Chapter Twelve
Jessica
“You know,” Ashley chirped, “the cost of school books sucks.”
Dana laughed as they filled up their arms with all the various items listed on their respective class lists at the UC San Diego Bookstore. Jessica had been feeling pretty crappy all week, just dizzy and nauseated a lot. It had caused her to pass on going a few times already, and she needed to get the books before all the other kids bought them out. Then again, everyone else at UCSD must have had that same thought because it felt like every student on campus was cramped into the hot, sweatbox that was the bookstore today.
It was totally doing wonders for her illness.
Not.
Dana continued to roll her eyes as Ashley moaned about her books. “I have to get art supplies too. You want to be bled dry, keep buying canvas and oils.”
Jessica tried to smile. “I would also like to point out that thick-ass textbooks cost like two hundred bucks or more a piece brand new.”
“Not as bad as my bills, still,” Dana chimed in. “And I’m a starving artiste.”
“I’m a starving actress,” Ashley said, which seemed a bit literal these days. She was down to a size 00 after the latest round of casting director crap, and Jessica was worried about her. Of course, every time she tried to hint that Ashley should eat more or maybe rest from auditions for a while over in L.A., Ash just complained more. “I don’t even pay much to eat, and I don’t have enough in my budget left over for all of this!”
“And I do well nannying, but this is just…” Jessica sighed as they got into the never-ending line. She couldn’t even see the cashier from here. They weren’t going anywhere for hours. “It’s a conspiracy. An overpriced one to bleed our student loans.”
“Don’t you know it,” Dana replied.
“Yes,” Ashley said, blowing her auburn bangs out of her face. “I’ll be paying these books off at the retirement home.”
“Exactly and…” Jessica stopped then. She was still plenty angry and frustrated, but her stomach was lurching, and she felt bile trying to work its way back up her throat. “Wait, I need to get to the bathroom.”
Her stomach twisted in knots even further, and she rushed for the bathroom down the hall. Ashley ran after her as Dana desperately seemed to fumble with the collection of books and art supplies. Jessica caught a glimpse of the shitshow she’d left behind when she glanced over her shoulder, but she didn’t have the time to worry about it.
She was Mount Vesuvius about to blow.
The swinging door jostled back and forth on its hinges as she rushed for the nearest stall. She barely got enough time to slam the stall door behind her and get some privacy before she threw up. It lasted for a while, and she lingered with the drive heaves before she was done. Spent, she rested her head in her hands and felt tears flow down her cheeks.
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Hey?” Ashley asked as she entered the bathroom. “Are you okay?”
Jessica stood up and forced herself back out into the world and made sure she was cleaning up at the sink. “I think it’s just the flu going around, you know?”
“Mhmmm.”
She frowned and glared at her friend. “What?”
“Well, you have been eating more,” Ashley said.
Jessica wanted to counter that Ashley had been eating a lot less, but she bit her tongue over such a petty comment. “I guess.”
“How long have you been nauseated. It’s seemed like a while now.”
Jessica tried not to overthink it, but there was a definite direction, and aim, to Ashley’s questions. “Maybe two weeks. It’s not such a big deal, is it?” Her hands traced over the filigree of the dolphin necklace she wore all the time, except when she visited her dad’s place. “So I caught something weird, so what?”
“I didn’t think anything was going around, to be honest,” Ashley said.
“What are you saying?”
“You could be pregnant.”
Jessica’s whole body stiffened. No way could that be true. Absolutely none. Zero. She’d been careful. She’d been taking her pill religiously for months. It didn’t make sense. “I can’t be.”
“Well, I’m just saying. Let’s get you home and see, okay?” Ashley hugged her. “I’m really worried about you.”
Me too.
***
The little plus sign was on the stick. The little plus sign had been on the last three sticks, so why Jessica thought a fourth one would be any different, she wasn’t sure. Her shoulders hunched over, she trudged back to the living room where both Dana and Ashley sat wide-eyed. Dana was on the far end of the couch, glancing back to the used tests on the coffee table like they were cobras ready to bite her. Ashley’s face was sympathetic, and it was appreciated to have two good friends like this. Her mom wasn’t in the picture very regularly, and there was no way she could talk to her dad about this.
Or Brent.
Oh God, what was she gonna do?
The worry must have been playing across her features because Ashley surged to her and wrapped her up in another warm hug. Together they stumbled to the couch, too, and Jessica slumped heavily down on it. Her heart raced. Her breath was impossible to catch. None of this could be happening.
“I don’t understand. I was on birth control. This shouldn’t even be a problem!”
“Were you on any other medications?” Dana asked. “My cousin has to take meds for her seizures, so that nullifies the effect of her birth control.”
Jessica’s throat went dry. “I… Just some meds to help me get more sleep over the summer since I was so stressed about my professors giving me a hard time about no internship. Some St. John’s wart, too.”
Ashley yanked out her phone and Googled a few things on it. “Oh man, Google says they can definitely affect b.c.”
Jessica felt she might vomit again and it had very little to do with the morning sickness she was apparently experiencing. “No.”
Dana rubbed her shoulder. “We will figure this out. I called a friend while you were in their who works at a free clinic that also has an OB on staff. We go there, and it’s not free, but we can cover it together. We know you can’t ask your dad.”
Jessica’s lip wobbled. “My dad is gonna kill me.”
“First, we see this doc Dana found, then we figure the rest out,” Ashley said, hopping onto her feet. “Whatever you decide and whatever you do from here, your little one has two kickass aunts who are going to help you and won’t abandon you.”
“Nope, girlie, you’ll have to beat me off with a stick,” Dana added, nodding at her. “Now, I’ll drive.”
“You’re the only one with a car,” Ashley pointed out.
“True, but I don’t think if I declined… Well… this isn’t really an Uber moment,” Dana replied.
Jessica sighed and let her friends pick her up and lead her out to the car. The drive was a blur and the appointment’s beginnings even more of a whirlwind. Ashley and Dana took care of the forms and making small talk with Dana’s friend the tech. All of it was too overwhelming. Jessica barely managed to step on and off the scale and then sit still long enough for her blood pressure to be taken. She felt like she had to have a neon sign over her, some scarlet letter that marked her obviously for everything she’d done.
Finally, the doctor entered. She seemed nice enough with a wide smile and kind eyes shining out from her dark face. She nodded to Jessica on the table and then surprised her by taking her hand. The doc patted it softly. “I know this might be hard, but let’s see what’s going on for right now. It’s all going to be okay. I know you can figure this out.”
“You don’t know me.”
“No, but I see women make hard choices all the time, and they don’t have two friends come with them all the time. Besides, Dana volunteered here a few summers ago, so I know you have some resources. Something. You have good friends to support you and a medical team who cares. So, let’s breathe together, and I’ll get the ultrasound started.”
Tears sprang to Jessica’s eyes, both because she was glad the doctor was so kind and because this felt wrong, like it was an insult to Brent and all they’d shared. He should be here.
If he wanted to actually be here.
God, she’d have to come to that decision later. The doctor and tech… everyone had been so delicate with her even as the tech prepped the gel over her stomach. All assembled weren’t saying what her options were, but Jessica knew there weren’t any. Not at all. The second she’d realized she was pregnant, she’d only thought about keeping the baby. After coming from a shattered home, she couldn’t imagine not reaching out and doing anything she could to keep an extra member from joining it. It just wasn’t her.
The biggest questions were more: Was the baby healthy? and What do I tell Brent?
The doctor kept her smile in place as Dana and Ashley each held one of her hands. The wand moved over her stomach, and then her heart sank. The doctor’s mouth set into a grim line as she squinted more closely at the monitor. She, like her friends, looked closer, too, but it was all a blur to her. Then she saw some movement, but it seemed like… Wait, was there more than one heartbeat?
The doctor turned and was calm and kind when she spoke. “Miss Billings, you’re definitely pregnant and with two healthy twins so far. The heartbeats are strong. It’s too early to tell the sex yet, but for right now they look to be in excellent condition.”
“Twins?” Ashley asked.
“Oh, wow,” Dana said, her expression more neutral. Made sense. Her friend had worked in a clinic before and probably knew more about how to stay calm in hairy situations. “Thank you so much for the appointment on short notice.”
The doctor nodded. “I’ll let you get cleaned up and come back with information about options and…”
“I’m keeping them,” Jessica said. “I just need to know about keeping appointments and payment plans and vitamins. I don’t know much about all the prenatal stuff.”
“That’s what we’re here for, dear,” the doctor replied. “You get ready, and we’ll come back to talk appointments. Congratulations.”
After the door shut, Jessica mopped up the ultrasound jelly on her stomach, and then slipped the T-shirt over her body. Dana squeezed her hand tighter, but Ashley was pacing.
“What?” Jess asked.
“You don’t have to do this,” Ashley said. “I know you want to do the right thing but twins? Are you maybe at least going to think about adoption? I know you want to be a scientist and with twins—”
“It’ll be hard, but I can do it.”
Dana frowned. “Are you going to tell Brent?”
“And have his father disown him, break Cara’s heart, and lead my father to murder him? Honestly, guys, I have no idea what I’m doing. All I can trust now is my gut. And that says that these children are the best thing I’ve ever made,” Jessica said, gesturing to her stomach. “But it’s less clear on if telling Brent is a good idea. He might hate me forever since I was the one assuring him I was on the pill.”
“You were,” Dana offered, still patting her hand. “You were just unaware that there’s some weird medical bullshit that complicated things. None of this is your fault.”
“You’re my friends. Of course you see it that way. I just don’t know how telling Brent can bring him and me anything but heartache.”
Ashley sighed, stopped pacing, and hugged her. “Well, right now, you finish this up, and we’ll go home and do a movie day. No thinking – just whatever food you can keep down and Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise as the drop-dead undead.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Jessica said.
It was, so far, the only one she had.