I hadn’t spoken to Harry in a few days. I needed time to think. I was losing control. My emotions slipping into something else. My sorority hated me, the isolation suddenly tangible. I wanted to call Harry so bad, but the pills weren’t the crutch. He was.

I circled the track, losing count of how many times I had run the full length. Maybe ten? I wasn’t sure. I had my music on, and Beyoncé was my coach, cheering me on as I rounded each turn.

It was giving me clarity. Until someone pulled my ponytail and nearly caused me to trip over my feet. I turned and saw a flash of purple as Brit bent down and rested her hands on her knees. She was in combat boots, leggings, and her leather jacket. Not what I would call workout attire.

Pulling my ear buds out, I turned to Brit. “You startled me!”

“I was calling…” She panted. “You didn’t hear me.” Brit collapsed dramatically on the track. I’d have to teach this girl the art of exercise. I sat beside her and stretched out my legs. They burned. I loved it.

“Well. You found me. What’s up?”

“Nothing… I just missed you. You’ve been really distant lately.”

I contemplated telling her about how Harry and I almost crossed the line, but I refrained. “Yeah… I’m just coping the best I can.”

“I know. I was thinking. You gave me advice once, and I think you should use it yourself.”

“What brilliant advice did I bestow upon you, little sis?”

“Well, when I didn’t know where I stood with Jaime… after years of not talking…” I already knew where she was going with this. But I was still catching my breath, so I didn’t interrupt. “You said I had to know, so I’d be able to move on. You had me call him. That’s what you need to do now. You need to call David.”

“And speak to Garret?” I snorted.

“Even if you get stuck with that royal pain, I’m sure he’ll give David the message that you called.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

Brit sat up and stretched her hands over her knees. “He will. He’s his assistant, that’s his job.”

She had me there. So I asked the scarier question. “What if David doesn’t call back?”

“Well… then you know for sure.”

Brit was right. I still had hope, and hope was driving me crazy. Hope was making me either question everything or act irrationally. It was time to get a firm answer.

 

 

Of course, saying I’d call him and actually calling him were two different things. I showered, did homework, even read a few chapters ahead in Psych to avoid the actual moment I picked up the phone. Brit knocked on my door to see if I had called him.

“No, I’m pretty great at the art of procrastinating.” I held up my notebook. I had intended to jot down notes of things I wanted to say but ended up doodling anorexic looking fairies instead.

“Come on. There’s pizza from last night in the fridge. We can heat it up and work up your nerve to call him.”

“Maybe it’s too late,” I said as I took the slices out of the oven. “I mean, it’s after midnight there.”

“Right, I’m sure rock star David is tucked in bed with his teddy.”

“Maybe he’s tucked in bed with Danny, and she’s wearing a teddy,” I said sadly.

“Maybe you should stop jumping to conclusions.”

“You’re right. It’s just…” I took a deep breath. “Terrifying.”

“You’re preaching to the choir.” Brit took a bite of her pizza and then perked up. “Would you rather I called?”

I tossed my slice back on the plate. The thought of that blonde wearing nothing but lingerie and pressed up against David was gut wrenching. Appetite lost. “No. It has to be me. I can’t expect it to work if I have someone else try to get us together— no offense.”

Brit took another bite of her pizza and shook her head. “None taken,” she said with the bite still in her mouth. Her phone rang, and she pulled it out of her pocket. “Jaime,” she said.

“Hey!” She listened for a moment then let out a sigh. “Shit! I’m so sorry. I got my night’s confused. I’ll be right there.”

“You gotta go?” I admit I was disappointed. Especially since it had been a while since the two of us hung out, just us.

“Yeah. I totally forgot I promised Jaime I’d help him study tonight for his Art History midterm.” Brit was a walking museum. She was the perfect study partner for that sort of thing. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s all right. Do your thing.”

Brit tilted her head and looked at me with sympathy. “You will call him, right?”

“Yeah. Maybe not tonight, though. We’ll see.”

“Well, if you do talk to him, call me after, okay?” I nodded, not knowing whether I’d actually be calling anyone tonight.

An hour later, I sat on my bed, cell phone in hand, staring at David’s number. Hitting send proved to be incredibly difficult. I hugged my pillow and tried to find ten seconds of courage. And then it happened. I hit send before I could think and pressed the phone against my ear.

I waited for the ring, but instead I heard a high-pitched beep closely followed by an automated voice telling me the number was no longer in service. Convinced I must have hit the wrong number, I called again, only to hear the same message. It took a minute for it to sink in. 

He had changed his number.

If I was looking for an answer, I was just given one. Loud and clear. I was too in shock to cry. Too in shock to feel. I just stared, my hands trembling as the reality took hold. He wanted nothing to do with me.

My phone lit up and started ringing and for a moment I was stupid enough to think it was David.

It was Harry.

“Hello.” I sounded normal. A little dead pan, but not anything too out of the ordinary.

“Are you avoiding me?”

“No.” If I was truly avoiding him, I wouldn’t have answered the phone.

“It feels like you are.” He sounded different. Agitated. I wondered if he had agonized over calling me the way I had with David. I also wondered if he had David’s new number but realized it would be stupid to ask for it. He clearly changed it to avoid me reaching out.

“No, I’m not avoiding you… In fact, are you free now?”

“Yeah.” His voice had softened.

“Good. Let’s go out.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“A bar. Some place not local. I don’t want to see any of my sisters.”

“You mean you don’t want to be seen with me.” The edge was back in his voice. Was he teasing? I honestly couldn’t tell.

“No… I… I just want to disappear tonight.”

“Okay. I know a place. I’ll text you the address. Meet me there in an hour.”

I found Harry sitting on a tall stool in the back of the bar, drinking a beer. When I approached, he put his beer on the empty stool next to him and leaned back, a sly smile curled across his face. “What’s up?”

“Hey, sorry, I haven’t been around lately.” It had only been a few days since our cooking lesson, but he was right. I had been avoiding him. I hadn’t answered any of his texts or even called to thank him for the lesson.

“Did I do anything wrong?”

“No. No, not at all. I’m just…. trying to figure stuff out.”

“Rough week?”

“Rough semester.” I bit my lip and took a breath, remembering the pain of what I discovered earlier this evening. It was a complete slap in the face. If he didn’t want to talk to me that was fine, but to go to such lengths so I was cut off completely… it was cruel. Not believing what I was about to ask him, I looked at Harry, unable to hide my vulnerability. “Do you have anything to, um, take the edge off?”

Harry ran a hand through his hair and looked around to see if anyone was listening. Reassured we were in the darkest corner of the bar, he looked up at me over the frames of his glasses. “I do, but I only have one.”

“Oh.” I assumed he wanted it. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny clear bag, and inside was the magic white pill that had erased all my pain the other day. Harry opened the bag, took out the pill, and placed it on his tongue. My heart sank a little. That was a dick move. He didn’t have to pop it in front of me.

But then he got off the stool, stepped toward me, eliminating the space between us, swept his hands up to the sides of my neck, and pulled me closer. Pulled me closer and kissed me.

His lips were warm and inviting. His hands slid back, grabbing my hair, and holding me in complete submission. A little surge of electricity flashed across my heart over the complexity of what he had done. His lips felt both incredible and very wrong against mine.

This was David’s cousin, and although hot as hell, it would be inappropriate on so many levels to change the dynamics of our relationship. So when he parted my lips with his tongue, I should have pushed him away. But I didn’t, because in that moment, I wanted to feel something, even if it was the wrong thing. And as his tongue rolled over mine, he expertly placed the magic pill there, then drew back, releasing me from his kiss.

I looked at him, still in shock over what he had done, swallowed the pill, and chased it down with his beer before I was able to speak. “What was that all about?”

“I said I had one.” Harry smiled. “I never said I wouldn’t share.” He licked his full bottom lip, reminding me that it was just pressed against mine. I had to refrain from touching my mouth. “I’m going to get another beer. Would you like one?” He tilted his head and leaned in closer. I was speechless, so I nodded.

When he walked over to the bar, I tore my brain apart over what had happened. I had been thinking about Harry kissing me all week. That was mainly why I didn’t seek him out. Now that he had, I was even more confused.

That kiss was bold, and hot… and…and it made me feel incredibly alive.

Newly rejuvenated, I strolled over to the jukebox and flipped through the choices, looking for something I could dance to. The pill would be kicking in soon. Knowing that my anxiety shed itself, and a happier, more confidant Kristen took hold. I slipped a few bills into the machine and hit the numbers, making my choice. No one had played any music yet, so my song began right away. I started swaying my hips to Sia’s Cheap Thrills, singing along as I picked a few more songs.

A hot hand was on my waist, and I could feel Harry behind me, matching my movements. God how long had it been since I danced with a guy! David was usually dancing with his guitar, leaving Brit for my dancing partner. I leaned back, feeling how perfectly we fit together. Harry placed the two beers on top of the juke box with his free hand, and then wrapped his arm around my body, resting his palm on my hip.

There was something sensual about having dropped the veil of inhibitions. We were in a bar where no one knew us, chemicals soaring through my system and the knowledge that David was officially out of my life. I swung around to face him, raising my arms over my head as our legs interlocked and our bodies began to wind themselves together to the hypnotic rhythm.

I leaned in closer and inhaled his scent. I had no idea what he was wearing, but he was delicious. Harry buried his head against my neck and began kissing me… I brought my palm to the back of his head and held him closer, willing to freeze time and just enjoy this moment of reckless abandon. Harry swept his lips across my skin, brushing them over my cheek until he found my lips again. I didn’t kiss him. I drowned in him. I had been fighting this for so long. Why? It felt so good, and finally, I allowed myself to surrender. My lips instantly parted, and his tongue was dancing against mine. He was kissing me deeper than he had the last time, and without the pill to juggle, it was like our tongues were properly being introduced for the first time.

The song ended, and my next pick came on. It was a ballad, and a lot more sobering. Harry slowed his kisses and took a moment to catch his breath. I realized I was breathing heavy as well. He raised his gaze to meet mine, and there was a look in his eyes I had never seen before. Was that lust? I couldn’t tell. I didn’t even care. He reached up and grabbed one of the beers off the shelf and handed it to me. Then he grabbed his and took a long a drink.

“What are we doing?” I asked, a smile creeping up on my face when I saw how disheveled his hair was. I reached up and ran my fingers through it. He was always so neat. To see him like this was comical… but still hot.

“What we should have done a long time ago.” He clinked his glass with mine, grabbed my hand and led me to the back of the bar. I expected to be lured into a dark corner. But he stopped at the pool table and handed me a stick. “So, what should we play for?”