Cait
The following evening, the restaurant was booked. We got a cab.
We went back to the Lebanese place and inside was buzzing with people.
After we’d given our orders for a mezze to share and got a glass of wine, I sat back. ‘So – do you want to go first or should I?’
‘Let’s toss for it,’ Matt replied. We tossed a coin, I won.
‘Over to you.’
‘OK. An old colleague, Bruce Patterson, asked if I could come up with some ideas for a programme series for people our age. A look at how to make the most of the next chapter, how to embrace life and not give in to a dull old age.’
‘But, Matt, that sounds wonderful. Why didn’t you tell me?’
Matt shrugged. ‘Because it’s one of those “maybe” projects. If Bruce likes what I come up with, he’d still have to pitch it, and you know how hard it is to get anything made these days. I didn’t want to raise your hopes then let you down again.’
I reached out and took his hand. ‘I’m tougher than you think. So what have you come up with?’
‘To approach the subject from different angles: the physical, nutritional, mental, emotional and even spiritual.’
‘What Debs would call a holistic approach,’ I said.
‘Exactly.’
‘I love it. I’d watch it. Where are you up to so far?’
‘I’ve been working on the programme to do with the physical approach and all that entails. Keeping fit is so important at any age, but particularly in later life.’
‘Ah, so that explains your newfound interest in the gym and disappearing off for walks instead of taking the car.’
‘And getting back into hiking. Partly research, partly I realized I could do with getting fit myself. Now what about you?’
‘Zilch. I had a mad idea to write a book about a fairy who’d lost her way. A tooth fairy who’d run out of money to put under the kids’ pillows, so she turned to drink.’
Matt laughed. ‘Sounds good, could be funny.’
‘It’s not, it’s rubbish. The last version I wrote was an adult-only version and the fairy annihilates everyone including herself. I don’t think I am a writer after all. I get to chapter three and want to kill my characters.’
Matt laughed again. ‘Finding it tough?’
‘I just don’t know what’s me any more. I think the writing appealed as a way to escape into other worlds, but maybe, as Gina said, that was a reaction to Mum and Eve dying.’
‘How so?”
‘Create a new self, Cait the writer who lives in another world. Anything to avoid living in the real one and an excuse to hide away upstairs.’
‘Is it so bad?’
I shrugged. ‘I don’t know what I really want to do. I mean, it’s the same for you. Time to retire? But what does that mean?’
‘I’m finding out. When I first lost my job, it felt like my life was over, the end, but lately, I’m starting to see that it could be the beginning of something.’
‘Dad said something interesting to me before he moved out. He said if I stopped, I might realize that there’s no place to go because I’m already where I was aiming to be. It’s not that life is over, but maybe one part of my life is and, as yet, I don’t have a clue what’s next.’
‘I feel exactly the same,’ he said. ‘Maybe we could find out together.’
‘I’d like that, Matt.’ I meant it too.
Matt looked touched. ‘We could research this retirement business together, partly for the TV series but also, partly for us. We could be the guinea pigs – look at what’s on offer, then we can decide if that’s what we want. Travel, learn new skills, but without the pressure of having to make money from them.’
‘Great idea. I could help. We could do all the things you suggested. And I’m sorry I’ve been a pain lately and made you feel like you couldn’t do anything right.’
‘I’m sorry too, that I’ve been so grumpy and shut down.’
‘Onwards,’ I said. ‘I have a feeling the worst is over.’
‘Me too,’ said Matt and looked at me tenderly. ‘I really would like to make things work.’
‘Me too. We will. So … what’s next after the physical approach?’
‘Just starting to look at the emotional. The importance of staying connected, not becoming a recluse or giving up and hiding away, watching daytime TV.’ He grinned sheepishly. ‘The importance of talking.’
‘Is that why you agreed to therapy?’
‘No, not really, but it may help. It’s for us too, but maybe we could bring looking at retirement into it – in fact Gina said as much.’
Cait nodded. ‘I think a lot of people would like to hear that there’s more that awaits you than old age—’
‘And golf.’
‘And mobility scooters. What you have sounds good, really good. I could make some lists for you.’
‘You could.’
We spent the rest of the evening making plans. I could see that Matt was fired up by the idea and it felt good to share it with him.
‘And perhaps an extra one looking at what’s on offer in terms of accessories.’
‘Ah, so you sent for the catalogues that arrived in the post?’
‘I want to look at all the things that can aid old age.’
‘Thank god for that. I thought maybe some cosmic force somewhere had picked up on the idea that we needed all that stuff.’
Matt laughed. ‘No, it’s all for research. How about Monday to Thursday we could work on the first four areas – not all day but for a few hours – and Friday we could look at alternative things to do.’
‘A shared project, sounds like it could be fun. Dad might have something to contribute too.’
‘And perhaps we should start advertising on the Airbnb site, now that your father and the boys have gone.’
‘I agree.’
It was great to see Matt like this again, taking charge, motivated, more like the man I’d first met. We spent the rest of the evening chatting over plans and he appeared to value my input.
‘Hey, that was fun,’ I said as we left the restaurant.
Matt nodded. ‘It was. Let’s do it again soon.’