25 – Leilani Runs

Jaggar grabbed for his mate, barely catching her before she disappeared from when they were. The darkness pulled at him, moving him from one place in time to another, and they arrived in the forest, exactly as they had been, her standing, her arms pulled into her chest, him lunging for her, needing to catch her, but not wanting to knock her over. She was fragile, his mate. She needed special care and handling. She’d been through so much.

His last bit of momentum carried him through to land at her feet, almost pulling her over. He shouldn’t have grabbed for Joel, but seeing that piece of shit had stirred his rage, whipping it up into something uncontrollable.

They were behind Trevor and Ella’s house and he was glad to be home. He shot upright and swept Leilani into his arms, being careful not to crush her. “Keep us here, Lele, do whatever you can to keep us here, sweetheart. I’ll get you somewhere warm and safe and nobody will ever touch you again, I swear it. I’ll never leave your side. I am your bodyguard, your personal beast from this moment on.”

He growled into the forest as if daring anyone to argue with him. Leilani was limp in his arms. Had she been hurt? “Leilani, are you alright?” he asked, his throat constricting. So much had happened and neither of them had had time to process any of it.

Her face was pointed at him, but her eyes were sightless and silver, her face vacant. The silver twisted and moved, like she was in REM sleep. “I’m sorry,” she whispered at him. “I can’t stay here. I don’t deserve you. Thank you for being so nice to me.”

Her eyes seemed to spin, the silver bouncing around the forest, then her eyes slipped closed, cutting off the light behind them completely.

“Leilani,” he said, fear slipping through him, from the top of his head to the base of his spine and farther, until his entire body was alive with it, even the backs of his knees wanting to buckle. Had she left him?

“Leilani,” he said again, almost shaking her, barely holding himself back. “Lele?”

Not a word from her. He knew exactly where she was. The meadow. With Rhen. More anger and pain moved through Jaggar, until he was scared to hold onto his mate. He needed to put her down. He needed someone to care for her while he…? What could he do? How could he get to her? Was it even possible? It was, he decided. It had to be. He would make it possible. But first, he had to find someone he trusted to watch Leilani, and there was no one he trusted.

Jaggar strode down the path, lost, his mind once again a scary place, and even his mantra was failing him after the things he had seen. He tried again. Take me to church. Take me to church. He called his resources together, trying to imagine what his next move was, his logical mind failing him, his thoughts slipping away every time he grabbed at one.

He headed for cabin six, then changed his mind and turned around on the path, then changed his mind again, knowing he had to take her somewhere. He had a decision to make, and he couldn’t think how to make it. There was one male he had always trusted above any other. They’d had their differences in the past, but they’d made up for it. After Jaggar had left the military, he’d returned to Serenity and accepted his place on the KSRT, no longer a skinny teenager who people bullied and called names. There had been no females left to accidentally agitate the beast, only males who agitated him on purpose, but Jaggar and Harlan had banded together, their friendship, their mutual loss, and their duty to Burton taking up all the room for relationship they had in their lives. Leilani had said she had been in the meadow when Harlan had kissed her, which Jaggar didn’t want to make sense, but it did make sense. It wasn’t any crazier than everything he’d been through that night, so if he believed Leilani, didn’t he have to absolve Harlan of any guilt? Of course he believed her, she was his mate, so of course he could forgive Harlan, who was his best friend.

He made his decision.

Eventine, he called in his mind, opening himself to ruhi.

“I’m here,” she said, stepping onto the path. “Forgive me for staying close.” She motioned behind her. “Forgive us.” Harlan stepped out from between the trees.

“It’s ok,” Jaggar said, heading toward them, his mate in his arms, grief in his heart. He was hurting for Leilani, feeling every bit of her pain. “Eventine, I’m happy to see you,” he said, thinking how inadequate that statement was.

She smiled a little and moved out of his way. “I missed you so much,” she said. “You scared me when you joined the military. I thought…”

She didn’t finish her sentence but Jaggar knew. She’d thought he had a death wish, or that she’d destroyed him in some way. After all these years, he still wasn’t sure if she was right or not, but that part of his life was over. All that mattered now was the female in his arms.

“Hey, Jag,” Harlan said softly. “I ah-I’m sorry. I never meant-”

Jaggar cut him off. “I know, Harlan. Leilani told me.” Eventine and Harlan exchanged a look. “What?” Jaggar said, his eyes narrowed, his tone irritated. He passed them and headed down the path toward the main house, knowing they would follow, also knowing he wasn’t ready to apologize back. Not yet. But he wanted to know what that look meant.

“Can you… tell us what’s been going on?” Eventine said. “Where you two have been?”

Jaggar shook his head. “No time. I’ve got to get to the meadow.”

He knew Harlan and Eventine were looking at each other again behind him. He could feel it in the air.

“Take her to the cabin we’re staying in,” Eventine said. “It’s number one, but, Jaggar, I don’t think you can get to the meadow. I don’t think even I could get to the meadow right now. Leilani’s special, but you know that. She’ll come back. You just have to be patient.”

Jaggar shook his head, heading for the cabin she’d mentioned. “No way, I’m leaving her alone with Rhen. I’m going to find her. There’s got to be a way.”

He carried her up the little porch, in the doorway, then gently laid her on the couch while Harlan and Eventine hovered nearby. “Help me, Eventine, please. I have to get to her now. She needs me,” he said, arranging her arms and legs so they looked comfortable and slipping a pillow under her head.

Eventine only stared at him, her expression stricken. “I can’t help you, at least not right this second. It will take time. Maybe I could contact a Citlali, or maybe…”

No way, no Citlali. He turned to Harlan. Harlan would understand. “I trust you, Harlan, I need you to watch her, I need you to guard her, no matter what happens to me.”

Harlan nodded once, gravely. “With my life,” he said.

Jaggar knew he meant it. That’s why Harlan was his best friend. “Even if I don’t come back, Harlan, which I may not. I’m done with doing things the old way,” he said. “Me and Rhen are going to have a little talk.”

Eventine grabbed for him, but he was already heading out the door.

***

Leilani arrived in the meadow and immediately collapsed on the Path of the Catamount, burying her face in her arms and crying bitterly. Jaggar could insist it wasn’t her fault all he wanted, but she knew different. She’d always known different, and now she had the proof.

She lay there for too long to think about, staring at the dirt beneath her, her heart breaking. She was back in the meadow with a clear mind and eyes that worked, but she had abandoned her mate.

In the meadow, the clock was still in her mind, and it still called to her, but not in the same way it did elsewhere. It was easier to not look at it there. She gazed at the Path of the Catamount, instead, relishing the return of her sight and the lack of silver in her vision.

The catamount padded up to her softly, making a chuffing noise in the back of her throat, the one word she spoke reinforcing to Leilani how wrong she was. Why? the catamount said in Leilani’s mind.

“I don’t deserve him,” Leilani said, not wanting to believe it, but the thought was so real, the feelings it brought so intense, they couldn’t be ignored.

Why, because you were thrust into something you couldn’t control, and things were done to you? No one is perfect, Lele, no one is untouched by life. You’ve had a big life, a hard life, but so has he. He doesn’t condemn you. Of course you deserve him.

Leilani could only cry. If the catamount was right, then she actually was wrong, because Leilani had run from him at the first opportunity, which meant she was weak and she didn’t deserve him. But if the catamount was wrong, then Leilani was weak and she didn’t deserve him. The thoughts haunted her and even the meadow was no refuge from them.

Who is doing it to you right now, Lele? Who has taken you from your mate?

Leilani didn’t want to admit it had been her. She didn’t answer. She pulled in on herself instead.

The catamount snarled, scaring Leilani. She popped onto her knees and scooted away from the catamount. But a scene from the Ula was playing over the edge of the meadow.

There is your mate, the catamount said. He will do anything to find you. You hurt him by hiding from him.

“I know,” Leilani cried, wanting to explain how it was in her body, how every time she let go of Jaggar, or he let go of her, she spun out of control, unable to control her thoughts and her body and her power. But her attention was drawn by Jaggar. A tall, muscular man with days of growth on his face and the scariest expression she’d ever seen. He ran through the forest, yelling her name. “Leilani,” he cried. He ran faster, faster than he should be able to. The beast rippled over his features like he was partially shifting and didn’t know it, and she was scared for him, for what he might do, for what was at the end of the path he ran on.

The trail divided and Jaggar turned to the left, away from the farm. “Where is he going?” she asked the catamount, afraid she knew, somehow, she knew.

The forest opened up into a train track down the center of it. Jaggar ran easily onto the track, his big strides landing on every fourth or fifth railroad tie. His feet were still bare and he didn’t care at all. He tucked in his elbows and ran, calling her name.

“No,” Leilani said. “He’s not going to jump off.” She grabbed at the catamount and got herself nipped for it. She ignored it, still reaching. “Tell me he’s not going to jump off.”

“Here I come, Leilani, you tell your catamount to catch me,” he yelled as he passed the area where the train track was still over firm earth. Below him, the land plunged steeply, sixty feet straight down, all the way to a river that overflowed in the spring but was currently non-existent.

Leilani faced the catamount, standing, pleading with her. “Save him, you have to save him.”

Never, the catamount said. I will not admit him to the meadow, I cannot. You-

“Fight me for him,” Leilani said frantically, her mind going feral. She would do whatever she had to.

You don’t understand, Lele, call out to the wolf, hurry! The wolf is another guardian, and he may admit Jaggar. Do it! she ordered, her eyes on the edge. Jaggar had veered toward the side of the track. He never slowed, only jumped, calling his mate’s name as he went. “Leilani!”

Leilani spun, her face to the sky with no sun. “Please, wolf, his name is Jaggar, and he’s a good male! Please let him in!”

Leilani could not watch, but she heard her mate hit the ground with a thud. Her mind shattered, but before she could collapse, the catamount snarled once and said, He is allowed, you can meet him at the end of the path.

“Oh!” Leilani said, her heart trying to hold it together. She snuck the tiniest glance at the image that was showing of the Ula. Jaggar had shifted into the beast, healing his injuries, but when he shifted back, he lay still and as if sleeping… or dead.

He is alive.

“What about his… body?”

I will watch over it.

“Ok.” It was good enough. It had to be good enough. Leilani ran down the path to the open meadow of flowers where Eventine’s office was, in her bare feet, one heel bandaged, not completely believing anything that just happened.

She would believe it when she saw her mate.