Monday, June 13
Swim in the Atlantic Ocean.
9. Swim in the Atlantic Ocean.
Savannah, Georgia is one of the prettiest towns I’ve ever seen. Like, if I wasn’t dying, and if my family didn’t live on the other side of the country, I think I would want to live here, just so I could watch the sun rise out of the Atlantic Ocean every single day.
Kale holds my hand as we lie on the sand, just talking about nothing in particular.
I like holding his hand.
Times like this, I wish I wasn’t dying. Because Kale Johnson is the kind of guy I could picture a life with—white picket fence, two point five kids, but maybe not a minivan. Maybe a nice midsize SUV.
Kale is kind of beautiful. He has gorgeous blond hair that most girls wish they could get out of a bottle. His teeth are perfectly straight from birth, I was the one who had to have braces when we were kids. And his teeth are white... like Crest commercial white. His eyes are light green, but sometimes they look blue, depending on this color of his shirt. And he’s dedicated. When he was seventeen, he started his YouTube channel. He didn’t even tell me he started one until he had a couple of thousand followers. He raised his business from the ground up, like I did. He’s driven and successful. I’m not quite sure how I never noticed him before.
Okay, I noticed. But he’s Jason’s best friend, so I never allowed myself to go there. Not with Kale. But maybe I should have.
“What do you think our kids would look like?” I ask Kale. “You know; if that were an option for me.”
Used to be, saying something like that would make me nervous. Not anymore. I’m dying anyway, so, what does it matter if I ask him something embarrassing?
“Beautiful,” he answers. “How could any baby with your genes not be?”
“I’ve never felt beautiful.”
“Trust me, you are,” Kale says. “I’ve always noticed you. I think the first time I noticed how beautiful you were was around your twelfth birthday.”
“I had braces then,” I say. “And I was short and skinny. I remember everybody in my class developed early and I was that awkward skinny kid. None of the boys ever saw me as a girl. I was friend-zoned early on.”
He laughs. “Good. Those guys from high school weren’t good enough for you, anyway.”
“Well, by the time they noticed me, I had already seen how they treated the other girls, so it worked to my advantage,” I say. “Besides, they still saw me as just a friend. You know, I’ve never even been on a date.”
“We go on dates all the time,” Kale says.
“I mean, before you. But, really, I’m glad that I get to do all my firsts, relationship-wise, with you.”
He smiles and I swear it’s brighter than the sun. “Juliet, you’re the kind of girl guys write songs about. You keep telling me how glad you are that I married you, but I’m the one who should be telling you thank you. I just wish I had a full lifetime with you. I want those hypothetical kids. I want forever with you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah,” he answers. “Of course, I would’ve dated you a little while before asking you to marry me. We did do that a little bit backwards. Honestly, I would’ve asked you out a lot sooner if your brother hadn’t threatened me.”
“He threatened you?” I ask.
“Yep. More than once,” he says. “He figured out pretty early on that I had a massive crush on you. I guess I wasn’t good at hiding my feelings.”
“I never knew,” I say.
“You were so focused on YouTube that you never noticed any of the guys,” Kale says. “Really, I think guys were intimidated by how successful you were.”
“Not you.”
He grins. “I started my channel for you, Juliet. I wanted you to notice me. I figured that I’d have to do something big to get your attention.”
“I told you about my channel six months before I told anybody else,” I admit. “Like, before I told my mom, dad, Jason, or anybody.”
“Why did you tell me?”
“I don’t know,” I answer. “I guess you were never just Jason’s best friend to me. I mean, sure you were older, but I grew up with you, too. I always thought that we were friends. You were my only friend.”
“You had friends in high school,” he says.
“No, I didn’t. I mean, I had friends that I ate lunch with, or whatever, but I never had friends to hang out with outside of school. YouTube was my only friend,” I say. “I’ve never regretted that decision. I like my job. It just seems pointless now, though.”
“It’s not pointless,” he says. “You were planning for a future. That’s what people do at our age. You’re good at your job. I mean, you have over three million subscribers now, Juliet. That’s amazing. You’re famous online. You were even recognized that day on the lake. And all those people who showed up at the bowling alley in the middle of nowhere in Texas... I tweeted that out, like, two hours before it happened, and that many people showed up. For you.”
“Do you think I should tell them? My fans. About... you know...”
“I think you should tell your family,” he says. “After you tell your family, then it would probably be good to tell your fans, too.”
I nod. “I think I want to tell them after we finish this road trip.”
“Okay,” he says. “I’ll be right there with you, holding your hand the entire time.”
“Who do you think will take it the hardest?” I ask, tears filling my eyes. “Kale, I don’t know if I can tell them. I can’t stand to see the look on their faces. I don’t want to see them cry. It is going to break my heart.”
“It’s up to you. Maybe you could make them a video or something,” he suggests. “I could upload it on YouTube and make it private, for just your family.”
“You would do that?” I ask.
He nods. “I’ll work on it and upload it when you’re ready.”
“Thank you.”
“So, I looked at the weather forecast,” he tells me. “It’s supposed to rain this afternoon.”
“Rain?”
“Your list. Number ten, dance in the rain.”
I smile. “Oh, right.”
“So don’t make any plans this afternoon,” he says. “You and I are going to dance in the rain.”
“Sounds perfect,” I say.
Everything about Kale Johnson is perfect.
He’s the best husband a girl could ask for.
3 p.m.
Dance in the rain.
Kale and I are standing on the beach, slow dancing in the rain.
There are no cameras to capture this moment.
There is no audience.
There is just Kale and me.
When I wrote down “dance in the rain,” I wasn’t expecting a slow, romantic dance. Though, I must admit, this is much better than what I had planned.
Kale is a good dancer.
I love that he’s holding me against him, like he’s scared to let me go.
I never went to my high school prom.
I know, I know! During prom, I did, like, ten videos on prom makeup, hair, dresses, and other stuff a girl needs to know when she’s getting ready for prom. It’s so hypocritical, but who would I have gone with? The boys in my high school were losers and the girls hated me. First, they hated me because I was a nerd. Then they hated me because of my YouTube videos. Making videos online wasn’t considered “cool” in my high school.
But when I’m out here, dancing in the rain with Kale, I don’t care that I didn’t go to high school prom. This is the guy I want to dance with.
“I should’ve asked you to prom,” I tell him.
“You didn’t go to prom?” he asks, sounding surprised.
“No.”
“Jason told me you did. I was jealous of the guy all night, knowing he was dancing with you,” Kale says.
“I made Jason promise not to tell you.”
“Why?” he asks. “If you had asked, I would’ve gone to prom with you.”
“You were away at college, Kale. Besides, did you really want to take your best friend’s little sister to prom?”
“Yeah. I actually thought about asking you to my senior prom, but Jason wouldn’t let me,” he says. “So, what did you do during prom?”
“What do you think?” I ask, laughing. “I made a YouTube video. How I Get Ready For Prom.”
“I watched that video,” he says. “You looked so beautiful.”
“I still have that dress. I never wore it other than for the video,” I admit. “My mom was so mad at me when she found out I wasn’t going. It was an expensive dress. So, I pretended to go to prom and then snuck back into my bedroom. She found me there an hour later. I was editing my video.”
Kale laughs. “Juliet, you and I are kind of perfect for each other.”
“I know. I wish I would’ve realized it sooner,” I tell him.
“I’ve always known.”
“Just... Kale, please don’t fall in love with me,” I say. “Because, that wouldn’t be fair to you. I don’t want to break your heart.”
“Juliet, please don’t worry about me.”
Yeah, like that’s going to happen.
“Just enjoy this dance,” he says, spinning me around. I end up tripping and land face first in the sand and Kale lands on top of me. It’s not romantic like it is in the books and movies. The fact is it hurts. And I am pretty sure I got sand in my eye.
“Ouch,” I say, turning my head so I can breathe without getting sand in my mouth.
“Sorry,” Kale says, standing up. He helps me up as well.
I try to dust the sand off, but my clothes are wet and the sand is sticking.
Just great.
Kale laughs.
“I can’t believe you tripped me, fell on top of me, and are now laughing at me,” I say, in mock surprise.
“You know, you’re really beautiful when you don’t wear makeup,” he says. When he looks at me, it’s like he’s seeing through me, and that makes me nervous. I like hiding behind a camera lens. But I can’t hide with Kale. I never could.
I lower my head, my dark brown hair covering my face.
Kale puts a hand under my chin and gently nudges me so I’m looking up at him.
“Don’t do that, Juliet. Don’t hide,” he says.
I don’t say anything. I just look into his beautiful green eyes. My stomach is full of butterflies and my heart is racing.
This feeling is not something I’ve ever felt before. Like, ever.
Oh, my gosh.
I have a crush on Kale.
Kale Johnson! My brother’s best friend.
No. He’s not just Jason’s best friend anymore. He’s my husband now. And I have a crush on him.
“What are you thinking?” Kale asks me.
I don’t answer. I just look at him. To be honest, I don’t think my mouth would work right now, even if I wanted it to.
Kale takes a step closer, and leans his head closer to mine. Before I can even think a coherent thought, his lips touch mine.
This kiss is the kind of kiss I’ve dreamed about my whole life. The kind of kiss where fireworks are going off and my knees are weak. This is the kind of first kiss that, if I weren’t dying, would ruin my lips. I could never, ever kiss another guy and expect to feel anything close to what I’m feeling for Kale.
I also don’t think that this thing between us is just a crush.
I think I’m falling in love with my husband.
Okay, so maybe we did this whole thing backwards. You’re supposed to fall in love and then get married. But Kale and I aren’t like other people.
As excited as I am about this, my heart shatters in that moment as I realize I will never have more than this. We will never move past the “honeymoon” stage of our relationship. We’ll never go house shopping. We’ll never have a baby together. We will never grow old together. This moment is all we will ever have.
I feel tears run down my face, but I don’t stop kissing Kale. Because, even if we only have six months, or nine months, or a year, I will take every single second I can get with him.
This kiss changes everything.