chapter
26
My children and I had begun walking toward the bus stop when Miguel tugged my arm.
“Mom,” he muttered, his eyes fixated on a figure stumbling down the sidewalk.
I stopped in my tracks as my oldest son approached us. He was so thin it brought tears to my eyes. I hadn’t seen Paco in five months. We’d had a big blowup the last time he came to visit, because I tried to keep him from leaving to go back into the streets. And in all those months the streets had not been kind to my child.
“Mijo!” I cried, racing over to pull him into my embrace.
He only halfheartedly hugged me back. But I was so happy to see him that I didn’t care. I was constantly worried about Paco, but it was a huge relief to lay eyes on him.
“Hey, Ma,” he said, diverting his gaze. Even though he looked like he had lost thirty pounds, that wasn’t what worried me. My son’s usually flushed face was hollow, like he’d danced with the devil and traded his soul.
“Paco!” Alejandro and Maria said, throwing their arms around his waist.
Paco hugged them tightly, then looked at Miguel. “You can’t speak to your big bro?”
Miguel didn’t move, but he nodded and said, “What’s up?” I know Miguel had issues because he loved Paco something fierce and he’d shared with me how he had nightmares of Paco being killed in the streets.
Paco was about to say something to Miguel when a police cruiser turned onto the street. If ever I’d had any doubt that my son was still into illicit activities, the way his whole body tensed left little doubt.
“Are you okay, mijo?” I asked.
His eyes stayed on the cruiser. I couldn’t be sure, but it seemed as if my son was positioning himself in case he had to take off running.
Not until the cruiser had passed us did Paco relax and answer me.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m straight,” he said. He stood erect, and I could tell he was forcing himself to act casual. “Where y’all headed?”
“To the zoo!” Alejandro announced.
“You should come,” Maria added.
“Nah, I . . . I just came to see you guys.”
“Paco, what’s going on?” I couldn’t help but ask. He was so nervous. Though his hands were in his pockets, he was shaking. “Are you in some kind of trouble?”
“Come on, Ma, don’t start,” he said. “I . . . I was just around and wanted to come by and see you guys. But if y’all are headed out . . .” He shrugged.
All three of my other children looked at me as if they wanted me to do something.
“Well, maybe we could wait on going to the z—”
“No!” Alejandro said before I could finish my sentence.
“Nah, go on,” Paco said. “I can, umm, I—” He shifted nervously. My maternal instinct told me my child was indeed in trouble. But I knew after our blowup last time, I needed to tread lightly.
“You know what, mijo? The kids have been waiting all week for this trip to the zoo. So, I don’t want to disappoint them, but why don’t you go on inside and warm yourself up something to eat? There are some leftover tacos from yesterday, or you can find something else to eat. Then you can just take a nap, or relax until we get back.” I couldn’t help it, I touched his cheek. “I’d love to cook your favorite dinner when I get back.”
“Enchiladas?” he asked, his eyes wide with childhood innocence.
“Yes, extra spicy.”
His hand went to his stomach. “Okay, b-but only if you’re okay with it.”
“It would make me very happy.”
I didn’t know what trouble my son was running from. My first instinct had been drugs. But my maternal instincts told me it wasn’t that. It was fear that had my son on the run. And if I could keep Paco at the apartment, I’d know he was safe for now.
I smiled as relief swept through my body. If only I could get him to stay for good.
“Come on,” I said, as I walked back up the steps to our home. I unlocked the door and let Paco in. I fought the urge to tell him not to do anything bad, and just smiled.
“Make yourself at home. It is your home. And we’ll be back soon.” Without thinking I leaned over and kissed my son on the head.
He reached his arms around me and squeezed me tight. I couldn’t remember the last time he’d done that. Something was wrong. Paco was good at heart. But the gang had hardened him. I knew he’d found his way into some serious trouble.
“Thank you, Ma,” he said.
I flashed a warm smile, once again fighting the urge to push. “That’s what I’m here for. That’s what I’ll always be here for,” I told him.
I silently thanked God for sending my son home, as I closed the door and headed out to take my other three children to the zoo.