Seeing how Brit had less luck than I had with reaching David made me think things were only going to get worse before they got better. I hated being in the house. It felt like the sisters were trying to distract me. If it wasn’t Natalie asking me questions about her pledges that I knew she had the answers to, then it was Sky showing me lesson plans for her student teaching. Everyone wanted my opinion. Everyone wanted me to feel important. They meant well, but they were so obvious it only made me more aware of how lonely I was. And feeling lonely because I didn’t have a man by my side was somewhat pathetic. I used to be tough as nails. When did I lose my identity by being a part of a relationship?

I often did my homework at the Draught, but the stage without David was too much to take in. So, I went to the boys’ apartment, telling myself I needed to check in on the cat, when I really needed to wrap my body in my boyfriend’s blankets and pretend he was just outside in the hall.

“Hey, Harry,” I said with a weak smile as I swallowed my pride when he answered the door. He looked surprised to see me— and it made me realize I had waited too long to visit. David had been gone a month. But then his face softened into a smile as I forced out the words that were stuck in my throat. “Can I stay here tonight?” He didn’t answer, just looked at me like I was broken. I was.

“I don’t want to face the girls and deal with their attempt at cheering me up. My sorority house can be kind of overwhelming at times… I’ll hide in David’s room. You won’t even know I’m here.” I was over talking. Verbal diarrhea oozing out in all directions. It was highly attractive, I’m sure.

Harry stepped toward me and placed his hand on my arm. I didn’t shatter. Funny, I thought I would. “Kris, you never have to hide. Think of this as your place, too. You have your own key. Come and go as you like. Stay as long as you need.” He squeezed my arm before letting go.

Absentmindedly, I rubbed the spot on my arm that he had just touched. “It’ll just be tonight. I won’t be a nuisance.”

“You’re not a nuisance. Besides, I like hearing noises made by another human, makes me freak out less. Beast is constantly knocking things over and scaring the shit out of me.”

I smiled. I didn’t think I would be able to, but I did. Beast was curled up on the couch, out like a light. I was tempted to lift him up and hold him close but figured it would have been cruel to wake him. “That’s sweet, but I know you need your space. What if you wanted to have a girl over?”

“I don’t really have girls over.”

I tossed my purse on the floor by the coffee table and rolled my eyes as I peeled off my heavy coat. “Yeah, okay.” But Harry didn’t flinch.

“It’s true. Have you ever seen me here with a girl?”

I thought about that for a minute. No, I never had. “I doubt you have a hard time meeting women.”

“Meeting a woman and wanting her are two different things.”

The way he held my gaze a moment longer than he should have was unnerving and not for the first time, I ignored the want in his eyes. I wondered if David was aware of how Harry looked at me. More importantly, I wondered if David even cared.

Not having a response to his statement, I just nodded and shuffled down the hallway and into David’s room. Looking around, it felt so empty, and I regretted coming here. It was worse than the sorority house. I kicked off my sneakers and crawled into David’s bed. It felt familiar, but instead of being comforted, I started crying and couldn’t stop. An hour passed, maybe more. I was a leaky mess all over David’s pillow and shaking like a leaf. The door creaked open, and I jumped. I didn’t think I was loud enough to wake Harry.

“Kris?” He said my name so soft, and I wrapped the blanket tighter around me out of sheer embarrassment.

I heard him close the door and move across the room until he finally sat down on the bed beside me, putting his hand on my arm. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” I lied.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?”

“Yeah. I just miss him, and my imagination is getting the best of me, that’s all.”

“I understand.” He paused, and I was aware of how dark it was in the room. The shade wasn’t drawn so I could see the lamppost outside, but it seemed rather far away at the moment.

“Listen, if you want, I have some sleeping pills.”

“Sleeping pills?”

“Yeah, sometimes I have really bad nights, and every once and awhile I need one.”

“Are they strong?”

“Nah. Nyquil is stronger. It’ll just help you drift off. You won’t even feel groggy in the morning.”

“Okay,” I agreed. It would be nice to not have to think for a few hours.

Harry disappeared, and I heard him go into the kitchen. When he came back, he had a glass of cold water and two blue pills. He turned the desk light on and handed me the pills. I took them and washed them down with some water. Then I blinked at him. I half expected to just collapse against the bed like Sleeping Beauty.

“It usually takes about half an hour to kick in.”

“Oh, of course,” I said, trying to sound like I knew that all along.

“Want me to stay with you? We can watch TV until you dose off.”

“Uh… sure.”

Harry grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. “What do you want to watch?”

“Anything.”

He channel-surfed for a while and then settled on a black and white episode of The Twilight Zone. Then he tossed David’s other pillow against the headboard and got on the bed. He was over the covers and sitting up, but it was a little strange being in David’s bed with his cousin.

“Hey, Kris?”

“Yeah?”

“I know I’m not David.” He paused. “But, I heard you crying and… well if it’s not too weird, I can…”

I rolled over and looked at him, confused. He sort of opened his arms, and I felt the tears well up again. I didn’t know how bad I needed a hug until this moment. I dove into his arms and cried as he held me. He stroked my hair, and even though he wasn’t David, it did feel nice to just have someone hold me and let me cry. After a few moments, I wiped my face and turned my head, determined to get lost in The Twilight Zone. Halfway through the episode, my eyelids became heavy. Twice I caught my head falling against Harry’s chest, snapping it back up as the drowsiness overcame me. It was pointless to fight the pills, and so I closed my eyes and gave myself over to much needed sleep.

I woke up, surprised to find we were in the exact same position. The TV was off, but Harry was still sitting up, his head back against the pillow. My face was against his chest, and I could hear his heartbeat thumping steadily. I had slept so deeply. No dreams, just concrete rest. He was right about the pills.

I tried to untangle myself from the one arm Harry had draped over me. As soon as I moved, Harry stirred, took in a deep breath and looked at me through his sleepy, squinted eyes. He wasn’t wearing his glasses.

“Morning.” He smiled, and I felt myself blush. I had just spent the night in the arms of my boyfriend’s cousin. Way to be a train-wreck.

“Morning,” I said, hopping out of bed and away from him as fast as I could. I was so happy I had kept my pants on last night. I had a bad habit of sleeping in my underwear, and Harry did not need to see me in blue polka dot bikini briefs. “I’m so sorry about last night. You must have had a terrible sleep in that position all night.”

Harry got out of bed and raised his arms, his white tee stretching tight in all the right places. I turned away and got a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Holy crap! Talk about being swollen. I looked like I just had Botox injected into my eyelids.

“Actually, I slept really great,” Harry said.

“Really?”

“Yeah, must have been the company.” He smiled, and I felt that dull ache in the pit of my stomach. I always secretly thought Harry liked me, and last night in a moment of weakness, I hoped I hadn’t crossed a line and given him false hope.

“Thanks again…” Then seeing his smile deepen, I added, “For the sleeping pills.”

“No problem. If you need more, I’m happy to help. Would you like some breakfast? I make pretty good pancakes.”

“Um, I really should get back to the Delta Sig house. I have a lot of crap to do today.”

“Come on. It’s breakfast, you need to eat anyway, right?”

“Um… all right.”

“Sure, give me about fifteen minutes.” He walked out of David’s bedroom, and I figured fifteen minutes was more than enough time to take a shower and get ready for my day. I had clothes here and a few pairs of shoes, too. David had given me a drawer and a section of his closet years ago so I didn’t have to worry about showing up at the sorority house in my clothes from last night. The last thing I needed to hear was Summer’s commentary about if I had done the walk of shame.

I towel-dried my hair and put on some light make-up. The shower had helped with some of the swelling. In fresh clothes, I felt a little better. Harry was busy in the kitchen, the sound of batter hitting the skillet making a familiar sizzling sound. I was glad he was making pancakes. David always made omelets, and I didn’t want to be eating an omelet in his kitchen without him. Silly, I know, but it didn’t feel right. Omelets were one of the only things David could make, and I didn't want to take that part of our relationship away.

I twisted the promise ring around my finger, rubbing the metal to try and soothe my misery.  “Can I help with anything?”

“Nope. All done.” Harry spun around. He had his glasses back on. His hair was disheveled, but it looked cute. He set a plate of pancakes with fresh strawberries on the little island that doubled as the boys’ kitchen table. Maple syrup and butter was already on the island. So were napkins and cutlery. Harry finished loading up his own plate, tossed his bowls and skillet in the sink, then pulled out a stool for himself. Even Beast was eating rather contently in the corner of the kitchen.

“So fancy,” I said as I looked at his pancake presentation. It looked like how they would serve you in a hotel.

“I went to culinary school for like a minute.”

“You did? Get out.”

“Yeah, back when I lived in New York. It feels like so long ago. I really wanted to open my own restaurant. But what can I say, things happened.”

“What sort of things?”

Harry smiled, cut a triangle of pancake, then stabbed it onto his fork. “Things,” he repeated. I knew he didn’t want me to pry. I assumed it was a girl. It must have been. She broke his heart, and he gave up on his dream. The things we do when we’re heartbroken.

I took my first bite of pancake. It was fantastic! Light, fluffy, buttery and freaking phenomenal. “Harry! This is insanely good!” I licked the butter off my bottom lip, wondering why it took this long to ever taste Harry’s pancake’s before. “You’d think with all the sleepovers I’d had here that I’d have been treated to this before.” Harry grinned. “Or maybe you’d worry I’d start bothering you for pancakes all the time.”

“These are okay.” He scratched the back of his neck. “And I would have happily made you pancakes anytime you wanted them.” He paused then looked at me seriously. “You need to have me make you a proper meal. Dinner. Everything from soup to nuts, and then you can really see if I’m skilled or not.”

“Sounds incredible.” I took another bite. Oh my God. So good!

“David never cooked for you?”

“He tried. He can do the basics, nothing fancy. I cook for him more, not that I’m a great chef or anything, but one of us has to make sure we wouldn’t just live on take-out.”

“I wonder what he’s eating over there.” Harry gave a light laugh.

“According to my friend Brit, he’s living off fish and chips and washing it down with pints.” Brit was obsessed with all things British.

“Brit’s the one with purple hair, right?”

“Yeah, you remember meeting her? She was here once.”

“She’s here all of the time,” Harry said and cut another slice of pancake.

My heart gave a weird, unfamiliar little shake. “What do you mean by all of the time?”

“She’s just here a lot. Her and David play together, practicing, I guess. It seems normal to me. I know she took over the band for him. Although coming home to finding him in gray hair dye with her giving him highlights was weird.”

I had been so caught up with David leaving and my audition, I never realized how much work it would have been for him to turn the band over to Brit. And she never complained, never freaked out with me once. She probably felt like she couldn’t because of the mess my head was in, so instead she hung out here or kept it in. I knew there was nothing going on between David and Brit—she was madly in love with Erik, and David would never cheat on me—but, still, I felt a little uneasy that she felt she couldn’t come to me.

“She’s funny. She has a very macabre view of the world,” Harry said, pushing up his glasses.

“Yeah, her snark takes some getting used to. But underneath her dragon scales she is super sweet, but you can’t let her know that I told you that.”

“My lips are sealed. She doesn’t really talk to me anyway.”

“Don’t take it personally. She probably doesn’t talk to you because she thinks you’re cute, and she can’t admit that she thinks you’re cute because that would fatally wound the whole perfect Romeo and Juliet romance she has going on with Erik.” Ugh. Now who was being snarky? Brit was my bestie; I shouldn’t have said that.

“But Romeo and Juliet died in the end. I wouldn’t exactly call that perfect.” Good, he had skipped over the part where I addressed his cuteness.

“Very true. I guess those two are more like Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain.”

“Kurt Cobain shot himself,” Harry said, looking slightly disturbed by my example.

“They just really love each other. I can’t think of a couple that didn’t end in tragedy.”

“Why is that?” Harry asked seriously.

“Why is what?”

“Why do most great loves end in tragedy? I can’t even begin to tell you how pissed I was after spending four hours watching Gone with the Wind only to discover Scarlet O’Hara and Rhett Butler don’t end up together.”

I made a face. “Thanks for the spoiler.”

“Shit! I’m sorry, I just assumed—”

“I’m kidding. I’ve seen it like a million times. One of my faves. But I don’t know about your theory. Was Rhett her great love, or was it Ashley?”

“It was Rhett,” he said with conviction.

“That’s debatable.”

“Well, okay, I’ll concede to that. But let’s take another epic love story. I mean look at Anthony and Cleopatra. Another disaster.”

“She cheated on Caesar. So I guess karma came back for her.”

“You really believe that? Caesar wasn’t who she loved. Why would the universe come back with a vengeance for finding who you were destined to be with?”

I looked at Harry and wondered if we were still discussing Anthony and Cleopatra. “I don’t have an answer to that. But I really should get going.” I got up and cleared my plate, feeling bad that I was dumping half of his delicious breakfast in the garbage. I did salvage one strawberry and popped it in my mouth. I put on my coat, Uggs, and grabbed my purse. “So, thanks again for everything. I mean it.”

Harry finished swallowing his last bite then got up and walked over to the door to let me out. He didn’t have to do that. I had my own key. He opened the door, and I stepped into the hallway, ready to flee my crime scene when he popped the question.

“What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?” he asked.

I spun around and watched as he calmly crossed his arms, causing his biceps to bulge. It reminded me of David. “What?” It came out like a shriek.

Harry smiled, shook his head, and leaned against the side of the opened door. “I mean I don’t want you to be alone. I think you would be really sad. Maybe we can hang out.”

“Oh!” My imagination was totally overacting. Harry would never cross a line. He was David’s cousin, and I was David’s little puddle of pain. He was trying to look out for me. In fact, I wouldn’t put it past David to have asked Harry to watch over me. “Um, actually, it’s Brit’s birthday. Erik is throwing her a surprise party at the Delta Sig house.”

Harry nodded, and I felt like a jerk. “You should totally come.”

“I don’t want to impose. Those are your friends.”

“It’s not imposing, and you were right. It will be hard to go through Valentine’s Day without David.”

“You sure?”

“I’m positive. In fact, I’ll be disappointed if you don’t show up. I need an Archer on my arm.” Why did I say that? I laughed, trying to untangle the mess my tongue had caused.

Harry only nodded then stuck his hands in the pockets of his grey sweat pants. “Cool. I guess I’ll see you Saturday then.”

“Saturday,” I repeated, then turned and tried to walk down the hallway at a normal pace, but Harry called after me.

“I think you forgot to kiss someone good-bye.” His voice was playful, and dare I say it… flirty?

What the hell did he mean by that?

I turned, feeling the blood drain from my face. I must have looked at him in horror, because he laughed and bent down, and that’s when I saw Beast between Harry’s ankles, looking up at me with his bright green eyes.

“Oh! Beast, I’m sorry!” I jogged over, scooped the little devil up, and cradled him in my arms. He started purring right away, and I hated not being able to bring him back to the house. “Be a good boy for Harry,” I said then kissed him on the head before handing him back to Harry. He looked so tiny in Harry’s arms. Giving him an awkward wave, I scurried away, but I could have sworn I heard Harry say, “What a lucky kitty,” before he closed the door.

What had happened? I slept in Harry’s arms, he made me breakfast, and he wanted to spend Valentine’s day with me. Was I reading into things? Was I the one to blame, or was he just taking advantage of the fact that his cousin was a billion miles away? Or, was he just a super nice guy and I was turning his gestures into ulterior motives?

Normally, I would have called Brit and told her every detail of last night, and we would have analyzed the odd boy behavior, but I felt I couldn't. Maybe Brit would know that I knew she hung out at David’s apartment, which would make things awkward since neither one had told me, and I couldn’t tell her about Valentine’s Day without ruining Erik’s surprise. No, this was one of those times I was just going to have to suck it up and try to figure everything out for myself.