It’s a hot Monday morning when Vivi and I step out of our dorm building, but it might as well be winter with the frosty, condescending looks that immediately go my way. Nothing new about it though, and when I hear a couple of girls throw shade at me as we pass them by---

What a slut.

She should just go back to America.

The nerve of her, going out with Alexei when he’s already taken.

It doesn’t even make me blink. I’ve been called worse things in high school, and the thing about these public scandals is that if you’ve managed to survive one, you know you can survive another.

But of course I’m not going to tell them that. I’d rather pretend they’re making my life miserable than give them a reason to be more creative in showing their dislike.

We stop by the locker hall before heading separately to our classes, and Vivi scowls when she sees my locker flooded with hate mail. Again, it’s nothing new, but because I know people are watching, I feign a frown and make sounds of horrible despair.

Unbelievable.” Although Vivi knows I’m just faking it, she still can’t help getting mad on my behalf. “Just speak the word, Kat-chan---”

“Say,” I interrupt her with a smile. “Just say the word.”

“Yes, yes, I do mean that. I’m scratching to give them a portion of my brain,” she fumes.

My mouth opens and closes, but in the end all I manage is to swallow my laughter. I don’t even know where to start with that.

“They should know all of this is Alexei’s fault, not yours.”

“Oh, Vivi.” We’ve had this conversation so many times, but Vivi still insists on seeing things black and white whenever Yuki’s concerned. “You know his hands are tied in this matter.”

“Exactly! His hands are tied but they are not cuffed or chained, are they?”

“I’m speaking figuratively.”

“Me, too.”

The words, combined with Vivi’s utterly serious tone, are too much, and a giggle escapes me as I impulsively give her a hug. “I know you feel like you should be doing more,” I whisper to my friend, “but you’re already doing more than enough just by keeping me company.”

When I pull away, she deals me a skeptical look, asking, “That’s really all I should do?”

Well, there’s also the fact that she makes me laugh like no other can with how she butchers my mother tongue, but I don’t think it’s polite to tell her that. “You help me stay sane,” I say instead, “by keeping my mind off…things.” It’s such a shallow, ambiguous term to describe how my life has turned out, and I hate that I’m speaking in such a way. It makes me feel like a coward, but I don’t think I can bear to use anything more apt.

It’s been eight days since I last saw Yuki, and my life has turned into this horrible countdown from that point. Reports about the Nakagawas’ financial downfall have finally made it to mass media, but rumors about a possible merger with the billion-dollar Himura Corporation have significantly helped in alleviating the concerns of their stockholders. Seeing Yuki and Hikari Nakagawa attend various functions together certainly doesn’t hurt either, more so when both have acknowledged meeting each other through an omiai.

I know all of it is just damage control, and maybe if I’ve had some sort of contact with Yuki then all those photos and videos of him with another girl wouldn’t hurt as much.

Unfortunately, it’s the exact opposite.

It’s been eight days. Eight days. And yet there are no calls, no messages, no emails---

Nothing.

And with each day that passes, my doubts just keep growing and worsening, and more and more I find myself wondering if there’s a point to waiting. I’ve read countless articles that talk about how Yuki and Hikari make such a perfect couple, and the more I read, the more I wonder if I should even wait in the first place---

Or do I simply go so Yuki can have a chance falling for a girl who won’t ever hurt him the way I have?

“Kat?”

Vivi’s anxious tone makes me blink, and I realize I’ve been so lost in my thoughts I haven’t heard a thing she’s said.

“Sorry,” I apologize with a grimace. “What were you saying?”

Before I can answer, I hear my name being called out through the school’s PA system.

“You should hurry.” Worry flickers in Vivi’s eyes. “They only do that when there’s a family emergency.”

It takes me four minutes to get to the administration building, and I’m immediately directed to the office of the Dean of Student Affairs. It’s exactly as Vivi predicted, and I feel myself growing numb as I listen to the dean tell me about the phone call they’ve received from Bayfront Health, where Kelly’s confined for almost half a year now.

“It usually takes a week to process temporary leaves for foreign students, but because these are not ordinary circumstances and the hospital has properly coordinated with us, we can expedite the paperwork and enable you to fly home tonight if you so wish.”

The dean picks up the phone on her desk and hands the receiver to me. “Your mother is waiting on the other end. Please take as much time as you need to speak with her.”

I thank the dean with a bow, and when I hear the door close behind the older woman, I slowly bring the receiver to my ear. “Mom?”

“Hey, baby.”

Her voice is familiar, but it’s also because it’s so that I recognize the smallest differences. The exhaustion that underscores it, the pain, the fear---

I blink furiously to keep myself from crying, and I fight hard to keep my tone light and teasing when I ask, “Do you know how much this call is going to cost us?”

Kelly laughs, and the note of relief in it tells me I’ve done the right thing. “Don’t worry. It’s coming out of your allowance.”

“Mom!”

“You know I’m kidding.” But this time her voice has a smile in it, and my heart aches so hard at the sound of it. I don’t mind living the rest of my life heartbroken if it means my mom gets a lifetime of smiles in exchange. “It’s so good to hear your voice, baby. How are you doing?”

“We just spoke last night,” I say wryly. “That was about 10 hours ago, and I’ve been asleep for seven of those. Don’t you think it’s a little early to ask that question?”

“You have a point.”

“A really good point.”

“And Yuki?”

The sudden change of topic throws me off. A couple of days ago, I finally told them about Yuki and I sorta dating but that he also has a sorta fiancée and they sorta freaked out over it.

“How are things between you?”

I take my phone out, but the screen is blank. Still no calls, no messages, no emails.

“Still as expected.”

“I see.”

Maybe I’m being a little too optimistic, but I’d like to think it’s more the number of times I used ‘sorta’ in a single sentence than Yuki himself that’s making my parents antsy.

“You really have nothing to worry about, Mom.” I clear my throat. “Anyway, checking up on Yuki isn’t the real reason you called, is it?” I take a deep breath. “So---”

“Actually---” It’s Kelly’s turn to clear her throat. “It is the real reason I called.”

I can’t help rolling my eyes even when I know she can’t see me. “I’m serious.”

“I am, too.”

Something about that tone nags at me, and my eyes narrow as I try to picture how Kelly looks while talking to me. “Moooooom…”

“What?”

Kelly’s voice is all too innocent, which confirms my worst suspicions, and my jaw drops to the floor. “You lied!” I shake my head in sheer disbelief. “Didn’t you?”

“Well, it’s not precisely a lie---”

“Mom!”

“Okay, maybe I mentioned quite vaguely about this treatment I’ll be undergoing which I might require your personal support for---”

“Is there really such a treatment?” I demand.

“Yes,” Kelly answers promptly. “But it’s more like a massage kind of treatment?”

I close my eyes. “Oh my God. Mom.” I’m a fraction exasperated, but I’m also mostly grateful that there’s nothing serious for me to worry over. Kelly has always been the practical sort, but ever since she was diagnosed with cancer, she started having these random whims, and this call’s a prime example of it.

“I had to do it,” she protests. “I know they’d never let me talk to you otherwise---”

“We could have talked after class!”

“But I wanted to talk to you now.”

It’s such a spoiled, un-Kelly-like thing to say that I find myself laughing a little. “You’re acting like a baby.”

“Privilege of cancer victims,” she quips.

I let out a snort. “Says the woman who threatened to cut my allowance if I ever told any of my professors about your condition.”

“As it should be.”

…

…

…

It’s a good kind of silence, one where you can hear each other’s heartbeats, and it’s wonderfully steady and familiar.

“Is it really okay between you and Yuki?”

“As okay as it is with you and the Big C.”

There’s silence again, but this time it’s the kind that makes you smile and breaks your heart at the same time. She gets it, and I get it, too.

We’re in the same boat, but at least we’re not drowning.

“Have you told Yuki about me?”

“No.” My fingers tighten around the phone. “Should I?”

“Only if you want to, and I hope when you do, it would be for the right reasons.” Kelly pauses. “You get what I’m saying?”

I close my eyes. “Yeah.”

“Just because our lives have become a little less perfect than others…”

Memories flash in my mind. Of Kelly’s first day at the hospital, the first time I saw her cry, the first time I saw her start to lose her hair---

“It doesn’t mean we automatically deserve the longer end of the stick.”

The moment I tell Yuki about it, just a single thing about it, and I know he’ll never leave me.

I squeeze my eyes shut more tightly. “I…know.” But my voice cracks a little in the end. Is it really so bad to want someone you love by your side? Is it really so bad if sometimes, I just want to cry in Yuki’s arms, and tell him I’m so, so afraid of losing my mom?

“Oh, baby.”

And now her voice has that same little crack, and hearing it is enough.

It’s so blasted stupid, really, the way we can only become stronger when we realize some people are worse off than we are.

“Don’t worry about me,” I tell her fiercely. “I mean it, okay? Whatever happens here is nothing compared to what’s going on there. So just concentrate on getting better. If I find out from Dad you’re stressing over me, I’m never going to speak to you again.”

“Are you my mom now?” Kelly laughs, and it’s such a sweet, beautiful sound it has me quickly covering my mouth. I don’t want her to hear anything in case I can’t stop myself from crying.

Please God.

Please.

If I have to give up Yuki for my mom, I will.