Saturday, August 6
Watch my brother marry the girl of his dreams.
I’m standing at the front of the church, holding a bouquet of flowers. My feet are hurting from the ridiculous high heels that I’m wearing. But at least Miranda picked out a pretty bride’s maid dress for me to wear. If the way Kale is looking at me is any indication, I look amazing. Because he is watching me, instead of my brother and Miranda, who are midway through saying their vows.
Miranda looks beautiful. Her red hair is half up, half down, and it flows half way down her back. I fixed it, so of course I like it, but honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look so pretty in my life. I’m pretty sure my brother thinks so, too, because he almost cried when he saw her walking down the aisle in her dress.
I know, I know. I was supposed to be watching her, but I couldn’t look away from my brother.
He loves her. And I love seeing him so happy.
I glance back at Kale and see that he’s still looking at me. And maybe I should look away, but I can’t.
How can one guy make my heart race so fast? He makes my knees weak and gives me butterflies. And how did it take me so long to realize just how in love with him I am?
I always knew I had a crush on him. I have since I was old enough to remember. But I always thought it was because he was unattainable. Girls always like what they can’t have, right? And I knew I never could have been with Kale. Not really. And I guess that’s what stopped me from allowing my head to go there with him.
My heart was there a long, long time ago.
“I now pronounce you man and wife,” the preacher says.
And I look up just in time to see Jason and Miranda kiss. And it's beautiful. The perfect moment. I'm glad I got to be here to share it with them.
I realize just how selfish I was when I got married in Vegas. In my defense, I only did it because I thought I had six months to live. Or maybe I just jumped at the opportunity to marry Kale because I thought he would change his mind.
But I should get married so my family can see.
I look at the front pew and see my mom crying. But this time, she’s crying because she’s happy. Or maybe she’s remembering the reason my brother pushed his wedding up was because of me and the fact that I was told I wouldn’t live to see them get married in January. Of course, even though my diagnosis has changed, it doesn’t stop my mom from worrying. This is why I’ve been avoiding coming to Idaho Falls. I literally can’t take the crying.
I know I sound so bitter when I think that. And I feel selfish. I just don’t like seeing my mom cry. It upsets me because I know that I’m the one causing her pain. Therefore, I stay in LA as much as I possibly can.
Jason and Miranda walk together down the aisle. Kale and I follow, with all the other bridesmaids and groomsmen following.
“You were totally checking me out through the whole wedding,” I say to Kale, once we walk out the doors of the church.
“I can’t help it,” he says. “You’re hot.”
Which makes me laugh. “Kale, stop! We’re at my brother’s wedding.”
“I love you,” Kale says sweetly.
“I love you, too.” I lean over and stand on my tippy toes and give him a quick kiss. “Behave.”
“For now.”
I smile. Because how could I not?
Kale Johnson is... perfect. At least for me.
The dance.
“May I have this dance, Mrs. Johnson?” Kale asks, holding out a hand towards me.
I smile at him, and put my hand in his. “Yes, of course, Mr. Johnson.”
Kale helps me to my feet and we walk, hand in hand, onto the dance floor. Jason and Miranda are dancing, but I say that loosely. They’re mostly holding onto each other, which I find incredibly sweet.
“We didn't dance after our wedding,” Kale says, pulling me close.
“No. But we nearly completed my entire bucket list in just a few weeks, so I'd say that it's a success,” I say.
“We just have to keep adding onto it.”
“Always.”
Kale smiles at me, and I swear the earth moves. How does this boy affect me so much?
“I am so in love with you,” I tell him.
“The feeling is very mutual,” he says. “The difference is I've always known I was in love with you and you just figured it out recently.”
“You had to be madly in love with me to marry me the way you did,” I say. “Knowing that I didn't have long left.”
“All I knew was that I couldn't live another day without you being my wife and if six months was all I was going to get, then I was going to take those six months and try to make them the best months of your life,” he says.
“I was selfish, though. When I married you,” I say. “I didn't even think how stressful everything would be for you. I'm sorry for that.”
Kale pulls me tighter against him as we dance. “Don't be sorry. I don't regret anything.”
Me either.
How could I ever regret something this beautiful?
Kale and I finish the song, and then my dad comes to interrupt us.
“Can I steal her for a few minutes?” Dad asks Kale.
“Of course,” Kale says, then winks at me.
I watch Kale walk away. My dad holds out a hand.
“Want to dance?”
I nod, trying not to cry. I never had the whole father/daughter dance because I honestly didn't think I even had time to plan a wedding. Everything was so rushed. But this... this is perfect.
“Kale seems to treat you well,” Dad says.
“Better than I deserve,” I say.
“No, Juliet. You deserve the best. Nothing less,” he says. “Kale is very lucky to have you.”
“I'm so in love with him,” I tell my dad. “I know running off and getting married in Vegas was completely nuts, but he's my soulmate. I truly believe that.”
“I always knew you two would be together,” Dad says. “I imagined you’d be older. I also imagined that I'd walk you down the aisle at your wedding. But those things don't matter. All that matters is that you're happy.”
“I am. Happier than I have ever been before,” I say. “Are you mad that I did it how I did?”
“No,” he answers, with no hesitation. “I can't blame you for doing it the way you did.”
“Is Mom going to be okay?” I ask him. “I know that what I'm going through is scary, but every scan they do is more promising than the last. I'm going to beat this.”
“She's your mom. It's her job to worry.”
“Yeah, I guess,” I say. “I just... I kind of wish I had never told her. She just seems so sad all the time now.”
“I don't think she'll be happy until she knows you're one hundred percent cancer free.”
“I want that, too,” I say. “But I haven't given up. Now that I've married Kale, I've decided I want a long life with him. I want it all.”
“I want that for you, too,” Dad says, as the song comes to an end. “Thanks for the dance.”
“Thank you,” I tell him. “I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
Dad walks off the dance floor and I feel immensely lighter.
I got his approval. Granted, a few months late, but still. He's okay with me being married to Kale. And that means a lot.
Now, if I can just get rid of this stupid cancer, life will be perfect.