Wednesday, September 28
We’re gonna be okay.
Kale acted strange the rest of the weekend. And then, first thing on Monday morning, he insisted that I make an appointment with my cancer doctor. The earliest that I could get an appointment was Wednesday afternoon, so we flew back to LA on Tuesday night. It was sad leaving my family, especially my dad. But he was going to be staying with Jason and Miranda for a few weeks. So, that’s good. I can’t imagine he’d want to go back to the house alone just yet.
“Are you... upset that I’m pregnant?” I ask Kale, as we pull into the parking lot at my doctor’s office. We’re thirty minutes early because Kale was worried traffic would be bad.
“I’m just worried,” he says. “I just need to talk to your doctor. I want to make sure this is okay. I just found out that you’re okay and I’m worried that this will set you back.”
“Kale, it’s a baby. Not a setback,” I say, feeling hurt by his words.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I don’t mean to sound not excited. I just want to make sure that everything is going to be okay. I can’t allow myself to get excited until I know you are going to be okay.”
I nod, like I understand.
But I don’t.
“I love you, Juliet,” he says.
“I love you, too,” I say, letting out a sigh. “I guess we should go wait inside.”
He starts to say something, but then stops. He knows that he’s hurt my feelings, but what can he say? He can’t change how he feels. I just hope that after talking to my doctor he will feel better about... everything.
I sign in at the desk. The nurses here all know my name because I come so often. I have recently moved my appointments from every two weeks to every four weeks. But I’m early this time because Kale insisted.
I take a seat beside Kale, who is dead quiet. He’s not even on his phone. He’s just sitting there, staring. And I hate that he’s like this right now.
Not wanting to sit in awkward silence, I pull out my own phone and scroll through my Instagram feed.
After sitting there for about twenty minutes, the nurse calls us back. I get up and walk back, Kale following behind me.
The nurse weighs me, and smiles.
“The doctor was worried you’d lose a lot of weight, but you’ve literally gained five pounds since you started coming,” she says.
“Is that good?” I ask.
“It’s great, actually,” she says.
I follow her into a room and take a seat.
“How are you feeling?”
“Good,” I answer.
“She’s thrown up every day since Saturday,” Kale tells the nurse.
The nurse looks at me. “The file says you’re cancer free.”
“I am,” I say. “I’m pregnant. It’s just morning sickness. I went to the hospital on Saturday and found out. I thought the cancer had come back.”
“Congratulations,” the nurse says, typing something into the computer. “The doctor will be right with you.”
She walks from the room, leaving me in here with Kale. I look over at him and see him twiddling his thumbs. He is watching his hands very intently.
I look at the time on my phone at least six times in the span of two minutes before the door opens up.
“Hello, Mrs. Johnson,” the doctor says, then nods at Kale, “Mr. Johnson.”
I smile at him, trying to be polite. But to be honest, this is the last place I want to be.
“So... I hear congratulations are in order,” he says.
“Ah, yes,” I say. “Apparently I have a bun in the oven. Or, at least, they seemed to think so when I went to the hospital in Idaho Falls.”
“I’m glad you went to the hospital,” the doctor says. “It’s always good to go when you feel sick. I’m also glad that the scans came back clean, as I knew they would.”
“Is it safe for her to be pregnant?” Kale asks.
“There are always risks,” the doctor says. “In every pregnancy. Along with seeing a gynecologist, I’d like to continue our appointments. But I am very confident that everything is going to be just fine.”
“Is this going to set her back?”
Apparently Kale is taking over my doctor appointment.
“No,” the doctor says. “The only way that this would negatively affect Juliet is if we needed to do chemo, but we don’t.”
“Really?” Kale asks, now sitting forward. “So, we really can have a baby, and Juliet will be healthy?”
“Yes,” he answers, then looks at me. “What about you? Do you have any concerns?”
“No, I’m good,” I say.
The doctor smiles. “Well, I would like to see you again in about four weeks. But other than that, I think you’re good. The scans they took at Idaho Falls are amazing. You’re a very healthy girl.”
That makes me smile. “Thank you, doctor.”
We say our goodbyes and the doctor walks out. I stand up to walk out, but notice Kale hasn’t gotten up yet. I look over at him and he’s crying.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“We’re having a baby,” he answers.
“Um, I know.”
“No, Juliet. You and me. We are going to have a baby,” he says, now standing up. “I know how badly you wanted a baby. And I want this, too. I want this so much. But I was so scared...”
“You don’t have to be scared,” I say. “The doctor said it’s fine.”
“You’re fine,” Kale says, then pulls me in for a hug. “I am so happy right now.”
His words make tears come to my eyes. “I am, too.”
“I already love our baby,” he says, as we pull back.
“I do, too.”
Kale and me... we’re gonna be okay.