her sad at his absence, sounded like a good choice.
"Sure, that sounds great," she said, and the brilliant smile that he gave her was dazzling.
***
Kilderry was a small town, but it would be difficult to call it quiet or rustic, Natalie decided. From the reading she had done on the way up by car, she had learned that it drew in all sorts of artists and other creative types. The result made it a draw for tourist money while also giving it a reputation for beauty and devotion to the arts amidst the four-hundred-year-old buildings.
There was space to stretch out, something she had not always found in London, and the Thomas home in Kilderry was an enormous stone cottage on the edge of town, something too small to be a mansion, but far larger than a standard house.
"It's like something out of a fairytale," she had whispered when she first properly saw the house after falling asleep the night before. It was wreathed in early morning mist, the round, green stained glass pane over the old-fashioned door winking at her in the scanty early light.
It was probably a good thing that they were getting this time apart, Natalie thought wryly. The more time she spent with Nathan, the harder it was to remember that it wasn't a fairytale at all. It was a business arrangement. She should have been reminded every time she fell into bed alone, but for some reason, it refused to take.
She spent five days exploring Kilderry, venturing into the gorgeous little shops and walking in the cool forests nearby. It was delightful, but if she had thought that simply not having Nathan with her would get him out of her mind, she was wrong. It felt as if every other moment, she found something she wanted to show him, something he would like or something he would laugh at. She saw the other couples who had come to Kilderry to see the sights, and she was wrapped with a sense of helpless envy and wistfulness. God, she had always thought herself strong-minded when it came to understanding the world and how it worked. When had she gotten so soft?
No matter how much she scolded herself, however, Natalie found herself filled with excitement on Saturday when he was due back in the evening. She tidied the house and set out the honeysuckle candles that she had bought in the market. They filled the cottage with a light, sweet scent that perfectly complimented the large bouquets of gladiolas she had bought at the farmer's market that morning. There was something perfectly domestic about all of it. She knew Nathan would be getting in too late for dinner, but she cut up a plate of cold sausage and cheese, leaving it in the refrigerator if he felt hungry.
It was only when everything looked perfect that she allowed herself to think of the small, silver box that waited for her up in the room she had claimed as her own. She had felt more than a little foolish when she had sneaked the box into her luggage back in London, but now she was grateful for it.
One of the luxuries she had become addicted to while staying with Nathan was good lingerie. Natalie had spent her life wearing plain cotton until it was stretched out and holey. The satins and silks she had learned to love were addictive, and it never hurt that Nathan was always impressed.
Despite her affection for the slightly scandalous items, she had always stayed on the safer, more modest end of things. But the pieces she had brought along with her were not modest at all.
After her shower, Natalie's body felt pleasantly warm as she dressed herself. Her dress was a simple green sheath that Nathan had once said matched her eyes, and after a moment, she decided there was no point in putting on shoes at all.
In the living room, she felt perfectly ready for him to walk in the door, but a glance at the clock made her make a face. He wasn't due for another half hour at best. Instead of pacing and glancing at the door as she was tempted to do, she sat on the Chesterfield sofa and checked her phone instead. The world felt so far away in Kilderry that it was almost shocking to catch up with what had been going on since she had left London.
Thumbing through the news sites, she wasn't particularly startled to see Nathan's name come up. He wasn't in the society pages as much as he had been years ago, but he spent plenty of time in the business and industry pages. Reading those pages was always a bit puzzling for her. Sometimes that Nathan felt like a complete stranger, and other times, she could sense his wit and gleaming intelligence shining through.
She might not have read the article at all if she hadn't seen the picture that was attached. Natalie's eye immediately went to Nathan, dressed in a severe tuxedo and almost achingly handsome, but then she saw the gorgeous woman that was standing next to him. She was tall and willowy, dressed in a sparkling and daring gown that fell to the floor. A deep-cut neckline plunged between her generous breasts, and the smile on her face was distinctly feline, completely satisfied. She clung to Nathan's arm, and as far as Natalie could tell, she was pleased to be there.
Biting her lip a little, Natalie's gaze fell to the text below. She could have been a business partner, or someone's wife, but reading the article told Natalie she certainly was none of those things.
Is there the whisper of romance around international industrialist Nathan Thomas and fashion entrepreneur Leilani al-Rami? They certainly gave that impression at a charity benefit at...
Natalie closed the article, aware that her heart was pounding a heavy tattoo throughout her body. She told herself that this had nothing in the world to do with her, that it didn't matter to her what Nathan did while she was not with him, but the furious blush on her cheeks told her in no uncertain terms that it was a lie.
God...did he realize that I would be...out of service...for a week and head for the hills?
The thought felt ridiculously wrong when she applied it to Nathan, but she had heard her girlfriends and co-workers talk. Men did that, especially when there were no bonds of love and friendship to keep them close. Hell, sometimes they did it when there were. In that moment, Natalie had never felt more alone.
Get a grip, she tried to tell herself. You don't have a relationship. You have an agreement, one that has an expiration date. You're not here to be his goddamn girlfriend, and you are definitely not here to be his jilted lover.
She had almost managed to calm herself down by the time a key jiggled in the lock and the door swung open.
Natalie raised her head to see Nathan, slightly tanned and more handsome than ever in a simple T-shirt and jeans. There was a little scruff on his chin that made him look even more attractive, and that was before he grinned at her.
"Hey, pet, did you miss me?"
If Natalie had been able to plan her reaction, she might have smiled politely and then gone to bed, pleading a headache or some minor ill. Instead, he caught her at her most sensitive and wounded, and she rose up like some kind of spirit of vengeance.
"Obviously you didn't miss me," she said coldly, and she watched with a kind of sick satisfaction as his smile fell away.
"What the hell are you talking about? Of course I missed you..."
"Would I get the same response if I asked Ms. Leilani al-Rami?" she asked accusingly. "Would she say that you were missing a woman you had left behind?"
She had hoped to see at least a flash of guilt across Nathan's face, but instead, he only looked more confused.
"Lani? What would she know about anything?"
The fact that he seemed to have a nickname for the woman who had been clinging to him in the picture was like throwing fuel on the fire.
"You tell me," Natalie shot back. "I knew our arrangement was meant to be no romance, but I really didn't expect that you were going to go...go running after other women the moment I wasn't available to take care of your needs."
His confusion dripped away to be replaced with a towering darkness. He strode up to her, and when she looked up at him, she was reminded all over again of how tall and imposing he was. Instead of making her shrink away, however, it only made her feel more defiant. If he thought he was going to intimidate her, he was wrong.
"I left because I have a company to run," he snapped. "One that I inherited from my father and grandfather and that I care for a great deal. I was called into a number of social functions that could see business open up for us all over the world, and I won't say no to that, not when it leads to profits and wealth and more security for the people who work for me. I never will."
His eyes narrowed, and he stepped even closer, so close that his chest brushed against her breasts.
"As to you being too indisposed to take care of my needs..."
Natalie gasped as his arms came around her, dragging her close. God, but he was fast and strong. She struggled weakly, but there was no getting away from him. Fool, fool to get so close and drop her guard.
"Well, you're not indisposed now, are you?"
That was all the warning she got before his mouth crashed down on hers. When she tried to hold her mouth stubbornly shut, one hand came up to lightly squeeze at her jaw, making her mouth open. His tongue invaded her mouth, ravishing it with both an anger and need that she could feel to the roots of her being.
"God, I missed you," he growled, pulling back just enough so she could see the dark hell in his eyes. "And I want you. And I'm not going to let your jealous hissy fit get in my way."
She snarled in his face, but he only laughed, scooping her into his arms.
At some point, Natalie realized she wasn't fighting him. She was clinging to him, relishing how tightly he held her, how for brief moments he would kiss her as if her lips held something he needed to live. When he dropped her on the enormous bed, her lips were swollen, and her heart was beating as fast as if she was being chased by a predator. As Nathan stripped carelessly to his skin, she realized how apt that idea was.
"I wouldn't run if I were you," he commented. "I really don't mind chasing you down."
"I'm not going to run from you," she retorted. "I'm not afraid of you."
"Good."
He came back to the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. She could make neither head nor tails of the conflicting needs within her. She wanted to embrace him, and she wanted to pound on his chest to make him aware of how much he had hurt her.
He took the inward battle away from her. In the space of a moment, he pinned her down, holding her hands above her head with one hand while the other reached for her dress.
She started to say that he couldn't undress her like that, but as it turned out, he wasn't interested in undressing her at all. Instead, taking a tight grip on the collar of her dress, he simply ripped it from her shoulders. The rough, purring sound of fabric giving way made her gasp. It sent a frisson of pleasure down her spine. There was some private and primal part of her that reveled in how much he needed her, how his want could tear the clothes from her body.
She could already feel the sparks of desire arching between them when he stilled, looking down at her. For a moment, she wondered if he would stop, but then she realized what he was looking at.
"My, my, you weren't always so angry with me, were you?"
Natalie was reminded with brutal quickness about the lingerie she had chosen. It was sheer black, but more than being sheer, there were cut-outs right over her nipples, letting the jutting pink peaks press out towards Nathan's waiting hands. When he saw that, he pressed her legs apart with his knee, his investigating hand sliding between her legs. She shut her eyes because she couldn't bear his smug expression of discovery. She felt his fingers find the split in the underwear that allowed him to touch her slit, nothing between their skins at all. She whined in protest as he circled her clit, dipping into her damp opening once and then again.
"Oh God, Nathan!"
"Did you put on these naughty, naughty things for me?" he purred. "Did you put them on before you got the entirely wrong idea about me and a woman who wants to do some consulting work for my brand and my image?"
She thought she could sense the hurt under his sly words, but she rallied. She refused to let him be this smug, to think that she was going down without a fight, no matter how good he felt.
"How...how do you know I dressed like this for you?" she panted, and Nathan went utterly still.
"You..."
It was like a storm hitting the coast. His head came down to claim her mouth with a kiss that was teeth as much as it was tongue, and below, his fingers became crueler. He thrust two fingers inside to thoroughly wet them before laving her clit with her own dampness. He had always been an attentive lover, but now he was using all of his hard-won knowledge to arouse her as quickly as he could.
In front of this onslaught, Natalie was utterly helpless. She could no more resist the sensations he was giving her than she could have crawled out of her own skin. The worst part was that she didn't want to. She opened her legs for him, and when he let go of her wrists, she clung to him, moaning shamelessly for more, more and more.
In the back of her mind, her only consolation was his cock, pressed hard against her thigh, so hard that it must have ached. He rutted against her like a wild animal, and right then, she knew he had as little control as she did.
"God, what are you doing to me?" he snarled, and he pulled his hands away.
Natalie started to protest, but he jerked her onto her belly with one motion, raising her hips up with the next. She realized that he had her on her knees while at the same time pushing her head down to the blankets. The position felt shockingly good, even when she realized how exposed she was. She was presenting him with evidence of her desire for him. It should have been humiliating, but she groaned with need for him. It had only been a few days, but it felt far longer.
"You could drive a saint to sin, and I'm no saint," Nathan groaned, rising up behind her.
There was no gentleness in his hands as they clamped down over her hips. He was so strong he could pull her back towards him. She felt the hot length of his cock along her slit before his hand came up to guide it in. She whined with relief when he entered her fully, but he gave her no time to think of how good it felt. He set a punishing pace that took her breath away with every thrust. She was so overwhelmed with pleasure that it was all she could do to hang on to the sheets. Her body twisted and tightened underneath his, but that didn't satisfy him.
"You think you're getting away with this, eh, pet? No, no you don't."
She started to ask him what he meant, but he leaned forward so he could reach between her legs. He found her clit again in a matter of moments, and when he did, he was utterly without mercy. The pleasure that had been trembling through her before spiked sky high, and Natalie's eyes shut tight.
She couldn't bear it. Of course, she couldn't bear it. It was too much, too much pleasure, too much sensation breaking down all over, turning her flesh to fire, her bones to sheer electricity.
"Oh, oh Nathan, Nathan!"
On his name, she shattered into a thousand pieces shimmering and each as hot as the sun. She felt as if she were breaking and that nothing would ever be the same afterwards, and her cries were so loud her throat ached with it. Her climax stretched out until she thought she might die of it, and even after her body relaxed in final surrender, she could feel Nathan still thrusting deep inside her.
He moved like a man possessed, his hands all that were keeping her up. Over and over again, he plunged into her, drawing back only to press in again. He was desperate, growling words that barely made sense to her. All she could feel was his need, his power, and finally, he thrust into her one last time. The strength of his release was almost stunning to her, sending ripples of sweetness through her body again even as he clung to her, his forehead pressed against her shoulder.
In that moment, everything felt shockingly clear. She needed this man in a way she could barely begin to understand, and whether he knew it or not, this proved that he needed her in the same way.
It felt like they remained in that position, her clinging to the sheets, Nathan inside her, for an eternity, but finally, he pulled away. It struck Natalie that when he did so, it was with a reluctance that seemed almost heartbroken. He was gentle when he did it, with none of the roughness he had shown when they were making love.
He laid her back on the bed with an aching care, and he turned on the bedside lamp, casting long shadows throughout the room. She thought he would come to rejoin her on the bed, but instead he stood beside her, looking down at her with a troubled expression.
"Are you all right? Did I hurt you?"
She blinked at him, because that was the last thing she had expected to come out of his mouth. "Hurt me? Of course not."
"I was rough with you," he said, looking away. "God...I'm sorry, Natalie. No matter what happened between us, I should not have acted that way."
She was still turning his words over in her head when he spoke again.
"If you want me to leave tonight, I will. I swear, I'll give you the money you're due, and you'll never have to see me again."
She realized with a start what he was saying, and the idea shocked her to the core. She shook her head. "No, no, Nathan, no. Please...come back to bed?"
He looked at her warily, set she could see on refusing, but then, to her relief, he took the hand she offered and came to sit back on the bed with her.
"That was...unexpected," she said. "But please. Don't think it was unwelcome."
He stared at her as if he couldn't understand what she was saying. He opened his mouth to protest, but she placed her hand over his mouth.
"Did you hear me fight? Did I tell you no?"
"No," he admitted, and she closed her hand over his.
"No, you didn't. I'm not going to lie, that wasn't expected, but it wasn't terrible, or a violation. It wasn't painful. It wasn't harmful."
They sat in silence for a moment, and she found herself curled up against him again. He was remarkably warm, and she could smell her own skin on his, as if they were mingling together on a level she didn't understand.
"I don't know if this is a good idea anymore, though," she said against his shoulder. What would have been so difficult standing up in the bright sunshine was easy snuggled up close to him now.
"Because of what I did?"
"No, because of what I feel. I believe you when you say she was a business acquaintance and that nothing happened between the two of you. I believe you now. Half an hour ago?"
Natalie shivered, because she could still remember the wild grief that came from seeing Nathan with another woman. She had known he had slept with many women in his past, but she had been completely unprepared for the reality that he might sleep with someone while he was also sharing her bed, no matter how unromantic their reasons might be.
"Half an hour ago, I felt crazy," she confessed. "I felt like my heart had been ripped out, as if you had stepped on it without even looking down."
She didn't expect Nathan to wrap his arm over her shoulders. She probably didn't deserve it, but she snuggled up against him anyway. Here, she felt perfectly safe, perfectly serene. She wished she could keep this feeling forever.
"You didn't deserve that. I'm... I try to be all tough, but whether I like it or not, feelings are growing, and I'm not sure I can control them, not even a little."
"You have feelings for me," he said cautiously, and she nodded, not looking at him.
"I do."
"Can you tell me about these feelings?"
She pushed back to look him in the eye. She knew her eyes were brimming with tears, but she didn’t care about that. She couldn't tell if he was needling to hurt her, or if he was genuinely so clueless he didn't know.
"I think I love you," she whispered, hating herself for her weakness even as she understood how very true the statement was. "The whole time I was here, I couldn't stop thinking of you, and when I saw you with that other woman..."
She tried to get out of the bed then, but Nathan's arms came around her again, this time dragging her back to sit on his lap.
"Shh, shh, sweetheart, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, I just had to know."
"And now you do," she said bitterly. "Now you can see what an absolute mess I am, and how I ruined something you really wanted and I really wanted to give you, and..."
She might have gone on, but then he tugged her head back and closed his mouth over hers. It was a kiss unlike any they had ever shared. It was deep and passionate, and though of course there were the licks of heat at the edges, this kiss wasn't about sex. It was about comfort and kindness, and with a kind of wonder, Natalie thought that it might be about love as well.
"You didn't ruin anything," he said, finally breaking away. "These thoughts and feelings that you had...they're not so different from ones that I’ve had as well."
"What does this mean?" she asked, both afraid of the answer and needing to hear it more than anything.
"It means, I think, that you should spend the night here with me, and then we can talk about it more in the morning."
Natalie woke the next morning wrapped in Nathan's arms, and before she was even awake, she smiled.
Whatever happened next, she would always have this, and the warmth of the moment sunk into her like rain into parched earth.