On Thursday, Harry met me in the music room as promised. When he came in, it was weird seeing him in the daylight. I mean, we were technically inside, but the last time I had seen him it had been dark, and we had kissed, and we were high, and life was just one weird blur. But now we were sober, and there were very fluorescent lights overhead. There was nowhere to hide, and I was nervous, and antsy.

“Hey, you,” Harry said and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I felt my heart skip at the gesture. Stupid rush of hormones.

“Hey, I was afraid you wouldn’t show.”

Harry crinkled his brow, and his dimples danced in his cheeks. “Why wouldn’t I show?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. My gaze dropped to his full lips, and I remembered how they felt against mine. Good— so damn good. Sigh. What the hell was I doing here?

He dropped his bag and sat next to me on the piano bench. “So… how private is this room?” And there it was: He wanted to do naughty, dirty things in the college music room. And there was a part of me that wanted to do all those things, too. His kisses felt like a rollercoaster. The foreplay was the slow climb to the top, then as his lips touched mine, the coaster plummeted to the bottom, taking me through unfamiliar twists and turns. I was terrified but excited at the same time, all the while holding on for dear life. It was a rush, and seeing those pretty lips right in front of me…  I wanted to experience it all over again.

“Uh, pretty private.” I gestured to the padded walls. “It’s sound proof, and since I booked the room for a lesson, no one should walk in. Why?”

“I just had a shitty morning, stuff going on at work, and then there was this argument I had on the phone…”

“Who’d you argue with?” I hoped it wasn’t someone that could report him. I’d hate for him to get fired. I had a feeling he was skipping out on work today to hang with me. I couldn’t be sure, but it was just a hunch I had.

“No one important.” His smile got wider. “Uh, how was your day?”

“I’m pretty sure I bombed my psych midterm. Side effect of going out and playing pool when I probably should have been studying.”

“So we’re both having solid days then.”

“Yeah, looks that way.”

Harry rested the palm of his hand on his thigh and looked around the room once more. “Well, we do have a private room. Want to make it a private party?”

I laughed. “What do you mean?”

Harry eyed the door, making sure it was shut all the way. Reassured, he pulled out a small, red tin. The kind that holds mints. I furrowed my brow and watched him open it. Inside were a few of those white pills, which could easily be mistaken for the mints. Harry offered me one, and I thought, what the hell, and held out my palm. “Don’t swallow it,” he said with a warning tone.

Still confused, I watched as he closed the lid of the piano and ran his hands over the smooth, black lacquer. He reached over, grabbed a staff notebook, and tore out a blank piece of paper, folding it into fours to create a pocket. I leaned over, fascinated by what he was doing. Harry placed the pill inside the pocket and offered it to me to drop mine in. Then he put the paper onto the makeshift shelf of the piano. Pulling out a lighter, he pressed it against the paper, crushing the pill.

I should have been terrified. I should have said he was taking our happy hour a bit too far, but I was fascinated. It was still the same stuff, and if I had to be honest with myself, it gave me a weird rush. We were at school, anyone could walk in, and as Harry dumped the fine crushed powder onto the piano, my veins vibrated with excitement. When I was thirteen, I used to snort blue pixie sticks with my friends at slumber parties. It was just kids being stupid, pretending we were coke heads. We didn’t even really know what a coke head was. 

But this time it wasn’t pixie sticks, and I wasn’t thirteen, and I had no idea how to classify the man sitting next to me.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, on high alert, but not wanting to back out, I took a deep breath and calmed myself. This was no different than an afternoon cocktail. It was one pill—the same pill I had taken three other times to dull the pain—just in a different form. No big deal. Harry pulled out his license and started dividing the powder equally between us. I expected him to make two neat lines, but he got all artsy on me and made an X and an O.

“Your call, Kris. Hugs or kisses?” He looked at me with a crooked grin, and my heart twitched in my chest in response. The O was closer, but I leaned over to his side of the piano. With a shaky hand, I placed one finger to the side of my left nostril and snorted up the powder with my right. I threw my head back— twitching my nose and rubbing it. It was itchy and felt weird.

I had just snorted my first line, and I was still here, one hundred percent fine.

Harry cocked his head to the side, showing how I had only taken half the X. I nodded and repeated the gesture, snorting up the rest, leaving no trace of powder. I think I felt his hand at the back of my head, but I wasn’t sure. His touch was so soft. Either that or I was already hallucinating—clearly this way was far more effective. I already felt good.

When I lifted my head and saw it was all gone, Harry smiled. He leaned over, collecting the powdery O in one shot. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t impressed. He cleaned off the piano, making sure there was no trace of our crime scene, then said, “So, I just taught you something. What are you going to teach me today?”

“The C chord.” I laughed. Suddenly, everything was funny again. The drowsy sensation of happiness fell over me right away, much faster than the last two times, and this was closer to the first time. I lifted the lid of the piano and spread my legs apart to work the peddles. My thigh pressed against his, and I momentarily closed my eyes at our contact.

“So… um… These are your chords. This is A.” I played the chord. “B.” I played that one. “And C.” But before I could play C, Harry placed his hand over mine, and the gesture caught me off guard.

I turned to look at him. He tilted his head and leaned in. My eyes instinctively closed as he kissed me. It wasn’t like last time where I was shocked. I think from the moment he had sat down, I fully expected this. There was an urgency between us, like we both wanted this but needed the courage of the drug before we could meet here. Wherever here was. Maybe it was a place that only existed when we were high. I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about right now was feeling his full, hot lips and delicious mouth. Every massage of his tongue against mine felt better than the last, and I abandoned my life preserver, deciding to go for a swim in the deep end. I wanted to drown all my pain of the last few months in Harry.

“I’ve been thinking about this all day,” he said against my lips as he grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled me closer. I secretly loved that he was being a little rough. It was so opposite of David, and I was finding it hard to think, for every movement he made was exciting. 

Suddenly, Harry plucked his mouth away, looking around, and licking his bottom lip. I was about to ask if anything was wrong when he stood and pulled me up by my wrists. Kicking back the piano bench he raised one brow into a perfect arch. “You said these walls are soundproof, right?”

“Y-yes…” I stammered. “Why?”

Harry grabbed my hips, lifted me up, and sat me right on top of the ivory keys. The piano clashed beneath my ass, and I looked at him, wide eyed. But there was no time to complain, for his mouth was back on mine, and my arms were looped around his neck. I couldn’t remember the last time I had made out with anyone like this. Oh right… last night at the bar. Of course, David and I had made-out often, but this was so savage and raw.

Harry was pressed against me, his body hard and firm, and every time we moved, there was the tinkling of keys, which only made me want him more. There were no inhibitions. No boundaries. Just us.

And the sound of the door opening.

“Miss Kristen, I forgot my music,” said the voice of Aidan Lee. My eight-year-old student.

I tried to push Harry off me, but it was too late. I was sitting on the piano, one leg hooked around Harry’s waist. Harry’s lips covered in my rouge lipstick. His glasses were crooked, my shirt disheveled, and Mrs. Lee glared at us like she had just walked in on a bad music teacher porno.

“Outside, Aidan!” she snapped. “This is not for children’s eyes.” Aidan looked horrified and confused. He darted out of the room— without his sheet music. I looked on the floor. There it was. It must have fallen off the top of the piano in the midst of our drug induced frenzy.

I pushed Harry off me. “Mrs. Lee. I am so, so sorry,” I said as I slid off the piano and planted both feet on the floor.

“You have no idea what sorry is. Such disrespect. This is a school! You will no longer teach my son, and I will tell Mr. Russel about this!” Mr. Russel was the chair of the music department, my boss, and probably the teacher I admired most at school.

“Mrs. Lee, I said I was sorry. Aidan should have knocked. If I were giving a lesson, as the sign on the door clearly stated, he never should have entered.”

“You would blame a child?” Mrs. Lee looked horrified at the thought. “And what kind of lesson, may I ask, were you giving?”

I couldn’t answer her. Everything was getting fuzzy and too much to handle. I snapped. Poised, in-control Kristen stepped aside, and don’t-give-a-crap-Kristen took over. “You know what? Your kid sucks, and I’m glad I don’t have to listen to his shitty version of Hot Cross Buns anymore.”

Mrs. Lee didn’t answer, just stormed out, slamming the door behind her. A framed poster of A Chorus Line came crashing to the ground from the aftershock.

Thunk. Crash. Glass everywhere. Mr. Russel loved that stupid poster. I spun around and looked at Harry. He was smiling— no, laughing. And suddenly, I was laughing, too.

“Why am I laughing? I think I just got fired!” I was hysterical now, tears forming I was laughing so hard.

“Maybe, but it was so worth it. Did you see her face? And that kid! He’ll probably rub one out thinking about you tonight. Congrats, I do believe you are responsible for that guy’s first erection.”

Now I was laughing so hard I had fallen to the floor. I was waving my arms, scared if he said another word I’d pee my pants. “I hate to inform you…” More laughter. “But I think that was your first and last piano lesson.”

“I guess you’ll have to give me singing lessons then.” Harry offered his hand to help me up, but I was laughing too hard, and he ended up collapsing next to me. He laid flat against the floor, and we both just listened to the sound of our laughter as it echoed around the room. Finally, when we stopped, I rolled over to him, my breathing labored from the laughter. “So, I really don’t want to face Mr. Russel. Let’s sneak out before Mrs. Lee is done with him. Wanna go back to my sorority house?” I smiled. “We can walk there,” I added, convinced neither of us should be operating heavy machinery at this point.

He curled a lock of my hair around his finger and pulled me closer. David flashed in my mind. How many times had he playfully tugged on my hair to steal a kiss? But I shoved the memory away, expecting Harry to kiss me. But he didn’t. Instead, he tapped the end of my nose. “Yeah. That sounds fun.” I think we both knew what he meant by fun.

We laughed most of the way there. Harry kept doing imitations of Mrs. Lee, and I almost wished I could have seen what we looked like from her point of view. I’m sure it was all very educational.

When we got to the Delta Sig house, we burst into the living room, laughing and telling tidbits of a conversation that no one would understand but us.

“What’s so funny?” Skylar asked as she looked through the hallway closet for her shawl.

“I think I just got fired,” I said, snorting.

“How is that funny?” Skylar looked disgusted, which of course made me laugh harder.

“You had to be there,” Harry said.

I nodded, took his hand, and pulled him up the stairs to my room. I wanted him alone, now. As soon as we were in my room, I locked the door and stuck my phone in my speakers. Clicking on Pandora, I didn’t even care what station was on. Nicki Manaj started singing to us, and Harry reached over, raising the volume to fully experience the surround sound.

“You really like Nicki, huh?”

“No, I just plan on getting really loud with you.” He stepped closer, eliminating the space between us. “Do you object to any of that?” He seemed to tower over me. If I wasn’t so high, he’d be crazy intimidating right now.

I needed to move on. The only way to get over David was to start over, and now seemed like as good a time as any. I raised myself up on my tippy toes and went to kiss him, but he pulled back. “What?” I asked in surprise. His expression was stoic, his eyes locked on mine.

“You didn’t answer my question. I asked if you objected.” Harry wrapped his hand firmly around the back of my neck, lacing his fingers through my hair. He was doing that controlling thing again. My knees became jiggly. “You want this, right?”

I nodded, and he slammed his mouth against mine. I melted against him, and the rest of the world faded away. I couldn’t hear the music. I didn’t care that there was a house full of sisters. All that mattered was living in this moment. We had a “no boys sleeping over” rule, but this wasn’t a sleep over. This was afternoon delight.

Somehow, we ended up on the bed, and Harry was beneath me. He slowly unbuttoned my shirt, and I wanted him to just tear it off. He got the last button undone and peeled it back, but the buttons at my wrists were still fastened, so my shirt became a pair of handcuffs. I was a prisoner of my own clothes.

Harry traced my neck with the pad of his fingers and wandered down over my collar bone. He was going lower, and my chest was heaving in anticipation of his touch when someone started banging on the door. Harry snapped his hand back and looked at me.

“Just ignore it,” I said and planted a kiss against his neck.

More banging. Whoever it was, they were relentless.

“I don’t think they’re going away,” he said, nuzzling his face into my neck. I moaned in response and started tearing at the fabric on my wrists until I was able to free my hands from their cotton binding.

Whoever was at the door had abandoned banging and had moved on to kicking. “Fuck!” Harry groaned, and I knew I had to answer it. I got off him and pulled the door open.

“What? What is so important?” I said to a rather pissed off looking Brit.

“You forgot your shirt.” She pointed to my burgundy bra.

I didn’t even bother to cover up. It’s not like we were naked or anything.

Brit pushed passed me and walked in.

“Uh, excuse me? What are you doing?” I couldn’t believe she was barging in on us like this. I would never do that to her and Erik.

She didn’t answer me, just turned off the music. With it gone, I realized how loud it had been on.

“We’re going to be late. Put on your shirt. Let’s go.”

“Go where?” I grabbed my shirt and hastily buttoned it back up, covering my offensive bra.

“Kris, it’s the pledges fundraiser today. We need to be there.”

“Their stupid walk-a-thon? No thanks.”

“Hey, lover boy,” she snapped at Harry. He was still stretched out on my bed, leaning on his elbows, looking incredibly sexy. “You need to go. And I really don’t think you should come back.”

“Brit! What the hell? You need to go! Now!” I grabbed her arm, but she shoved me off and took a step back.

“Kris, everyone is talking behind your back, but I’ll say it to your face. To both your faces. You’re not dealing with your shit. You’re just burying it in him.” She pointed an accusatory finger at Harry. “He may be an Archer, but he’s not David.”

“This has nothing to do with David,” I screamed.

“This has everything to do with him! You never grieved. You lost the love of your life and aside from a bad night of tears, you never mourned him. You don’t just get over someone like David overnight.”

“I think I should go after all,” Harry grumbled. Clearly, he did not enjoy being compared to his cousin.

“No, you don’t have to go anywhere,” I pleaded, but Harry jumped off the bed, running a hand through his hair. Then he leaned over and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek. “Call me later, baby.”

When he had left, Brit turned to me. “Baby? Seriously? What are you doing, Kristen?”

“Me? I’m living. That’s all. Jesus, Brit! I broke up with David. I’m not the Virgin Mary… I can be with another guy. The world won’t end.”

“Are you even listening to yourself? This is not about simply being with another guy. You only hang out with Harry, you’ve turned your back on this sorority, and Sky said you lost your job today.”

“Look, I really don’t want to talk about this.”

“Well, I think you need to talk about this. I know you’ve been sleeping in and missing classes. Kris, you can’t screw up your last semester. You won’t graduate if you do.”

“Who cares if I graduate or not? I literally have no plans anyway.” I laughed. Whether it was from the drugs or hearing the absurdity of the truth out loud, I couldn’t tell. Brit turned on the light and took a step closer.

“Look at me.”

I looked at her, eyes wide, giving her my best ‘I don’t give a crap’ expression. Brit’s eyes narrowed as she studied me. “Are you on something?”

“Oh, Kris made out with a boy. She must be on something,” I said sarcastically.

“I’m serious.”

“Maybe I am. Who cares? You need to leave me alone!”

“Holy shit! How could I have not seen this sooner? What did you do? Smoke some weed?”

I snorted. Weed? Like weed could ever make me feel this good.

Brit shook her head. “But… you never smoke. You’re worried about ruining your voice. You detested every time David lit up a cigarette.” She was trying so hard to figure out my secret. She wouldn’t guess, and even if she did, it’s not like it mattered. It’s not like she could stop me. What was she going to do? Call the Erik police? Have him deny me caffeine for a week? I started laughing at the thought. It was all so absurd.

“Nothing about this is funny.” Brit looked fed up. She had such a short fuse.

“That’s the thing, Brit. It’s actually pretty hysterical.”

“Well I’m not laughing.”

“Maybe you should be.”

“What? Are you even listening to yourself? Who are you?”

Suddenly, something in me snapped, and all the anger I had been holding back over her and David’s little secret exploded. “Who am I? Who are you? You pretended to be my best friend and instead you snuck around for months with my boyfriend.”

Her eyes lowered, her guilt suddenly bright and shiny like a new penny.  I wanted to punch her. “Did you sleep with him?”

“Did I what?” She looked at me with revulsion. Cute trick. I wasn’t falling for it.

“You heard me. What’s the matter, Brittany, Erik not enough for you?”

Brit shook her head in shock. I could see the feelings of betrayal in her eyes that was being overshadowed by rage. I didn’t care. For all I knew, her and David had shared more than a few rehearsals.

“Everything I ever did when I was with David was for you. Because he was too afraid to disappoint you. How much pressure did you place on the guy for him to feel he couldn’t go to you? He’d rather confide in me than his own girlfriend. Think about that the next time you get high.” She pushed passed me and stormed down the hallway.

Nope, no way. I wasn’t letting her get away so easy. “All I’m saying is it wouldn’t be the first time you tried on a few guys at once to see how they fit!”

Brit turned around, her eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know who this new girl is, but she needs to go. Look around you, no one wants to be near you. Your boyfriend let you go. Your own sorority impeached you. And now you don’t have a job to cover your rent. I was all you had left!”

“That’s not true. I have people!” I cried after her, my body physically shaking with rage.

“Who? Harry? A guy who’s drugging you up so he can fuck you when his cousin is overseas? Classy. Enjoy being his shiny new toy, and the next time you look in the mirror, think to yourself, I used to be David Archer’s girl, not his cousin’s whore.”

“How dare you! I am no one’s whore! I never even slept with Harry.”

“That’s only because I interrupted you. I won’t always be around to pull you back from the edge.” Her voice was starting to crack. I knew when Brit was about to cry, and I could see her bottom lip trembling. “And to think, you were the person in my life who I strived to be like. Now I wouldn’t even want to be your shadow.”

Her words were a punch to my gut. “David chose his new life. I didn’t throw him away,” I said softly, reasoning out the madness.

“No, you did. And when he’s on the cover of Rolling Stone a year from now, maybe then you’ll realize what you threw away.”

My brain had a thought, like someone had shifted gears. “Do you still talk to him?” There was a pang in my stomach, but I was curious. Did she know his new number?

“Not that it’s any business of yours, but no. Besides, I don’t think he’d like to hear what I had to say.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Maybe it should be. You need a wake-up call, Kris. I don’t know what has to happen before you see that you’re in too deep. And when you do realize, I may not be there for you.”

She walked away before I could respond. Instead of cursing her out, I just screamed and walked back into my room, slamming the door with a powerful thud. I still had the sleeping pills Harry had given me. I took two and got under the covers. My high was gone, and all I had was a headache. I considered for a moment that perhaps I shouldn’t have mixed the drugs, but it was already done. Besides, maybe not waking up wouldn’t be the worst thing.