Wizard was at my door first thing in the morning, his face full of worry and concern. He had heard the story from Franklin and Major but wanted to hear it again from me. I had to fudge a lot, altering my reasons for attacking Major. Stressing more my feelings of “ownership” than the actual truth. I could deny it all I want, but I knew now I had fallen in love with Lorcan long ago…and despite my rejection, I’d never stopped. If anything, it seemed to be growing.

My muscles itched with the desire to run down to him the moment I woke up. I was swimming upstream with every step I took with Wizard toward the café.

“Franklin told me to leave you alone till the morning, but I’ve been going crazy all night. I couldn’t sleep; I wanted to talk to you so bad.” Wizard shoved his hands in his pockets as we walked together. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

“Why?” My question came out a little harsher than I wanted. Coffee was still too far from my lips, and I had to admit I was terrified of facing everyone this morning. Would they hate me? Treat me like I had a disease? No matter what, I was the freak. A rare NO. And one who attacked one of the leaders.

Everyone staring at me like I had two heads should have been almost comforting. It was nothing new, after all. I was a freak in my own castle; why shouldn’t I be one here?

Wizard and I came around the corner into the cafeteria. The low buzz of voices and clinking dishes instantly stopped and every head turned to me. My instinct was still to run and hide from the intense stares, but I rolled my shoulders back and held myself with pride.

Don’t show fear.

Fingers laced with mine, clasping my hand tightly. Wizard pulled me against him, standing defiantly at my side. His statement was clear. The gesture was sweet, but positioning himself like a boyfriend irked me. He was declaring there was more to our relationship without even asking me.

I tried to let go, but he gripped harder, tugging me toward the food. Slowly murmurs and activity picked back up. People returned to their conversations, which were probably about me, but at least they weren’t staring.

“They’ll move on to something else soon.” He flicked his head at the crowd. “But what you did…what you are…is gonna produce some whispers for a bit.”

“Sounds familiar,” I mumbled to myself, filling my cup to the brim with coffee. My stomach growled, but the thought of food made me feel a little ill. I grabbed some oatmeal and a banana before following Wizard back to the table.

Ophelia, Poppy, and Fox were already there. Each turned as we walked up. The sickness in my belly was reminiscent of junior high, ready to have food or hurtful words flung at me.

“Hey.” Wizard climbed over the bench, sitting down next to Fox. “We all good here?”

There was a moment of silence as acid burned my intestines. Then a soft smile curled Ophelia’s mouth. “Yep.” She motioned for me to sit. “Anyone who puts Major in his place is all right in my book.”

“Oh my god.” Poppy burst into laughter, bending over her plate of eggs. “I hadn’t even thought of that.” She lifted her head and waved the fork at me. “Girl, you are our hero. Sit your ass down.”

A smile tugged at my lips. I moved to sit next to Wizard.

“We knew something was different about you, but a natural obscurer? It’s like a bloody unicorn,” Poppy exclaimed. “And one that shoved her horn up Major’s ass. I think I’m in love.”

Not everyone had that reaction to me. Others ranged from intrigue to fear, skepticism to awe. Kenya watched me at every turn. I knew she was being protective of the group, and probably the only one actually right about me, but it annoyed me. Her gaze never let up, like she was waiting for me to break.

 

 

“Ooooffffffffftt.” Bones crunched as my body slammed back on the mat; muscles I didn’t know were a part of me rose up in fury. They didn’t understand why they were suddenly being punished. Torin had been tough but had been easing me into defensive fighting. Here you were thrown in head first.

“Get up, Raven.” Ophelia’s face came into view above me. “Again.”

I groaned as I rolled over, getting back on my feet and counting the moments until lunch break.

The morning was spent mostly on my back in pain. Ophelia may have been sweet off the mats, but she was vicious on. The afternoon training with Kenya was no better. Her distrust of me was clear, and she was determined to find a way to break me.

The day dragged painfully on and on. But what tortured me the most was the one thing I needed to avoid, the only thing I wanted to do. Lorcan was my magnetic north, and several times I found myself headed for him without thinking. From the moment I attacked Major to protect him, something shifted deep in me. My connection to him grew even stronger. And denying it was like a thousand knives in my soul.

Finally, before the dinner break, I was able to slip away early from training on a path toward the pit. I needed to try to talk with Lorcan again.

“Raven?” Wizard’s voice came from behind me.

I squeezed my lids, forcing back the spurt of anger. He had been on me like a shadow every chance he got, acting like we were a couple. “Yes?” I swallowed, facing him.

“Franklin wants to see you.” He pushed at his glasses. “To go over the plan for tonight.”

“Right.” I nodded and changed course. I had asked several times about my “mission” tonight, but no one gave me a straight answer. I sensed tonight was pass or fail on a test I couldn’t study for.

Butterflies tumbled around my stomach. It wouldn’t be easy.

 

 

I stopped in the doorway, and Wizard bumped into me. “Major.” My gaze wandered over him, but he looked unharmed. “I’m sorry.” I stepped in, allowing Wizard to slip around me, where he took a seat at his computer. “I didn’t—”

“Let’s forget it, okay?” Major flicked through the files he was looking at, his mouth lined. His blue eyes turned to mine. “I don’t blame you. I don’t understand, but your personal life is not my concern.”

My mouth pinched as I entered the room.

“Hey, girl.” Cali patted the seat next to her. “Have a seat.”

Wizard frowned when I settled in next to her but went back to what he was doing.

“I would have done the same.” Cali leaned into my ear. “Anyone touched Wolf, I’d attack too. No one’s gonna take mind-blowing sex away from me. Am I right?” she added flippantly, but I wasn’t fooled. She was in love with him.

“It’s not like that.”

“Right.” She let out a chuckle. “I can see you know. You’re not fooling me. You have it baaadd.”

My eyes widened, terror creeping up my throat.

“I have extra abilities in seeing auras. And you two? Holy shit. Red hot. Like fuckin’ intense.”

My head darted around to see if anyone was in earshot. Only Wizard, Major, and Cali, and myself were here, and neither of the men glanced over.

“Don’t worry. No one else can see it.” Cali nudged me and winked. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

Soon Poppy, Fox, Mayhem, Ophelia, and Kenya entered the room, followed by Franklin.

“All right, I just want to do a quick meetup.” Franklin addressed the room, rounding to the far end of the table.

I was ready for a whole breakdown on events for the night and what he had planned for me, but he merely went through who was going, what to wear, and when to meet back in the war room.

“Aren’t you going to tell me what I’m doing?” I sat up in my seat.

“We’re working out a few more details.” Franklin rubbed his chin. “Our target has been misplaced, but with Wizard on it, I have no doubt we’ll be ready in time for tonight.”

“Still, shouldn’t I get an outline? A rundown of my part?”

“That’s part of the test, Raven. We need you to react in unforeseen circumstances.” Franklin leaned his hip on the table. “All new recruits go through the same exercise. You are no different.”

But I was. We all knew it even if they didn’t realize how much.

“Okay, everyone get some rest; we head out at midnight. Be back here at eleven thirty.” Franklin flicked his head, dismissing us.

Sleep. Right. I hated not knowing what I had to do tonight. It bothered me. I wanted to plan and prepare. Sleep would be pointless. Everyone cleared the room, rushing to be first in line for dinner. Sleep and food would be lost on me.

“Did you want to grab a quick dinner first?” Wizard shoved his hands into his pockets, standing over me, looking sheepish.

“No. I think I’m gonna go get some rest.” I stood from the conference table.

“Oh.” Wizard bobbed his head. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you back here later?”

“Yep,” I said, waiting for Wizard to walk away, but he tipped forward and back on his feet, like he was waiting for something. “Well, then…I’ll see you.”

“Yeah. Later.” He finally twisted to leave, but his feet still pointed toward me, bouncing. I could feel he wanted to ask me out, which up till now I had avoided or changed subjects before he could do it. I looked down, not wanting to meet his gaze as he asked the question I would have to refuse.

He sighed, turning and walking out the door, his head bowed. I felt awful but still couldn’t deny the relief at dodging him one more time.

Once I saw him head down the hallway for the café, I ran full force to the pit, not slowing till my feet pounded down the steps where I found Lorcan sitting in the exact spot I left him. All the other fae sat or laid on their beds, staring off into space.

With Wolf and Lorcan I sensed annoyance, but nothing like the rest. Wrath, resentment, and loathing pumped off the others with a stench almost as literal as the one filling the room. If given the chance, the three fae would tear us into tiny bits and laugh the entire time. Death was what they desired for us. And I couldn’t blame them for feeling that way.

“Hey.” I walked up to Lorcan. Only his eyes moved to me, then snapped back to the far wall. “You want to go to the upper level and walk around a bit before the mission tonight?”

“No,” he responded. Cold and aloof. I didn’t think he was even acting anymore.

My lids fluttered, batting away the hurt. “I don’t think I can sleep or eat. I’m too scared.”

Lorcan’s chin rose, and his gaze shifted side to side, a muscle along his jaw twitching. “No point worrying about it. You can’t control it.”

“You know that’s not how I work.” I absently grabbed for his arm, running my fingers down his skin, needing to touch him. He jerked under my touch, his head snapping toward the door.

“Ken, stop,” he rasped out. It was the first inkling of emotion I had heard from him.

“Why?” Cali was not shy about touching Wolf in front of people. DLR didn’t like it, but they didn’t kick her out over it.

“Come on. You need to rest.” Lorcan pushed off the wall, his hand skimming my lower back, pointing me for the stairs up to the exit. The feeling of his body next to mine invoked a sensually heightened awareness to collide over my skin.

Lorcan was silent as he walked me to my room. My heart spilled over with things I wanted to say, but none of them made it to the surface.

“Try to get some sleep.” He paused at my door, rubbing the back of his neck. “With everything you’ve gone through, you’ll handle whatever they throw at you,” he said as if he had no doubt. He dropped his arm and walked away. Seeing him disappear around the corner did something to me. Panic burst from my chest and moved me before I even realized it. Dread thumped my heart. Not because of the unknown ahead, but the known now.

I knew I didn’t want to be without him. Cali was right; I had it bad. I was so deeply in love with him I couldn’t think straight. And I could feel it…I was losing him, which scared me beyond anything else in the world. The last three days watching him become a shell killed me. He was doing it for me, but because of that, I was losing him.

“Lorcan. Wait,” I called out, running around the corner. He was almost down the hall where the door to the pit was. “Stop!” I yelled again.

His feet halted, but he didn’t turn around. “Yes, master?”

“Don’t.” I reached him, my toes knocking into his heels. “That’s not fair.”

“Fair.” He snorted scornfully. “What does that have to do with anything?”

I took a deep breath, trying to ignore his tone, my fingers lightly touching his elbow. “Stay with me,” I whispered.

His spine went rigid, every muscle contracting across his shoulder blades. He inhaled sharply, turning so abruptly I jumped back. Anger swelled in him, seeping out of his pores. “Now who’s not being fair?” He growled through his teeth.

At one time I would have bowed my head and run away, scared and hurt. Not to say the tendency wasn’t still there, but it was overshadowed. I had overcome too many threats, hateful words, and challenges in my life to cower and hide. Especially from him. I stared at him, challenging his anger with silence.

“Stop that.” He inched closer, his growl deepening. I didn’t move. He gritted his teeth, glancing to the side, his hand running over the back of his head. His eyes fell back on me. “Stop fuckin’ looking at me like that. It seriously freaks me out.” He pulled away from me, shaking his head.

“Stay with me tonight,” I said softly.

His eyes snapped back to me, his expression full of warning. “Just tonight?” His fingers rolled into a fist. “I don’t think so.”

“Why?” I couldn’t hide the hurt lacing my voice.

“I am right where I’m supposed to be.” He nodded back toward the door where the fae slept. “With the depraved. Right at home there. My kind. So go, before anyone sees you.”

“No.” I shook my head. “It’s not who you are.”

“I’m worse.” He stabbed a finger in his chest. “The only difference between me and them is I came here on my own. I wasn’t forced, which makes me even more fucked up,” he spit through his teeth. “You will always be out of my reach. Close enough to taunt me, but never to have. It’s something I’ve known all along, especially after Jared died. But I kept denying it, thinking it could be different. But it’s not. I don’t fit in your world and you certainly don’t fit in mine.” He twisted to head for the door. “Go back to your kind. Leave me be.”

“No!” I shoved at his arm, wrenching him to face me, fury cracking through me. “Stop being like this.”

“Stop being like what?” He sneered, leaning in toward me, his arms out. “This is me, Kennedy. This is it.”

“No. It’s. Not!” I pushed him again. “I know you. You can pretend and hide behind all your masks, but I’ve seen you. The real you. So don’t give me this cheap version and act like that’s all there is.”

He opened his mouth, but I kept going, anger spewing off my tongue.

“You can hate it. Despise me because I can see past all your layers of bullshit. But I won’t settle for the guy you make everyone hate because you’re afraid.”

“Afraid?” He growled, slanting his head. “Do I fuckin’ look scared of anything to you?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

“And what is it I’m scared of?” he countered, his nose flaring and pupils elongating.

I dropped my hand, craning my neck to look directly into his eyes, challenging the beast for dominance. “Me.”

Lorcan jerked back, his teeth cracking as they clenched. “You?” A derisive snort huffed from him, a cruel gaze running over me. “What the hell would I be afraid of from a pint-size girl like you?”

“Because I see you.”

He folded his arms, taking another step back away from me. His jaw muscles flexed and tension filled the space, our heavy breaths ping-ponging off the walls. He broke first, turning away from me. His hand ran from the back of his head to the front, scouring over his temples.

“Lorc—” I went to touch his arm, my fingertips barely grazing his skin before he whipped around, grabbing me and pushing me back against the wall.

“I can’t do this anymore. I’m done, Kennedy,” he rumbled, his eyes fully dark dweller.

“Can’t do what?” I whispered.

“This. Us. It is killing me.” His shoulders bunched around his neck, his hands pushing into the wall on either side of my head. “I told you once, I don’t do maybes. Not with you.” He shoved away.

My hand automatically grabbed for his. “No.” The thought of him walking out on me sawed me in half. “Talk to me. Tell me why you are so mad at me.”

His laugh was manic and twisted.

“Mad at you?” He shook his head, his expression feral. “Fuck! I wish it was that simple. I don’t even wish I could hate you. I want to feel nothing for you.”

I sucked in, my head hitting the wall, my heart crushing under his words.

“Then I could walk away from this whole thing, from you, and never have you cross my mind again.”

Pain stabbed right through my heart, my hand releasing his arm, my face scrunching with agony.

“What do you want from me?” His temper grew more agitated. “You don’t want to be with me... so what the hell do you want? A quick fuck? Is that it?”

His harsh bluntness hit me in the stomach like a game of dodgeball.

“You can’t keep doing this. Make up your fucking mind. It’s not only me who’s scared.” Both hands rubbed his face. He took a deep breath, then he straightened up. “Actually, I’ll make this easy for you. I’m out.”

I could sense the resolve. The truth behind his declaration. This time when he turned for the door, I felt him truly walking away from me.

Whatever barrier I had been trying to keep up disintegrated at my feet. “No!”

He ignored me.

“Lorcan.” I scrambled after him, my throat clogging with fear. “Lorcan, stop!” I grabbed him, blocking his progress, both of our breathing sounded ragged. “Do you know how hard this past year was?” The words I hadn’t planned to say broke out. “It was hell. Alone, terrified, and heartbroken. You act like I didn’t think of you once, when in truth, you haunted my every waking hour. Some days just breathing was an accomplishment. Jared killed me... but you... you obliterated me.”

Lorcan reeled around, his eyes tapered with distrust.

“But I couldn’t show any of that. Every day I’m threatened. I can’t show one moment of weakness. I couldn’t even mourn my own family’s death. I am Queen. My role is to be there for my people. To be their pillar of strength.” I gulped. “And it’s not like you were around. You walked away from me.”

“You told me to.”

“I did.” I nodded. “Jared’s death. The guilt swallowed me whole. And I took it out on you. On myself.”

“You don’t think I feel guilty? Jesus, Kennedy. Every time I look at you I feel another shackle of blame wrapping around my neck.”

“I-I thought it would be easier to cut you out. Having nothing to remind me of you.” I laughed humorlessly. “What a joke. Everything reminds me of you. You are in everything... under my skin. In my head.”

“Don’t say that.” He folded his arms.

“Don’t speak the truth?” I bellowed in frustration. “I swear sometimes you can hear my thoughts…and I hear yours. It freaks me out.”

“Shit.” He palmed his face, rubbing fiercely. “I was hoping it would lessen for you.”

“What would lessen?”

He bent over, his hands drumming his thighs before pulling to his full height. “Do you know why I pushed you away that night at Lars’s château? Why I continue to? I don’t want this for you.”

“What?” My chest squeezed, my intuition knowing, but my brain still was not ready.

Lorcan paced, his movements frantic.

“Tell me.”

He swore under his breath, pacing faster.

“I said tell me!”

Lorcan swung to me, ire straining his muscles. “My beast fucking claimed you,” he yelled, hurling it at me like an accusation. The word slammed into me like a bullet. “That’s why you can hear me. Why I can hear you. There. Are you happy?”

“What?” I sucked in.

“You heard me.”

I blinked, my mouth ajar.

“You’re not stupid. You’ve known it somewhere inside you since the first night together,” he snapped. “It began to claim you way before, but that night finalized it.”

I was pretty sure I did, but to hear it out loud was like he opened a locked cabinet and let the truth fall out on the floor. So many things he’d said, especially the exchange in Lars’s office, the morning after we were together, between Lorcan and Cole. Cole must have figured out then Lorcan had claimed me, all made sense now.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Honestly? At first I didn’t want it to be true. But that’s not how it works. Jared was another reason. Then the war…” He trailed off. When I told him I wanted nothing to do with him.

“And you didn’t have sex with me—”

“Because each time it only increases the bond.” He cut in. “You were and never could be a casual fuck.” The word plummeted straight between my thighs, letting my own beast out, roaring to life. “I was already screwed, but I wanted you to be free. You didn’t need this…or me.”

Mine. I could hear the primal part of my brain loud and clear. Now my feelings were out there, my body clamored for his.

“What if I want it?”

“Really?” He took a step toward me. “Because this isn’t just for a night, Ken. Who I am? What I do? I don’t see you welcoming me into your life or with your friends.”

“Some of those friends are your own family.”

“Yeah.” He snorted. “And you know how much they adore me.”

“I didn’t say it wouldn’t be hard work.”

His boots hit mine, his voice low. “You’re not going to change me.”

“I don’t want to.” I tipped my head back to look up, his body heat crashing into mine. “The beast, the monster, the man. I want all of you.”

“So, you’ll be all right with how Ryan and Ember will react? How your court will respond to you taking on a dark dweller for a lover?” He inched closer till there wasn’t a sliver of space between us. “When I go to work?”

“For once I’m going to think about what I want.”

“And what do you want?” His fingers brutally slid over my ear and down my neck, tangling in my hair. Desire zipped through my veins, heating my skin.

“You.” I rolled my hand in his T-shirt, tugging him closer. “Always. You.”

He paused a moment and stared into my eyes. Mine. The word came into my head and this time I knew it was from him.

A smile curved my mouth. Mine, I said back.

Lorcan’s hands skated up my jaw, his mouth crashing down on mine, capturing my mouth hungrily with his. The kiss quickly turned crazed, his tongue parting my lips, demanding more. My fingers clawed under his shirt, ran over his abs to his back, and pulled him in closer.

Our passion was anything but sweet and slow. The year apart and the temptations we both struggled with daily on this crazy adventure had turned into unadulterated need. Desperate. Raw. Primal.

Lorcan’s hands curved over my butt, lifting me up, my legs wrapping around his hips. I grasped the sides of his face, squeezing my thighs firmer around him, deepening the kiss, nipping at his bottom lip.

He growled, my spine colliding with the nearest wall, kissing my neck and working down to my chest. I tipped my head back, allowing him better access. Keeping me pinned to the wall, he leaned back, his fingers curling around the collar of my T-shirt. One pull, the fabric split down the middle. He dragged down my bra, exposing my breasts. His warm mouth claimed one. I groaned, grabbing the back of his head, raking my fingers roughly down the back of his neck.

He let out a noise I knew belonged to the beast. Our lust escalated so high, I thought I might explode right there.

I suddenly grew aware we were still in the HQ hallway. Most were at dinner, and this walkway was almost as untraveled as the pit, but at any moment any member could step around the corner and see us. Knowing what they seemed to believe of Lorcan and me, they’d think I had some kinky fetish, using a fae as my sex toy.

Or they would see through our façade.

Either way, it was really hard to care when Lorcan moved to the other breast, nipping and sucking.

“In public.” My throat was so thick with desire, I could barely manage those few words. “My room.”

Lorcan glanced up at me, a bad-boy smile tugging on his mouth.

Shit. I knew that look. He loved shoving me off my theoretical comfy couch.

He undid the top button of my jeans, zipping them down before I could even blink. Yanking them over my hips just enough to allow access. His fingers brushed over me, my breath hitching before he shoved my underwear to the side.

“Lorcan.” Trying to fight the urge to give in, my eyes darted around. “Someone will cat—”

I cut off my own words with a hiss as his fingers plunged deep into me, curling. “Oh. God.”

“If you want to be with me, you’re gonna have to get extremely used to sex in public.” He increased his movement, my eyes glazing over with pleasure. “Because I will be fucking you all the time. And I don’t care who wants to watch.”

I gulped, nodding, my hips moving against his fingers. He could do anything to me, with a stadium of viewers, and I wouldn’t have cared. It actually increased the thrill.

What happened to the shy, quiet girl from school? I had no idea, but she was not shy or quiet now. Especially when he hiked me up the wall, draping my legs over his shoulders, his mouth joining his fingers. His tongue created a high-pitched noise from my throat and proved once again he had full control over my body, turning me feral and wild. Bucking against him, I could feel the edge I teetered on, my moans turning into shrieks the more he sucked and licked. When it came to sex and pleasure... Lorcan was a gifted genius.

He nipped me, biting down just enough to inflict a thread of pain, sending pleasure smashing through my body. My orgasm detonated. I knew I cried out boisterously, but my body spiraled out into space, not caring how loud I was back on earth.

The sensation of Lorcan pulling away, the cool air against me, him kissing me softly once more, slowly, sank me back down, my chest trying to catch up with my rapid heart.

“Holy. Shit.”

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.” He smiled, sliding me back down.

“Whenever you want.” I leaned all my weight into the wall to keep me upright, pulling back up my pants and repositioning my bra. “I won’t stop you.”

He chuckled, widening his stance; he cupped my face, tipping my head up.

“You might come to regret that, li’l bird.” His eyes glinted with mischief.

“I highly doubt it.”

“Wait until you’re trying to have a business meeting and I’m the one under your desk, my head between your thighs, fucking you with my tongue.”

Shit squared and multiplied.

A split second and my body went from sedated to aching again. Lorcan’s nostrils flared, probably smelling the spike of lust rushing through me.

“Now, let’s go back to your room before the guy at the end of the hall gets another show,” Lorcan growled, his eyes completely red.

I turned against his hold, spotting a balding man at the far end. Dressed in a towel like he was heading to the shower, he stared at us with wide eyes. His room was the only one that had a view down this hallway. He was human and had no control over his feelings or thoughts, which poured into the atmosphere. His aura sparked red, gray, and green.

Turned on, lonely, and envious.

Ick. He let himself be an open book and my seer saw more than I wanted. What he wanted.

“Maybe if you had done that to your wife, instead of the fae guy at the massage spa, she wouldn’t have left you,” my seer declared honestly to the man before I had a chance to stop it. “Or at least asked her to join.”

His mouth dropped open, his hand going to his chest, insulted, then he rushed away.

Lorcan snorted, turning me toward my room. “Come on, woman, before I have to spank you for being rude... that’s my job.”

“Do you mean I get to spank you every time you’re offensive?” I grinned at him, rubbing my hands together.

“No.” Lorcan hauled me down the passage, pushing me into my room, slamming the door behind us.

“You’re right. I would have my hand in a cast within a few hours.” I backed up, a coy grin teasing my mouth as he prowled up to me.

“You ever spank me…” Lorcan’s humor went underground, the beast in full control, stalking its prey. “I will not be responsible for what I do to you.”

It was a threat, but one I wanted to test. I lifted an eyebrow. “I’m sure I have the authority.”

“You think you’re embarrassed the old man saw us? I promise you…” he declared. My eyes darted to his; fae did not promise because promises were binds and fae had to fulfill the pledge. He grabbed my wrists, walking me back to the wall, pinning them above my head. “I will bend you over wherever you are and fuck you till you cannot take any more. In front of everyone. I don’t care who is there. Got it?”

I stared up at him; my body shook with need, responding to his brutal furiousness. I liked it. A lot.

“I am not one of your servants, or a noble you can order around. I will not call you my lady or Majesty.” He gripped my wrists with the free hand, the other sliding from my throat to my belly button, sparking electricity through me. “I will not be your doll to dress up and take to events, or sit by your side, like a housebroken mutt. I am a beast. That will not change. I am dark. You may be Queen, but you are not my queen. You’re my mate. Equals. The one I will fuck every night, morning, and afternoon until you are sick of me. Does that scare you?”

I gulped for air, wanting so bad for him to start. “No.”

I used to hate when Jared called me his mate or said he “claimed me.” I had felt trapped, like I didn’t have an option. I hadn’t wanted it. Jared and I were never meant to be; I understood that clearly now. Because when Lorcan said it, heat consumed my body so powerfully it shocked me. I wanted to claim him as intensely in return, leaving no doubt he was mine.

“You can walk away now.” His gaze dared me. “Before I sink deep into you and make your decision almost impossible.”

“The more we have sex, the more the beast claims me?” My voice emerged low and raspy.

His fingers dug into my wrists. “It’s already claimed you. But the more I come inside of you, the more I bond to you. You have a window right now; we’ve only been together a few times before spending a year apart. You can walk away. Free. Like you were before.”

“You think I’ve been free?” I glared at him. “Did you not hear what I said earlier? You haunt me every moment in my own prison of hell. And even when I was too busy to think, I felt something was always missing. And funny enough, the moment I was with you again, it disappeared. I am tired of fighting you, Lorcan, fighting what I feel and want.”

“And if you change your mind once we get back? When reality sinks in?”

“I won’t.”

“You sure?” He dropped my arms, the blood rushing back into them. “I’m not sure I can go through that again. I’d rather do it now.” Something showed in his eyes, and his thoughts came to mine like words on a page. It was so natural. Not intrusive or scary at all. Oh man.

“If I did, it would kill you,” I stated. “What you said earlier, you meant it literally.”

“Not entirely, but I’d continue to get weaker.” His lips twisted. “Fun perks, I’ve learned, of claiming and being rejected.”

My hand went to my mouth. “The weight loss and lack of sleep was actually because of me?”

“Don’t take that on. It’s not your fault.” He shook his head. “This is your decision. You have full say in what you want.”

“I know, but…” Pain and guilt burrowed into my gut.

“No buts. I will not have you choose me out of pity.” He growled, spinning away from me. “Fuck that.”

“It’s not pity.” I grabbed his arm firmly, needing him to understand. “It actually physically hurts me knowing I caused you pain. If I had known…”

“You still should have done the same thing. I hated it at the time. But seeing you now, the woman you’ve become, walking away from me was the best decision you could have made. For both of us.”

He was right. I would never have grown if I had stayed with him. Maybe eventually resenting him because the pain over Jared would have never healed. I needed the time to develop as a person, as a queen, to rebuild my heart. Now I was ready to be with him.

I peered at him, still hating the agony that choice put him through.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he snarled. “I will lose my mind if I get another look of sympathy from you.”

“Dammit, Lorcan!” I bellowed, getting fully in front of him. “I love you, you jerk! That means I’m going to care if you’re in pain. I’m going to worry if you’re sick or hurting. That’s the way it works. Especially with me. So if you want to be with me you’re going to have to deal with it.”

He stood there frozen in place, then clamped his eyes shut.

“Did you hear me? I am in love with you. I want to be your mate; I want to be claimed. It might sound very anti-feminist, but I don’t care. I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks. All that matters is you and me. And if your beast already claimed me, then I should be on even terrain here. I demand to stake my own claim. It’s only fair. We’re equals, right?”

Lorcan’s lashes rose, flames scorching his irises. In an instant I was in his arms, crashing back onto the bed, the dweller moving between my legs. When his mouth found mine, I felt the fire burn through me. The kiss was as hungry as earlier but was filled with more intense emotion, like he finally unhinged the gate and let it flood into me, allowing me to feel and see it.

“There’s only one thing I demand.” He broke from my mouth.

“What?”

“This needs to come off. For good.” He grabbed at the chain, knowing who put it there and the declaration it represented. I helped him pull it off, tossing it on the floor. “The moment I saw him put it on you, I wanted to crush it into powder.” But he hadn’t. He never said a word, letting me choose what I wanted.

Though the charm was light as a feather, the moment it came off I felt a weight lift off me. There was no doubt whom I wanted. My mouth captured Lorcan’s, letting him know without words he was all I desired.

His hands tore the rest of the shirt from my body, unhooking my bra as I tugged at his shirt, our lips barely separating for him to yank it off before he was back, stealing my breath.

Our hands skated over every inch of skin, rediscovering each other. My fingers dragged up his back and through his hair. My legs hugged his torso, tugging him down on me. One hand moved down his frame and playfully swatted at his butt, an impish smile curling my mouth.

“Oh, you are so in trouble,” Lorcan growled deeply.

Bring it, I thought.

He pulled back, a roguish grin on his mouth. It’s on, li’l bird, his eyes said back to mine. He climbed off the bed, chucking off my shoes. My sweats and underwear soon followed. He stared down at my naked form, gazing at me like I was the most beautiful, sexy woman he had ever seen. His irises flared with need; he kicked out of his boots, then started on his pants. I climbed onto my knees, stopping his fingers.

“Let me,” I said. My hands worked the buttons, quickly shoving the jeans to the floor. Lorcan didn’t wear underwear, for which I was grateful. I had forgotten when he said he was a beast it wasn’t simply the dark dweller he was talking about. “I think I still owe you.” I grabbed his hips and gazed up at him through my lashes, reminding him of the promise I made him if we survived the war.

“And I’m collecting with a year of interest.” He smirked, his lids hooded as I let my fingers run the length of him. He swore when I gripped him, moving my hand up and down. I remembered the first time I had held him like this. The memory of us in the bathtub had made appearances in many of my fantasies over the past year.

“Tell me how you like it.” I licked the length of him.

“Do-ing good so far.” He huffed, his head going back with a groan as my tongue wrapped around him.

I was nervous, but Lorcan had a way of making me feel comfortable with myself. And not embarrassed to ask. If I had to practice over and over, I would learn exactly what made him lose his mind. He knew how to make me.

It was only fair.