A sliver of moonlight snaking on the floor is the first thing I see when I wake up, and for a long while I simply remain lying on the futon, my body pleasantly languid and heavy. Memories drift ever so slowly, and I recall Yuki carrying me out of the onsen and me falling asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow. I was tired, really tired, and as any girl should be, after having made to orgasm thrice in a row – in less than two hours.

I start to get up when a voice from the balcony reaches my ear. The words gradually make sense, and my body stiffens.

It’s Yuki.

He’s on the phone.

And of course it’s her he’s talking to.

It feels like an infinite number of years must have passed when he finally walks back into our suite. My eyes drift close as I sense him lying down on his futon and turning to my side. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know how to feel.

But somehow, I can’t make myself pretend.

My eyes open, and I see him lying on his side. He’s facing me, and he doesn’t look at all surprised to see I’m awake. “I thought you’d keep pretending you were asleep.”

A wobbly smile forms on my lips. “So did I.”

He doesn’t answer, only gazes at me with eyes that tell me – even after all this time – a part of him hasn’t stopped hurting at the sight of me. That part of him is still terrified I’m weak – and that it’s his hands again that would destroy me. There are nights when I can’t stop thinking about this part of him, nights when I question myself over and over if it’s right for me to be so selfish---

“Yuki…” I fight to keep my voice from shaking. “You don’t need to hide anything from me. I’ll always trust you. Okay?”

He breathes hard while I find myself holding mine, waiting, dreading---

“You know,” he says finally. “Don’t you?”

I almost smile, and I kind of feel like I have to, just so I won’t end up crying.

You know…don’t you?

Why does it seem that those words have turned into a cliché between the two of us? Do we keep using them just because we’re comforted by the knowledge that it’s true – that only two people who love each other can only know of things that haven’t been spoken?

Or could it be because of something worse? Are we saying these words just because we’re waiting for one or the other to mess up and prove to us both that what we’re hoping for is impossible---

You know…don’t you?

Are they merely there to prepare us for the pain, knowing that one day, we’d have to accept things can’t ever work between us again?

I close my eyes the moment they start to sting, and when I hear him suck in his breath, I know that it’s answer enough for him.

Yes, I do know.

Everything.

And I’ve known for quite some time, actually---

“Why?” Yuki’s voice is toneless. “Why have you never asked me about---”

The way he suddenly stops speaking makes my heart ache. That look I glimpsed in his eyes earlier – it’s in his voice now. The fear of seeing me break down, along with the realization that no matter which words he use, no matter how he phrases it, anything he says will hurt.

I love him, and he knows it.

He’s practically engaged to another woman, and I know it.

How can that not tear me apart?

“Lace did a little digging for me.” I try to smile again, but this time my lips can’t stop trembling enough to form one.

Yuki’s jaw clenches. “I see.”

I’m sure he does. He knows as well as I do that by asking Lace to help me, I’d have all the information I’d need.

And I do.

I know that the girl’s name is Hikari, and her family was one of the few who cared to lend a helping hand to the Himuras in the wake of the scandal. I also know that the tables have now turned, and in face of the financial struggle of Hikari’s family, Akito-san has proposed an omiai between their children---

And Yuki and Hikari have been seeing each other since then.

“Senpai…” His fingers find mine.

I know he’s waiting for me to speak, but I can only hold on to his hand.

A moment later, and he’s hauled me close, crushing me to his chest the moment he feels me shudder.

“I’m sorry.”

It’s the last thing I want to hear from him, and it gives me the courage to soldier past the pain. I look up and cup his face, saying fiercely, “There’s no need to be. You t-told me she’s not your girlfriend, and I b-believe you.” I hate the little tremors in my voice, but I know it’s better than not having the strength to speak at all, and make him think that I had lied about not being weak anymore.

I look into his eyes. “You told me you’re n-not dating and that there’s nothing for me to worry about---” I swallow hard. “So I’m not going to worry.”

A stricken look crosses his face, and I know he understands even the things that I’m not saying.

Once, I was foolish enough to think that I could control everything, that I could solve everything on my own. I never even considered asking Yuki for help, never considered trusting in our feelings. I did so many things out of desperation, and yet all it succeeded in doing was making me lose him.

I’m not going to make the same mistake again.

His hands suddenly take mine in a tight grip. It’s painful enough to almost make me wince, but I don’t complain. The way he’s holding me lets me pretend that he will never ever let me go, and now is one of those times that I’d rather lie to myself than face the truth.

“Two weeks,” he mutters hoarsely. “All I’m asking you is for two weeks to let me fix things between---” He stops again.

“Between you and Hikari?”

Yuki flinches.

“You can mention her name,” I say softly. “Saying it won’t make me stop believing you.”

His breath expels in a hiss. “I just don’t want to keep hurting you---”

“You’re not. You didn’t want this to happen. None of us wanted any of the bad things that happened. They just do, and if the past has taught me one thing, then it’s that we should stop blaming ourselves for them.”

He doesn’t answer but just pulls me close, and my eyes squeeze shut when I feel his lips graze the touch of my head.

“Two weeks,” he repeats in a low, guttural voice. “It’s all I need, and I promise…” His arms tighten around my body. “No one else but you will have a claim on me.”

I feel like crying and laughing at his words. Such old-fashioned words for a twenty-year-old, and yet, when it’s Yuki---

It feels right.

And true.

“Okay,” I whisper. “Two weeks.”

“My dad and I owe a lot to them, and I don’t want the Nakagawas to feel we’re turning our backs on their family because they have nothing to offer.”

“I believe you.”

He slowly tips my chin up, and I don’t shrink away from his gaze.

“That’s it?”

This time I can’t help smiling a little. “T-that’s it.”

“No questions?”

I shake my head. “No questions.” And suddenly, I just can’t stop myself. “Because I love you.”

His face whitens.

A hollow silence forms between us, turning the memory of my words into a silent echo.

Maybe it’s too soon, maybe I should have waited for a better time to say it---

But somehow I just can’t make myself regret it.

Because I do love him.

Yuki’s chest heaves, and I stiffen, preparing myself for the worst.

But in the end all he does is lay a hand on my cheek---

“You’re really good at breaking my heart, senpai.” And yet, the way he says it is almost like he’s saying he loves me---

That he still loves me, and not even his greatest fears have kept him from loving me.

My eyes sweep close. I’m so close to crying, and I don’t want to risk him thinking I’m weak because of it.

His arms wrap around me again, and I lay my head against his chest. We’ve come so far since the first day our paths crossed again. So many things have happened, so many things have changed, and now---

We both know we’re nearing the end of the line, and yet the future remains as unclear as ever. A thousand and one Hikaris can come to bother us, but we both know none of them will matter---

It’s always only the two of us that can keep us together – or apart.

“I wish you’d ask me something – anything – in return,” Yuki mutters against my hair. “I know I’m being selfish, but I just wish there’s something I could give you that---” He stops speaking when he feels me nodding. “There’s something you want?”

I nod again.

“Tell me.”

“But you might not give it to me,” I mumble.

He pulls away, saying wryly, “Even my head on a platter won’t be impossible at this point.” His blue eyes look into mine searchingly. “So tell me. What do you want?”

“You.”

Silence.

“I w-want you to make love to me.”

Yuki seems to recover himself, and says abruptly, “No.”

His absolute rejection would probably hurt if not for the almost hilarious way he’s so swiftly released me and placed distance between our bodies. “Has the world turned upside down,” I can’t help teasing him a little, “and you’re the one with virginal chastity to protect now?”

Yuki only glares at me. “Nothing about this is funny.”

“I beg to disagree.” And this time, I can’t stop my smile from widening into a grin. “It’s pretty funny, the way you – of all people – are acting like you’re afraid of sex.”

His face remains stoic. “Ask for something else.”

“But I don’t want anything else,” I say helplessly.

He rakes a hand through his hair in a gesture of frustration. “Can’t you see I’m doing the right thing here? There’s no going back if we do this, and I don’t want you to regret---”

“But that’s the thing,” I say softly. “I know I won’t regret anything. I’ve wanted to be yours since I was seventeen, Yuki---”

“Goddammit, senpai, didn’t I tell you it’s forbidden to seduce me like that?”

A laugh escapes me, and the sound is wonderfully throaty, and yes, seductive. I have no idea where it’s coming from, but I’m definitely not complaining, especially with how it’s made Yuki breathe hard while his nostrils flare.

I set aside the thin cover that’s wrapped around my body, and I sit up to slowly unknot the robe around my yukata. I’ve never done something so bold in my life, but everything just feels so natural, and I can’t help shivering when I hear him suck in his breath as the cotton slowly slides off my body and bares me to his gaze.

He wants me.

His blue eyes are intensely bright as they roam my form, and I bite back a whimper as I feel my breasts grow heavy with arousal. I see his fists clench, and I know he’s fighting for control. I probably should take pity on him, but I don’t.

Because right now I don’t want a Yuki that’s in control---

My tongue darts out to wet my lips, and his whole body stiffens.

“Isn’t it time for me to belong to you, Yuki?”

For one moment he only stares at me---

And then I hear him say, “I give up.” He snatches me close. “I fucking give up.”

I don’t even have time to thank him or mentally celebrate.

He rolls me to my back, and his mouth crushes mine under his. Passion, left to simmer and boil for years, explodes in an instant, and a desperate need to feel our naked bodies against each other strikes both of us. His hands move to unknot the tie of his yukata while my hands rush up to shove the fabric off the massive breadth of his shoulders.

In an instant, the yukata is thrown to the side, and when his heavy form presses down on me, every bare, hard inch of him feels so absolutely glorious it literally brings tears to my eyes. I’ve waited for this for so long, and now that it’s really happening---

“Yuki.”

But I’m not just moaning his name out loud. I’m begging him with it – take me, claim me, own me – and by the way Yuki’s hard body shudders, it seems he knows this, too.

And then he’s kissing me harder, his tongue driving deeper than it ever did, and my body arches under him. He palms my breasts, and I moan. He kneads them gently at first, and then he’s squeezing the soft, abundant flesh hard---

Just the way he knows I secretly like it---

“Yuki.”

“It’s only been a little while,” he purrs, “but it seems like your breasts have missed my touch.”

Aaaah.

He starts playing with my nipples, and my body arches under him again.

“And look at your nipples, senpai. Can you see how they’re begging for my attention---”

“Oh God, Yuki.” His words make me writhe in a mixture of embarrassment and arousal. “Stop saying such things---”

“Why should I,” he taunts, “when they’re the truth?” And as if to prove his point, he takes his own sweet time as he plucks my nipples and draws them up to their fullest length---

Pain and pleasure blurs, and I can only moan.

“Do you think I should give them what I want?” he whispers.

My head tosses and turns against the pillow as I feel him rub my nipples between his fingers.

“Or should I tease them a little more?” His head bends down, his tongue flicking against each nipple, one at a time.

His beautiful, wickedly taunting gaze meets my dazed eyes. “What do you think, senpai?”

I can only stare at him, every inch of my body aching for his possession.

“Tell me what you want,” he urges hoarsely.

My eyes squeeze shut.

“Tell me exactly what you want.”

But the temptation is too much, and my lips slowly part to let the words out.

“I w-want you to kiss my breasts.”

“And?”

Oh God. Do I really have to spell it out?

“Come on, senpai. I need you to be very specific.”

Moisture forms between my legs, and I choke out, “I want you to suck my nipples.”

“Good girl.”

And then he’s doing it---

Aaaaaaaah.

Even though it’s far from the first time for Yuki to taste me like this, the feel of it never fails to shock me, and my fingers drive through his hair as I hold his head to my breasts. He’s sucking me so hard it almost feels like he’s drinking from me, and the sheer wantonness of it makes me shudder anew.

It’s so, so good---

And to think we’ve barely begun.

His mouth moves down, kissing and sucking like a starving man feasting on my body. All I can do is gasp and rake my nails against his back, and when his head dives between my legs, all I can do is drape my legs over his shoulders and hold on to him as he pleasures me with his mouth. It takes only a few thrusts of his tongue when my already wet and aching flesh starts twitching, and my orgasm soon follows in shocking speed.

He stares up at me, stunned. “So soon?”

My face turns red. “It’s your fault,” I half-wail, half-pant as my body continues to shudder at the aftermath of my climax.

He laughs. “Is that so?” He reaches for my sensitive folds, his fingers lining them, and my body arches up as I feel my pussy literally quiver at his touch.

“Yuki!”

“Gomen.” And yet he sounds anything but apologetic, and wicked is the only way to describe the gleam in his eyes. When he raises himself up between my legs, my gaze automatically moves down, and my throat dries as I let the beauty of him slowly sink in.

His body is even more magnificent than I remembered. Hard all throughout, his chest smooth, and when my gaze lowers below his waist, I can’t help gulping. I once read that while females generally stop growing at eighteen, boys have until twenty-one to grow, and now I’m wondering if those added inches aren’t just for their height but something else.

Something that would make him impossible to fit---

Honestly, I don’t even know if there’s a throat long or thick enough for it.

Yuki sputters---

And my face flames anew when I realize I’ve blurted my thoughts out loud.

“Ah, senpai. No one is really like you at all.”

I’m pleased he thinks so, but right now I’m still a little worried about his size.

“I think your growth is abnormal,” I confess.

He throws his head back with a laugh.

I sit up and push him away, grumbling, “I’m serious---”

Yuki cups my face. “Trust me.”

I want to, but it’s hard when he looks like he hasn’t taken me seriously at all, with the way he’s doing his best not to laugh.

“It won’t fit---”

I let out a miserable gasp. “I knew it!”

“And that’s exactly how I’m going to make you feel good,” he finishes.

Oh.

“Now just lie back, senpai,” he purrs, “and think of England.”

Riiiiight.

But foolish lovesick idiot that I am, I let Yuki push me down on the bed, and my whole body tightens as I feel him moving over me. His gaze captures mine just as I feel his hand move between our forms. He guides the head of his erection to my folds, and my breath locks in my throat as I feel it nudge against my entrance.

Aaaaaaah.

It feels so impossibly huge, more so when I remember how my own lips struggled to close around it, and that was three years ago.

Three years!

His length starts sliding against my folds, the head of his erection rubbing against my clit, and a sensual shudder racks my body. His gaze doesn’t let go of mine as he continues with the leisurely movements of his erection, and I feel my folds growing slicker with moisture as his length continues to slide up and down against them.

It’s a mesmerizing, titillating rhythm, and my body starts moving of its own accord. My fingers grip his shoulders, my back arching, my pussy throbbing---

I feel myself wanting more.

“What do you want,” Yuki whispers.

I shake my head, unable to say the words. It’s one thing to think or even draw it, but it’s another thing entirely to actually say the word out loud.

Yuki licks my ear, and my body arches against him, and the movement causes my nipples to prickle his chest – and the head of his erection slip in.

Aaaaaaah!

My eyes widen, and his lips curve.

Now I know exactly what he means by how good it would feel, that he doesn’t fit at all---

His hips move, and he pushes just a fraction deeper inside of me.

It’s more than enough, and I moan as the pleasure doubles.

Goooood.

Who knew I’d be this pleased that Yuki wouldn’t fit?

“Do you want more, senpai,” he asks huskily.

My fingers grip his shoulders more tightly. The bloody sod knows very well I do.

His lips curve in a smirk. “Then say it.”

I shake my head.

“Beg me for it.”

I shake my head more vehemently.

“You know you want to,” he taunts. “You’re my dirty little toy---”

I choke at his words, but it also makes my body writhe in sensual agony. I am his dirty little toy, and I love being one.

“And I always know what my dirty little toy wants.” He pulls his erection out of me as he speaks, and I can’t help mewling in protest.

“So say you want it…”

He bends down and bites my lip. “Say it…”

“I…” Oh God. “I want…”

Yuki sucks on my lip. “Say it.”

“I want…it.”

His soft laugh tickles my skin. “You can do better than that.”

I shake my head. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Just call it what it is,” he cajoles, “and I’ll give it to you.”

My lips start to move. “C-c-c---” But the word just won’t come out.

He pulls away, and I can’t help but look down and watch him take hold of his length. He guides it back to my throbbing flesh, and I moan as he starts nudging my clit with the head of his erection.

My head falls back against the pillow.

Oh God.

My body starts arching up, wanting more of him----

“Not until you say it,” Yuki whispers.

My eyes fly open. “Yuki!” Bloody, bloody sod.

“Say cock, senpai,” he teases, “and it’s all yours.”

I want to. It’s all I can think of, so boy, do I want to. But it’s just so hard.

“Say it.”

“Clock,” I choke out.

He grins. “Cock.” And he starts rubbing his length faster, and it’s driving me out of my mind with need----

“Chuck,” I gasp.

Yuki’s shoulders shake with mirth. “Cock.” And now he’s rubbing harder than ever, and oh God, it’s too much---

“Quack.” The word comes out a moan, and this time I’m desperately rubbing myself against him as well. “Please give me your quack!”

A hoarse laugh escapes him. “Good enough, senpai.” And without any warning at all, he gives it to me---

His cock drives inside of me, his entire length sinking between my folds and thrusting past the thin member of my virginity.

My body jerks at the sudden flash of pain, my fingers clawing into his back---

And then it’s done.

After so many years----

I’m his.

Finally.

Yuki starts to move, and I find myself holding on to him. He starts with a slow, gentle pace, tender, steady thrusts that let my body gradually stretch to accommodate his impossibly large size. He still doesn’t fit, and he’s more right than ever with how it makes me feel.

My hands move down his back, and I find myself clutching the hard cheeks of butt---

A hiss of breath escapes him.

My fingers tighten its hold.

“Senpai.”

The pace of his thrusts abruptly changes, his cock now plunging into me with possessive, dominating force. He’s pounding into me, harder and harder---

And it’s good.

It’s so, so, so good it’s making my eyes roll back and I can’t quite breathe right---

“Yuki.” I can’t help gasping his name as I feel something inside of me start to break.

But still he goes on plunging his cock into me.

It still doesn’t fit, it’s never going to fit, and it’s practically tearing my pussy apart---

“Yuki!”

His fingers pinch my clit hard, and I scream.

Wetness gushes out of me as my shuddering body reaches an orgasm, but even so it doesn’t make his thrusts slow down at all. The fierceness of it, combined with the way my orgasm is making my flesh throb and quiver, leaves me clinging to him helplessly. And when his movements become wild, his cock thrusting all the way down to my womb just as I hear him growl my name out---

His cum fills me.

The last thread of my sanity snaps, and I find myself sobbing and holding on to him, my body climaxing with his.

Too much.

Too, too much.

It almost feels too good to be true.

And maybe it would be if it’s not Yuki---

And it’s not just because he’s a god.

But it’s more because he’s the only boy I’ve ever loved.

A little sigh escapes me when the last tremors of our shared climax finally fade. Yuki rolls us around, and I find myself lying on top of him. Thinking we’re about to cuddle, I start to snuggle closer, but then I feel his hands moving to my hips---

Okaaaay…

I force my eyes open when he guides me up to a sitting position. “Yuki?”

“Senpai?” His mocking voice mirrors my uncertainty, and the glint in his baby blues is devilish.

Uh. Oh.

And then he’s driving back inside me, impaling me with his cock, and I gasp.

“Yuki!”

And it starts all over again.

That Yuki proves himself insatiable is a vast understatement. I don’t even have time to see if Mt. Fuji does show up outside our window, don’t even have time to leave the futon unless it’s to do business in the bath. It’s as if Yuki feels like he needs to cram three years’ worth of sexual abstinence in one weekend, and by Sunday morning, I’m practically begging and trying to crawl out of his reach---

But he captures me easily enough, one hand fisting my hair, while his mouth latches to the side of my neck.

“Yuki.” My voice comes out a whimper. “Please.”

But he only licks the side of my neck, whispering mockingly, “You asked for this, remember?”