6 – He has Survived Much

Leilani sat on the forest path, cross-legged again. She missed Evie so much. She was still watching Harlan and Evie, just over the “edge” of the meadow. The edge she couldn’t see, but could sense. The forest seemed to continue on forever in the direction of the edge, but one wrong move would send a person over the side, like they were sky-diving straight to earth, but Leilani didn’t think she would end up on earth if she tipped over the side by accident.

She knew that if she imagined herself jumping off, heading for her body, her consciousness would instantly disappear from the meadow and reappear in her body, no travel time involved. But if she lost her footing? Fell and tumbled blindly through the air? She thought no one quite knew what would happen then.

The meadow knew what would happen if the catamount pitched her over the side, but that was one of the secrets of the meadow, one that was withheld from her, shielded inside the minds of both the catamount and Rhen and the small animals that lived there. Leilani imagined it was bad. Worse than bad. Unimaginable.

Leilani crept on hands and knees toward the edge, wanting to touch it, to feel it, to get a sense of it, holding her right hand out in front of her, fingers creeping blindly. A growl sounded from behind her and Leilani pulled her fingers back, then crawled to where she felt safe, her heart beating too hard.

The catamount appeared to her right, then sat, head tall, surveying the edge like she loved it. Her voice was as strong and clear as ever. You were one inch away from your fingers being sheared off forever.

Leilani gasped and curled her right hand into her chest, then her left hand over the top of it. “Why is it so dangerous here?” she gasped.

The catamount chuffed. That cat-laugh again. It is dangerous everywhere, she said.

Leilani had to think about that one. She stared into the trees on the side of the forest path that led to the meadow and had to admit the catamount was right.

They sat that way for many moments, quiet and still, big cat and small woman. Leilani still wore the clothes her sisters (her heart clenched at the word) had dressed her in. Comfortable black sleep leggings and a pretty pink t-shirt. She could change them with her mind if she wanted, but she didn’t. The meadow felt different to her now and she hadn’t asked it for anything yet. She hadn’t eaten, drunk, or slept since she’d arrived from the Ula.

She shook her head, trying to dislodge the word. It wasn’t her word. She’d never heard it before she’d met Eventine. It was a shifter word and she knew if she used it regularly, that meant she had already decided what her future held. But surely something like this needed more thought. Leilani had spent her entire life having her needs dictated to her and food and darkness and stillness and drugs forced on her, and in that moment, this new life seemed like one more thing she had no choice in.

She liked the meadow. A lot. She liked Eventine. A lot. The catamount? Leilani was awed by her. But still, she wanted to make her own decisions for once in her life. For the first time, maybe. Had she ever been allowed to do something as simple as choose her own outfit? Shouldn’t she be making lists of good and bad, pros and cons, before she decided to add a word like “Ula” to her vocabulary?

Leilani pulled in on herself slightly, yawning. She was tired, but more than being tired, she was discontented. She couldn’t go back to her body. And she couldn’t stay here. She had no life and no home, and, if she accepted the life her ‘sisters’ wanted to offer her, that would mean accepting her ‘mate,’ too. This thread of thought was what she had been thinking about before the catamount had come up, and it kept pushing its way into the forefront of her mind. She was in a kind of heaven, but if they didn’t want her there, did she really want to be there? She wasn’t enjoying it this time.

The catamount spoke, surprising Leilani, because of what she’d been thinking about. The regal cat nodded to the edge of the meadow. What is your mate doing?

Leilani stared at the catamount, open-mouthed. “What? No. I haven’t…”

The catamount fixed her with a hard stare. Maybe you should. He is worth getting to know.

“Do you know him?” Leilani asked softly, turning to stare hard at the big cat.

Yes, I know Jaggar. He and I have worked together.

That stopped Leilani cold for a moment. Out of all the things the catamount could have said, that was not one Leilani had anticipated. She had to get used to this feeling of being knocked on her ass. The real world was so much bigger than she’d ever let herself believe. She spoke, not sure what she was going to say at first. “What…? What is he like?”

The catamount looked out over the edge. Strong. Sure. A deep thinker with the desires of a poet. He has survived much.

Leilani shivered at the description, loving every word and phrase. That was who someone had decided she belonged with? Sign her up. But then she wilted. Her body was a mess, her mind a disaster. He wouldn’t want her. She held her hands very still in her lap and stared at the ground in front of her. She had a question, because there was something that the catamount had left out.

“You don’t think he’s dangerous?”

The catamount smiled then, or maybe she snarled without sound. Dangerous, yes, he’s quite dangerous. The words were said with appreciation, and with admiration, while Leilani could only think her mate being dangerous was a bad thing, a very bad thing, not the good thing that this wild… animal obviously thought it was.

The catamount got up and strolled away without saying good-bye, leaving Leilani to stare over the edge at nothing for a long time.

***

“Rhen?” Leilani whispered into the trees overhead. Night seemed to be creeping up on her, the skies progressively darkening. “Rhen?” she whispered again. “I’m scared,” she said simply. She didn’t want to spend night alone in the meadow.

Rhen didn’t answer. Leilani didn’t quite dare to call out to the catamount. Leilani concentrated hard on the sounds of the meadow. An owl hooted. Something snarled. Something skittered from hole to hole. Good lord, was something slithering? Leilani pulled her feet in close to her body, clasping her knees to her chest, trying to stay as small as possible. If she asked for a light, would she get it? It had been that easy last time.

So much was different now that Eventine was gone, and she didn’t know if she would receive what she asked for, and the fear that she might not kept her from asking for it. Because if she asked and didn’t receive, that meant the only place left for her to go was back in her body. She wasn’t ready for that.

She kept herself pulled into a tiny ball and cast her attention back to Eventine and Harlan. They were in the cozy cabin behind the main house on the large farm where everyone seemed to live. The place was appealing, with a surrounding forest, a beautiful farmhouse, several cabins behind, and a pasture behind that. VF, she’d heard a few people call it, although she couldn’t imagine what it meant.

Eventine had every surface of the cabin covered in papers. She was dressed in a man’s short-sleeved police uniform shirt and nothing else. It hung to her mid-thigh and she looked adorable and strong, leaning up against the kitchen counter, pen in hand, her color high, her hair unbound and still wild from the last time Harlan had taken her to bed. She was about Leilani’s height, but that was where the similarity ended. Eventine was all wild heat and coiled strength, while Leilani was limp, pasty, with no muscle tone at all.

Leilani could see her from behind and slightly above, like her vantage point came from the ceiling. She could also see Harlan, who was behind Eventine and also watching her, his eyes narrowed, his face hungry. His gaze traveled up and down her shapely legs. His hands clenched into fists and a snarl came out of him. Eventine didn’t look up, but she wiggled her behind at him. Leilani covered her mouth. Again, so soon? She wanted to see what they were doing, but she wouldn’t watch them make love. It wouldn’t be right.

Leilani held her hands clasped to her chest and hoped she wouldn’t have to look away so soon. There was no one at VF she liked to watch more than Eventine and Harlan, mostly because she loved to see Eventine happy. Eventine looked stressed and worried, but still happy. Harlan could always tease a smile from her, always give her an hour’s reprieve from the worry lines on her forehead by rubbing her neck and whispering into her ear until she fell asleep for a short nap. She wouldn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time, though, desperation waking her, as she searched for a way to change the future.

And the way Harlan looked at Eventine! Leilani felt like she would give away anything that was hers to give to have one man look at her in that way, just once. Not in the yucky “You’re hot and I want to control you,” way that she’d experienced a few times, but rather in an “I adore you,” way. An “I must love you or die,” kind of way, from a man that she felt the same way about. Leilani couldn’t imagine what that felt like. She could see the evidence of how good it must feel stamped all over Eventine’s face whenever she caught Harlan looking at her with worship in his eyes, but she couldn’t imagine it for herself.

Harlan moved in close to Eventine, repeating the steps of their dance, exactly the way Leilani had seen it so many times before. Harlan pressed up against his mate and grabbed her hips hard. His eyes were dark as he kneaded them, then ran both hands up her waist and sides, rubbing her shoulders for only a minute, pulling at her hair until her head fell back.

Her face was completely open, 100% trusting, and so relaxed and sensual that Leilani felt a moment’s jealousy rush through her. Eventine had everything. A strong body, a fierce mind, a devoted mate, a gorgeous face, and she was a wolf shifter. She fit in with all the rest of those wolves down there without trying. Following on the heels of the jealousy, thick guilt clogged Leilani’s throat. Eventine was also selfless and dedicated and thoughtful and had her own struggles and Leilani hated her thoughts.

Harlan yanked at the shirt Eventine was wearing, then ripped right through it with a claw that had extended straight out of his finger for a moment. The ruined halves of the shirt fell to the floor and Leilani looked away, but not before she saw Harlan press Evie into the counter, running one hand across her front so he could palm a breast. Evie sighed, a thick sigh that said she welcomed everything Harlan was doing.

Leilani sighed right along with her, wanting what Eventine had so fiercely it almost felt like jealousy again, but it wasn’t. It was just… desire. Leilani pulled back, trying to think where to look now to keep herself from noticing how dark it was becoming in the meadow, how dangerous it sounded, when Eventine spoke.

“Cool it for a second, cowboy,” Eventine said to Harlan. “I’m getting a report.”

“I’m no cowboy,” Harlan murmured into her neck. “But I know I’ve got a pony somewhere around here for you to ride.”

Leilani listened without watching, her eyes on the darkness next to her. Eventine spoke again, ignoring Harlan, but her voice was soft. “Report from Troy. Trent found the beast, but he won’t respond in ruhi. Trent thinks the beast is in complete control. He’s about to make contact.”

Leilani’s heart twinged in her chest at the news. She looked back. Harlan’s face had crumpled and his body sagged. Eventine turned around and pressed her naked body into her mate’s arms, giving only comfort. He crushed her to him, frown lines deep in his forehead, his eyes squeezed shut. They’d been waiting for any word on Jaggar and had sometimes whispered to each other that was what they were most afraid of, that Jaggar, once shifted into the beast, would not be able to shift out, ever. That the man would be locked inside the animal as surely as Trent was and Troy had been for so many years. They spoke about it in the hushed tones and couched words of people who are discussing a dangerous and vicious rumor that everyone hopes is not true.

“That’s why he hasn’t answered anyone,” Eventine said, her words muffled by Harlan’s chest. “He might not even be able to hear us. I haven’t tried because he still thinks I’m dead.”

Harlan seemed to choke on the word ‘dead’, and Evie moved to soothe him. Leilani pulled away, not wanting to invade their privacy anymore, shutting off the Ula, pulling herself completely back into the meadow, thinking hard about Jaggar.

Her mate.