chapter
9
I had a dream last night. In it, Clark and I had two children—the one I lost and the one we were adopting. The dream had been so vivid. We were all enjoying Thanksgiving dinner. Even my mother was there, along with extended family members. Everyone at the table was so happy and my children wouldn’t stop smiling.
I’d awakened from that dream in tears. That was a life I would never know.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed and sat up. After my live shot last night, I’d come back to the hotel and turned off my phone because Clark had started calling around seven and hadn’t stopped. Seeing Dawn had only exacerbated my pain, so I had come back to the room and cried myself to sleep.
Now I needed to pull myself together. Lift this emotional cloud that hung over me. Maybe a shower would help me feel better. But as I stepped into the bathroom, I realized I had no towels and my room hadn’t been cleaned in the four days that I’d been here. I had the Do Not Disturb sign on my door. Since I had told the front desk that I would call when I was ready for the room to be cleaned, I couldn’t be mad that I didn’t have fresh towels.
I opened the door, hoping to see housekeeping in the hallway so that I could get some towels. I spotted the housekeeper’s cart at the end of the hall, so I put up the door bolt to keep my door from locking and walked down the hall.
The door to Room 320 was open, and I assumed the housekeeper was in there cleaning. I was about to tap on the open door when I heard her on the phone.
“Imelda, you’ve got to stop crying,” the woman said. “Hector is not the first man who cheated and he won’t be the last one. I told you, you can get past this.”
Of course, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I had to stop. Was everyone in the world cheating? I was riveted to her conversation. The housekeeper was so passionate yet soothing in her words.
“All I’m saying,” she said, her voice rich with a thick Latin-American accent, “is you just have to pray. If he’s willing to do the work, then you can make this work.”
If he’s willing to do the work, then you can make this work.
I knew Clark would do whatever necessary, put in as much work as needed. But I didn’t see how that would ever be enough.
I felt some kind of way about listening to her conversation. So I gently tapped the door.
“Excuse me,” I said. “Sorry to interrupt.”
She stopped making the bed and looked up at me, startled.
“I’ll have to call you back,” she said, turning off her phone and dropping it into her apron. “I’m s-so sorry,” she stammered. “It was an emergency.”
“Hey. It’s okay,” I said. “I’m not going to report you.”
She seemed to relax. “We’re not supposed to be on our phones.”
I gave her a reassuring smile. “It sounds like you were a big help to whomever you were talking to.”
She shrugged, like she dispensed helpful advice every day. “My friend is having a hard time,” she said. Concern filled her eyes, but then it shifted from her friend to me.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
My hand instinctively went to my hair, and I turned and saw my reflection in the mirror. I saw why she asked. My eyes were puffy and the makeup from my live shot was smeared since I hadn’t bothered to wash my face before bed. My bun had unraveled and my hair was also matted; I looked like I’d been on someone’s battlefield.
“I’m okay,” I lied. “I’m sorry to disturb you. I just wanted to get some fresh towels.”
She scurried over to her cart and handed me two towels. “Are you in 316?” she asked.
I nodded.
“Okay. I’ve been told not to disturb you. But are you sure you don’t want me to clean your room?”
I thought about it. I probably did need the sheets changed and some tidying up, but I didn’t feel like leaving. “If you don’t mind straightening up around me,” I said.
“Of course,” she replied. “I’m just finishing up here. I can come right after. It will only take me a few minutes.”
I smiled in appreciation and made my way back down to my room. I’d wait until she finished to jump in the shower. In the meantime, I took a seat at the desk and pulled out my laptop to draft an email to my boss. After my exclusive report, I was in her good graces. But barring any more breaking news, I knew that I needed at least a week off. Since I never called in sick and rarely took vacation, I had plenty of days. Because I didn’t want to get Margie in any trouble with the higher-ups, I wanted to put my leave request in writing. I knew I was going to have to make a decision soon because I couldn’t stay holed up in this hotel forever, but I needed a few more days.
“Housekeeping,” the housekeeper called as she tapped on my door.
“Come on in.”
She flashed a warm smile. “I won’t take long.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I’m just going to sit here at the desk and do some work if that’s all right.”
“Of course.” She immediately began changing the sheets. When I opened up my Gmail account, I saw four new emails from Clark. I clicked on the first one.
Please come home. I’m so sorry.
I sent the message to the trash. Then I dumped the other three without bothering to open them. I don’t know what made me say anything, but I turned to the housekeeper and said, “I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but your friend, her husband cheated on her?”
The woman turned to me, a sad expression across her face. “Yes, Hector is a good man, though. He just made a really bad mistake.”
“That seems to be going around,” I mumbled. “What’s your name?”
“Anna. Anna Rodríguez.”
“Have you been working here awhile?”
I don’t know why I was making small talk. I think it was just a habit of mine as a reporter. The best stories seemed to come organically.
But Anna didn’t seem to mind. It almost felt like she was appreciative that a guest thought enough of her to hold a conversation.
“Six years.” She smiled. “Blessed to have a job.” She patted the bedspread down, then fluffed the pillow.
“Well, I’ll be in and out.” She paused as she was about to walk past me. “And I don’t mean to offend you, but whatever it is that is burdening your soul, know that it will work out. With God, all things are possible.”
I smiled. “Yeah. For some of us anyway.”
She didn’t flinch. “For all of us. Always. It may not be the way we want it to work out. Or even when. We may not understand it. But He’ll work it out in our best interest.”
That conversation made me uneasy. At some point I’d have to reconcile my feelings of abandonment by God, but now, during this painful process, wasn’t the time.
I noticed the gold chain on her neck. “Are those your children?” I said, noting the names written in cursive and connected by hearts.
She fingered the necklace and her face lit up. “Yes, they are my world. I have four children. My three youngest are my pride and joy,” she said. “My oldest, love him something crazy. But he . . . he is a challenge. He’s a good kid who has taken up with the wrong crowd, so I’m staying in prayer.”
It was obvious this woman sought her solace in God, but that just no longer worked for me. After my accident, when I prayed, I came up empty. When my prayers of motherhood weren’t answered, I just got to a point where I stopped praying.
“Oh, yeah,” I said, the thought of prayer reminding me of the tattered book. But when I stood, I knocked my purse over and several items toppled out.
“Here, let me help,” Anna said, kneeling to pick up my things. “I knew you looked familiar,” she said as she gathered my business cards. “You’re the lady reporter from Channel 26,” she said, smiling in recognition.
I nodded. “That’s me, but please excuse my appearance.”
“I watch you every night. You’re even prettier in person.”
My hand instinctively went to my hair. How anyone could call me pretty right now was beyond me. “Thank you,” I replied anyway.
“Can I have a card?”
“Absolutely,” I said.
Anna dropped the card in her apron pocket, then resumed cleaning the room.
“That is what I was going to ask about.” I picked up the Bible off the nightstand. “This was in this room. Does it belong here or did the last guest forget it?”
Anna looked at the book, then shrugged. “I’ve never seen it before. Not sure if it belongs here. Do you want me to take it to Lost and Found?”
I thought about it. “Nah, I’ll just leave it here. Maybe someone can use it.” I dropped it back on the nightstand. “Thank you. And Anna, it was nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you as well.” She paused as she headed toward the door. “Remember, sometimes it may feel like we’re walking this journey alone. But those are the times that He’s carrying you. You’re here in this room for a reason. God wants you to be still so you can hear what He wants for your life.”
She smiled and left the room.
Be still.
Hmph. I’d been still and I still didn’t know what I was going to do.